"It makes sense for a group of people who would be protected by hate crime legislation to support something that would let them defend themselves before or after the crime," said one Republican Senate aid familiar with the discussions. "It’s relevant, and we want to work together with gay groups to get the message out."

Because when crimes against gays are punished harsher than regular crimes, only the gays will have guns? Whatever, I don't understand Congress.

Abstinence-Only Funding Not Dead if Congress Plays "Hide-the-Salami" Again

Norris then proceeds to shower her analysis with a slew of sex puns. Count 'em (emphasis mine):

ONE. "the real test of wills comes in the Congressional conference committee on the federal budget where one Democratic member has a penchant for playing “hide the salami” with funding for the controversial chaste-until-marriage program."

TWO. "As we’ve reported previously, the labyrinthine budgeting process Congress has been giving it away big time — to the tune of now more than $1.3 billion for abstinence-only programs in the past 10 years."

THREE. "We’ve long-documented the fancy footsteps of Rep. David Obey (D-WI), chair of the powerful House Appropriations Committee, who slipped additional funding into a 2007 report prepared by the conference committee."

AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE: "Obey, a fierce proponent of “just say no to sex education,” repeatedly crossed sword with reproductive health advocates in 2007 when he first attempted to boost funding for the Community-Based Abstinence Education (CBAE) program to $141 million, a 25 percent increase over last year."

Who does Governor Paterson think he is, anyway, appointing this new Senator by apparently legal means and failing to satiate the nation's clear desire for circus-like appointment scenarios? SIgh, okay, well, tell us a little bit about yourself, Senator Gillibrand! How will you fill Hillary's shoes? What are your positions on women's issues? Do you wear pantsuits?

Well, it looks like her Congressional Web site is like, really fucking slow for some reason. More later.

UPDATE: There are rumors on the Internets that Gillibrand supports gay marriage. Unreal!

The Manliest Workplace in D.C. Competition continues today in a match-up sure to be less painful than most acts of Congress! (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). Today, the Federal Government bracket heats up as our bicameral legislature goes mano-a-mano to determine final man dominance (until the new, possibly gender-compromised Congress is sworn in). For now, we live in 110th Congress man-bliss as the House takes on the Senate:

HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES: Congressional leaders are listed first, followed by the longest-serving members of the House, in order to give credit to those public servants who have lent the most years of manliness to our great man nation. Lets get to governin'!

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (Female, ZERO)
Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (Male, 9 points)
Minority Leader John Boehner (Male, 8 points)
Majority Whip James E. Clyburn (Male, 7 points)
Minority Whip Roy Blunt (Male, 6 points)
Representative John Dingell ('55, Male, 5 points)
Representative John Conyers (‘65, Male, 4 points)
Representative Dave Obey (‘69, Male, 3 points)
Representative Charles B. Rangel (‘71, Male, 2 points)
Representative Bill Young (‘71, Male, 1 point)

With a manly index of 45 out of 55, Nancy Pelosi really ruined it for everyone. Thanks Nancy.

—

SENATE: Same shit, different chamber:

President Pro Tempore Robert Byrd (Male, 10 points)
Majority Leader Harry Reid (Male, 9 points)
Minorty Leader Mitch McConnell (Male, 8 points)
Majority Whip Dick Durbin (Male, 7 points)
Minority Whip Jon Kyl (Male, 6 points)
Senator Ted Kennedy ('62, Male, 5 points)
Senator Daniel Inouye (‘63, Male, 4 points)
Senator Ted Stevens (’68, Male, 3 points)
Senator Pete Domenici (‘73, Male, 2 points)
Senator Joe Biden (‘73, Male, 1 point)

DING DING DING! And it's Biden at the buzzer! Unleash the confetti! Cue "Macho Man"! Book Randy Savage for the post-game run-down! The Senate has registered our very first 100% on the manly scale, positively governing the sexually confused House of Representatives! Will any institution dare challenge it? Stay tuned!

Photo by Ken Lund.

The foundation also breaks down the new female house members' positions on abortion, after the jump.

7 Pro-Choice Democrats:
Ann Kirkpatrick (D-AZ)
Betsy Markey (D-CO)
Suzanne Kosmas (D-FL)
Debbie Halvorson (D-IL)
Chellie Pingree (D-ME)
Dina Titus (D-NV)
Marcia Fudge (D-OH)

1 Pro-Choice Republican:
Lynn Jenkins (R-KS)

1 Anti-Choice Democrat:
Kathy Dahlkemper (D-PA)

1 Anti-Choice Republican:
Cynthia Lummis (R-WY)