But what he lacks in specificity, Englebert makes up for in offensiveness! Here's what Englebert has to say on the subject of domestic abuse: “When Woods and his wife decided to go clubbing at 230am in the morning this turned into domestic abuse . . . They apparently couldn’t decide between using the wood (tree) or the iron (fire hydrant)."

Full press release is after the jump.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Outfit of Rachel Uchitel, the 1st alleged mistress Tiger Woods to be auctioned off !!

A New York City nightclub owner has the VIP Hostess outfit of Rachel Uchitel, the 1st alleged mistress of superstar golf player Tiger Woods. Club owner JE Englebert will announce a press conference soon showing off the garment and announcing his plan to auction it off on Ebay.com to donate the funds to a domestic abuse charity. “When Woods and his wife decided to go clubbing at 230am in the morning this turned into domestic abuse” ”They apparently couldn’t decide between using the wood (tree) or the iron (fire hydrant)” says Englebert. Englebert received the garments from one of his waitresses who want’s to keep anonymous whom worked with Rachel at TAO Las Vegas where Rachel was a VIP hostesses. Reports state that Rachel Uchitel was offered hush money from the Woods camp to keep quiet about her affair in the amount, between $1 and $3 million dollars.

For all press and media inquiries, contact:
Floyd Beniot at Recognition Public Relations
recpr@yahoo.com

This week, anti-abortion activists staged an eBay auction to help raise a legal defense fund for Scott Roeder, who was charged with murdering abortion provider George Tiller back in May. With the auction, anti-abortion activists were hoping to capitalize on Roeder's newfound notoriety by selling off a series of his signed, pro-life memorabilia.

But before the items could hit the virtual auction block, eBay announced that the memorabilia would be removed from the Web site. In a statement, the company said that it would “not allow listings that promote or glorify violence, hate, racial or religious intolerance, or items that encourage, promote, facilitate or instruct others to engage in illegal activity.”

St. Louis cartoonist Gary McCoy had a more personal beef with the auction: It totally ripped off his work.

Among the offending items listed for auction: A cartoon presumably penned by one of Roeder's fellow inmates and kindred spirits, Jason Dubrowski. The cartoon depicts a newspaper clipping that reads, "Late-term abortion provider killed. Pres. Obama 'shocked and outraged.'" Beyond the paper is the cartoon's ironic payoff: rows of graves, each marked "Aborted Baby." It's signed: To all you prolifers, thanks for your support. Scott Roeder.

McCoy, a conservative cartoonist who regularly addresses abortion in his work, published that very same image back on June 1—minus the alleged murderer's salutation. Today, Cagle Cartoons, which syndicates McCoy's work, recognized Roeder and Dubrowski's cartoon as a near replica of McCoy's effort, and called the incarcerated duo out for their plagiarism. As the syndicate's blog notes, Roeder "seems to admit" the theft in the cartoon's eBay listing: “His name is Jason Dubrowski and is one of the best artists I’ve seen in here . . . The drawing of the field of babies tombstones with the newspaper headline comments of Obama was done after a Christian newsletter printed this illustration which a lady in Valley Center sent to me.”

McCoy was not impressed with the tribute from "one of the best artists" in prison. "I was extremely upset to learn that my cartoon was being plagiarized in order to defend Scott Roeder," says McCoy, who was alerted to the misappropriation this morning by friends, colleagues, and even Roeder's estranged wife, Lindsey. Lindsey called McCoy to inform him that Roeder had previously sent both her and her son a copy of McCoy's original cartoon from prison. Clearly, Roeder was a fan.

McCoy claims he only intended the cartoon to condemn abortion, not support murder. "It was merely my attempt to comment on the contrast between Obama being outraged over Dr. Tiller’s murder, and his lack of action on abortion," says McCoy. "Look, I’m pro-life. But I don’t condone the killing of abortion doctors. Most legitimate pro-lifers condemn that action. Only the fanatical fringe do that sort of thing, and it really upsets us."

Roeder and Dubrowski aren't the only ones who have insulted McCoy's work this week. eBay's response to the auction "kind of irked me as well," says McCoy. "They say they don’t allow listings that promote or glorify violence, and it kind of bothers me that they thought my cartoon promoted violence. I'm glad they took the cartoon down, of course, but I wish they had made it clear that they removed it because it was a plagiarized cartoon, and not because my cartoon was violent."

The Adrienne Shelly Foundation, a nonprofit organization benefiting female filmmakers, has wrangled a host of celebrities into offering up a lunch date for auction on Ebay. Bidding starts at $500.

Notables include Mad Men star Jon Hamm (lunch for two with Don Draper currently runs $660), Paul Rudd (current bid: $985), and David Schwimmer (will eat with you for $520).

It's great that all these top male actors are volunteering their chowing services to a foundation that benefits women in Hollywood—though roping in Hamm and Rudd will, let's face it, bring in mostly female dollars (the Schwimmer thing I can't explain). Also volunteering their lunch hour to the foundation are a few females, including Felicity undergrad-turned-Bond girl Keri Russell (current bid: $560) and ER alum Julianna Margulies (currently unbidden at $500).

Don't worry, Julianna: Nobody wants to eat lunch with Patrick Duffy, either.

Mad Men photo via AMC