THE FLASHER:

The Flasher costume, on-sale at ZoogerCostumes.com for the low price of $32.99, features a "male-themed flesh-colored jumpsuit with attached black overcoat." "Male-themed" is an interesting euphemism for "dick the size of my arm," so kudos for that, Zooger Costumes!

Which of the following characteristics can we assume about the guy who actually wears this costume to your Halloween party:

a) He wasn't invited

b) He actually wears those loafers with those socks

c) Even after several dozen surprise revelations of his hilariously gigantic stuffed phallus, he will still think it's hilarious

d) He'll start rubbing the fake penis against all the girls at the party in about 5 seconds

e) He's always gotten off on the idea of flashing strangers, but has always been self-conscious about size

e) He has a real erection under his fake erection

Yesterday, I took my first trip around the big penis dating site 7orbetter.com, an exclusive online community for men with penises that measure seven inches or longer, and the women who love them.

The site is the brainchild of Steven Pasternack, a Miami, Fla. entrepreneur who is no stranger to the dating woes of the well-endowed. Pasternack is also the man behind sugardaddie.com, an online dating site "Where the classy, attractive, and affluent meet."

Pasternack's anatomically-based venture, launched a couple of weeks ago, "is not a joke," Pasternack, 45, confirms. "Believe it or not, this is a very important thing for some women. They're looking for the size, but they still want a well-rounded, quality guy."

Pasternack says the inspiration for the Web site came "from a female friend of mine," who confided in Pasternack that "she wants to meet quality guys, but when it comes time to go to bed with the guy, she's sometimes disappointed with how the guy can please her," says Pasternack. "She said it would be nice to know up-front what she can get from them."

The Web site has already attracted nearly a thousand women like her: There are currently 875 female members listed on the site. There are also 869 men, indicating that there are as many men out there advertising big penises as there are women who want them. "The men are interested in signing up, obviously, because they’re proud of what they have. They're glad they have a place to say hey—I’ve got eight inches, or nine. It's not a matter of bragging. Some women can’t handle what they have, sexually, and it turns out to be a disappointment for [the man]. They want the women to know up-front what they have—so it works both ways, actually."

The member profiles are on par with most online dating sites—age, height, weight, smoking or not—except that men are also asked to report the length of their penises, and whether or not they are circumcised. Men must claim seven inch penises "or better" to be eligible to use the site; there are no sign-up requirements for women.

Pasternack arrived at the magic number seven after "consulting a few female friends," he says. "Most of them had a preference for six-and-a-half or seven. I rounded up to seven." Men aren't asked to report girth. "Girth—that's a good question. We're considering adding that as a category," says Pasternack.

Pasternack insists that beyond the dimensions, 7orbetter.com is a dating site like any other, and obscene language, revealing photos, or prostitution dealings will not be tolerated. Still, Pasternack admits that revealing one's penis size alongside his snorkeling interest might be considered inappropriate in any other venue. "I don’t think it would sit very well with eHarmony," says Pasternack. "Match.com, I don’t think they’re ready for this either."

But how do women know whether a man's self-reported penis size is accurate? The Web site's terms of use notes that "Any information posted on 7orbetter.com's website must conform to reality and be accurate in its description and content." If you are a member of 7orbetter.com, and you do meet up with a man you believe is misrepresenting his penis size, you can always report him to Pasternack. Pasternack says that once two or more women report that a man isn't packing what hes reported, he's off the site. "Sometimes, a person could be acting vindictively. You never know," says Pasternack. "So we wait for two separate complaints to revoke his membership." So far, no members have failed to measure up.

As for Pasternack, who is married, 7orbetter.com is strictly a business interest—you won't find Pasternack's profile, or his measurements, on the site. But if 7orbetter.com were around when Pasternack was dating, would he have been eligible? "That’s a very personal question," says Pasternack. "If you must know, yes. Yes I would be."

Photo by Maui in Vermont

"Seven or Better" is a new online dating site for women and men interested in meeting men with penises that are confirmed to be seven inches or longer (the site doesn't clarify, but I'm assuming we're talking erect). "Hello ladies," the Web site begins. "Wouldn't it be nice to know upfront if a man has what it takes to satisfy you sexually?"

No. But go on:

For men interested in women, it is quite easy to see if the woman's breast size is to his liking or not, or even the shape and size of her derriere. The same goes for women interested in men. There are many women that feel the size of a man's penis is very important to them. Unfortunately, because of how society is, it is very inappropriate to ask a man immediately how big his penis is or even if he is uncircumcised or not. A properly behaved woman that is respectful would never ask such a question. Instead, a woman will date a man perhaps for a few days, weeks or maybe months. After all this time the woman will decide she likes the man and that it is finally time to take things to a new level/the bedroom. It is at this time that many women are disappointed with what they find and now they are in an awkward situation.

Isn't society just terrible? A "properly behaved woman" who is only interested in men with huge penises may have to wait months—months!—before figuring out that the man that she has spent months falling in love with has been hiding a dick that's slightly too small to deserve that love. Now, with Seven or Better, that woman can know from the first date the exact dimensions of that penis she doesn't want to see yet.

This is only fair, seeing as men know immediately and exactly the size of a woman's breasts—a measurement that can never be hidden, covered up, padded, or surgically augmented. Now, women, too, can have their potential sex partners flaunt their size before they even have to meet for coffee. But remember guys, this is a dating site for women, not a porn site for exhibitionist dudes. Men are encouraged to reveal their penis size in a completely friendly, non-pervy context, alongside their other attributes, like how smart they are or whatever.

But there's more. In accordance (I'm assuming) with anti-discrimination policies, those who become members of Seven or Better include: Men with penises 7" or longer looking for women, women looking for men with penises 7" or longer, men with penises 7" or longer looking for men with penises 7" or longer, or women looking for women. Yes, Seven or Better welcomes all, except for men with penises shorter—excuse me, worse—than 7" long.

So—are these women-looking-for-women looking for women who are looking for men with penises 7" or longer? Or are they simply signaling an interest in 7" or longer penis-shaped sex toys? I didn't finish the registration process—perhaps I was afraid of what I would find—so I don't know if any lesbians have signed up here yet. If anyone out there is an, ahem, member, I'd be interested in learning what might intrigue lesbians in this big dick business.

Photo by Maui in Vermont