Good morning, Washington. A soft, frolicky blanket of snow—destined to descend into an icy weather system of ice and disappointment—falls over our fair city this morning. What other treasures will this day bring?

* This morning, Bill Kristol, the man Wonkette deftly reminds us ushered Sarah Palin into the civilized world, is out at the New York Times, in at the Washington Post.

* This morning, Evil Slutopia defends the sex industry against those who wish to defile its reputation.

* This morning, Slate’s Brian Raferty—perhaps knowing that I recently endured a public rendition of Weird Al’s “Amish Paradise”—unloads the phenomenon of “karaoke rage.”

* This morning, dudes on Craigslist are now using the snow to try to get laid! From “Drunken Bike Ride in the Snow,” by Robert Frost:

Is it going to snow today? . . . I’d love for it to snow, but I don’t want to get my hopes up only to have them dashed as they have been so many times before here in DC. But if it does snow, I’d love to find a hottie to spend the snowy evening bar hopping via bicycle in the Dupont/Logan/U Street neighborhoods. We can get drunk enough that the bike riding in the snow is exciting and dangerous. Maybe we’ll crash together and then lay on the snowy ground and make out. All in the spirit of celebrating the inauguration, of course. Anyone up for it?

No.

Photo by pmarkham.

Also inspiring inaugural hook-ups: The entertainment at the Kentucky Bluegrass Ball

Barack Obama is President now, which means that everyone can stop posting pathetic Craigslist ads seeking inaugural dates for watching him become President, right? Wrong. In the grand tradition of the post-election sex phenomenon, ambitious locals are still invoking Obama’s name in the pursuit of hookin’-up, awww yeah! So far, this guy is my favorite:

Are we really committed to change?—39 (NWDC)

Today we celebrate the inauguration of our first black president yet it amazes me how much many guys on here have closed minds and a lot of racial hangups.

Read More “President Obama Fails to Rescue Nation’s Hopeless Sex-Seekers” »

Featuring the incomparable Bob Odenkirk.

Only days remain to secure a date to the inauguration. Fuck it, hit Craigslist.

* Do you want to see Jay-Z at love tonight? Get ready for some “affection and passion, for the feeling of that first kiss, tingles you feel from a certain touch, soft whispers that excite and move you, and intimate feelings that stir your soul,” because that’s what you might have to endure to win a ticket to the club. “LOOKING FOR A LADY TO ATTEND LOVE NIGHT CLUB AND PARK NIGHT WITH ME THIS WEEKEND TO CELEBRATE THE BRINGING OF OUT NEW PRESIDENT,” writes the poster, who offers up club tickets alongside “discreet affectionate romance, erotic passion, and intense excitement.” The posting is accompanied by an illustration of a single rose dripping in diamonds with a cursive script reading, “Hello.”

Read More “Inauguration Date Round-Up:” »

Non-explicit inauguration parade rehearsal photo preferable to Craigslist material

* If you’re interested in attending this all-male inauguration-week orgy (no link due to explicit nature of attached photographs, which I just opened in the coffee shop from which I am writing this post), get ready to play to type. “Orgymaster is seeking Horny Military dudes, Leather Daddies, Hunky Frat stud, Handsome Business Execs, and Humpy Athletic guys,” the poster writes. “In town for business, Inauguration or MAL Leather weekend? Cum, Cum, Cum!!!”

Read More “Inaugural Date Round-Up: Orgymaster Edition” »

* This woman not only requires an inauguration date—she requires an inauguration date with “a possibility of a relationship.” If you’re between the ages of 43 and 53, “will watch sports, movies and even read the paper” with her, and are “someone that can eat when they feel like it,” inquire within. Poster also enjoys “gambling.”

Read More “Inauguration Date Round-Up: It’s Getting Desperate Out There” »

* This 49-year-old local man would “love to have the pleasure of your company over weekend, Monday or Tuesday,” ladies. Rest assured that this blond-haired, blue-eyed man about town “knows the dining and club/bar scene, museums, galleries, monuments, etc. pretty well.” His “full-disclosure,” however, requires bullet points:

- I do not have tickets to the inauguration or the parade.
- Ditto for inaugural ball tickets.

* Hey, this 24-year-old woman doesn’t have tickets either. The difference? She’s a 24-year-old woman. And she says she’s hot!S: “oh and for those who worry that i might be some form of jabba the hut’s reincarnate or something like that – i’m a fit, petite? (5′5″ish) brunette. and i don’t have any slave girls.”

Read More “Inaugural Date Round-Up: Full Disclosure Edition” »

Bad news, reproductive organ seekers—the epic Craigslist ad offering up a 27-year-old ovary in exchange for a ticket to an inaugural ball has been flagged for removal. Ovary-offerer Lisa anticipated that this might happen. “I’m a little surprised the post hasn’t been flagged for removal, seeing as it’s illegal to sell your organs,” she divulged in an eerily prescient telephone interview yesterday.

Read More “Ovary For Inaugural Ball Craigslist Ad Flagged For Removal!” »

* Not linking to this one because you can search for it if you really want to see some very naughty photos—this poster seeks in inauguration week orgy. “I’m gathering HORNY + HOT men interested in meeting for a sexy get together at a Hotel in NOVA,” writes the poster. “Looking for 10-15+ guys, who are clean, D & D free, and have no qualms about getting naked and joining for a GAY group sex!” Here are the rules, if you can decipher them: “No drugs, Poppers are ok. Toys, and cock rings, Leather, jockstraps are okay too. Mandatory clothes check too. Let’s get naked guys!”

Read More “Inauguration Date Round-Up: Blunt Edition” »

Face it, you’d rather be here anyway.

* Finally! Spring chicken seeks date for inaugural ball. This 21-year-old man (boy, really!) will be in-town for the inauguration, and seeks “a girl around my age to go with.”

* This inauguration ticket-seeker is offering up something a little more interesting than fine conversation and nice legs: Superbowl tickets. If you want to score two tickets to the Superbowl, prepare to cough up “4 seated tickets to the swearing-in ceremony, 8 preferred standing tickets to the swearing in (NW/SW/West/North or South only), 12 bleacher seats to the parade, 4 tickets to any of the PIC Balls held at the DC Convention Center.” And this poster ain’t playin’. “We are not interested in Mall Standing tickets,” he writes.

Read More “Inauguration Date-Roundup: We’re Going to the Superbowl!” »