Jessica Valenti is right about the Miss Universe Pageant: As offensive as the public ranking of female swimsuit parts may be to the feminist eye, there’s something very comforting about pageantry. Every year, the Universe comes together to televise an event that proves that sexism exists. In other words, they make for a really easy blog item.

And what’s even better for a feminist critic than a beauty pageant? A beauty pageant with judges who try to bolster the Q-and-A with some feminist-lite questions, only to crown the winner who answers with the most sexism-denying rhetoric.

“I believe that nowadays we women have overcome many obstacles, and I do believe that we have reached the same level that men have,” said Miss Venezuela, now Miss Universe, when asked what women can do to overcome sexism in the workplace. “We must realize there are no longer any barriers amongst us.” And the crowd—along with us bored feminist bloggers—goes wild.

* Slate intrudes on the Sexist beat, telling you how to donate a kidney through your vagina (”Good news: You can now get a kidney from a vagina. . . . The kidney doesn’t start in the vagina, of course”), and asking whether sharing a bed with your baby is a good idea (Answer: No).

* Progress! DC Nearlyweds refers to “bridesmaids” as “bridesmaids,” not as an acronym shared by “Bowel Movement”!

*Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis goes wild, evades taxes, gets arrested. Say hi to Daschle for us! [via Feministing].

* A 26-year-old Montgomory County couple was indicted for prostituting minors in Gaithersburg and Washington: “U.S. Attorney Rod Rosenstein says the two created a sex-trafficking scheme where the three girls were drugged using cocaine, PCP, and marijuana or alcohol before having sex in Montgomery County or D.C.”Lloyd Royal and Angela Bentolila are also accused of forcing the girls to sell cocaine, forcing them to have sex with Royal, and using their home and car for prostitution.

* Photo by Trevor Blake.

* PETA makes overly sexual, vegan Superbowl ad (above). NBC rejects it, counts the ways:

- licking pumpkin
- touching her breast with her hand while eating broccoli
- pumpkin from behind between legs
- rubbing pelvic region with pumpkin
- screwing herself with broccoli (fuzzy)
- asparagus on her lap appearing as if it is ready to be inserted into vagina
- licking eggplant
- rubbing asparagus on breast

* The New Gay seeks contributors.

* Roissy in D.C. finds the District’s youngest cat lady. Quoth the cat lady, “My cats have never taken me on a date to the 7/11. My cats have never pretended to be the love of my life, then disappeared into thin air without even the courtesy of a post-it note explanation. My cats have never lied about being Navy SEALs. Not once.” Replies Roissy, “She sounds like one of my exes. Always bitching. Her standards are way too high. What’s wrong with 7-11?”

* Feministing outlines the trouble with panic over teen sex—it’s only reserved for the girls, and not the boys.

* Evil Slutopia dreams of Joe Biden:

I had a Joe Biden dream the other night. I was at some event where he was speaking, and I snuck backstage so I could talk to him. (Apparently there are no Secret Service agents in dreams, which made it really easy.) I told him all about the Joe Biden Feminism Watch, and he laughed and was all “no, really?”, and I was all “yes, really!”, and he thought it was awesome and gave me a hug. I also gave him an ESC business card, and then had to explain what our name means and that we weren’t posting about his feminist achievements in between porn and/or erotica posts. (Not that there would be anything wrong with that, but it would have required a longer explanation probably.) So he took the card and he was happy and thought it was all cool, and then he went off to give his speech and I woke up with a massive hangover.

* The New Gay is looking for submissions and editors.

* Reproductive Health Reality Check writes on how euthanasia registers as a reproductive rights victory.

* Dr. Shirin Ebadi, an Iranian activist and Nobel Laureate, faces increased threats to her person and home. Most recently, an angry mob “chanting death threats”:

Ebadi told the Campaing for Equality that “there are a lot of writers on this street, but I am the only writer who is also a traitor! I called the police immediately after the mob arrived. Two police officers arrived on the scene. They stood and watched, as those chanting slogans spray painted my home and attacked the building. They stood and watched, until it was over. The mob left and then the police also left.” [via Feminist Majority Foundation].

* Via Feministing: Now, get rehabilitation for your Internet addiction—they’re doing it for kids in China! Actually, don’t, because your Internet addiction may very well be the only thing keeping my newspaper afloat.

Photo via trialsanderrors.

The feminist blogosphere is up in arms about coverage of Patricia Blagojevich’s role in her husband’s scandal. Lady Blagojevich is reported as saying, among other things, that they ought to “hold up that [expletive] Cubs [expletive] … [expletive] them.” Which is so [expletive], I can’t even tell what it means! But some bloggers aren’t into how “reporters” are covering her part in the mess. Let’s take a look.

From Feministing’s analysis of the coverage:

While many are in shock and awe over the “brash” phone conversations she took part in that resulted in the charges against the governor, the Times’ tabloidy take on Blagojevich by painting her as this “first lady gone bad” is just tacky. . . . Taking any opportunity to paint women involved in politics as divisive and manipulating is sadly an old tactic by mainstream media. But when it specifically comes to women who are married to men involved in political scandals, the media seems to usually victimize them for not knowing about their husband’s “double life.” This case, however, is different; her knowledge of it immediately makes her not only his partner in crime, but the trophy wife turned trickster.

Hmm. I’m not sure, given the evidence, how the media is expected to cover either Blagojevich as not “divisive and manipulative.” And isn’t there something refreshing about that?

I, for one, far prefer Patricia’s totally gun-ho [expletive]-that-[expletive]-and-[expletive]-them role in this scandal to the alternative: trotting out on stage with a big ‘ol frowny face and being Very Disappointed in Your Husband. Sure, this not being a sex scandal makes it a lot easier for Patricia to jump on board here. But you know what they say: the couple that pays-to-play together, stays together.

* Daily Intel has some answers on why Alex Kuczynski’s New York Times spread on her experience with a surrogate mother made her out to be a “vain,” “self-centered” “Lady of the Manor” (really, check out the photo that ran with the story, it’s a doozy). From NYT Public Editor Clark Hoyt’s column:

Kuczynski, who said she disagreed with her editors over the photographs before publication, said she felt they were “incendiary” and distracted from the story. Hilling, clearly portrayed in the article as middle class, described the porch as “the ugliest part” of her renovated, 135-year-old home. She said she felt the photo of her was “contrived.” Gerald Marzorati, the editor of the magazine, acknowledged the “upstairs, downstairs” quality of the photos but said they were not set up to be that way.

So, did the NYT distort the situation, or can Kuczynski just not admit to her own insufferable personality?

* Feministe debuts a new feature: Blame feminism! This time, blame feminism for women drinking.

* Via Ars Technica: Everyone’s favorite cartoon siblings, Bart and Lisa, get exploited in a “child porn” scandal.

* Feministing highlights a douchy commercial

* Slate’s Bonnie Goldstein gives employers advice on how to spin holiday layoffs. Hey, Goldstein, don’t give them any ideas!

Photo via trialsanderrors.

* The New Gay reveals an “an exciting new way to internalize homophobia“: It’s not gay, it’s g0y! G0ys (pictured) hate anal sex, femininity, and gay dudes, but love God and casually bro-ing out with other dudes and blowing them. And they spell their sexuality with a zero. Sign up here!

* Slate tapes an interview with a MILF.

* Fashion Fuel D.C. wonders if men will save us from recession, because “while women tend to shop out of frivolity, men tend to shop out of necessity.” But women shop for others, too.

* Bay Windows rates the LGBT friendliness of Obama appointments.

* From Feministing: New Zealand dude thinks abortions lead men to beat women, because their “maleness is under threat.” Kind of sweet and old-fashioned, no?

Photo from g0ys.org

Ha, ha, oh, women are always lying about being raped in order to get out of sticky situations. That’s why the Office is a renowned, award-winning comedy program—because it’s so true to life! But spoilsport Jessica Valenti over at Feministing didn’t like the Office’s recent rape joke. “I generally really love The Office and think that its jokes—even on subjects like race and sexuality—are generally pretty smart and progressive. But I hated this,” Valenti writes, indicating that it is, in fact, possible to screw up the wide-open slam-dunk that is the classic condescending, anti-woman rape joke.

Via Feministing, a photo of a new ad in New York subways for Manhattan Mini-Storage—and against Sarah Palin. When will the kitschy pro-choice advertisement strategy hit the District?

* New Columbia Heights reports on a rash of violence that hit an underground Petworth brothel this month. According to an Examiner piece on one incident, wherein a robber lost his thumb to a machete-wielding victim after trying to lift cash from the bordello and gambling house. Earlier, two men were shot inside the brothel, located near the intersection of 14th St. and Quincy.

* Slate asks you to break off your long-distance relationship for the sake of the environment. Advises Barron YoungSmith:

You’re sitting in the airport terminal, rolling your copy of the Economist into a sweaty tube and waiting to see a significant other who lives far away. You’re excited. You’re aroused. But there’s something else, a nagging feeling that gurgles in your stomach and won’t go away. Is it pangs of guilt? It should be: The planet is about to suffer for your love.

* Listen up, cynical ladies: Roissy in D.C. finds sarcasm sooo unfeminine:

Sarcasm is a leading indicator of low self esteem in a woman. It is a masculine manifestation driven by the ego that cannot coexist with the inner feminine driven by the heart. A girl who leans on the crutch of sarcasm to thrash her way through a conversation is hiding insecurities behind a phony facade of gritty toughness.

Yep, and we all just secretly want a dick. Your dick.

* Feministing and Jezebel sound off on Chantilly’s new pro-life pharmacy.

* Via Daily Intel: Upcoming Gossip Girl guest star Nastia Lukin hints at (maybe) GG’s next plot twist: threesome, anyone?

Photo by PetroleumJelliffe