The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of blaming girls for getting unexpected boners rubbed on their butts?

This week: How to get laid without anyone knowing you got laid; sympathy for Rihanna is running out; butt boners!

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: Georgetown Hoya sex columnist Colleen Leahey is officially the only person willing to admit that she appreciates the work of Chris Surette, the infamous Fairfield Mirror sex columnist who conceives of casual sex in these terms: “Not only is it a story for you and your boys, but others will soon realize what happened when they see your victim walking back to the dorms in her dress from last night, with a disgraceful look on her face as if she was robbed of her dignity.”

Well, those words were such an influence on Leahey that they inspired her new column: “How to Survive the Dreaded Walk of Shame.” (A servicey take on the matter!) “I’m sure [Surette] received countless emails ripping him apart for his chauvinistic comments,” writes Leahey. “But the article was also a hoot because it is true.”

Life Lesson: Remember: It’s not the sex that’s  shameful, it’s people knowing that you had the sex. “If you truly desire to avoid the walk of shame, make him come home with you,” writes Leahey. “Hooking up on your turf, rather than his, is optimal. You can avoid his teasing and snickering friends the next morning. You know your sheets have been cleaned in the past week; Lord knows the last time he threw his into the washing machine. And (sound the trumpet here), you avoid the walk of shame.”

Progressive Meter: Hey, at least it’s okay to hook up. But it’s not a college dating column without some traditional gender roles thrown in for good measure. Boys are dirty! Four.

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HOWARD UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: The Howard University Hilltop doesn’t publish a regular sex column, but its editorial staff regularly weighs in on “issues.” This time around: “Yeah, He Was Wrong-–-But is Rihanna Trying to Play Us?,” in which the Hilltop staff declares that Rihanna’s recent 20/20 interview was “calculated and inauthentic.” “Maybe it would have been different if she had used the situation and the publicity it received to do what she claimed she was doing with her ‘20/20′ interview all along,” they write—”before her album was set for release.”

Life Lesson: Keep your private and professional lives separate, so that your history with domestic abuse is never misconstrued as an attempt to gain popularity points.

Progressive Meter: The story’s lone commenter dismisses the opinion as “another femi-nazi editorial.” Hmm. Really?

I, too, have expressed discomfort with the idea that Rihanna’s “recovery” from her abusive relationship must arrive right on schedule—just as her new album drops. But I’m more interested in the public pressure that has required Rihanna’s life as a pop star life and abuse victim to be perfectly in sync.

Rihanna’s public image has been appropriated by so many fans, feminist commentators, and music executives since Chris Brown beat her up last February, I feel it’s short-sighted to pin this awkward timing on Rihanna’s own misstep. Instead, let’s focus on the music industry’s insistence upon exploiting her history of domestic violence to amp up her stardom—and the media’s insistence upon exploiting Rihanna’s stardom in order to discuss domestic violence. True feminazis know this is all about the structure. Good discussion, though! Seven.

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UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND

Sex Tips: Esti Frischling of the UMD Diamondback advises girls how to avoid getting unexpectedly rubbed by a man’s genitals in College Park bar The Thirsty Turtle. This is what “The Turtle” feels like for a girl: “At real-people bars, it’s not socially acceptable to just go up to strange girls and start humping them from behind. At the Turtle there seems to be an unwritten rule that makes uninvited dry sex the new ‘can I buy you a drink?’ You don’t even get to see the guy’s face, but he gets to feel you up in public, and you get to feel his boner.”

Life Lesson: “Boner-to-butt” is an emergency indeed, and should be treated as such. “Your friends can also be a valuable asset in the repelling process. You guys should each agree beforehand to be in charge of rescuing the others in the event of a boner-to-butt emergency.” But in the end, it’s your fault for whoring it up at the Thirsty Turtle. “You and your friends can also act as a team by collectively dressing less like sluts. If you guys are the only girls in the Turtle who aren’t wearing hankies as shirts and belts as skirts, you’re likely to get a lot less unwanted attention.”

Progressive Meter: I love that Frischling is tackling the modern problem of butt boners! I don’t love the assumption that butt boners are only a problem for the sluttiest of hos, however—or that the problem should be solved by girls buttoning up. Three.

Photo by Claire L. Evans, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

The fight for ideological dominance of D.C.’s college sex column “movement” rages on. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of borrowed class rings and shoulder-draped letter jackets? This week: A two-timing columnist receives a smackdown; college kids tell you not to have casual sex; the “MRS degree” makes a comeback.

GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: No new sex columns have been printed over at the Hatchet since female columnist Layla confessed she was fucking her best friend and male columnist Mr. Darcy outed his little virgin/whore complex. There has, however, been a bit of community push-back to Darcy’s double-timing the “nice girl” and the “freaky girl” while he waited for the “nice freaky girl” of his dreams to show up on his doorstep. “Bravo to this studly, virile man, who has so many girls drooling after him,” wrote Kristen McCarthy, a senior. “There is nothing we females like more than a complete tool who jerks us around, jumping from one girl to the next, and then decides to ‘have [his] cake and eat it too.’ . . . . The worst part? The author’s audacity to call himself Mr. Darcy. I can assure you that Miss Austen would never have stood for that behavior in a Darcy.”

Life Lesson: Choose your pseudonym wisely. Good luck: Buster Darkhole is already taken.

Progressive Meter: Calling a tool a tool is a treasured feminist pastime, and reclaiming Austen was a necessary move. But no woman can speak for all females: Some girls like jumping around, too. 7

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AMERICAN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: The latest gem mined from the AU Eagle’s Amber Sparkles, Buster Darkhole, and Maxwell Hillcrest reveals an ideological rift between the trio of sex columnists. Each columnist took turns answering the question, “How long to wait to have sex?” Hillcrest took the philosophical route: “But by asking, you are halfway on the road to your answer,” he writes. Darkhole is short on specifics: “I would say try not to have it too soon.” And Sparkles sidelines ‘em all with her requisite conservative bent. “If you like someone enough to be interested in dating her or him or already are dating them, having sex could be a good experience. . . . As long as you are having sex because you like the person and would be interested in building your relationship, there isn’t a time that is too early or too late. But if your reasons are otherwise, then maybe you should think again.”

Life lesson: Don’t hit it unless you plan on hitting it for the rest of the semester.

Progressive Meter: Hillcrest hits the nail on the head when he tells students the only way to figure out if they’re ready to do it is to “talk to your partner.” Sparkles’ advice to only sex someone you’re “interested in dating,” not so much. Why not try having sex with someone you’re interested in having sex with? 5

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GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: Columnist Colleen Leahey’s latest informs students about why people you are hooking up with lie to you. The column, typically, includes some strange ideas about men (from Mars) and women (Venus). Among them:

• “Men and women have forever had difficulties communicating with one another.”
• “Guys seem to be puzzled by the complex and utterly confusing mind games of women; females can’t seem to cope with the simplistic, one-track male thought-process.”
• “Guys are notoriously stereotyped by society as players. After several beers, they’re only after ‘one thing.’”
• “Not every college female is interested in graduating with her M.R.S. degree; some only want to have fun.”

The column also includes one extremely strange imagined scenario about what hooking up in college is like: “Perhaps their beer goggles were a bit too tight that night. Seeing as you two never made specific rules concerning exclusivity, the hot bro or chick smiling across the bar may seem extraordinarily appealing under the glow of Thirds’ neon totem pole. However, the morning light reveals a pudgy, acne-covered mistake with really bad breath. How mortifying!”

Life lesson: The “M.R.S. degree” reference was enough to tip us off that we’re dealing with an old, old soul here. The scare quotes around “one thing” and the exclamation point following “mortifying” seal the deal. Grandmother? Is that you in there?

Progressive Meter: Well, at least not “every” woman only went to college to get married. Zero.

Photo by riptheskull

Early this morning, George Washington University police apprehended a suspect who had been seen attempting to “touch several females while they were sleeping.” According to a campus alert, a male student helped the suspect access campus dorm Thurston Hall at 19th and F Streets NW around 4:30 this morning. A security camera then recorded the male student “leaving the building alone soon after signing in his guest,” leaving the suspect unaccompanied in the freshman dorm.

The incidents sound familiar to a series of sexual assaults that have hit the campuses of Georgetown and the University of Maryland in recent years. But unlike the Georgetown and UMD cases, in which suspects continued to terrorize the campus communities for years, GW’s nighttime sexual assailant was immediately neutralized. The suspect was apprehended after several students living in Thurston hall “brought the male to the security desk at Thurston Hall” and police were notified. The suspect is currently in police custody.

The GW campus alert reminded students not to sign strange people into freshman dorms and then leave, so that they may touch sleeping women in your absence. “Students who violate the security protocols, such as the sign in procedure, may face serious consequences through the Office of Student Judicial Services, up to and including suspension or expulsion from the University,” the alert read. “In this case, a student signed in a guest and left the building, and put the security of all of the other residents in the building in jeopardy. Students should not allow people they do not know to piggy-back in the building and students are required to follow the procedure of escorting any guest they bring or sign into their residence hall.”

Photo by RyanGWU82

Gergetown student newspaper the Hoya detailed the efforts of a CUA student group that’s attempting to gain official recognition from the school’s administration. The group, “CUAllies,” is an unofficial support group for LGBT students on CUA’s campus. CUAllies first lobbied to be recognized as an official student org back in August, but was denied. In the rejection, Catholic University “claimed that an adequate support structure for LGBTQ students already existed on campus.”

CUA currently recognizes campus groups devoted to anime, role playing, and virtue, but none which serve the particular needs of the LGBT community. A quick search for LGBT on the University’s Web site yields no hits that lead to support services directed at students.

The Hoya piece on the group contained such controversial statements as “CUAllies hopes that the recognition of the group will provide a safer and more tolerant atmosphere for the university’s LGBTQ community,” and, “In spite of the administration’s failure to recognize CUAllies, the group has been successful as an unofficial organization.”

The Cardinal Newman Society, the leading organization devoted to keeping Catholic schools Catholic, is calling bullshit on those assertions.

” CUAllies . . . was denied official recognition by the university because its goals were contrary to the university’s Catholic identity,” the Cardinal Newsman Society wrote in response to the Hoya. “The Hoya article is clearly slanted in favor of CUAllies, touting the group’s alleged popularity and success as an unofficial organization, but that may be exaggerated according to on-campus sources to The Cardinal Newman Society.”

Egad: Anonymous sources allege the possibility of exaggerated popularity? Could this be the work of a sham Catholic institution’s radical college newspaper’s secret anti-Catholic agenda? Oh, probably:

“Unlike CUA, which is among several colleges recommended in The Newman Guide to Choosing a Catholic College because of its strong Catholic identity, Georgetown has come under criticism for flagrant abuses of its Catholic identity for several years,” the Cardinal Newman Society continues (buy Cardinal Newman’s guide to the Catholic-y-est colleges here). “Both the controversial student group GUPride and the LGBTQ Resource Center bear official Georgetown University approval. . . . During October 2009, the LGBTQ Resource Center has an entire month of ‘coming out’ events planned on campus.”

In other words, if you attend a university which happens to have an LGBT organization on campus, you’re not allowed to report on the lack of LGBT organizations on other campuses. It’s just not Catholic to question decisions made by the Catholic University of America administration.

This week, the Nation’s Alex Dibranco declared that the college sex column represents “a radical progressive movement in the sense of pushing against traditional silence and the status quo.” That might have been true when sex columns first popped up on college campuses in 1996, but now, fucking and telling is a normal campus activity for radicals and right-wingers alike. At this point, simply rehashing your heterosexual, vanilla, and gender-role-informed Saturday night hook-up through the campus press does not a sexual revolution make—even if you publish under the pseudonym “Buster Darkhole.” Sady of Tiger Beatdown and I talk about where the student sex column should go from here.

References: George Washington University’s sex column, penned by “Mr. Darcy” and “Layla” [Exhibits A & B]; Georgetown University’s sex column, penned by Colleen Leahey [Exhibits C & D]; American University’s sex column, penned by “Amber Sparkles,” “Maxwell Hillcrest,” and our pal Buster [Exhibits E & F].

SADY: ah, the kids today. what are they up to? other than pretending they know enough about sex to write about it, OBVS, since the kids of many various days seem to believe the same thing.

AMANDA: also, inventing hilarious pseudonyms for themselves, like Rex Butthole and V. Gina

SADY: i know, right? or BUSTER DARKHOLE, Legitimate Writer and Giver of Mature Sexual Counsel [Exhibit E]. somehow, i just hold out the hope that Buster Darkhole is his real name and this is the only career path open to him.

AMANDA: hahaha

SADY: actually, as i read your summary, i was fondest of the work and pseudonym of MR. DARCY [Exhibit A]. i remember the third-act twist in Pride and Prejudice which mr. darcy exclaimed, “verily, miss bennet! our coffee date has involved a most unexpected oral manipulation of my genitals! yet i cannot refuse the fair lady Bingley, who is a superfreak in word and in deed!”

AMANDA: agreed, but at least mr. darcy is better than “layla” [Exhibit B], the name of the female columnist. though i knew a lot of kids in college into Clapton, so i guess it’s a cultural thing

SADY: haha. but, you know, reading these things and your summary of them, i was reminded of (CURSE ME FOR UTTERING THE FORBIDDEN NAME) T*cker M*x. [Exhibit douche]. Somehow, it’s just not scandalous any more to note that ladies like to have sex and are having casual sex. Unless you are the Pope, in which case all sex scandalizes you to some degree or another. The Kids These Days are pro-sex, including the lady ones. but they’re also pro-ridiculously-conservative-gender-norms. and i had somehow hoped that making the point that ladies and dudes can both enjoy sex would change things. IT HAS NOT.

AMANDA: one idea i’ve seen in a couple of these stories (and from adults talking down to college-age people, too) is: yes, women like to have sex just as much as men do, but they have to not do it in order to be happy [Exhibit E].

SADY: oh, yes. the HOOKUP CULTURE! which is DESTROYING LADIES’ CHANCES OF HAPPINESS!

AMANDA: because if they don’t not have sex they’ll never be in a relationship, which is what they REALLY want.

SADY: right. your vagina has to accumulate enough charge, through non-use, in order to work its Boyfriend-Entrapping powers on the dude of your choice.

AMANDA: i just read a chapter of a new book about young adult sexual experiences, ill remember the name later [Exhibit Laid: Young People’s Experiences with Sex in an Easy-Access Culture], and the introduction compared “hooking up” to a “microwave burrito” — you want it in the moment but eventually, you’re going to regret it. the book called casual sex “settling,” and insisted that good sex can only be had in committed relationships. personally, i really like being in a relationship, but part of the reason i like it is because i’m not only in the relationship so that i am ALLOWED TO HAVE SEX. i imagine this worldview just ends up with a lot of women settling into relationships with people they they don’t really like that also don’t provide great sex

SADY: yeah, and the mr. darcy column (i am sorry i keep returning to it! it fascinates me!) sets up the same good girl/bad girl paradigm. like, i COULD be with the girl who i might legitimately want a relationship with… or i could be with AWESOME SEXY TIMES lady. and, you know? it’s kind of sad to me that dudes still think this division exists. although hilarious that dude is puzzling out loud over how he wasn’t able to “settle down” as a damn college student.

AMANDA: i know. but then at the end, darcy is all, “you know what, maybe i can find a freaky girl that i love!” but you know he’s just gonna kinda keep fucking both of them. Whatever. that is the weirdest thing to me about the Concerns over the Hook-Up Culture. why should college students be encouraged to search out their Final Life-Long relationship among the first relationships they’ve ever had? that makes no sense, and neither does telling girls that hooking up will damage them. they can look for a boyfriend whenever they want to do that. or a girlfriend, which is one thing that none of these sex columns is really addressing.

SADY: YEAH. it’s all boys sexing the girls, and ridiculous gender stereotypes of boys sexing girls [Exhibit D], but these “sex” columns often seem more like the work of not terribly reflective or original straight college kids marveling over the fact that they can have sex and not worry about their moms overhearing them or showing up to offer suzy a ride home before it gets too late. but shouldn’t “sex” be a more, um, inclusive discussion than this thing about giggling over how you got SOOOO wasted and sexed up someone in your totes heterosexual manner last night?

AMANDA: of course, i would say yeah, but i can see why this happens. when you’re in college, those things are exciting to you, as a boring heterosexual person, even if its not terribly interesting to even, say, your classmates. it can be hard to look past your own experience when you’re first experiencing all these things. also, it can be hard to write when you’ve recently graduated from 5 paragraph essays.

SADY: oh, yeah. and, i mean, that’s cool and all. but it also – and i speak as someone who is ancient as the grave and yet remembers similar pressures from when i went to college – it creates this weird atmosphere on campus, where you ARE, to some degree, pressured to have enough casual sex to prove that you can do it and aren’t some clingy relationship-needing heterosexual female, yet you’re also a slut if you don’t eventually have a relationship, and you don’t exist, basically, if you’re queer.

AMANDA: yep.

SADY: like, it’s about “freedom,” and rebellion, but freedom can only ever take one pre-existing shape. by trying to make sex more public, you should be opening it up, but you end up writing a script for what sex should look like. which is not good for anyone, actually.

AMANDA: no, and it’s not particularly fun to read. which should be the main point. though i thought the American University anal sex column was getting there a little bit. at least Darkhole was all, “if you want her to put her finger in your butt, it’s cool, man.” [Exhibit F].

SADY: well, i mean, you have SEEN HIS NAME, right? he is buster darkhole! this is the column he was born to write!

AMANDA: yeah. I mean, it’s possible that Darkhole is a little too eager with the anal sex. i think i noted that the column didn’t mention the fact that like, it’s cool not to have anal sex, too, if you’re not into it.

SADY: maybe his full name is actually Buster Orhis Darkhole III.

AMANDA: i really want to score an interview with this person. but the AU column is an interesting approach because it is three people, two men and one lady, and i don’t know if there’s any gay or lesbian representation on that board, but that approach does open up the possibility of diversity, and not preaching one person’s crazy high school abstinence-only education lessons to an entire campus [Exhibit C]. although god knows how they actually get together and write that thing.

SADY: yeah, i mean, i’m fond of the collaborative approach to all this. maybe if there were like FIFTEEN college sex journalists per campus (and there are probably enough candidates!) you might get one of them that is confident enough not to just say whatever they think will make them look cool and sexually experienced, middle-school style. and hey, maybe one or two that aren’t straight people! that would be fun! i mean, i am skeptical of the entire “sex expert” position. i’m a grown lady who has been thinking about this stuff for the majority of my grown lady life, and i’m still not an expert on how my OWN sexual relationships should go.

AMANDA: it’s interesting, because the Nation’s piece on student sex columns painted them as this really radical progressive movement. and i think there’s a confusion there, because people still think that “talking about sex” makes you a liberal and saying “people shouldn’t talk about sex” makes you conservative.

SADY: right! and i think it is an issue of the younger generation! battle lines have shifted a bit; now, EVERYBODY talks about sex, liberal and conservative and that’s kind of taken for granted. it’s what they say that is the issue. or, alternately, the fact that everybody who is given a platform to do so seems to say the same thing.

AMANDA: right. and i don’t know what Mr. Darcy or Ramm Bottomham’s political persuasion is, but I imagine there’s more political diversity in these columnists than there is actual sexual diversity. which is weird!

SADY: yeah. and, honestly, i think T. Otis Notavirgin or whatever are – MAYBE! JUST MAYBE! – feeling more pressure to seem in line with the most widely accepted version of College-Age Sexuality than to actually, seriously think about sex and maybe come up with some insights.

AMANDA: yeah, and seeing as whenever i happen to write about college students they all flood my comments with insights like, “gay,” or … “gay,” i can’t really blame them [Exhibit frat]. college students are really harshly scrutinized over their sex lives, and college sex columnists must experience the worst of it.

SADY: Honestly! Here is what I think: I think that Buster Darkhole and Layla and Mr. Darcy and whoever are all filing these pieces that are like, “so I got totally WASTED! and had SEX! like PEOPLE MY AGE TEND TO DO!” then they are going home to make microwave popcorn and watch a movie and call their moms. and maybe ask someone out to a movie. that is what i believe. or hope?

AMANDA: i think they’re probably also silently weeping over the comments and/or getting shit from their friends [Exhibit single tear].

SADY: oh, god yes. but, you know, if embarrassing college sex columns are what it takes to teach the young people about Dealing With The Terrible Mean Blog Comments That People Will Eventually Leave On Any Blog Ever, I think it’s a sacrifice worth making. sort of!

Photo by BodogGirl

Criticisms of D.C.-area student sex columns, however, rarely take the form of the right-wing, anti-sex diatribe. At local colleges and universities, sex columnists are more likely to catch heat for furthering sex-negative sentiments, antiquated gender roles, or sloppy writing.

Last month, the American University Eagle’s anonymous sex column was criticized for trivializing rape, ignoring LGBT students, and discouraging women from pursuing sex. Also this month, Georgetown University student journalist Juliana Brint accused her campus’ sex columns of being “backwards, anti-feminist screeds” based on “outdated, belittling generalizations about the female psyche.” How progressive are our local student sex writers?

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Student Paper: The G.W. Hatchet

Columnists: Mr. Darcy, an anonymous heterosexual male; Layla, an anonymous heterosexual female.

Areas of Coverage: In Darcy’s inaugural column, the male sex columnist posed an Austenian dilemma: Shall he choose the nice girl who gives a satisfying blow job, or the freaky one into semi-public window sex? Answer: Looks like he’s sleeping (with both of them) on it for a little while longer. In Layla’s latest go-around, she describes her unorthodox relationship with a “best friend” from out-of-town: They do it all the time, but they’re not dating or anything, and it’s awesome!

Progressive Score: 6. Both Darcy and Layla describe their personal experiences with casual sex with multiple partners—and they do so with respect for themselves and for everyone else involved. In college, that can be difficult—it’s hardly edgy, but I’ll take it. The problem with first-person sex columns from two heteros, though, is that the LGBT experience is completely shut out of the paper.

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Student paper: The American University Eagle.

Sex columnists: Three anonymous writers—one female, two male, sexual orientation undisclosed. Their porny bylines: Amber Sparkles, Buster Darkhole, and Maxwell Hillcrest.

Areas of Coverage: The trio got off to a controversial start last month when they posited this hypothetic sexual experience—”It’s three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You’ve had one too many cups of jungle juice”—as a normal AU hookup. In their follow-up column, Sparkles, Darkhole, and Hillcrest winked at the controversy as they moved on to another taboo campus topic. “It’s 3 a.m. and he has it in you right now. It hurts,” the column read. “You are two sober, consenting adults who have just embarked on the journey of anal sex.”

Progressive Score: 7. While the first column from the threesome was extremely ill-advised, this servicey anal sex primer—don’t use silicone lube with silicone toys!—imparted some helpful and open-minded advice for dorm-dwellers embarking on an anal excursion for the first time. It also made a stab at inclusiveness: “Gay, straight, bisexual—it doesn’t matter,” the column reads. “Anyone can enjoy the feeling that comes from anal stimulation, no matter their gender or sexual orientation.”

But while the column worked to dispel the “taboo” against straight men enjoying ass play, it failed to tackle the pressure many straight women feel to do anal. It also only addressed the anal pleasure derived from massaging the prostate. Not everybody has a prostate!

On the other hand, the threesome managed to stir up some conservative ire for the column—always a good sign. “I am appalled at the content of the Eagle’s new column,” wrote one commenter. “I find this particular article vulgar.”

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Student Paper: The Georgetown University Hoya.

Sex Columnists: Colleen Leahey

Areas of Coverage: According to Brint, who writes for the Georgetown Voice, Leahey’s “backwards, anti-feminist screeds” come from a long line of conservative Georgetown sex columnists (Julia Allison was the first). In Leheay’s first column, she declared that “The quest for ‘Prince Charming’ consumes the lives of most 20-something females.” The odd advice in her second column wasn’t so much gender-specific as it was stalker-specific: “After shouting their name, you wait for them to come running into your arms. Instead they ask, ‘Why are you following me?’”

Progressive Score: 4. Leahey may very well have her hands tied at this particularly conservative student rag, which is lucky to have a sex column at all. ““[V]ulgarity is discouraged through all sections in The Hoya,” Hoya Managing Editor Marissa Amendolia explained in an e-mail to Brint. “[W]hen it comes to editing for style, vulgarity—and, depending on the situation, this may include sexual explicitness—is subject to editing as long as the editor maintains the author’s viewpoint.” That being said, Leahey doesn’t have to get vulgar to become a bit more open-minded. It would behoove her to direct her columns to all members of the campus community, not just heterosexual females she deems “desperate.”

Nevertheless, I give Leahey and the Hoya major points for refusing to hide their sex coverage under a pseudonym (even a pseudonym as inspired as “Buster Darkhole”). The Hoya’s sex talk may be low on the sex, but at least they own it. If there’s nothing wrong with talking about casual sex and anal experimentation, why keep your identity under the covers?

Note: I couldn’t find any current sex columns at the UMD Diamondback, the Howard University Hilltop, or, uh, Catholic University. If you know of any other local student sex writers, let me know!

According to D.C. police, a sexual assailant known as the “Cuddler” has been terrorizing dorms and townhouses around Georgetown University since January 13, 2008. But when did that other scourge of the Georgetown campus—the suspect’s creepily innocuous nickname—first hit the Hoyas? No one knows for sure. Below, track the moniker’s rise in the campus lexicon. (Suspected “Cuddler” assaults are marked in red).

! January 13, 2008. According to D.C. police officer Helen Andrews, as quoted in Georgetown Voice blog Vox Populi, “The first incident” in the string of sexual assaults “occurred on January 13, 2008 in the 3700 block of R Street, NW.”

* March 4, 2008. University of Maryland’s student newspaper, the Diamondback, attributes two similar sexual assaults near the UMD campus to a “City Cuddler.” Kevin Litten, the Diamondback’s editor-in-chief at the time, sources the nickname to a phone conversation he had with Major Kevin Davis, a commander with the Prince George’s County Police Department. Litten says that Davis called the Diamondback with a tip about a new incident in a series of assaults where a man would enter a female’s residence, lie down next to her, and in some cases, sexually assault her.

“[Davis] called us up, and I recall him saying, ‘Our Cuddler has struck again.’ As soon as I heard him say ‘Cuddler,’ I knew that we were going to be using it in the headline,” says Litten. “I had never heard it around campus before we put it in that headline,” he says. “We expected that we were going to get some criticism for using the name from people who thought it was not appropriate . . . but as soon as I heard the police use the name, I thought, ‘that’s such a perfect descriptor for what this is.’”

Evan Baxter, an officer with the Prince George’s County Police Department, denies that PG County police originated the nickname. “We were not the ones that coined the term, and we’re not particularly fond of the term,” Baxter told me. “My understanding is that it got started by local media.”

! May 16, 2008. According to Officer Andrews, a “second incident occurred on May 16, 2008 in the 2400 block of Huidekoper Place, NW.”

* May 2008. By now, the nickname has hit the Georgetown campus—having either jumped from the University of Maryland attacks or arisen on its own. According to a column in the Georgetown Voice, a group of Georgetown students named their wireless network the “Club Cuddler” in May of 2008 as an homage to the campus assailant.

View Suspected “Georgetown Cuddler” incidents in a larger map

! June 1, 2008. According to Vox Populi, another sexual assault “took place on the 1900 block of 38th Street, and the MPD has identified it as a crime.”

! June 26, 2008. According to Vox Populi, this sexual assault occurred “in the 2400 block of Tunlaw Road NW.”

* Aug. 20, 2008. A Washington City Paper story on local college newspapers commends the Diamondback for its “Cuddler” scoops. Georgetown newspaper the Hoya is also profiled in the piece, which was widely circulated among undergraduate journos.

! Sept. 5, 2008. According to a Georgetown campus alert: “during the overnight hours of Friday, September 5, an unknown male entered her bedroom, got into her bed, and put his arm around her. She awoke and got out of the bed. The suspect then left her room and exited the apartment.”

! Sept. 25, 2008. According to a Georgetown campus alert: “an unknown hispanic male entered [the victim's] apartment through an unlocked and ajar door. The suspect took a blanket from a bedroom and put it on top of the complainant, who was sleeping on the couch. He then laid on top of her. The complainant screamed and the suspect immediately left the premises.”

* Oct. 7, 2008. The nickname hits Georgetown newspaper the Hoya’s Web site, via the comments section. On a news report on the sexual assaults, a commenter writes, “Hall Directors and university officials KNOW about the legend of the creepy cuddler, and yet they do absolutly nothing to ensure the safety and well being of resident after resident over the years.”

* Oct. 28, 2009. The Georgetown Voice employs the “Cuddler” nickname for the first time, in a post on Vox Populi. In the same post, writer Will Sommer kicks around ideas for a more appropriate moniker: “The Voice was bandying around the Crapist (cuddle/rapist) earlier, and while accurate, that’s too close to grapist. Ideas?”

* Oct. 31, 2008. A “Cuddler” Halloween. At least one Georgetown student fashions a costume based upon the sexual assailant. Reports of the disguise’s particulars range from the literal—pajamas, pillow, and blanket for laying on people—to the lazy—a plain, white T-shirt marked “GEORGETOWN CUDDLER.” Anna Bank, who interviewed one “Cuddler” costumer for the Georgetown Voice, says that the “Cuddler” costumes raised a red flag for her. “To go through the process of making a costume—even a really simple one—indicates that you’re putting time and effort into belittling and disrespecting a thing that happened to people,” she says. In the interview, Bank says that the student “said something about how he hoped that nobody who was a victim of the cuddling actually saw his costume, because he thought that that might be upsetting,” she says. “I thought that was weird, because if you’re actually aware that a victim might see the costume, maybe you shouldn’t wear it?”

! Jan. 30, 2009. According to a Georgetown campus alert: “[A] student living in the 1200 Block of 35th Street was awakened to find an unknown male in her bed. The suspect left the bed and headed for the bedroom door as the complainant asked, ‘Who is that?’ The suspect did not respond and left the residence.”

* Feb. 17, 2009. The Sexist suggests alternate nicknames for the “Cuddler,” including the “Georgetown Blanketlayer,” the “Georgetown Entrygainer,” and the “Georgetown Rapist.”

! Feb. 26, 2009. According to a Georgetown campus alert: “an unidentified male entered a student’s residence in the 3400 Block of N Street by an unknown means. The suspect crawled into the complainant’s bed while she was asleep. She was startled awake. The suspect subsequently left the bedroom and exited the residence by the front door.”

* Feb 28, 2009. The “Georgetown Cuddler” jumps on the Twitter bandwagon. The first Tweet from @thegtowncuddler:

! March 18, 2009. According to a Georgetown campus alert: “At approximately 4:20 a.m. on Wednesday, March 18, 2009, an unidentified male entered a student’s residence in the 3300 Block of Prospect Street by an unknown means. The suspect lay down on the couch with the student, at which time she was startled awake. The suspect subsequently left the residence.”

* April 1, 2009. The Hoya prints a mock interview with the suspect in its April Fools Issue called “Georgetown Cuddler: Why I Do It.” In the piece, the “Cuddler” character said, “A girl can never reject you when she’s comatose. As I see it, my success rate is 100 percent.”

* April 9, 2009. The Washington Post rejects a diorama submitted to its annual “Peeps Show” contest inspired by the sexual assault suspect. Peeps Show judge Dan Zak explained why the entry didn’t make the cut: “It was removed at the last minute after editors raised a red flag out of—as Robert Gibbs would say—an “abundance of caution.” We apologized profusely to the dioramist, and she was very understanding.” The diorama, entitled “Peeping leads to cuddling,” was created by Annette Lee, and featured a sunglasses-wearing Marshmallow Peep “Cuddler,” a sleeping Lavender Peep Bunny victim, and a Twilight film poster.

* April 2009. The Georgetown Heckler, a campus humor magazine, publishes a satirical piece on the phenomenon entitled, “Mysterious Georgetown Coddler Leaves Students Shaken, Pampered.” “Obviously, sexual assault itself is not funny,” Heckler editor Jack Stuef wrote in an e-mail. “It’s just a pretty good pun that then derives humor from the weird situation and the nature of some students around here who are not exactly self-dependent.”

* April 24, 2009. The Hoya uses the “Cuddler” in a news story for the first time, in an investigative report dating potential“Cuddler” attacks back to 2005. The paper employs the nickname only once in a story of 1,350 words. Hoya editor-in-chief Kevin Barber says that the question of when to drop the “Cuddler” preceded him. “For a while before I became the editor, the question of whether to acknowledge the use of the nickname was up in the air,” he wrote in an e-mail.” In the end, my decision to mention the nickname in the April 24 story was motivated by my belief that we had an obligation to acknowledge the use of it by members of the campus community—the use of that term is extremely widespread here at Georgetown.”

! July 25, 2009. According to an MPD report recovered by Vox Populi: “[The victim] was in her bed when an unknown subject entered her room, disrobed from the waist down, leaving his shoes on and climbed into the bed with her ad hugged her. [The victim] never look at [the suspect] because she assumed that it was her male friend that frequents her home. . . . [She] did not realize until an hour or so later that [the man]was not a friend of hers when he attempted to touch [her] while climbing on top of her placing his penis on her inner thigh. [The victim] further states that her male friend is gay so once [the man] started to touch her she instantly knew that it was not her friend in the bed with her.”

* July 30, 2009. The Georgetown Voice publishes a hoax letter from a man claiming to know the true identity of the “Georgetown Cuddler”: University President John DeGioia.

! Aug. 30, 2009. According to a Georgetown campus alert: “On Sunday, August 30, 2009 at approximately 6:30 a.m., an unidentified male entered a student’s residence in the 1200 Block of 33rd Street, NW, and lay down on the couch with her. The complainant was startled awake, at which time she told the suspect to leave, which he subsequently did.”

! Sept. 1, 2009. According to a Georgetown campus alert: “On Tuesday, September 1, 2009, at approximately 4:20 a.m., an unidentified male entered the residence of a student in Village A through a ground floor window. The suspect climbed into the bed of the complainant while she slept. The suspect began to sexually assault the complainant, whereupon she screamed and the suspect left the residence through the front door, fleeing in an unknown direction.”

* Sept. 1, 2009. Women’s blog Jezebel announces that the “man known only as the ‘Georgetown Cuddler’” is officially “even creepier than Edward Cullen,” the stalking-prone vampire hero of the Twilight series.

* Sept. 2, 2009. Feminist blog Feministing tackles the nickname, saying that its continued use “excuses the attacker, dismisses violence as acceptable, and condescends to survivors.”

* Sept 3, 2009. The “Cuddler” hits A1 of the Washington Post—almost. Reporter Paul Duggan refrains from printing the nickname until after the jump, when the story delves into street interviews with Georgetown students. Their quotes are peppered with “Cuddler.”

“Oh, yeah, ‘the Georgetown Cuddler,’ ” said Clara Zabludowsky, a 21-year-old senior, invoking the commonly used nickname for the assailant or assailants — a moniker that police say is inappropriately cute given the nature of the crimes.

Said Eugenia Sosa, also 21 and a senior: “For April Fools’ Day, my friends knew I’d been thinking about it, so one of my guy friends was going to sneak into my bedroom and cuddle me. That’s how it’s being taken, I think — like it’s not that serious.”

. . . Tuesday’s incident occurred just four days after [Katherine] Everitt moved to Georgetown from her home in Los Angeles. “Before I came, I heard about ‘the Cuddler,’ ” she said. “It sounded like a joke, like some guy comes in and lays down next to you or whatever. . . . Now the whole reality of it comes into effect, and you don’t know if it’s a student or who it is.”

* Sept. 4, 2009. Gawker compares the widely differing descriptions of the suspect to confused racial stereotyping of President Barack Obama.

* Sept. 4, 2009. Georgetown University finally invokes “Cuddler”—in a campus-wide letter telling students not to use the word “Cuddler.” “Descriptions that refer to some suspects as a ‘cuddler’ can detract from the serious nature of these incidents,” the letter read.

* Sept. 16, 2009. Staffers from the Voice discuss the use of the nickname in campus media—and why replacement names like the “Crapist” have failed to catch on.

Photo by NCinDC

On Sept. 4, Georgetown University told its students to stop calling him “The Cuddler.”

Because cuddle is far too soft a description for what the suspect does. In a typical attack, a man enters a student’s residence through an unlocked window or door, lies down next to her, and attempts to sexually assault her. He’s been accused of everything from laying a blanket atop his victim to placing his penis on his victim’s thigh. According to D.C. Police, the episodes span a 20-month period stretching back to January 2008.

Despite the disturbing MO, “Georgetown Cuddler” persists as an on-campus nickname for this criminal. When two assaults were reported days before the start of the fall semester, the university attempted to put an end to the moniker. “Descriptions that refer to some suspects as a ‘cuddler’ can detract from the serious nature of these incidents,” a letter to students read.

Beyond the warning against the popular nickname, Georgetown’s campus alert was conspicuously short on descriptors. “As you may know, our campus and surrounding neighborhoods have experienced incidents over the past year, and several in the past week,” the university hedged. Students who may not know about the history of sexual assaults around campus—including incoming freshmen—were afforded no further elaboration on the nature of the “incidents.”

Molly Redden, who has covered the beat for campus publication the Georgetown Voice, recognized the university’s decision to invoke the nickname even as it denounced its use. “Referring to the suspect as ‘The Cuddler’ does detract from how serious the incidents are,” says Redden. “At the same time, I wouldn’t be surprised if the university used the nickname as an indicator of which specific crimes they’re actually referring to.”

While administrators view “Georgetown Cuddler” as an inaccurate and inappropriate nickname, it provides students a helpful—even necessary—shorthand for covering an ongoing campus safety risk. Georgetown’s letter denouncing the nickname was the school’s most transparent response to the string of attacks to date. But the Georgetown Voice has been publishing the nickname for nearly a year—and alerting students to the school’s sexual assault problem each time the “Cuddler” is invoked.

“When I write something that’s ‘Cuddler’ related, it gets more attention on campus,” says Voice projects editor Will Sommer. “I would never make it seem as though something is a ‘Cuddler’ attack when it isn’t. But when you associate the ‘Cuddler’ thing, it lends a narrative to it.” That narrative, Sommer says, has been missing from Georgetown University’s previous response to the assaults—a series of “Public Safety Alerts” (PSAs) which fail to address the incidents as a campus trend.

Sommer says he was likely responsible for debuting “The Cuddler” in campus media last fall, in a post on Voice blog Vox Populi. Looking back on the coverage, Sommer says, “I thought, Oh my God—did I come up with the Cuddler? What a disaster. But if you look at the post, you can see that I’m not making clear what ‘Cuddler’ even means. By that point, it looks like it requires no explanation.” By the time the term migrated from the student body to the student press, it had already inspired editorial backlash. In his inaugural post referencing the “Cuddler,” Sommer suggested that Georgetown stop referencing the “Cuddler.” “Given the seriousness/scariness of the Cuddler’s attacks, we need to get this guy a new nickname,” he wrote. “‘The Cuddler’ just sounds way too sweet, like he’s a child scared of the dark and in need of affection.”

Over the next year, Voice staffers continued to rally against the nickname’s use—while marking off suspected assault locations on its Google map, “Suspected ‘Georgetown Cuddler’ Incidents.” In November 2008, the Voice published a piece debating the appropriateness of Cuddler-based jokes which included an interview with a student who dressed as the “Cuddler” for Halloween. In February, Redden lamented the term’s stickiness, writing, “I can’t keep using quotes around ‘Cuddler’ to try to mollify my discomfort in using the term forever!”

Possible alternatives to the “Cuddler” have been discussed. “We talk about it a lot. Everyone wants a different name, but we can’t find something good,” says Sommer. “The ‘Cuddler’ is a very catchy thing.” So far, Voice staffers have failed to alight on a viable substitute for the “Cuddler.” “We came up with ‘Cuddle-Rapist,’” says Sommer. “Doesn’t really roll off the tongue, does it?” Even “The Cuddler” has proven more sensitive than some alternatives. “We’ve tried ‘crapist,’ but it sounds too much like the people who make pastries,” says Juliana Brint, the editor of Vox Populi. “There really are no good nicknames.”

Even bad nicknames can produce good PR. “The discussion about the ‘Cuddler’ nickname has made people more aware,” says Sommer. “When someone dresses as the ‘Cuddler’ for Halloween, it makes people think about the fact that there are Cuddler victims out there who could see that costume. So it’s really given a lot of attention to the issue.” Despite the potential positives, other campus outlets have declined to devote much ink to the nickname. The Hoya, Georgetown’s student newspaper, first mentioned the name “Cuddler” in its 2009 April Fools issue, and again in an April 24 investigative report. In an e-mail, Hoya editor Kevin Barber said that Hoya staffers “always limit our use of the term to reference…the campus community’s widespread use of the phrase to describe these sorts of incidents.”

Despite its liberal use of the “Cuddler,” the Voice takes care to clarify the seriousness of each sexual assault incident it reports. It’s also criticized Georgetown University for employing other euphemisms in its reports on the attacks. Georgetown’s PSA alerting students to two similar incidents in April 2008 classified the offenses as “burglaries” instead of sexual assaults, even though one victim “awakened to find an unknown male in her bed.” In the most recent incident, the university PSA described a sexual assault against a student but failed to provide additional details. “I was a little irritated that, instead of giving details about the digital penetration, the university said that the suspect ‘began sexually assaulting her,’” says Brint. “That’s kind of a meaningless phrase. It didn’t indicate at all how serious the incident actually was. I do think that’s problematic.”

Georgetown says its PSAs announcing the sexual assaults were “based on information that is reported to the Department of Public Safety,” and that the assault reports were supplemented by the Sept. 4 letter “underscoring the need for students to remain vigilant.”

Brint says that she was “happy” to see the university finally address the incidents directly and to discourage the use of the nickname on campus. That doesn’t mean that she’s going to stop using it. “My guess is that it’s going to persist,” she says. “It’s hard to get these things out of the vernacular.” In lieu of a less offensive moniker, Brint says the Voice has adjusted how it will refer to the offender. “We’ve been trying to minimize as much as possible our use of that term,” she says. “But we will include it once, for clarification’s sake.”

RELATED: A “Georgetown Cuddler” Timeline: How the sexual assault nickname became a Georgetown institution.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Before D.C.-area colleges welcome back their undergraduates from summer vacation, let’s give the schools a little test of our own. Campus Pride’s LGBT-Friendly Campus Climate Index rates four-year colleges and universities around the country based on their “LGBT-Friendly policies, programs and practices.” The index surveys schools on eight subject areas (click through for survey questions): LGBT “Policy Inclusion,” “Support & Institutional Commitment,” “Student Life,” “Academic Life,” “Housing,” “Campus Safety,” “Counseling & Health,” and “Recruitment and Retention Efforts.” Campus Pride also administers a “Sexual Orientation Score” and a “Gender Identity/Expression Score” to isolate schools that are friendly to LGB issues but not to T issues, or vice-versa.

Since the index is based on a voluntary survey, not all local schools have submitted themselves for rating here—though 204 schools nationwide have. So keep in mind: even a low rating from Campus Pride shows more commitment to LGBT issues on campus than a school that’s not rated at all. Local ratings (out of 5 possible points) are after the jump.

American University: 4.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4.5

University of Maryland, College Park: 4.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4

George Mason University: 4
Sexual Orientation Score: 5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4

George Washington University: 4
Sexual Orientation Score: 3.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 3.5

Virginia Tech: 3.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2

University of Virginia: 3
Sexual Orientation Score: 4
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2

Maryland Institute College Of Art (MICA): 2.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2.5

Towson University: 2.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 2
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 1

Not rated: Georgetown University, Catholic University, and Howard University.

Photo by A Girl And Her Camera

Anyway, Georgetown University proved itself almost perfectly manly in the contest, with nine out of ten of the institution’s top staffers men. But a new report from campus blog Vox Populi reveals that—say it ain’t so!—the Man Madness tournament was perhaps less-than-thorough.

Vox Pop looked “beyond the top ten” to find that Georgetown’s leadership is actually surprisingly balanced, gender-wise.  Juliana Brint found that “women hold a majority of positions in the administration of the College, the SFS and the NHS, and also constitute a majority of academic department leaders in NHS and in the College’s humanities programs“—though the school’s science departments, administrators, and school of business are still male-heavy. Brint’s most intriguing finding concerned the contrast between the gender-make up of staffs managed by men versus staffs managed by women:

Interestingly, areas that are mostly female-run tend to be more equally divided, with between 48 and 37 percent of the positions filled by men; male-dominated areas are more polarized, with only 30 percent or less of the positions filled by women.

But don’t take my word for it—they’ve got graphs!

Anonymous public sex ain’t as public—or anonymous—as it used to be. In the past ten years, private Internet hook-ups have all but eliminated the need for old-fashioned public toe-tapping meet-ups. In the meantime, some infamous incidents have helped raise awareness about the dangers of initiating anonymous public sex with the wrong guy—like an undercover cop.

But somewhere between the time that the Internet went mainstream and Craigslist took over the sex stuff—we’re talking late-90s, early 2000s here—willing partners in search of anonymous sex began seeking out—and recording—their public meet-ups spots online.

The popularity of these online message boards—like Gay Universe’s D.C. cruising spot locator—have come and gone. But in their wake, public sex locations (like restrooms), their corresponding sex codes (like winks), and their dangers (like leather-clad dudes who hang around suspiciously, pretending to “fix their glasses”) have been recorded for posterity. What remains is an online history of glory holes past, present, and policed.

Alongside the clubs, porn shops, and public parks is one particularly refined category of anonymous sex meeting places: The District of Columbia’s most prestigious universities. Delve into the online public sex histories of American, Catholic, Gallaudet, George Washington, and Georgetown, after the jump.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Bender Library

This AU anonymous sex tipster called out Bender Library way back in 1999, suggesting partners meet in the library’s 2nd floor bathroom, and then “hook up elsewhere.”

“Be sure to check messages in stall…only one has door,” he writes. “Wait in study room across from bathroom for guys to go in.”

Two years later, another poster took issue with the lewd characterization of AU’s main study space, writing: “PLEASE DELETE: WRONG LISTING.” Was an AU supporter attempting to clear Bender’s name through non-police avenues? Or had the original poster simply been mistaken?

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THE CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF AMERICA

LOCATION: Somewhere, anywhere.

Though the Catholic University of America has popped up frequently on Gay Universe’s D.C. cruising message board—the school’s Pangborn Hall is a notable suggested locale—the only link that remains unbroken is this coed’s cry for help: “Can anyone help a horny college kid out.. Im 6′-3′ 230 Short hair average build tight ass… Im looking for a dick to suck and maybe even fuck.. would love to swallow your load.” This guy’s not looking for public sex—just any sex. Given Catholic’s reputation for hush-hush heterosexual encounters, it’s no surprise that one desperate undergrad would turn first to anonymous sex venue to locate a partner.

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GALLAUDET UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Gallaudet University Library

Sex tipsters are divided as to whether Gallaudet’s anonymous sex scene is totally dead—or just quiet enough to encourage discrete hook-ups. “The bathroom is almost always empty! You can do it in there,” writes one poster. Another disagrees: “No action here at all. This listing should be removed.”

The library sex scene may not be very active on campus, but it’s still managed to stir up some anonymous sex bigotry. “Gallaudet is a deaf college and some deaf guys are hot!” one poster suggests. Another is bothered by a different kind of diversity: “Too many colored guys,” he writes.

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GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Lauinger Library

One poster listed this Jesuit institution’s humanities, social sciences, and business library as a prime D.C. cruising spot, but don’t expect to find Georgetown’s anonymous sex history detailed in its stacks: Nowadays, the Gay Universe page listing is completely blank

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THE GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Bell Hall; Corcoran Hall

Back in 2000, GWU’s Bell Hall was bumping. “THe 4th floor men’s room(across from the Biology Department is hot,” one sex-seeker wrote. Chimed in another: “As stated, this place is hot. Weekdays from 5pm, and weekends all day!” But be December of that year, the spot was played out. “I am a grad student at GWU,” the final poster divulged. “Seen so many arrest that I believe is my duty to alert you guys. Not worth the risk.”

The campus’ Corcoran Hall, too, has seen safer anonymous sex days. In 2000, the 1st floor Men’s bathroom, “across from faculty office,” was the place to be. “Loud door makes time for recovery. Lots of hot GW studs await at both the urinal, and the stalls!” one tipster wrote. “Hot! hot! hot! anytime of day,” another added. But by 2002, the place was being frequented by disengenuous sex-seekers “WATCH FOR UNDERCOVER COPS!!!!! ESPECIALLY ON THE WEEKENDS. I DON’T GO THERE ANY MORE, I’VE SEEN TO MANY MEN GET ARRESTED. IT’S NOT WORTH IT,” one wrote.

One poster suggested that the sting operation was the work of one leather-wearing faker. “Their is a guy who hangs around this place that always wears a black leather jacket and pretends to fix his glases. He is lean and has slicked back black hair. Watch out for this guy,” he wrote. “He is an under-cover cop. He reports what he sees to the campus police. he is not there all the time, but if you see him, leave right away.”

—

CONTINUING EDUCATION:

LOCATION: Martin Luther King Jr. Library

“Seen a lot of jacking off at the stalls here and some under the stall activity,” one tipster writes. Another gets a little more specific: “There is a bi guy 17-19 who usually wears a hat, who can suck dick good. when you see him, just wink or grab urself (or both) and follow him then he’ll take care of you. he likes clean young hung thug types. if ur white or blk, you better dress gangsta and be hung. hes usually there monday, wednesday and friday in the evening after 3p.” Wow. That guy sure had a lot of information for a guy who’s certainly not the 17-to-19-year-old bisexual guy, didn’t he?

Photo by NCinDC

Having recently written a story about the sex and repression at the Catholic University of America, I was interested to read Vox Populi’s interview with D.C.’s most infamous Catholic sex writer, Julia Allison. Allison graduated from Georgetown in 2004, where she wrote “Sex on the Hilltop,” the Hoya’s first sex column—and quite possibly the first sex column at a Catholic University, period.

Allison caused a good deal of controversy in her tenure at Georgetown University—dating a congressman, allegations of plagiarism, offers from Playboy—but few reports of Allison’s co-ed days have focused on the actual substance of her Hoya column. In the interview, Vox Pop’s Molly Redden digs past the personal fluff to find why even acknowledging that sex happens at Georgetown University was an up-the-Hilltop battle in the early part of the decade.

The whole Q-and-A is worth a read, but here’s the taboo Hoya topic that Allison says finally did her column in:

So, I wanted to talk about what do you do when you have a roommate and you wanna hookup? I mean, this is a question that every undergraduate has struggled with. And I said, “If you want to have sex, and you have a roommate, you need to do this.” And they said, “No no no no no no, we can’t write ’sex,’ let’s just say, ‘makeout.’”

Today, we recap the thinky bracket in our Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). It was a close contest—complete with stunning revelations of clandestine manliness—and Georgetown University came out on top with 54 out of 55 points on the manly index. Hoya Saxa! Unfortunately for the Bulldogs, this is as far as GU will go—in the end, no academic institution managed a perfect score like the U.S. Senate or several of our union contenders. Here are the standings, anyway.

Tomorrow, tune in for the debut of our eighth and final workplace bracket—D.C.’s advocacy organizations. Will the Human Rights Campaign out-man Emily’s List? Will the American Life League destroy the Environmental Defense Fund? Find out this week.

The thinky portion of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament continues today as Brookings challenges Georgetown for intellectual man dominance (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). So put on your thinking caps, four-eyes, and lets get to the competition!

BROOKINGS INSTITUTION: This D.C. think tank aims to “Strengthen American democracy, foster the economic and social welfare, security and opportunity of all Americans and secure a more open, safe, prosperous and cooperative international system.” But what is its position on strengthening and fostering our nation’s shrinking reserve of Manliness?
President Strobe Talbott (Male, 15 points*)
Chairman of the Board John L. Thornton (Male, 9 points)
Managing Director William Antholis (Male, 8 points)
VP, Dir. of Econ. and Devel. Lael Brainard (Female, ZERO)
VP, Dir. of Brookings Press Robert L. Faherty (Male, 6 points)
VP, Dir. of Econ. Studies William Gale (Male, 5 points)
VP, Dir. of Met. Policy Bruce Katz (Male, 4 points)
VP, Dir. of Foreign Policy Studies Carlos Pascual (Male, 3 points)
Treasurer and VP Frederick L. Silbernagel III (Male, 2 points)
VP for Comm. Melissa Skolfield (Female, ZERO)

* Extra point administered to all named “Strobe”

The Brookings Institution may not have a chance at competing with such perfectly scored institutions as the U.S. Senate and the Teamsters (thanks, Lael and Melissa). But I’m feeling saucy today, so I went ahead and administered an extra few point to Brookings’ president, whose name alone is a flashing beacon of manliness in a nation compromised by womanhood. Strobe brings Brookings’ manly total to 52 of 55 points.

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GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY: Though the mascot of D.C.’s most prestigious university, the Hoya (or “What”), reeks of namby-pamby intellectualism, its unofficial representative, the Bulldog (or “Mean, Scrappy Animal”) restores the institution’s manliness.

President John J. DeGioia (Male, 10 points)
Provost James J. O’Donnell (Male, 9 points)
Interim Dean, G’town College Chester L. Gillis (Male, 8 points)
Dean, Grad. School Timothy A. Barbari (Male, 7 points)
Dean, Walsh School Robert L. Gallucci (Male, 6 points)
Dean, McDonough School George G. Daly (Male, 5 points)
Dean, School of Contin. Studies Robert L. Manuel (Male, 4 points)
Dean of Students Todd A. Olson (Male, 3 points)
Director of Athletics Bernard M. Muir (Male, 2 points)
Office of Int’l Prog. Dir. Katherine Bellows (Female, ZERO)

Even devoid of a single Strobe, Georgetown registers a very strong showing of 54 out of a possible 55 points on the manly index. Brookings—pwned! Tune in tomorrow when we wrap up the smarts bracket as the Center of American Progress takes on American University.

Photo by NCinDC.

* Juicy Campus has hit George Washington University. How do G.W. gossips compare to Georgetown’s finest? So far, Juciy Campus’ G.W. page seems to have a lot more nonsense on it. That’s a good thing, writes Travis of G.W. student blog The Colonialist: “I spent the weekend surfing the site a lot, putting up things about myself and my roommates. I’d like to openly admit to writing all 10 of the comments calling The GW Patriot racist. I’d be willing to bet that 80% of the posts on the site are done with the same innocent prank attitude. It’s a playground.”

* The New Gay blogger inspired, depressed by gay couples. TNG’s Jon surveyed the scene at the annual HRC fundraiser on Saturday: “Men were holding hands, women were kissing, and partners were snuggling up and laughing together at their tables,” Jon laments. “This is all wonderful of course, but it served as an in-your-face reminder that I’m currently partner-less.”

* Sex blogger dude Roissy in D.C. says the recession will mean better sex:

If a protracted and deep recession leads to the average woman cutting costs at the supermarket and steering clear of the high calorie packaged foodstuffs, it could mean more slender women and, consequently, better sex. . . . Hard times bring “hard” times.

Hmm. Maybe it will also teach Roissy a lesson in economics.

* Local blogger Jimbo makes an appearance at Maryland Renaissance Festival, hears best catcall ever: “Oooh, gurl, he’s dressed up like an evil sex sorceror.”

* Before the presidential face-offs resume tonight, let’s remember just how far we’ve come since last Thursday’s veep debates. Thanks to The Guardian’s Michelle Goldberg for highlighting Palin’s most nonsensical non-answer:

Say it ain’t so, Joe, there you go again pointing backwards again. You preferenced [sic] your whole comment with the Bush administration. Now doggone it, let’s look ahead and tell Americans what we have to plan to do for them in the future. You mentioned education, and I’m glad you did. I know education you are passionate about with your wife being a teacher for 30 years, and god bless her. Her reward is in heaven, right? … My brother, who I think is the best schoolteacher in the year, and here’s a shout-out to all those third graders at Gladys Wood Elementary School, you get extra credit for watching the debate.

Shit, is it possible to just place a [sic] around an entire quote? Or to have one floating over her head every time she speaks? Get on it, magic Jesus.

Photo by dumbonyc, in mourning of last night’s re-run of Gossip Girl. –XOXO, The Sexist

Last week, Georgetown University student newspaper The Hoya slammed a new arrival on campus. “[A] dangerous and undesired element,” sniffed the editorial; “a cancer to our community.”

What was the offending newcomer? A discriminatory professor? A crackdown on underage drinking?

Actually, it’s a Web site. On Wednesday, Sept. 10, Georgetown became one of the 412 college campuses free to air its schoolyard gossip at JuicyCampus.com. Juicy Campus, by its own description, is “the place to spill the juice about all the crazy stuff going on at your campus.” But unlike whispered rumors or folded class notes, students can gossip freely on Juicy Campus without fear of retribution. The site claims to be “totally anonymous—no registration, login, or email verification required.”

On Sept. 19, The Hoya editorial board called for a student boycott of the site, and urged university administrators to ban the Web address from the Georgetown network. (Three days earlier, the newspaper had run a news story hailing the debut of Juicy Campus at Georgetown).

Andy Pino, Director of Media Relations at Georgetown, says it’s difficult to respond to a site that encourages anonymity. “This is a different animal,” says Pino. “I’d imagine there’s very little we can do about it, besides encouraging our students to be thoughtful about what they post online.”

For four Georgetown students whose dirty laundry has been aired on the site—in the form of insult, flattery, satire, and neutral name-dropping—speaking out about how to deal with being juiced will have to be justice enough.

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Insult: E.g., “Biggest failure at life,” “wanna be eurotrash,” and “stinkiest pinks: whose pussy smells the worst.” Many posts of this type delve into particularly degrading territory, often of a sexual nature. Take “Hairiest Cunts,” a thread which reads, “Okay, we’ve all seen that girl who doesn’t shave. Give names so we know who to avoid.” So far, the question has elicited four responses: three criticizing the thread, and one supplying a name.

When one Georgetown sophomore logged on to Juicy Campus last week, he found a one-line post insulting his appearance—and denigrating his significant other. In a Facebook message, the student condemned Juicy Campus: “[A]nonymously taking a shot at someone for their weight, sexuality, personality flaws, race, etc., is cowardly,” wrote the student, who wished to remain anonymous. “I’ve always lived by the ‘sticks and stones’ motto, but how can one be expected not to feel awful when an anonymous opinion is broadcasted to an entire student body.” Later, he adds, “I guess they should be proud for making people feel like shit. . . . Not only does the site need to go, the very people who ruined it need to go. They make the world a worse place to live.” After claiming that the derogatory comment written about him was “a joke” and “in good fun,” the student ends the message with a warning: “PLEASE KEEP ME ANONYMOUS. . . . or I’ll put you on juicy campus. . . . haha thanks.”

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Flattery: E.g., “Cutest couple,” “Best Tits,” and “hot freshman chicks i want to bone.” Despite their ostensibly congratulatory nature, many posts of this type delve into particularly degrading territory, often of a sexual nature.

Georgetown senior Christina Capatides, 21, logged onto Juicy Campus when a friend informed her that her name had appeared on the site, in a post titled “Pussy Cat Doll.” The post reads, “whos the girl on campus that looks like the main singer from the Pussy Cat Dolls? has anyone hit that before?” In the comments, one respondent identifies Capatides by name: “you mean christina capatides?? too bad she’s taken slick.”

Capatides says she has no idea who posted her name, and that she’s never before been compared to the girl group’s frontwoman, Nicole Scherzinger. “I thought it was a little shocking at first that my name was on it,” says Capatides of the throwaway celebrity comparison. “While it was complimentary . . . there are a lot of things on there that are hurtful. This time around, it’s a positive thing; next time, who knows.”

Though other responses to the Pussycat Doll thread include “she’s got big bewbs” and “dang. I’d nut all over her face in a heartbeat,” Capatides says she’s not bothered by the lewd comments, which she says are “not directed” at her. “As somebody else responded, ‘No, I don’t think it’s Christina, but she is hot,” explains Capatides.

The incidental name drop, though, has Capatides hooked. “My friends check it religiously these days . . . I check it more, to see what’s been written about me,” she says. Though Capatides doesn’t condone the negative posts on the site, she says that Juicy Campus’ appeal is too strong to resist. “I think everybody sort of has those reservations, but it’s just too interesting to hear about people you know on there,” she says. “People think it’s fascinating. It’s like a real-life version of Gossip Girl.”

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Satire: E.g., “Hottest Frenchman?” and “Premarital Handholding.” Some satirical posts mock the site’s conventions or campus culture; others, like “Bust nuts in ya curl,” lifted from a song by rapper E-40, are simply nonsense. One of the most pervasive forms of satire on the Georgetown site is a tactic called “Holtrolling.” Georgetown student blog Vox Populi describes the phenomenon:

Someone named Steve Holt (presumably not the real one) has been repeating that name all over the site. He/she tricks people into thinking they’re getting something “juicy”, then gives them the proverbial Holtroll. This makes reading Juicy Campus frustrating, as almost every thread is a Holtroll.

Georgetown senior Tom Hutton conceived his Juicy joke shortly after reading the Hoya coverage of Juicy Campus. “It was a spur-of-the-moment thing,” says Hutton. “It didn’t involve any sort of high-level thinking.” On Sept. 19, Hutton posted the thread, his first and only Juicy Campus contribution. It read: “Sean Baumann: Great Body or Greatest Body?”

Hutton, 22, explains the posting. “Sean’s a good friend of mine, and I just felt that by posting such a ludicrous thing—“does he have a great body, or the greatest body?”—he wouldn’t be offended by it. I thought that everyone would laugh at it because it’s funny, not because it was making fun of him,” says Hutton.

Hutton mediated the impact of the anonymous post by informing Baumann of the prank beforehand. “I joked about making the posting, and he said, ‘Yeah, go ahead. It will be funny,’” says Hutton.

Baumann, a 21-year-old Georgetown senior, voiced indifference to the post and its initial responses, which read, “Yeah, I agree. Greatest Body!” and “greatest-est.” Says Baumann, “I didn’t think anything of it, really. It’s just a joke. I don’t really care.” When informed of more recent comments on the post, one reading “i heard he’s gay” and another “tiniest penis . . . so small,” Baumann voiced concern at the site’s negative trends. “I really don’t like it because it gives us a bad rep,” says Baumann. “I think there are a lot of things that are being said that aren’t good for the community. I’ve heard some terrible things,” he says, adding, “Mine’s funny; I’m not taking that personally.”

Hutton predicts that, as time goes on, Juicy Campus pranksters like himself will tire of the medium. “It was cool for a week, and now it’s just a Facebook that’s full of trash talk and slander,” says Hutton. “It’s going to lose its luster after a few months. It’s only going to be a site for slander, and it’s not going to have any of those funny jokes on it, like mine.”

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Neutral: In this Juicy Campus convention, the poster simply lists a student’s name and instructs respondents to “discuss.”

Last week, Juicy Campus visitors were asked to discuss Kaleta Blaffer, a 20-year-old sophomore; as of today, the post had 16 replies and had been viewed over 600 times. Most discussion of Blaffer concerned her hair. One commenter called Blaffer’s hairdo “full of secrets,” while others raised questions. “What’s with the blowout?” asked one. “Did she go to prom with that thing on her head?” queried another. In response, the thread experienced a surge of Blaffer defenders: “do you all really have nothing more interesting to discuss than kaleta’s hair?” one commenter wrote, adding: “also, it’s clear that none of you have seen her recently!”

Blaffer discovered the post when tipped off to the Web site by a friend. “I’m kind of relieved that mine was just about my hair. I got off lucky,” she says. Though Blaffer says her “personal policy” is to never post on the site, she says she’s returned to Juicy Campus regularly since discovering her very own thread. “I want to see what was being written about me,” says Blaffer, who indicates that the coiffure comments were not entirely out of line. “I have a lot of volume,” she says.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.