When I was an 18-year-old freshman in college, I was running around some side-streets in a hilly neighborhood when a black SUV pulled up next to me. The driver rolled down his window and started a conversation.

"Hey, how are you?" he said. Friendly enough. He was driving slowly to match my running pace. I kept focusing on what I was doing—I was out of breath, kind of busy, and didn't feel like talking—but I responded neighborly out of politeness. "I'm fine. How are you?"

"I'm doing good. So do you live in the neighborhood?" I really wasn't interested in having this conversation. But I looked over at the guy, and he was a cop, in uniform, and I felt like I was required to be extra polite. I informed him that I did live in the neighborhood. I kept a steady pace and he kept the SUV slowly rolling up next to me.

Things quickly got weird.

"You look like you work out a lot," he told me. Arm hanging out the window. SUV slowly trailing me. It was the sort of comment that made me deeply uncomfortable but that I felt I couldn't really argue with. He was big, easily 20 years older than me, in a big car, and a cop. I was 18, new to the District, and inexperienced. So I just kept my eyes on the road, hoping he'd get the hint. He didn't. I tried lose him down a side street and he turned with me. There was no one else around. "Where do you live? I work out, too. Let's work out together. You look great. You really do." And on and on and on.

At no point did I respond like I was interested. I don't hide my emotions well, and it would have been written all over my face that this man was scaring the living shit out of me. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, my breath thinning, my face flushing with heat. What if he followed me all the way back to my dorm? What if he stopped the car? What if I tired out and couldn't run away? What was I supposed to do—call the cops?

If you're reading this story, you might have some different questions for me: Like, what if you were just overreacting? He didn't say anything explicitly threatening, did he? Why don't you learn how to take a compliment?

Last week, I wrote a post praising Hollaback DC for raising awareness about the problem of street harassment in the District. And one commenter was concerned about what behaviors constitute "harassment" these days. He pointed to a recent post on Hollaback where a woman reported the following incident:

Out of nowhere, I hear “Yo, gorgeous!” and I turn in the direction where it came from. I see these two losers in a red and yellow truck smirking at me. Gross.

The truck pulls up further in traffic, and I catch up to it and snap a photo with my phone. . . . When I told them that they needed to do their jobs and not hit on women, they didn’t care. They continued to smirk and giggle. Passers-by made a comment about me and giggled, and I don’t know if they were laughing at me getting harassed or laughing at me giving the harassers an earful, but I just didn’t care. I felt like these harassers just ruined what was a good afternoon.

Commenter Stewart is skeptical:

I understand that everyone has their limit but one of the recent entries on the HollaBackDC site has me scratching my head. A woman claims her beautiful Spring-like day was “ruined” because a couple of guys in a truck yelled “Yo, Gorgeous” at her and had the temerity to keep looking at her too?

Really? Your day was “ruined” by that? Seriously? No lewd comments, no name calling, no following. “Yo, Gorgeous” is what passes for sexual harassment now? Geesh.

LeftSidePositive counters:

Stewart, I’m glad for you that you’ve clearly never had to be treated like a piece of meat, and that your appearance is not treated like public property to be commented on and stared at by total strangers. How lucky for you that you don’t have your privacy invaded, and how fortunate that you’re insulated from common human empathy.

Stewart replies:

Think what you want but I have plenty of empathy. And I have heard some horror stories about male harassment. In my humble opinion, this isn’t one of them; it’s not even in the same universe. But like I said in my first post, everyone has their limit. I guess the women I know have thicker skins than the woman who wrote this particular piece. Not that that’s right or wrong or good or bad, it just is what it is and reasonable minds can and will disagree.

LeftSidePositive writes:

Stewart––because someone got killed today, would that make it okay for me to punch you in the face?? “It’s not even in the same universe.”

What’s more, there is a LOT of power in being continually reminded by minor slights that add up that you are perceived as less than equal or public property.

And, no, you don’t have a lot of empathy. You think you can brush aside something that was upsetting or frustrating to someone just because you don’t think it was important enough.

Amanda Hess writes:

People do have different limits, triggers, and past life experiences. These things all affect what level and type of harassment they can handle before they speak up about it. Perhaps you weren’t previously aware that some women can feel threatened by something as simple as “Yo, gorgeous” followed by aggressive staring and open laughter. I don’t have trouble understanding this reaction; I experience this all the time. But you were left scratching your head.

Well, the great thing about Holla Back D.C. is that now you know that some women are upset by this, and that they do feel harassed by it. So, instead of denying this woman’s experience by insinuating that she’s too sensitive, why not take this as an opportunity to consider why this behavior might have been perceived as threatening to this woman? Why not consider the ways in which you personally might not fully understand this specific type of threat? Why not ask yourself why your female friends don’t discuss this low-level type of harassment with you? Is it because you would dismiss them as overly sensitive?

About the severity of the harassment: I’ve heard some horror stories about harassment, too … and they usually have much more long-lasting effects than just putting a damper on one day in a person’s life. That doesn’t mean that that one day of stress isn’t significant enough for one woman to talk about her experience on a blog.

Julia writes:

Agreed, having someone yell “hey gorgeous” out their car window doesn’t seem like a big deal. And if it happened to you, you might still not think it was a big deal. But I can’t even count the number of times a stranger has yelled out a comment like that AND THEN FOLLOWED ME. Usually when I am alone, in a big city, often at night. So when you hear “hey gorgeous” you might think, ‘oh a complement’. but when I hear the same line, I think, “oh I hope I don’t get followed home today.” And trust me, it happens on a quasi-regular basis, even after I explicitly tell the man to stop.

Exactly. When I got followed by the cop in the SUV, he didn't start by saying anything half as explicit as "yo, gorgeous!" He eased in, got me talking, and because I responded to him, he refused to let go. So he followed me. In his car. On an empty street. I eventually lost the guy by steering toward a pedestrian-only footpath and running for my life. Every time a guy hollers out a "compliment" to me on the street, I have to weigh whether responding politely is going to get me a new stalker. So don't tell me that I'm overreacting.

As for the woman who responded impolitely to the call of "Yo, gorgeous"—at least someone is taking her concerns seriously. On Hollaback, a commenter suggested that the woman call the name of the company listed on the side of the truck and report the employees. She did, and the company's general manager responded positively to her concerns. "He said that he’s 99.9% sure of who the offenders were by the description I gave, and that 'extreme action' will be taken against them," she writes. "He apologized profusely for their actions."

Photo via _STANGSTA_, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

Local anti-sexual harassment resource Holla Back D.C. has declared March "Public Transit Awareness Month" in order to "focus on public sexual harassment on our public transportation in the DC metro area." I'm inclined to support this occasion for the following reasons:

(a) About half of the groping stories I've heard (and I have heard a lot of groping stories) took place within D.C.'s public transportation system.

(b) The vast majority of the victims in these cases did not report their assaults to the police.

(c) Since many commuters rely on Metro to get to work, it's really fucking hard to avoid this particular venue for public sexual assault. (Metro logs over 700,000 trips in its system every weekday).

(d) Metro police take public transit-based sexual assaults seriously—when the assaults are reported to them. Since only a small number of Metro-based sex offenses actually reach Metro officials each year (2009's count was 43 sexual assaults), police don't see Metro-based assaults as a serious problem on the whole.

It is so ordered.

Throughout the month of February, Holla Back DC is inviting comments for ways D.C. can tackle the problem of sexual assault and harassment on public transportation. I like the suggestion of one commenter: Why not stage a public awareness campaign directly inside the venue of many assaults—on Metro trains?

Last fall, New York City waged a similar campaign against subway sexual harassment. According to an MTA presser, the campaign included a series of subway banners (a colleague sent me a photo of one, above) as well as heavy distribution of bilingual brochures encouraging victims of subway sexual violence to report the crimes to the NYPD Sex Crimes Report Hotline. The full banner text reads:

Sexual Harassment is a Crime in the subway, too. A crowded train is no excuse for an improper touch. Don't stand for it or feel ashamed, or be afraid to speak up. Report it to an MTA employee or police officer.

I think that a campaign like this is a really good start, because it addresses a few the reasons why some victims of public sexual assault don't speak up: they're taken completely off-guard by this sexual assault on their regular morning commute; they feel like no one would understand their reaction to such a thing; they doubt the authorities would care if they did report it. So, when are we going to see similar ads on Metro?

Photo by Andrew Beaujon

One of the gripes leveled at the Sexist's recent groping coverage is that it has so far focused on only one category of victim—women. Men get groped, too, so let's hear one male victim's story. This weekend, a male MPD officer was subjected to a public genital grab, courtesy of a violent burglary suspect. The incident was aired on the MPD 1st District Listserv on Saturday:

On Friday January 22, 2010, at about 3:00 pm, Officer Andrew Zabavsky (Third District) was off duty and walking his dog in the 500 block of 6^th Street SE. About the same time off duty Officer Andrew Horos (First District) was responding to work at the First District Sub-Station.

Officer Zabavsky was walking his dog (on a leash) when he observed a citizen yelling for help and the perpetrator fleeing. Officer Zabavsky then identified himself as a police officer and attempted to restrain the perpetrator. The perpetrator started violently choking Officer Zabavsky. Officer Horos was responding to work when he observed the struggle, alighted from his vehicle and assisted. Officer Horos identified himself and asked the perpetrator to stop resisting. The perpetrator used profane language then grabbed the genital area of Officer Horos.

According to police, the 47-year-old suspect has been charged with burglary and assault. As for the Andrews? "Both officers are okay," the Listserv claims. If you're a man who has been the victim of groping, tell the Sexist your story here.

File photo by Darrow Montgomery.

The Metro transit system is one of D.C.'s most popular venues for public gropers. Whether it's the guy pushing his erection into your back on a train or the man reaching out to grab your genitals at a bus stop, these transit-based assailants have at least one thing in common—they'll almost certainly be assaulting again somewhere down the road. Eager to help stop the Metro system's most egregious offenders? Last week, I spoke with Captain Kevin Gaddis of the Metro Transit Police about how victims can report their Metro-based sexual assaults.

* Metro sexual assaults are underreported. In 2009, Metro police received 47 sexual assault cases—"anything from unwanted touching to groping to indecent exposure," Gaddis says. (To date, 13 of these cases have been closed). To Gaddis, the number is "miniscule." "We have a million people riding Metro every day," Gaddis says. "Forty-seven cases a year is a very small number." But the true rate of sexual assaults on Metro is impossible to tell: "I honestly don't know how often it really happens, but I know it happens far more than it's reported," Gaddis says.

* Report ASAP. If you witness or experience a sexual assault on a train, why not alert police while the assailant is still stuck in transit? Call Metro Transit Police immediately—either from your cell phone, at (202) 962-2121, or from one of the call boxes at the end of the car (just pick up the receiver and ask the operator to connect you to Metro Transit Police).

In Maryland, Virginia, or D.C., Metro Transit Police will deal with incidents in Metro cars, platforms, parking lots, and garages. With a little bit of information—a description of the suspect, the line, and the train number—an officer may be able to reach you immediately. "We have a lot of officers out there on foot," says Gaddis. "The best thing we can try to do is intercept the incident at the next stop or a couple stops down."

* Or: Report later! "If the suspect is already gone by the time the victim reaches us, the victim can still identify the person and allow us to get an arrest warrant later on," says Gaddis. Even victims who never see their assailants—or can't provide a complete description to police—are encouraged to report their assaults.

"Some of these people—particularly the indecent exposure suspects—are repeat offenders," says Gaddis. Even reporting the time, place, and nature of an assault can help police figure out assault patterns. "The ones that do it, it's probably not the first time they’ve done it, nor will it be the last time. In 2009, it's unlikely that our 47 cases involved 47 different assailants . . . We know that a lot of these repeat offenders always ride on the same line. There's usually some type of pattern. Every little bit of information helps us."

Illustration by Brooke Hatfield

Despite my continuing protest against the sexualization of all things Halloween, even I have to admit that Slutty Halloween appears to be here to stay. Let's say that all women accept their duty to dress Sexy this Slutty Halloween. When every woman is Sexy, will Sexy be enough? Or must the Sexiest among them strive to be Sexier—dare I say, Super Sexier? If you're simply planning on dressing "Sexy" come October 31st, beware: I have seen the future of Sexy Halloween, and it is "Super Sexy":

Watch how a regular costume is slowly rendered unrecognizable as it devolves from normal to sexy to super sexy:

SNOW WHITES, via Costume Kingdom:

Snow White

"Sexy" Snow White

"Super Sexy" Snow White

—

COPS, via Buy.com:

Cop

"Sexy" Cop

"Super Sexy" Cop

—
RAGDOLLS, via Amazon.com:

Ragdoll

"Sexy" Ragdoll

"Super Sexy" Ragdoll

While I recognize the creativity that must have gone into designing a costume to show the maximum amount of skin while still incorporating puffy princess sleeves, I'm not sure that the same appreciation for design work is going to extend to the party atmosphere, where the reaction to these absurdly sexy get-ups will more likely be: "WTF does that lady have dozens of red ribbons tied all over her half-naked body?" I'm also concerned for our children, and our children's children. When the time comes, how will they possibly turn these "Super Sexy" Halloween costumes into "Super Duper Sexy" versions? My predictions: Snow White loses everything except for a pair of red bow pasties. What the Cop loses in skin coverage she makes up for with a vibrating nightstick. And our little Ragdoll's braids are lengthened just enough to help her perform a precarious Lady Godiva function.

When Mary Gilkey filed her sexual harassment suit against D.C. Police Department photo lab head William “Bill” Gresham, the complaint included some common sexual harassment allegations—touchy-feeliness, money for sex, pornography in the office. It also contained some unexplained terms. Among the more provocative of the complaint’s claims was the following:

“Defendant Gresham introduced what he called a ‘peter meter’ to the office.”

No legal definition is provided for this so-called “peter meter”—the phrase is simply dropped in the complaint alongside clearer lawsuit jargon like “hostile work environment” and “physical and mental anguish.”

Surely, any good photography lab would have a densitometer to measure the reflective quality of a print or light meters to measure the proper exposure of photographs. But under what circumstances, exactly, would one introduce a “peter meter”? Gresham, who picked up the phone at the photo lab, referred the “peter meter” question to department spokesperson Traci Hughes; Hughes says she can’t comment on current cases.

The definition of “peter meter” lacks consensus: Sex shops, porn magnates, even Google all offer different definitions. Below, choose from The Sexist’s best guesses.

A) It’s a novelty item. A quick survey of online gag shops reveals one “Peter Meter” offering—a condom printed with a ruler that measures penis length. “How will you measure up with the rubber that’s a ruler?” asks the condom, which charts length from four inches (“teenie weenie”) to eight (“farm animal”). The condom is specified “for novelty use only.”

Still, it’s unlikely you’ll find any such Peter Meter in your local sex shop. “It’s not something that any of my customers has ever asked for,” says an employee at Dupont fetish outfitter the Leather Rack. Employees at both D.C. locations of sex shop the Pleasure Place also weren’t clued into the meter. “I would, taking a guess, say that it’s a ruler,” said an employee at the Dupont location, after noting she’d never before seen anything like it. “Google it,” advised a Georgetown rep.

B) It’s a person. Google it I did. Urban Dictionary defines a “peter meter” as “a woman who is very sexually promiscuous.” The Web site delves deeper into the etymology of the phrase, revealing that it “[o]riginates from the idea that said woman’s vagina is like a meter for ‘peters’ (penises).” The idea here is that a woman who had a lot of sex with men would be in the position to serve as a sort-of walking folk-measuring instrument.

C) It’s a machine that tests how aroused you are. According to pieces in L.A. Weekly and Denver Westword, “peter meter” is a not-uncommon nickname used for “phallometric assessment”—a controversial test used to determine what turns sex offenders on. In the technique, images connected with illegal sexual practices are displayed—coercive sex for rapists, for example, or child molestation—to determine whether the subject has a natural attraction to the acts. It’s unlikely a machine of this type would find its way into MPD headquarters, with or without images of female police department photogs.

D) It’s a personal rating system. When Google fell short, I “Boobled.” When I ran “Peter Meter” through the adult-specific search engine, I stumbled upon the name of porn enthusiast and former Screw magazine publisher Al Goldstein. Now 72 years old, Goldstein has fallen from his high-rolling days. The mag went bankrupt in 2003; Goldstein now contributes to a sex blog and is currently running for president. Goldstein claims to have introduced his own Peter Meter to the world with the magazine’s debut in 1968. Goldstein describes his Peter Meter as a “measuring tool for evaluation of porn films,” a meter which was “based on how many hard-ons it produced.” In 1972, oral-sex porn showcase Deep Throat registered a 100 percent on Goldstein’s Peter Meter. It’s conceivable that the photo lab environment alleged in Gilkey’s complaint could accommodate such a porn rating system—Gilkey’s complaint alleges Gresham displayed “pictures of nude women on beaches” and pornography “where one man had his arm up the other man’s ass.”

What, really, is the alleged peter meter? Find the answer after the jump.
Answer: “OK, a peter meter is some kind of a meter that measures the size of the penis,” explains Ted J. Williams, Gilkey’s attorney. “The allegation is that he bought it from a sex parlor in New York,” Williams adds. So did Gresham measure up? According to Williams, “He demonstrated the manner in which it would make the measurements, but he didn’t actually take his penis out and measure it up next to the ruler.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.