NUMBER 24: The Daily Mail reports on a poll ranking the world's most beautiful lady politicians. The poll was conducted by Spain's " 20 Minutos" newspaper, so, whatever. Peruvian congresswoman Luciana Leon is the most beautiful. Of the 54 women on the list, Palin currently ranks 24th, with 3,173 votes. At 61, Hillary Clinton is the oldest lady politician to make the list, coming in at 34th place with 2485 votes.

On the one hand, ranking the attractiveness of female politicians is extremely sexist. On the other, readers of "20 Minutos" are collectively aware of 54 female politicians internationally! That's progress!

CATHOLICS: BRISTOL EVIDENCE AGAINST EVANGELICAL "SHOTGUN" MARRIAGE: Upon hearing that Bristol & Levi's Palin-promised union would be no more, WaPo Catholic America blogger writes:

So much for what used to be called a "shotgun marriage." Evangelicals are of another faith and are entitled to believe as they might about the power of grace to heal and transform human inclinations. In Catholic America today, however, priests often counsel against shotgun marriages. "The chances for such a marriage enduring are very low," I was told by a pastor whose judgment I respect. "Better to wait and see if the marriage will endure beyond the birth of the child before celebrating the Sacrament of Marriage. Let them marry in a civil ceremony for legal appearances, if they want, but not in church."

So, I guess Levi and Bristol ended up doing the Catholic thing.

HOW MUCH MONEY DID SHE TURN AWAY? Palin rejected $288 million in stimulus money. I'm with Arnold here—hell, I'll take that money!

LET'S WATCH THIS STUPID VIDEO AGAIN ABOUT WHY TRIG ISN'T SARAH'S BABY:

[youtube:v=EnBjwZ93n6Q]

PALIN COMPLAINS MORE ABOUT "JOURNALISM TODAY," reports Politico's Ben Smith:

"Some in the media actually participated in not so much the 'who-what-where-when-why' objective reporting on candidates and positions, those five W's that I learned when I had a journalism degree so many years ago in college, when the world of journalism was quite different than it is today," she said.

"No, things have changed," she continued. "But complaining? Or whining? Absolutely not. But I am going to call it like I see it. It doesn't do any good to whine about any of this. But I can call it like I see it. Sometimes it gets me in a lot of trouble when I speak candidly, and I speak from the heart and I do such a thing. But I am going to."

Let us pray.

"So I'm looking around for somebody to pray with, I just need maybe a little help, maybe a little extra," she said. "And the McCain campaign, love 'em, you know, they're a lot of people around me, but nobody I could find that I wanted to hold hands with and pray." As the crowd laughed, Palin grinned and said she meant no disrespect to the McCain campaign. She said she ultimately prayed with her daughter Piper.

Photo by NationalGovernorsAssociation

UT OH:Anchorage blogger Linda Kellen Biegel, who goes by the name Celtic Diva has filed an ethics complaint with the state's Attorney General, alleging that Palin promoted First Dude Iron Dog sponsor "Arctic Cat Inc." while representing the state of Alaska by covering herself in head-to-toe Arctic Cat gear at the start of this year's snowmachine race.

PALIN STRIKES BACK:

"Are Alaskans outraged, or at least tired of this yet—another frivolous ethics charge by a political blogger? This would be hilarious if it weren't so expensive for the state to process these accusations and for me to defend against these bogus harassments. Yes, I wore Arctic Cat snow gear at an outdoor event, because it was cold outside, and by the way, today, I am wearing clothes bearing the names of Alaska artists, and a Glennallen Panthers basketball hoodie. I am a walking billboard for the team's fundraiser! Should I expect to see an ethics charge for wearing these, or the Carhartts I wear to many public events? How much will this blogger's asinine political grandstanding cost all of us in time and money?"

HOW MUCH MONEY? RedState claims Palin has racked up $500,000 in debt "defending herself against fake/false/frivolous ethics charges" since September. Public scrutiny's a bitch.

SENATOR STATES OBVIOUS: U.S. Senator Mark Begich (D—Alaska) disagrees with Palin's refusal of some federal stimulus package funds. “I worry when we throw money back to the federal government that’s designed to help our state,” said Begich. “It sends the wrong message that maybe we don’t need the money. We do need the help.”

VIDEO THROWBACK: Palin and fam moving into the Governor's mansion for the first time (cute).

[youtube:v=Blh_1wC7thg]

Photo via Celtic Diva

O'REILLY & GRETA & BRISTOL, OH MY! O'Reilly weighs in on the Bristol Palin / Levi Johnston fallout: MSNBC "incredibly viscious"; "disturbed individuals egged on by . . . the Air America on the radio."

BONUS: Greta downplays O'Reilly's characterization that she is "close to the Palin family," sayinh, "The only way that I've met them is by interviewing them. I don't socialize with them or spend a lot of time with them."

Greta goes on to chastize journalists who are "gushing with glee" to her at the news; O'Reilly says, "nobody would do that to me."

PALIN POLLIN' IOWA? The Mudflats heard tell of some peculiar robocalls fielded in Iowa and New Hampshire. The recording went a little something like this:

I wanted to let you know that I just received an interesting phone call.  It was an automated poll and it asked the following questions:

1. Do you have a favorable opinion of Sarah Palin?

2. Gov. Palin thinks A, B, C, D & E do you agree with Gov. Palin?

3. Do you feel it is important that Gov. Palin is reelected as Gov. of Alaska?

The Iowa Independent weighs in on the premature polling:

Notably, some of the governors whose names are mentioned as possible candidates will have to decide whether to run for reelection in 2010.  Put Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty and Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal into that category with Palin.  The three of them might find it awkward to run for reelection as governor with all of their state’s voters asking whether they still even want the job.

WHO COMMISSIONED THE POLL? It's not clear yet, but the Independent ventures it ain't Palin:

This far out from an election, polling is very difficult, and anybody who is considering running for president might find the results of a poll about Palin more useful than a poll about themselves.  If a recorded voice called you up and started asking whether you thought Pawlenty should run for reelection as governor, would you even know whom it was talking about?

SUCK IT, JINDAL: Alaska's Mount Redoubt erupts, "spews ash and steam to 50,000 feet"; ash cloud possibly heading toward Anchorage.

CONSERVATIVE PAPE NAILS PALIN: The Alaska Standard reviews Palin's Anchorage Lincoln Dinner speech, wherein the Governor complains about media criticism during the election (again) and compares herself to Abraham Lincoln (for possibly the first time):

[Palin] spent the bulk of her speech talking about tearing down and critics, but nothing about the economic future of the state. She announced what the personal financial cost of her “open and transparent” has cost her to avoid being open and transparent. As a matter of fact, only one person spoke of issues greater than self with any conviction and clarity, and that person is the clear face of the Alaska Republican Party: Lisa Murkowski.

PALIN RESPONDS to Barry Obama's quip that he bowls like he belongs in the Special Olympics.

"This was a degrading remark about our world's most precious and unique people, coming from the most powerful position in the world," said Palin, whose son Trig has Down syndrome. "These athletes overcome more challenges, discrimination and adversity than most of us ever will."

Kolan McConiughey, a 35-year-old Special Olympics bowler "who has bowled five perfect games since 2005," was more forgiving: "He's a cool guy. He's an awesome President and he has a very nice wife."

MORE ON SARAH VS. BARACK: Palin calls the stimulus money offered to Alaska "a bribe" and turns down 45 percent of the funds, some of which would go toward special education in the state. (Huh?)

Asks Alaska Dispatch: "What does that make stimulus money she took, and all the other federal money woven into the state?  What does it make the energy relief money Alaskans received last year? How does this name calling make federal leaders more likely to help Alaska in the future? In these unusually trying circumstances, the governor was wrong not to accept the stimulus money, and she compounded her mistake by injecting divisive inflammatory rhetoric into the discussion."

[youtube:v=1XimPQqNwh4]

OTHER ALASKANS would prefer to keep the cash: They staged a rally in Anchorage over the weekend.

COMPETITION FOR SARAH? "Conservatives size up Sanford for 2012."

ARE THE PALINS KEEPING BRISTOL AND LEVI APART? Who cares, but maybe, writes Immortal Majority: "I have confirmation that Todd Palin and Levi Johnston had a HUGE argument in Wasilla after Bristol snuck out of the house to see Levi after being told not to. This directly contradicts everything the Palins said about Bristol and Levi's relationship."

MORE ON WOLVES: Todd Palmer and Rob Pringle at Huffington Post write long, boring, only tangentially Palin-related defense of wolves. HuffPo tags it "Sarah Palin Killing Wolves." Spicy!

Photo by aka Kath

IF SHE DID RUN, HE WOULD CRUSH HER, a new poll finds [PDF]. "A new national [Public Policy Polling] poll finds that nominating Palin could be a death wish for the party, with Barack Obama leading Palin 55-35 in a hypothetical contest. The key reason Palin would lose to Obama by so much is that even though she might be the top choice for a certain segment of voters within her party, there's also a number of Republicans who say they would vote for Obama if their party nominated Palin." [via ThunderPig].

ALASKANS STILL LOVE HER: Palin enjoys a high approval rating in her state:

Very positive 40.5
Somewhat positive 20.8 percent
Somewhat negative 12.5 percent
Very negative 20.2 percent
Don't know/Didn't answer 6 percent

Her staff still sucks, though.

WHY IS GRETA V.S. SARAH PALIN'S OFFICIAL JOURNO? Greta Van Susteren has bombarded the populace with interviews with Palins big and small. The Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza knows why: Her husband, John Coale, is a friend of the governor:

Coale, a well-known Washington lawyer and the husband of Fox News Channel’s Greta Van Susteren, drew national media attention when he endorsed Sen. John McCain’s presidential bid in protest of the way in which Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who he backed in the primary, was treated. Coale, in an interview with the Fix, described himself simply as a “friend” of the Alaska governor but acknowledged that he suggested she start a leadership PAC and helped her navigate through some of the questions surrounding her family that lingered after the campaign. Others familiar with Palin’s political team insist that Coale has far more power than he is letting on—essentially helping to run Sarah PAC. Coale demurred on that front, noting only that he talks to Palin regularly and that she is a “fascinating person” who is “definitely not what the right thinks or the left thinks.”

GRETA ON WHY SHE'S A NEUTRAL PALIN REPORTER:

[youtube:v=8PF17zpUBIM&]

[via ThinkProgress]

PALIN HEADLINE OF THE DAY, from Politico's Ben Smith: "Palin Clashes With Feds on Wolves"

MADONNA is to Hillary Clinton as Britney Spears is to Sarah Palin: “Britney is not Madonna,” writes  Spears tour reviewer Jed Gottlieb. “She just ain’t. Madonna is Hillary Clinton. She’s whip smart and survives, even thrives by adapting. And Lord knows she wants it more than anyone. Britney is Sarah Palin. Baby drama headlines. Podunk back story and a massive industry machine behind her. She’s a manufactured star aimed at the lowest common denominator.”

Photo by Kurisu

PALIN PORN LIVES ON: The Fairfield Weekly reviews a local appearance by "Lisa Ann, famous in the adult-film world for portraying the Alaska governor in the spoof film Who's Nailin Paylin: Adventures of a Hockey MILF." And she ain't nothing like the real thing:

The real-life Sarah Palin is a hot mother of five who shoots hoops as easily as a rifle and sports flag pins as easily as a beauty-pageant sash. . . . The porno Paylin, however, is just a blow-up doll. After 18 minutes of watching her drill-baby-drill routine, you've completely forgotten who she's supposed to be channeling or why it was sexy.

COVER GIRL PALIN: Sarah Palin will appear on the cover of Portfolio next month. HuffPo has a copy of the cover shot: Palin, defiant in the snow, wearing fluffy black boots on her feet and an unidentified animal wrapped around her neck (a green coat has the midsection covered).

. . . SO SOME AT "PORTFOLIO" ARE PISSED: Some of the magazine's staff are upset with Portfolio editor-in-chief Joanne Lipman, who put Palin on the cover even though she "didn’t offer any exclusive quotes, nor did she participate in a photo shoot."

BUY THIS ON EBAY: That's Palin in Rush Limbaugh's jaws; Michael Steele takes up the rear.

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Sports Illustrated honors snomachine racer Todd Palin with three-page online spread: CHECK OUT THIS KILLER SNOWMACHINE REPORTING:

Behold Todd Palin's snow machine, dangling from a truck's winch in the icy gray murk of an Alaskan winter morning. The machine is gleaming, new, scarcely ridden. It is ­orange and black and pointy-nosed, with thin, tensile orange steel suspension arms jutting from its sides like the wings on a menacing insect. This is, no doubt, a machine that could inflict a nasty sting, but right now its engine is stilled, and a certain awed quietude prevails on Big Lake, outside Anchor­age, at the start of the 2009 Tesoro Iron Dog, a 2,000-mile snow-machine odys­sey that crashes through the Alaskan backcountry, northwest to Nome and then east to Fairbanks.

You had me at "behold," then you lost me a little bit at "its engine is stilled," but then you picked me up again at "certain awed quietude," and then you lost me again after this paragraph that I copy-pasted into my blog and read no further.

SHE WAS LIKE, "NO": Yesterday, congressional Republicans announced some exciting news: Hot mom Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin would be headlining their fancy fundraising dinner in June. Turns out they told everybody except for Palin, CNN reports:

"I communicated with the governor directly and she did not know anything about it," [Palin spokesman Bill] McAllister told the Anchorage Daily News in a story published Tuesday. "I pointed out the (National Republican Senatorial Committee) press release and she was like, 'No.'"

The possibility of an appearance is still "under review" by Palin.

CAN SARAH PALIN SEE THIS WOMAN FROM HER HOUSE? Some are hailing this leggy blond Livejournal blogger as the future "Russian Sarah Palin" (or at the very least, the Russian Ann Coulter). She's 24, hates immigrants, and has been photographed "drunk, wrapped in a Cuban flag" (right). An excerpt from her blog:

"Думаю, заметку про меня в Дейли Мейл нужно как-нибудь откомментить. Поскольку журналисты иногда стесняются спрашивать и предпочитают додумывать:)"

Incendiary!

Her name is Maria Sergeyeva. Know it.

THE LEVI VIDEO: Hunky redneck expounds on "maturity" from truck:

[youtube:v=COEuGPYpahE]

Aww.

SHE WORKS HARD FOR THE MONEY: Republicans hope for the Palin draw: "Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin will serve as the keynote speaker at the GOP congressional committees' annual fundraising dinner in June, helping the party boost its coffers in an otherwise tough climate for collecting cash," WaPo reports. The gala will be held June 8.

IN OTHER FORMER CANDIDATE KID SPOTLIGHT NEWS: McCain spawn and Daily Beast contributer Meghan McCain thinks women who call her fat can kiss her "fat ass."

NEXT UP: GAY IS THE NEW TEEN PREGNANCY: New Majority's David Frum says Bristol proves the GOP can't win on morality alone. Anti-gay attitudes still make the cut; traditional family values, not so much. "Many conservatives carry in their heads a mental image of American society that’s a generation out of date. They imagine the existence of a huge class of socially conservative downscale voters, ready to vote Republican because of abortion and gay marriage. The story of Bristol Palin should help puncture this illusion."

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: This anonymous Internet commenter has found a new sport for Todd:
"Run, Levi, run. Sarah and Todd will give you five minutes head start. If you hear a helicopter, try to hide."

FINALLY, SOMEBODY MAKES SENSE: Levi Johnston, 19-year-old ex-fiancee of Bristol Palin, told Good Morning America that he's not yet mature enough to get married. "It’s just us not—me not—being mature enough,” he said. "We were in a fight. And trying to see if we can make things work. But this is what it kind of ended up turning into. But we’ll see what happens."

Johnston said he and Bristol broke up "about two months" after the birth of their son, Tripp. The two are open to reconciliation—when they're more mature.

COMMENCE THE SHAMING PROCESS! "Excuse me?" writes Kevin D. of Dean's World. "You’re mature enough to have sex with her, father a child by her, but you’re not mature enough to marry her? . . . And this is why abstinence only education is the only sex education that makes sense."

Hmm, okay, not the conclusion to which I would immediately jump. Let's find out where Bristol and Levi really fall on the maturity scale, shall we?

[ x ] MATURE ENOUGH to have sex
[   ] MATURE ENOUGH to be allowed to decide how to handle the results of that sex
[ x ] MATURE ENOUGH to be allowed to decide whether or not to get married (finally).

Looks like they're improving!

BRISTOL JUUUUUST GREAT: "Bristol is doing great, just great!," Palin told reporters over the weekend.

BRISTOL PALIN SPRING SPORTS CORNER: Bristol missed out on the Girl Scout cookie sales because she was out performing other adolescent activities repackaged as "state business." "Oh, Bristol is over at the state capitol building golfing in a miniature golf tournament," Palin told People. "It's a fundraiser and she's up there taking my place while I'm here." Also—oh, my God—some poor People reporter has probably been stationed in Alaska, following the Palins, since the Republican National Convention. Our hearts go out to your loved ones.

BRISTOL "UNCOOL": HuffPo's Bonnie Fuller thinks that "the Palin women take public trashing to a whole new and totally uncool level." Fuller gets most of her insight on this topic from an interview Johnston's sister, Mercede, gave to Star magazine, so she's working from pretty solid academic ground here. The story alleged that Bristol refused to allow Johnston to see their baby and that she called his family "white trash."

Writes Fuller: "Now, the reason I don't doubt Mercede's version of the story—Bristol trashing her ex and his family—is because of the very public trashing and more, that her mom has been tied to, which also involves an ex-in-law: Sarah's brother-in-law."

Let's put aside for a moment the fact that all the Star interview proves is that Johnston's sister publicly outed her brother's personal problems while smearing his ex-fiancee's character. Both Bristol and Johnston have since said the report was riddled with errors.

Still, Fuller uses the evidence to prove that Bristol is a Troopergate-level bitch, just like her mother: "You better not mess with those Palin women when romance goes awry," writes Fuller. "Slicing and dicing exes appears to be in the family genes."

Photo by aburt

FINALLY: FIANCEE TURNS BABYDADDY, says Sharon Cobb, who thinks the whole blessed holy matrimony schtick Palin paraded the kids around for was just some racist bullshit to begin with:

Why is it that when a white teenage woman gets pregnant out of wedlock it's a 'blessed event' and the father is the 'fiancé,' but a person of color is someone we think of as someone on welfare and the man is just the baby daddy? . . . Racism. Alive and sick in America. That's the difference, and had the Obamas had an 18 year old daughter who was pregnant during the election, you know damn well the stereotypes would have run rampant.

Cobb ends her smack-down by sending Bristol some well-wishes: "Hopefully, her baby daddy former flame will participate as a father."

LEVI SEES TRIP, Bristol says and AP reports: "Levi sees the baby whenever he wants, the family sees the baby whenever they want," family spokeswoman Meghan Stapleton told the news org. "Bristol is not preventing anybody from seeing Tripp at any point in time."

AP IS ALL OVER THIS BRISVI SHIT: The motives of Mercede Johnston, or "Sadie" to Stapleton, have come into question. Stapleton "speculated money was involved in the tabloid interview," saying that "the fact that it is a tabloid and a soft interview, there could be an incentive to say things. . . . We don't even know if Sadie said that." Martin Gould, senior executive editor for Star, the magazine that published the Sadie interview, "declined to say if Mercede Johnston was paid to speak to the Star. But he said the report was accurate."

WHAT WILL LEVI DO WITH HIS "BRISTOL" RING TATTOO? No, really, what is this dude going to do about that. Cover it with a real wedding ring?

COULD BRISTOL'S SPLIT HELP PALIN'S FUTURE? "These are not the kind of news stories that Palin might hope for, adding to earlier controversies over her fondness for expensive clothes and use of public money for family holidays that have consistently dogged her. Yet once again she is back in the news, and in media-saturated America that gives her an enormous strength that few within the flailing and defeated Republican party can emulate."

BRISTOL AND LEVI WERE DOOMED, Chicago Tribune reports. Dooooomed, I tell you!:

"Despite high expectations, less than 8 percent of teen mothers marry the baby's father within one year of the birth," said Bill Albert, chief program officer for the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. "That is magical thinking. It almost never happens."

Steve Waldman over at Beliefnet wonders if Bristol should have put Tripp up for adoption. Along the way, he actually admits that he thinks a former Vice Presidential candidate's seventeen years old indignation over fictional unwed mother Murphy Brown was spot-on. "I dunno. I was with Dan Quayle on that one," he writes. Awesome.

LEVI ON THE BREAK-UP: Nineteen-year-old Levi Johnston is single, ladies! His coming out party was held in front of his Wasilla home and was attended by a horde of bloodthirsty reporters. He told the AP that the decision to end things with 18-year-old Bristol was mutual and decided "a while ago." According to the AP, "He also said some details of the breakup, rumors of which had been swirling on the Internet, were inaccurate."

THE PAPES REACT: Freedom Eden compiles the worst of the worst:

Chicago Tribune: "No one saw this coming, right?"

Politico: "It's true. You probably don't believe it."

Los Angeles Times: "Bristol Palin, fiance Levi Johnston split. Surprised?"

Boston Herald: "Isn’t this the same Bristol Palin who told Fox News Channel’s Greta Van Susteren last month that her fiancee was a hands-on dad to their son, Tripp, and they hoped to marry after finishing their education?"

And my personal favorite (drumroll please) Christian Science Monitor: "Not even the Love Boat had a happy ending every time. . . . Remember when Charo had a crush on Capitan Stubing and they didn’t end up together? Although we were all heartbroken, Charo moved on. So will Bristol Palin. For all we know, she may be the Charo of the 21st century."

PILE IT ON: Rabbi Ben Kamin, "Spiritual Life Examiner," also has something to say!:

It’s impossible not to think of Tripp, the 2½ month-old innocent baby boy who will now not have his father as husband to his mother and whose life will be stamped with the history of an out-of-wedlock pregnancy and the failure of a couple to keep their much-ballyhooed public promise to wed and raise their son as a family.

Oh yeah, two teenagers who were only engaged because some lady who wanted to be the most powerful Vice President in United States History made them do it, should probably just stay together "for the kids." That always works out.

HUFFPO'S SNARK: Isn't just insensitive—it's incorrect. Writes Michael Shaw on an "award-winning image by photographer Melina Mara" from Election 2008 that clearly takes on a richer meaning now that Brisvi are over:

I mean, it's all there: the smirk; the fact sister Willow was mostly the one schlepping Trig; and the irony—since Bristol's since had her own baby—of being left holding the bottle. (And then, contributing to the family values, remember First Dude's tendency—out of the spotlight—to put all kinds of distance between himself and little Trig?)

Except that Bristol's the one holding Trig. Willow's holding the bottle. The smirk is all hers. And I don't remember seeing First Dude outside of the spotlight.

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Not a good day for sporting, dudes.

Photo by Emily from Wikipedia Commons

LEVI & BRISTOL: DUNZO? Radar reports that the forthcoming Palin and Johnston union has been scratched. All the deets, courtesy of Star magazine:

But in a new interview with Star Magazine, Levi's sister Mercede Johnston says Bristol actually broke up with Levi more than a month ago, is not attending school and rarely lets her baby daddy see their young son. Mercede also says Bristol even told him that she hates him and, when she learned she was pregnant, wished the baby wasn't his.

Mercede told Star: "Bristol's just crazy. That's the nicest way I can put it. She and Levi actually broke up a while ago!"

Apparently, Levi is also far from being a hands-on dad. Said Mercede: "Levi tries to visit Tripp every single day, but Bristol makes it nearly impossible for him. She tells him he can't take the baby to our house because she doesn't want him around 'white trash.' She treats him so badly!"

NEW WAYS TO KILL BEARS! Palin's "Board of Game" (yes!) has outlined "new guidelines in a predator control program that now allows the use of paw snares to catch and kill bears, and helicopters for access. . . . Under the new guidelines, hunters can use snares to trap black bears in a specific area and can access the area via private helicopters. As for wolves, state employees are now authorized to use poison gas to kill wolf pups, orphaned after aerial hunting, in their dens."

Orphaned wolf pups? That's not good for publicity!

COURIC HONORED FOR PWNING PALIN: She received a Cronkite award for "Special Achievement for National Impact on the 2008 Campaign," or: totally throwing down.

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: What do you do when the snowmachine races have ended? Throw some back with Joe Six Pack. What's Todd's best bet for scoring a free beer? A Wasilla joint known as the Mug Shot:

Mug Shot is the biggest pro-palin spot in the valley. People wondered why she (when she was mayor) agreed that valley bars could be open until 5:00 am. Because the owner contributed big time to her campaign. It’s weird – back in the 80’s the Mug Shot was the place to score coke. Everyone knew. But hey – campaign contributions trump everything! It’s just funny how things turn out. And Alaska is a small town (not to mention Wasilla).

OK: MORE BRISTOL AND LEVI: "The worst part, Mercede continues, is that the former vice presidential candidate supports Bristol's treatment of Levi, 19. 'I used to love Sarah,' Mercede says sadly. 'But I've lost lots of respect for her.'"

MORE LATER: "For more photos and details, including the hate-filled text message

Bristol sent Levi, the cheating rumors, the lies about Bristol's schooling, the Johnston family's plan to win back Tripp and exclusive photos of the baby boy, pick up the March 23 issue of Star, on stands now!"

Photo by bpende

REMEMBER THAT DUDE: Who supposedly hacked into Sarah Palin's Yahoo! e-mail account last fall with only an easily guessed password hint and a dream? Well, he's David Kernell, "the son of a Democratic Tennessee legislator," and he pleaded not guilty yesterday to counts of "fraud, unlawful electronic transmission of material outside Tennessee and attempts to conceal records to impede an FBI investigation." Is it really fraud if it's almost too easy?

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Did Todd Palin grow up in a rural Alaskan village or a boutique rural Alaskan village engineered by the hotel industry? You decide.

MIDDLE-AGED MORMON LADY UNEARTHS SECRET TO SAVING DYING MEDIA: Anne Cannon, the woman who yesterday unsuspectingly used "Sarah Palin" and "stripper boots" in the same blog post, has figured out how to save us all. "In just a few hours there have been over 30 comments posted," Cannon wrote on her personal blog. "For me this is unusual. Usually I only pull in a couple of public comments a week. The difference? I mentioned 'Sarah Palin' and 'stripper boots' in my piece." If a self-described "middle-age Mormon lady" can rake in the hits by simply evoking Palin and sexual imagery—and if we can all then ride her coattails by linking to her blog posts evoking Palin and sexual imagery—perhaps this whole crazy media industry can stay afloat.

WANT TO SERVE IN THE ALASKAN SENATE? Palin is taking applications.

CALLING OUT PIPER: "And what is the deal with Piper?" writes the Immortal Majority in its inexplicable obsession with all things Palin (hey, wait a minute . . . ). "Is that child never more then a few feet from Governor Palin at any given time? By my calculations that little girl has not attended school regularly since 2006." My theory: Piper is just preparing to cover for another unexpected Bristol Palin pregnancy.

SARAH PALIN ADDRESSES THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS:

[youtube:]

Look at Trig's little glasses!!!1

Photo by Material Boy

DUR: GOP needs to get smart, says The Young Turks.  "Obama won because he’s smart. . . . I enjoy having a beer with my brother in-law, but I wouldn’t want him running the country. He’s an idiot! Sure, people like a candidate they can relate to, but when it comes down to the crunch, Americans want smart leaders, not drinking buddies." Joe Six Pack, we hardly knew ye.

TROOPERGATE CONTINUES: Somebody doesn't like Kim Elton. And it's not Sarah Palin! Oh, it is just some blogger. "Surprise. Surprise.  President Barack Obama has done a nationwide search and appointed the Chairman of the Troopergate investigation as Director of Alaskan Affairs at the Interior Department.  Is this a case of political payback for a smear job well done on Governor Sarah Palin???  Yes!"

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Todd Palin's legacy: ushering the contiguous U.S. into the awesome world of the Tesoro Iron Dog. "at 1,971 miles (3,172 km), it is the longest snowmobile race in the world. The 2008 event featured a record forty teams competing for a $100,000 purse, with $25,000 awarded to the winners and attracted worldwide attention when 4-time winner Todd Palin's wife, Sarah, campaigned for vice presidency of the United States.

THE TRIG-AIN'T-HER-BABY RUMORS CONTINUE. The Immortal Majority parses Lorenzo Benet's Trailblazer and suggests (as reported previously by rumermongering liberal bloggers): Trig ain't her baby. Could page 185 finally reveal the truth?

A few minutes before leaving work on March 5, Sarah held a press conference in her Juneau office and finally announced her pregnancy. She said. "Expect a new member of the first family," and then she headed out to a reception at the Baranof Hotel with her family to dine on king crab. reporters stood there in disbelief. In fact, Sarah had to announce the pregnancy in three different ways before anyone knew what she was talking about. "That the pregnancy is so advanced astonished all who heard the news," the Daily News reported, "The governor, a runner who's always trim, simply doesn't look pregnant." Not even her staff was aware until the same day, "I thought it was becoming obvious," Sarah said, "Clothes getting snugger and snugger." (Emphasis mine, pg. 185)

So, Bristol Palin pulled a Britney and got pregnant twice in a row? Does this make her more or less qualified to be a teen pregnancy spokesmom? Discuss.

STRIPPER BOOTS: YEA OR NAY? The Mormon Times, for some reason, speculates as to whether or not men actually like women who wear "stripper boots." Sarah Palin is involved, somehow.

Ann Cannon on her favorite boots: "They're soft and brown and dressy, and whenever I wear them I feel exactly like Posh Spice—that is if Posh Spice was a size-12 middle-age Mormon lady, who bought all her clothes at Target."

I love Ann Cannon and her stripper boots. But Cannon's teenage son does not like her stripper boots, which has totally thrown Cannon's Palin theory for a loop. Cannon writes" "I thought that was one of the reasons men liked Sarah Palin so much—because she always had those sexy stripper boots on whenever she and Todd got off the airplane."

My God, Cannon, you've cracked the code!

Photo by Bright Meadow

OKAY, NOT 2012: 2016 is Palin's number, says Palin biographer Lorenzo Benet, whose name delightfully continues to appear in my Google Alerts! Perhaps, one day, Lorenzo Benet, you will earn your own Google Alert in my RSS feed. Never give up on the dreams that I project upon you, Lorenzo Benet.

NO LITMUS TEST? Palin has selected former Planned Parenthood board member Morgan Christen as the next Alaskan Supreme Court justice. Reports the Alaska Daily News:

Christen’s application included her membership in several charitable groups, including some from her past, but did not mention that she was on the board of Planned Parenthood in the mid-1990s. The organization, which didn’t provide abortions in Alaska until 2003, is now on the opposite side of a Palin-supported bill to require girls under 17 to get parental consent for an abortion.

The appointment was protested by conservative Christians in the state.

PALIN MAKES COMIC BOOK DEBUT: The "Female Force" series, penned by Florida artist Vinnie Tartamella, features Michelle Obama, Hillary Clinton, Caroline Kennedy and Sarah Palin, superwomen who "are popular and influential, regardless of political affiliation." The first issue will feature Palin and Clinton, together at last!

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: No Todd Palin sporting advice this morning. Somebody get this man to a snow machine, stat!

TOO HOT TO HANDLE? Science has proven that Sarah Palin's attractiveness broke the Republican party. "“It wasn’t her appearance per se," psychologist Nathan Heflick said. “It was the effect her appearance had on their perception of her competence and humanity. Those variables made people less likely to vote for her.” But who are we to take science at face value? Still waiting on the nation's religious leaders to weigh in on whether Palin is too hot, or just hot enough.

BRISTOL PALIN: MOOSEBURGER FUNNIES! Via The Immortal Minority, via Alaska Ear:

Let's talk about Bristol, who appears to have inherited her mother's sense of humor.

It seems that people wanting to support the efforts of the World Wildlife Fund against Alaska's hunting and predator control policies have been making donations and directing the fund to send the fuzzy stuffed animals one gets in return to Gov. Palin.

An earwig in a position to actually know something once in a while says Bristol called her mom last week to report three more stuffed wolves had shown up at the house.

Mom wondered (perhaps not sincerely?) what they might send the WWF fans as a thank-you for the stuffed wolves.

Bristol suggested packages of moose meat might be just the thing.

Photo by Mike Licht

Welcome back to “Daily Palin,” in which we detail Sarah Palin’s refusal to go away—every day. The morning news from the biased, liberal, gay, mainstream media:

* WHO WAS THE MEANEST TO SARAH OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO WERE MEAN TO SARAH? Andrew Sullivan takes the cake, says John Ziegler. Sez Zieg: "Andrew Sullivan is a guy who should never be allowed back in any remnant of the conservative movement after what he did, just on the Trig 'trutherism' issue. It’s just scandalous. I mean, this guy is still invited on major TV shows after coming forward with, and continuing, the theory that Gov. Palin faked a pregnancy of a Downs Syndrome child even after we found out that the daughter she was allegedly protecting was also pregnant, in a way made it absolutely biologically impossible."

BUMMER: Curt Menard, mayor of Alaska's "Mat-Su Borough"(?), has died. You can thank Dr. Menard, who was also a dentist, for Sarah Palin's teeth, if you like them. Which is what she says at the end of this long, sprawling tribute to the man:

[youtube:v=6yyjhNd409g]

WHY LIBERALS REALLY HATE SARAH PALIN: Clarence Thomas redux. "What’s happening to Michael Steele is what always happens to any conservative who happens to be a minority. Whether it was Clarence Thomas or Sarah Palin, Bobby Jindal and now Michael Steele, the liberal establishment simply cannot sit by while minority faces espouse a conservative belief.  It is the most threatening prospect to left wing power: the possibility that women, African Americans, Hispanics, and others would begin to embrace individual liberty rather than government dependency."

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Todd Palin gets some advice from Bubba, via Palin family offical news conduit Greta Van Susteren:

"When you break these gender roles there are all these subconscious expectations," [Clinton] said.

"I think the trick is, if you're a husband and the woman is in the political role traditionally identified with men," said Clinton, "the trick is to give support that is unambiguous and clear and to also be there with advice privately, but to do it in a way that doesn’t, in a funny way, make her look weak."

. . . "Whenever you start changing the deck chairs and gender roles and family roles," said Clinton, “you have to be prepared for psychological as well as political sparks to fly, and my advice to [Todd Palin] is to keep that smile, don’t get defensive."

SARAH PALIN: PLEEEEASE BE THE NEXT BLAGO. Now that Kim Elton has been whisked away on a standard-issue Obama administration unicorn to go serve his state in the liberal hell hole of Washington, D.C., Sarah Palin has to find a replacement for him: "Gov. Sarah Palin will make the appointment within 30 days, according to state law. Her appointment must be of a Democrat, and must be approved by the Senate's Democrats." My best wishes go out to the Governor that her appointment will be marred by profanity-filled wire-tapping tapes, or at least involve a protracted and reportedly callous consideration of Caroline Kennedy. Thanks.

Photo by Infrogmation.

* PALIN 2012 SIGNS: IMPRACTICAL. Writes Jennifer Berry Hawes, who finds Palin too perfect, her supporters less so: "We drive past our neighbor's house, which has a Sarah Palin 2012 sign in the yard that for some reason always annoys me. I keep hoping they'll realize the election is an awful long way off for a poor sign to endure, but there it sits, rain or shine."

* WHAT IS THE MEANING OF SARAH PALIN? Sarah Palin means something!, Yuval Levin says:

the Palin moment shed a powerful light on the power, the potential, and the ultimate inadequacy of a conservatism grounded solely in cultural populism. It also exposed the vulnerability of the Left to a challenge to its most cherished claims—as the sole representative of the interests of the working class and the only legitimate path to political power for an ambitious woman.

Shit, I was hoping for something a lot spookier.

* ME-OW. Obama has appointed Alaskan State Senator Kim Elton as the director of Alaskan affairs in the Department of the Interior. How nice. Well, everyone thinks that Palin's farewell speech was really bitchy. Here it is:

Senator Elton pledged his allegiance to President Obama last summer. We wish him well as he moves on and hope that he uses this job for Alaska's benefit—to advance the state's oil and gas issues, including the natural gas pipeline, and to work diligently to remove the barriers imposed upon all states that want to open up their shores to off-shore drilling. I hope he can represent Alaskans by opening ANWR, conveying the importance of responsible mining development, and building roads—all issues crucial to the future of our state.

* FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: The new posterchild of the state soverignty movement? Writes Bernie Quigley for the Hill: "I think I found the answer yesterday while eagles soared over Lake Morey in Vermont where dozen of snowmobilers from all over the north country and Canada were doing test runs on the ice at up to 140 miles an hour: Todd Palin." Quigley says the cause has been bolstered by the image of T.Palin, "champion snowmobile racer . . . real man . . . superior man."

* INSIDE PALIN'S CPAC APPEARANCE: Palin sat in front of a room of people, watching clips from the 2008 election and yelling at the television.

On why she didn't answer Katie Couric's newspaper question: “Because, Katie, you’re not the center of everybody’s universe."

On Tina Fey's impression: "The mama grizzly rises up in me, hearin’ things like that!”

* MEDIA SHOULD HAVE HAD THE BALLS TO LET PALIN FAIL LIVE. Says John Ziegler, mainstream-media-killed-Sarah-Palin-theorist: "The worst mistake the McCain campaign made,” said Ziegler, “was not making sure that every interview Sarah Palin did was live. Having her do taped interviews was the worst mistake. It gave the enemy the opportunity to edit her words, and it let them ask questions they wouldn’t have dared ask her on live TV, because if she got them right they’d look like morons.” The campaign should have booked Palin on Larry King Live. “Larry would have been slobbering over himself, as usual, but with a beautiful woman in front of him he would have been helpless. And she would have looked spectacular.”

Photo by SliceofNYC

Welcome back to “Daily Palin,” in which we detail Sarah Palin’s refusal to go away—every day. The morning news from backstage at the Alaskan-funded "Curves" ribbon-cutting ceremony, below:

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Above: Todd Palin's yearbook photo from Wasilla High. A-woo-ga! HOWEVER: does that mean Sarah was lying when she told reporters, "Todd grew up in Dillingham... after high school he realised that he had to leave that village... capitalised on an opportunity upon the North Slope... using the skills he learned growing up in rural Alaska...Todd left the village, he has been working upon the slope... it was a win win situation for him... he would come back to the village... blah blah..." ? (rough transcription courtesy of Palingates).

SOME DUDE: Asks if Levi Johnson can be arrested for statutory rape for doin' Bristol when she was 17 and he was 18. NOPE: The age of consent in Alaska is 16, says some other dude.

CAUGHT READING BOOK: Palin Confusion spots this photo of Sarah holding a book (!!) A quick zoom reveals the tome to be The Dangerous Days of Daniel by James Patterson and Michael Ledwidge. A quick trip to the local library reveals The Dangerous Days of Daniel to be "a Young Adult book, looks like Sci-fi adventure." Nice work team!

PALIN PAYING: Sarah will cough up $6,800 to cover nine family trips she had originally billed to Alaska.

WHERE DID SARAH GO? Let's count 'em!

NINE. "The state paid about $13 for Palin's daughter Bristol to go to opening night of 'Beauty and the Beast' at the Valley Performing Arts Center, according Palin's lawyer, Thomas Van Flein. A travel form filed by Palin says the governor was scheduled to attend the show too, as a narrator."

EIGHT. "Willow Palin flew round-trip [to] an Alaska Moose Federation banquet with the governor."

SEVEN. "Palin's three daughters joined the governor in the Southeast town of Skagway for a potluck dinner."

SIX. "Willow and Piper flew with the governor round-trip to Cordova on a state-owned King Air propeller plane for the taping of a documentary on shorebirds."

FIVE.  "Bristol traveled with Palin to New York for Newsweek's Third Annual Women and Leadership Conference. Her airfare cost $1,385, plus $38 for a meal. Travel forms say she stayed at the $707-a-night Jumeirah Essex House with the governor."

FOUR. "Willow and Piper flew to Juneau for the governor's state of the state speech on the state's King Air." [Come on, give 'em this one! -ed]

THREE. "The state paid $540 for Piper to fly round-trip from Juneau to Anchorage . . . She went to the start of the Tesoro Iron Dog race, where Todd Palin was a competitor."

TWO. "Piper flew commercially from Juneau to Anchorage at a cost of $276 for a Curves ribbon-cutting ceremony and a bill signing."

ONE. "Bristol and Piper fly with the governor to the National Governors Association meeting in Philadelphia, at a cost of $1,449."

RECORD-STOP: "Piper flew commercially from Juneau to Anchorage at a cost of $276 for a Curves ribbon-cutting ceremony and a bill signing."

BE LIKE BRISTOL: Because they are sexist and/or simply completely inane, U.S. News and World Report asked readers who they'd rather have run their kids' daycare center: Michelle Obama, Sarah Palin, Hillary Clinton, or Nancy Pelosi. Guess who's winning?

BECAUSE, WHY NOT: Question of the day: "Has Bristol Palin weighed in on the Octomom?"

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: Todd Palin's snow machine of choice: Revealed! Dude drives a He "two stroke engine Arctic Cat snowmobile." What can that baby do? Dump "the same number of some pollutants into the environment as driving a Chevy Malibu 28 times around the earth at the equator." Wicked.

HONOR BRISTOL: Choice Matters sayeth: "The temptation is to be glib, to say “duh! You think after getting pregnant and having the baby, while a teenager in high school…” but that would be an easy shot and a meaningless one." Instead, send her a fucking t-shirt. Click here to view Choice Matters' choices, including the "Oops . . . Plan B" Spaghetti Tank.

SARAH PALIN: HERO. Obama is first. Jesus is second. Sarah Palin came in 21st. Hey, she beat Bill Gates.

BLAME/COMMEND The Miss America Foundation for getting Sarah Palin through college—all four of them!

IN DEFENSE OF THE MEDIA: Matt Lauer "never called Palin a moron."

PALIN 2012 WATCH: Since we all know Palin will clinch the Republican nomination anyway, let's start speculating on running-mates. How about this guy? Sure, whatever.

DRINK THE SAND (SARAH PALIN IS THE SAND): "The people who criticize Sarah Palin, occasionally have valid arguments, but they’re missing the point. If perhaps some of Sarah Palin is sand, or muddied water, she’s at least something and she knows it; the Republican Party is practically nothing and it doesn’t." [Via]

Welcome back to “Daily Palin,” in which we detail Sarah Palin’s refusal to go away—every day. In this edition: Everything I need to know (about Sarah, journalism, and myself) I learned from my commenters.

—

SARAH PALIN: REVEALED!

COOL. "SARAH PALIN IS SO COOL AND BEAUTIFUL–AND HONEST TOO—AND FROM THE NORTH A STAR IS HERE" – "navy"

BROKE ALL HER FINGERS. "I’d like to see you take a 1,000 pound moose, field dress it and bring it home — at 3 in the morning in *actual* temperatures down to -45F; or maybe you might try gill netting thousands of pounds of salmon — with all your fingers broken — the day after breaking them — like Sarah has so she could earn some money." – "Ron Devito"

CUTE OR WHAT. "IS SARAH CUTE OR WHAT–ALSO SMART,HONEST, AND FOR HUMAN RIGHTS…" – "ERIC"

FACT. "Sarah Palin is the best thing to happen to Alaska politics. Fact." – "vidsweet"

"GO SARHA!!!!!!" – "sharon"

—

AMANDA HESS: REVEALED!

DUMB AS A MUD FENCE. "you are really as dumb as a mud fence." – "Gary"

DUMB AS AN OX. "That everyone has now exposed you to be dumb as an OX? And you claim to be a journalist? Sounds as if you’re suffering from Venus envy." – "linda"

DUMB COW. "Oh, and the “back taxes”, nice try….It was Governor Palin herself who asked for the review, you dumb cow" – "Gary"

GRETA VAN SUSTEREN WILL EAT ME FOR LUNCH. "Greta van susteren will eat you for lunch." – "Thomas McMahan"

SILLY WOMAN. "And silly woman, he doesn’t race DOGS, he races snowmobiles, or as they call them in Alaska, snow machines. How can anybody believe a damned thing you say, when you are too stupid to even get THAT right! I have an idea for you. You sound like a frustrated girl. How about you go find someone to hook up with and get over it!" – "Gary"

PROB A GUY. "it is scary to see so many dumb-stupid-mean people in this country. Who raised these people-what home did they come from? who is this “Amanda”? prob a guy trying to write as a woman–mentally deranged–personality disorder–go get some serious help." – "sissy"

CONSTANTLY CONFUSING WITH WOLVES. "And Todd races ’snowmachines’ NOT dogs…Dogs are those 4 legged-furry critters that you liberals are constantly confusing with wolves (Ashley Judd anyone?)…But,hey,don’t let the truth get in way of slamming Palin right Amanda?..Good gosh! You either know you’re lying or dumber than a bag of rocks" – "KenFromAlaska"

BRAIN MUST BE ON STAND-BY. "OMG, This is not writting this is just stupidity at its best, Where did you learn to write, how do you get your FACT’s? Stop lying and try something else? I just wonder if you even care what you write, guess not brain must be on stand-By, swoopppppppppppppppzzzzz,POP (show hitting Amanda on the head)" – "Eagle eye"

SORE LOOSER. "Game over, you loose." – "jim3r"

READ BETWEEN THE LINES. "PS:I’m driving up to Denali NATIONAL Park 2 hours north of here to do some snow-machining this week-end…Will have my Remington 870 along..GREAT shotgun..Accurate and dependable..
Watch that ‘casual drinking’ problem you’ve got,eh?" – "KenfromAlaska"

—

JOURNALISM: REVEALED!

SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT. "Your journalistic imagination if you want to call it that are based on lies and confusion. Maybe you should concentrate on Obama and the mess he is causing our country. I don’t know who gave your degree in journalism but I think their credentials should be checked." -alaskan10

GOOGLE. "utter ignorance on display in this post is mind boggling . mistakes galore, even about fact that can be checked with a simple google search." – sfernando

SLOOPY DONE. "Just using Governor Palin to be sensational, but offer no truth in this sloopy done you call reporting." – "Joyfulcardinal"

FAILED ATTEMPST. "Amanda needs to go read some educational material before she attempst to write." – "sissy"

—

URBAN HUNTERS: REVEALED!

URBAN HUNTERS. "Obviously, urban hunters are those who live in urban areas, but hunt for their own food, like many in Alaska. Now, was that so hard to figure out?" – "Greg"

URBAN HUNTERS. "As Greg said, urban hunters are just that." – "Gary"

Photo by davekentuk

* UNSURPRISINGLY: Sarah Palin supports regulations allowing "concealed weapons in national parks and wildlife refuges," reports the News-Miner. In a letter, Palin's office stated that "the possession and use of firearms are critical to urban and rural hunters in Alaska." Urban hunters? I think we have some of those in Washington, D.C., too!

* YOUR FRIDAY BUMMER: "Gov. Palin cuts funding for state veterans cemetery." Sen. Joe Thomas says "he was troubled to see funding still in place for warm storage buildings and other projects instead." What would you have her do, Joe—pry the warm storage buildings from the cold dead hands of Alaskan veterans?

* $18,000: Amount of back-taxes owned by Palin for per diems claimed while living in her own home: "Gov. Sarah Palin must pay back taxes on nearly $18,000 in expenses she charged the state for living in her home outside Anchorage instead of at the state capital, officials said Wednesday." Palin: Now just like the Dems!

* NOW: GIVING FREE FOOD TO OTHERS, TOO? "Governor Sarah Palin is heading to western Alaska tomorrow, to help deliver food to families in Marshall and Russian Mission. The trip is being organized by the faith-based nonprofit Samaritan’s Purse."

* POST-BRISTOL, Greta Van Susteren follows-up with another completely inane interview, this time with Bill Clinton. WJC and GVS talked "stimulus and Hillary's singing, and about Clinton's just-announced initiative to fight childhood obesity, which dovetails with his own experience as a chubby kid." Greta Van Susteren: I cannot watch but I cannot look away!

* PALIN HITS 1600 PENN! She'll be hosted at the White House for the first time since the administration change-over this Sunday for the 2009 Governor's Dinner.

* FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: The Palins' tax returns reveal the financial deets on Todd Palin's snowmachine "business." According to ABC, "His snow machine racing business grossed $17,000 but home office expenses meant that he claimed a net loss of $10,000." Hey, Todd, I have a "business" I lose money on, too: Casual drinking.

RUINING YOUR PALIN SEX FANTASY: The First Dude. "But even if that unlikely scenario were to occur, it would very quickly be destroyed by the entrance of flannel-wearing, oil-drilling, dog-racing, salmon-fishing testosterone-pumping Northern Man that is Todd Palin. He’d throw his burly frame right through the door without even bothering to check if it’s locked and proceed to kick seven kinds of shit out of me, Alaska-style. So there’s really no good that can come from a night with Palin."

Photo by bryanwright5@rocketmail.com

EAT IT, JUDD: Somebody wrote Sarah Palin a letter the other day confirming that aerial wolf-hunting was a "scientifically valid and sound method of predator management." GRRROWL! The sender was "a group of pro-hunting organizations."

RUMORS: Has Levi Johnston knocked up another woman? And is he going for some sort of record?

LINCOLN, DARWIN, AND ... "Sarah Palin’s birthday was February 10 and Charles Darwin and Abe Lincoln on February 12. If the heavens tell us that people born in the same month have similar ways, are these folks compatible?" asks starperson Carol Forsloff. Well: "Palin believes intelligent design and evolution should both be taught and considers Darwin’s conclusions to be theory. Her critics say she doesn’t support scientist’s findings about endangered species either. So there’s no compatibility in the discipline that requires a specific type of personality and thought, which is science." THAT'S GOTTA HURT coming from someone who deals with dingbat celebrity astrology.

APPARENTLY Palin's also the "daughter of a science teacher."

I WOULD HAVE TITLED IT, PALIN AROUND WITH TERRORISTS. Following Sarah Palin's claim that Obama was "pallin' around with terrorists," one of said terrorists, Bill Ayers, wrote Palin a note suggesting the pair team up for "a talk show called Pallin’ Around With Sarah and Bill." He hasn't heard back.

DISABLED PERSON JOKES: Homebrewed Christianity rewrites the text on the SarahPAC homepage . . . to make funnies!

FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORT CORNER: A Mommylife mom met Sarah Palin at the "Iron Dog snowmachine race." Ha ha, snowmachine. Anyway: "After we met, she had a chance to speak to the crowd and racers directly. I especially loved the part where she asked for God's protection over them as they race to Nome then Fairbanks. I love a politician who is not afraid to let everyone know what she believes." Meanwhile,

FIRST DUDE STILL LOSING. Currently, he's fifth.

Introducing “Daily Palin,” in which we detail Sarah Palin’s refusal to go away—every day. The morning news from across everyone's favorite bridge to nowhere:

* DON'T READ Sarah Palin Erotica—that way you won't be forced to contemplate Palin's brain and her vagina in the same breath:

She stands in the cramped bathroom and stares at her reflection in the small, dirty mirror. An aide is rapping his knuckles against the door insistently, but she ignores him, the roar of plane engines, the incessant buzz of the press corps, her cell phone beeping in her purse. “I am Sarah Palin. I am the future president of the United States,” she says softly, allowing the corners of her mouth to curl. Carefully, she smoothes the wrinkles out of her blouse and skirt, makes sure she’s showing some cleavage, and gives her shoulders a little shake. She has been repeating this mantra for weeks now and every single time, she feels a rush of sensation between her ears and her thighs. In these vainglorious moments, she doesn’t think of the old man who brought her here or Todd or the kids or the one on the way. No. She thinks about herself and she likes it.

* OPPOSITE DAY: The Altantic suggests that Sarah Palin's pulling out of this month's CPAC dinner is meant to shy from the national spotlight . . . in order to later reclaim the national spotlight. Writes Justin Miller: "Sarah Palin is pulling back from her post-election media spree by withdrawing from CPAC, a move that can only help her if she wants a national political role. Palin's pull out CPAC is striking because it represents a break in her media modus operandi, which has been to make waves every month since the election. . . . With continual attention from August to January, Palin courted overexposure, but looks to be avoiding it this month."

* OBAMA & PALIN: PEN PALS? On natural gas pipeline: "Gov. Sarah Palin wrote to Obama last week asking him to discuss the pipeline with Prime Minister Stephen Harper when he visits Canada next week during his first foreign trip as president."

* OKAY: "Sarah Palin "plans to travel to struggling villages": "The governor said again she's willing to travel to rural villages, but some villagers are wondering when that's going to happen. Palin says members of her staff have taken a number of trips to the remote village of Emmonak, but at least one lawmaker has said he would like to see less talk and more action."

* HUBBA HUBBA: AlterNet claims Palin's brief Veep candidacy ushered in "the rise of the Playboy electorate": "The truth is that Palin owes a lot to men. Men influenced her message, her method and certainly how she was marketed to the American public."

* FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner thinks the Tesoro Iron Dog race, the Alaska snowmobile race in which Todd Palin is competing, is for pussies: "it could be a lot tougher if racers didn’t get to sleep more than they ride," writes Tim Mowry, before totally backpeddalling! "Don’t get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for Iron Dog racers. They’re tough as nails and have a lot more guts than I do racing their snowmachines across the Alaska wilderness at speeds of more than 100 mph in the middle of the night."

* OKAY. More Palin erotica! Fun game: Is it Obama or Biden?

She will stare at her reflection in the TV screen and imagine her opponent standing behind her, one hand in her hair, yanking her head back, bruising her lips with his, nipping his tongue with her teeth. She’ll imagine her opponent twisting her nipples between his fingers until she cries out, then twisting them harder, hard enough that her knees buckle. She imagines him pulling her back up and slapping her hard enough to make her jump. She imagines him making her say his name. She imagines him making her beg. She comes, thinking about her opponent buried deep inside her, fucking so hard that her body starts to come apart. Then she will remember Conor.

Photo by er3456