This week, disabled feminist blogger Annaham wrote a piece about dealing with Internet harassment of the international, televised, celebrity-sanctioned, horrible-death-threat variety.

And Salon writer Taffy Brodesser-Akner wrote a piece about dealing with Internet harassment of the if-you-experienced-PTSD-after-a-traumatic-childbirth-then-you-sound-like-a-bitch-who-just-shouldn't-ever-reproduce variety.

And recently, Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown wrote a piece about dealing with Internet harassment by loudly and publicly eviscerating the harasser, and then replacing all of their comments with the word "[BONERS]."

And also Awl writer Maura Johnston wrote a piece about dealing with Internet harassment by developing a "thick skin" because the Internet is "pretty much as mean as all of us," no more, no less.

And all of these people are women. And so, in this edition of Sexist Beatdown, Sady and I get to talking about Internet harassment of the you-women-ought-to-employ-your-mouths-for-dick-sucking-and-not-opinionating variety. Come troll, come all, and join us for a conversation which, oddly, does not conclude with Sady and I shutting up and performing blow jobs!

SADY: Hello! And, in related news, I hate you! Because we are on the Internet. Where ladies are hated abundantly!

AMANDA: With much vigor and from many angles! I really, really identified with Annaham's post, mostly about how shit on the Internet does affect me, but I'm not allowed to talk about it because "it's the Internet." But there. I said it, it does.

SADY: INDEED IT DOES! I once spoke to someone who was like, "all you ever talk about is who hates you on the Internet today. And why are you letting it get under your skin?" And I was like, "Because they hate me! I don't care where they are! Being on the Internet makes it WORSE, because I can SEE them hating me, FROM MY BEDROOM!" "I have a phone with e-mail on it! I can see people hating me WHEREVER I AM IN THE WORLD!"

AMANDA: Yeah, or from my office? For my career is located on the Internet.

SADY: PRECISELY. And, I mean, I really identified with Annaham's piece too. It said stuff I had been struggling to say, for like the LONGEST time, but in an actually sensical way that could potentially persuade people. Rather than me being like, "AND ALSO, in the SUBWAY, people are mean!"

AMANDA: For me, it wasn't so much that I couldn't figure out how to say it—though she said it very, very well—but that I didn't want to, because I don't want to tip my hand toward awful, anonymous commenters, or show any weakness, or risk being eviscerated for acting like a victim. It's not that I feel that I've been victimized. I just want to be able to talk about this shit, basically, and there's no space for that. So she's very brave, is what I'm saying.

SADY: Exactly. Because, the thing is, when you talk about Dicks On The Internet Getting You Down—or, worse, snap at one of them—people think you are just hypersensitive, and a whiner, and petty, and whatever. They think it's a personal problem. Whereas, me, I've talked to a lot of ladies who are on the Internet. I'm really into building Internet Lady Community, because it's not so easy. And here is the one way I have learned that you can start a passionate conversation with a lady who works on the Internet: MENTION MEAN COMMENTERS. Because we all get it! In super-intense ways! And at high volume! Every single lady on the Internet gets this thing!

AMANDA: Oh yeah. None of us is immune. And it's not subtle, either. It's obviously—just obviously—targeted at shutting us up.

SADY: Yes. It is not personal, it affects ladies qua ladies, it hurts and saddens, and I believe in ye olden tymes we would refer to this as a "Really Fucking Obvious Feminist Issue."

AMANDA: I know you recently quit the Internet for a weekend, and who can blame you? Because the real world is pleasant? But actually, people who aim personal attacks at us know that it makes us turn away and shut up, even for a little bit.

SADY: Exactly! And you can tell, because it tends to get more intense the larger one's audience is. I feel like I, full disclosure, have been relatively privileged insofar as I do NOT get mean commenters all that often, largely because they can tell I am WAY MEANER than they are. I have developed this Massively Uninhibited Bitch Who Will Cut You Persona. And as much as that might alienate people, I feel like it was a smart decision. Because when posters OTHER than me are at my blog, they DON'T have a rep as someone who will cut off your balls and feed them to you, perhaps in a delicate white wine sauce, and the assholes feel a lot safer.

AMANDA: Well, I know a lot of women who fucking love that persona of yours because we sort of live vicariously through it. But we shouldn't all have to adopt extremely defensive strategies in order to just ... speak.

SADY: Right. You should be able to post a picture of your new hat on the Internet without having to have built up 9,000,000 defensive strategies for when someone calls you ugly. Because they will call you ugly! They just will! Or a slut, if they can't call you that. "WHY ARE YOU SHOWING OFF YOUR PROVOCATIVE TORSO IN THIS FASHION?"

AMANDA: Because can I tell you? This woman on my blog the other day posted a comment about how the arguments that I make are less valid because of how my voice sounds. Because of how words sound when they leave my mouth. And because it sounds kind of like how a lady sounds.

SADY: Hahaha. So, she is just LITERALLY TELLING YOU not to speak. "When you speak, I can't help but notice that you are speaking," is what she says, "and that makes it harder for me to pay attention when you speak."

AMANDA: Right. Like could you perhaps get a surrogate voice, a more manly and patronizing one? Perhaps then my voice (but not my voice) can truly be heard.

SADY: Right. I mean: I think that, when people talk about blogs, they talk about the democratization of voice, and how it allows everyone to be heard. But what they don't talk about, so often, is how (a) We also re-iterate the same structures of rewarding or punishing voices that you see in Actual Real Life Not On The Internet, and (b) How the possibility that ladies might be TAKING to the Internet, and thus might have finally found a forum in which you literally CANNOT SHUT THEM UP by refusing to publish them or listen to them at your party or allow them into your fancy organizations or whatever, scares the shit out of dudes, and thus amps up the harassment to a truly scary degree. Like: I get harassed on the street, told to smile, have my tits pointed out to me, whatever. But on the street I don't TYPICALLY get told that someone should rape me to death. Thanks to the Internet, I can in fact have just such an experience!

AMANDA: Oh agreed. And I certainly don't get the degree of vitriol that some other people get, who are not cis, and not white, and not straight. But good golly do I still get a lot of it! There is just so much vitriol to go around!

SADY: That is the thing! And I feel like, you know: We can talk about the New Niceness, and whether it is a thing (it is probably not a thing) or "Internet harassment" in general, but looking at it: I've written so much that is mean about ladies in the pop culture! But I have NEVER gotten it as hard as Annaham has. And I have to think that it is because she has not one, but TWO marks against her in the Things I Can Dismiss A Person For column. She's a feminist lady, and she's a lady with a disability. And making fun of "feminists" is a time-honored Internet Pastime, but "disabled feminists?" Boy howdy, is that ever an excellent punchline for Amanda Palmer and her delightful comedy routines!

AMANDA: Oh God, I know. International televised harassment for ... what? Not particularly enjoying the way a particular musician she likes is appropriating disability?

SADY: Right. And then, the Internet Douches, well-accustomed to not listening to ladies, ESPECIALLY not listening to feminist ladies, and ESPECIALLY not listening to people who talk about disabled folks getting the short end of the stick, are like: YES. TARGET ACQUIRED.

AMANDA: One of your commenters (you have some really great commenters, along with the bad ones) made a really good point about the difference between criticism and harassment, and how Amanda Palmer and her legion of defenders have failed to recognize the difference. And I feel like that's a common trait of all trolls—just flat out refusing to engage in any kind of subtlety or empathy.

SADY: Exactly. I mean, I did not read the Male Studies Scholar Conference that happened on Sexist Beatdown two weeks ago IN ITS ENTIRETY, but I do vividly remember the gentleman who requested that, next time we spoke, the other one suck his personal dick, that he might be able to tolerate our lady jabber. That is not, "I think the political underpinnings of your work are flawed." That is not, "Okay, good post, but here's the line I have an issue with."

AMANDA: Oh, well I live for this man to tolerate me!

SADY: I forget. Is it your turn to fellate this gentleman? Or mine?

AMANDA: It is what feminism has been striving for all these years. Tell Gloria Steinem that it was just as easy as a blow job.

SADY: I mean, it's so easy to dismiss everyone who criticizes you as a hater or a bad person. So easy! But I've been CRITICIZED, from a lot of different angles, by a lot of people. And it might irritate me. But none of it is people just flat out saying, "fuck or walk, bitches." And that's what the Internet is, for women, a WHOLE STINKING LOT OF THE TIME. Like, maybe if they are Gawker commenters they might wrap it up in some clever allusion to a Baumbach movie, or whatever. But you can still feel it seething, a lot of the time.

AMANDA: Yes. And this is one of the reasons why I love, love, love Feministe's Next Top Troll series.

SADY: Is it not the best?

AMANDA: Because the comments? They never change. It doesn't matter what woman is talking or what she's talking about or what the tone of her argument is. The vitriol is across the board just exactly the same as what I get. And it's fucking hilarious, and I take comfort in it.

SADY: Exactly. In summary, for Troll SEO Purposes: Male studies. Male studies, male studies, male studies. Women tell the truth sometimes about rape. Circumcision! DIVORCE. There. That ought to get them started! Oh, and also: I dislike prog rock, and dudes who make prog rock, sometimes. WHAT DO YOU GOT, INTERNET? WHAT. DO. YOU. GOT.

AMANDA: I can't wait to hear the troll perspective on this. Oh please! Yes. Explain the various ways that voluntarily reading and commenting on my blog oppresses you! Go on! Or perhaps you'd like to argue as to why you are doing me a service, and why I ought to be praising you for your volunteer work in the comments section? I am interested in considering all of these possibilities.

SADY: "One time I was on the Internet, and someone disagreed with me! I politely explained why she was a stupid little girl, and then, she YELLED at me. My oppression, it is intense at times. And yet, I soldier on!" — A Commenter.

AMANDA: In conclusion, BONERS.

SADY: It is a regular BONER PARTY, out there on the Internet. And it makes my lady boners wither away in despair. Though not really! Because also, I keep blogging. At this point, mainly just to piss them off. Do you hear that, Feminist-Blog-Hating Internet? YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR FEMINIST BLOGGING!

AMANDA: The world will never shrink this feminist boner!

Photo via EraPhernalia Vintage, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

Last week on the Sexist, we debuted our final groping instalment (yes, haters, it is really over). In the final column, Falls Church resident Emily Ruskowski is groped in a Metro parking garage, reports the assault the next day, and eventually helps to catch her assailant in a sting operation.

One reader complained that the story perpetuated a dangerous "myth" surrounding sexual violence: "that even moderate sexual violence is so traumatizing that the appropriate response is not to contact law enforcement immediately."

Sexual assault trauma: Fact or fiction? Discussed in this edition of Sexist comments of the week:

Rando writes in to de-bunk the myth:

Protip: When you are assaulted, sexually or otherwise, but physically unharmed, and you’re sitting in a locked car in a public space and the perp is walking away and making no threatening motions, and you have a cell phone, a good description of the perp, and his phone number, CALL 911. This persistent myth that even moderate sexual violence is so traumatizing that the appropriate response is not to contact law enforcement immediately does unbelievable harm to future victims of sexual violence. I’m sure I’ll be accused of blaming the victim here, but come on folks, we all need to remind each other that when bad things happen, CALL THE COPS IMMEDIATELY SO THEY CAN CATCH THE SCUMBAGS.

latecomer suggests that perhaps the lack of an immediate response to an assault is not a result of a "persistent myth" of trauma, but rather actual trauma:

@Rando When someone’s traumatized and processing what has happened to them they’re not necessarily able to act so immediately. It sounds like Emily did a great job considering what she went through. That was some pretty aggressive stalking there…

Not so fast: actual evidence of a person being traumatized by a sexual assault does not deter Rando from arguing that that person's real life experience has created a "myth":

Latecomer, that’s my point—stories like this reinforce the idea that even moderate assaults like this are so traumatizing that calling the cops just isn’t an option. We need to get past that myth that women are so emotionally fragile that we can’t handle making a 911 call and instead need to call a friend or family member for an hour or more of psychological stabilization before pressing 3 keys on our phones and telling the operator where we are and what the perp looks like.

To be clear, I’m not coming down on the writer personally here, more on CP for putting this story out there as model behavior with a happy ending.

L respectfully disagrees:

Oh, for fuck’s sake, Rando.

1) Clearly, this is not a myth. Clearly. The woman in the article was too traumatized to report right away. This may not be the case for every woman who experiences sexual violence. But being traumatized by sexual assault? That’s totally and completely normal. You’re an asshole for shaming women who feel traumatized after experiencing something traumatic.

2) Reporting or not reporting sexual assault does not cause sexual assault. The person committing sexual assault causes sexual assault. Don’t blame victims for things that really, REALLY aren’t their fault or within their control.

3) Calling the cops WAS an option in this story, because SHE DID CALL THE COPS. Therefore, this post is not promoting any sort of narrative that women are too “emotionally fragile” or whatever to call the police. Did you, by the way, notice how long it took her to get in touch with someone who would actually follow up on her report? The hour she spoke to her friend before calling 911 is nothing in comparison to how long it took her to get someone to pay attention. If there’s blame to be laid anywhere, it’s on the transit cops for not answering her phone calls.

To sum it up, stop being a mansplaining, victim-blaming dick, Rando.

Emily H. is concerned with Rando's myth that calling the cops immediately will resolve a groping case:

Rando — I hear where you’re coming from, and I agree telling women it’s somehow more appropriate or “normal” to be too freaked out to call the cops is a bad message. But one woman’s story doesn’t send that message, because it *is* just one woman’s story. It’s what really happened, not what society as a whole had decided should happen, and I’d much rather hear the truth.

Also: I was once attacked by a crazy guy while out jogging, and I called 911 as soon as I got away from him. The dude ran to his car and drove away. The cops showed up 20 minutes later (!), and the criminal was long gone. People don’t necessarily expect a quick or useful response from the police, because often they don’t get one.

An ally drops in to provide Rando's Defense:

Couple of points here in defense of Rando:

1. One person’s story = one person’s story. An article put out in the public space without comment = how myths get perpetuated.

2. 911 responses may be fast and efficient, or they may not be. That is no reason not to call the cops.

Miike snow is unsure exactly how this "myth" would be perpetuated in practice:

Rando, it seems like you just made up an imaginary problem. Nobody in these stories thinks of calling the police but then says, “Oh wait, I’m supposed to be traumatized.” They are just actually traumatized.

And none of these stories are saying your “supposed” to be traumatized. So, I don’t know where you’re getting this “myth” from, but I suspect you actually just have an agenda.

Illustration by Brooke Hatfield.

In response to some off-the-cuff criticism of R. Kelly I wrote eight months ago, a reader writes in:

You seem like you may have some sexual tension issues going on. I hate to sound superficial, but if you are as attractive as me (I'm pretty damn good looking) we should get together. This is a NSA offer only. I don't wand to fuck every girl in the world, but your attitude added you to the list. Holla at me.

I still don't have any advice for my friend on how to deal with her love-struck commenter. But I do have one tip for any blogger who finds herself on the receiving end of a booty-call from a reader who assumes the blogger to be a frigid but possibly extremely attractive woman who may be interested in no-strings-attached sex with an anonymous R. Kelly enthusiast: Hit publish!

It was just seven months ago that local blogger M@ joined the District haters over at Why I Hate D.C. In that time, M@'s very first post on the blog—which detailed a fantasy jog, rape, and murder on the Memorial Bridge—has inspired hundreds of anonymous comments threatening M@'s rape and death.

Last night, M@ was finally taken out of his misery. In a blog post published at 9:51 p.m., site administrator Dave Stroup wrote, "Due to a variety of reasons, I must report that M@ is no longer a contributor at why.i.hate.dc." He made one of those reasons clear: "the moment that this site becomes associated with rape fantasy and all of the other bizarre circumstances surrounding some posts, is the moment something has to be done."

M@ was the first to comment on the post.

"Well, Dave, it was time for me to quit this blog anyhow since I'm currently trying to leave the city," he wrote. "I find it interesting that now would be the time for you to object to any content after seven months of vitriolic posting and commenting—but I'm OK with it. I'm literally moving on...."

In a post on his personal blog titled "M@: In His Own Words," M@ added: "Though the administrator says he can no longer be associated with my brand of writing, I really think it's best that I no longer associate myself with hack posts about the things that so many moronic 'D.C. Bloggers' seem to care about." He also took issue with Stroup's main rationale for dumping him: "I do not fantasize about rape," M@ wrote.

M@ isn't the only Why I Hate D.C. contributor to move on in recent days. Marissa, who blogs at The Anti DC, recently recused herself from her Why I Hate D.C. duties, citing "out of control obnoxious comments." In an e-mail, Stroup explained that M@'s work on the blog had been the source of distraction for the blog's other contributors:

The mission of Why I Hate DC is to provide insightful, humorous and often subversive commentary on life in the District of Columbia. M@'s posts had strayed from this mission and as such he is no longer affiliated with the blog. This fiasco has already caused enough trouble, and distracted me from getting back to writing about Mayor Fenty and the Metro.

Back on Why I Hate D.C., other commenters bid M@ farewell:

"long overdue," wrote heather.

"Total freakshow," Anonymous added.

"The Lazy Iguana" chimed in with commentary on the entirety of Why I Hate D.C., comparing the Web site to this "Happy Days" clip:

[youtube:v=MpraJYnbVtE]

In an e-mail, which he also posted as a "RELEASE" on the blog, M@ had this to say about his parting of ways with Why I Hate D.C.:

Though greatly saddened by Dave Stroup’s decision to remove me as a contributor to “Why I Hate D.C.,” I welcome the chance to pursue new challenges and opportunities.

For the most part, the readership suffers from average intelligence, incapable of understanding not only irony but nuance beyond commentary on the city’s subway system or phenomena they refer to as “douchebaggery.” My work there seems akin to hiring an M Street attorney to negotiate the sale of an ice cream cone—way too much horsepower.

Daniel Hoffman Gill, my friend, puts its best: “I find [Dave Stroup’s] 'sacking' of you to be totally bizarre and flawed–clearly he’s jealous–but one thing is true, he has done you a favour; that blog was a shithole of mongbats.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Welcome back to “Daily Palin,” in which we detail Sarah Palin’s refusal to go away—every day. In this edition: Everything I need to know (about Sarah, journalism, and myself) I learned from my commenters.

—

SARAH PALIN: REVEALED!

COOL. "SARAH PALIN IS SO COOL AND BEAUTIFUL–AND HONEST TOO—AND FROM THE NORTH A STAR IS HERE" – "navy"

BROKE ALL HER FINGERS. "I’d like to see you take a 1,000 pound moose, field dress it and bring it home — at 3 in the morning in *actual* temperatures down to -45F; or maybe you might try gill netting thousands of pounds of salmon — with all your fingers broken — the day after breaking them — like Sarah has so she could earn some money." – "Ron Devito"

CUTE OR WHAT. "IS SARAH CUTE OR WHAT–ALSO SMART,HONEST, AND FOR HUMAN RIGHTS…" – "ERIC"

FACT. "Sarah Palin is the best thing to happen to Alaska politics. Fact." – "vidsweet"

"GO SARHA!!!!!!" – "sharon"

—

AMANDA HESS: REVEALED!

DUMB AS A MUD FENCE. "you are really as dumb as a mud fence." – "Gary"

DUMB AS AN OX. "That everyone has now exposed you to be dumb as an OX? And you claim to be a journalist? Sounds as if you’re suffering from Venus envy." – "linda"

DUMB COW. "Oh, and the “back taxes”, nice try….It was Governor Palin herself who asked for the review, you dumb cow" – "Gary"

GRETA VAN SUSTEREN WILL EAT ME FOR LUNCH. "Greta van susteren will eat you for lunch." – "Thomas McMahan"

SILLY WOMAN. "And silly woman, he doesn’t race DOGS, he races snowmobiles, or as they call them in Alaska, snow machines. How can anybody believe a damned thing you say, when you are too stupid to even get THAT right! I have an idea for you. You sound like a frustrated girl. How about you go find someone to hook up with and get over it!" – "Gary"

PROB A GUY. "it is scary to see so many dumb-stupid-mean people in this country. Who raised these people-what home did they come from? who is this “Amanda”? prob a guy trying to write as a woman–mentally deranged–personality disorder–go get some serious help." – "sissy"

CONSTANTLY CONFUSING WITH WOLVES. "And Todd races ’snowmachines’ NOT dogs…Dogs are those 4 legged-furry critters that you liberals are constantly confusing with wolves (Ashley Judd anyone?)…But,hey,don’t let the truth get in way of slamming Palin right Amanda?..Good gosh! You either know you’re lying or dumber than a bag of rocks" – "KenFromAlaska"

BRAIN MUST BE ON STAND-BY. "OMG, This is not writting this is just stupidity at its best, Where did you learn to write, how do you get your FACT’s? Stop lying and try something else? I just wonder if you even care what you write, guess not brain must be on stand-By, swoopppppppppppppppzzzzz,POP (show hitting Amanda on the head)" – "Eagle eye"

SORE LOOSER. "Game over, you loose." – "jim3r"

READ BETWEEN THE LINES. "PS:I’m driving up to Denali NATIONAL Park 2 hours north of here to do some snow-machining this week-end…Will have my Remington 870 along..GREAT shotgun..Accurate and dependable..
Watch that ‘casual drinking’ problem you’ve got,eh?" – "KenfromAlaska"

—

JOURNALISM: REVEALED!

SUBJECT-VERB AGREEMENT. "Your journalistic imagination if you want to call it that are based on lies and confusion. Maybe you should concentrate on Obama and the mess he is causing our country. I don’t know who gave your degree in journalism but I think their credentials should be checked." -alaskan10

GOOGLE. "utter ignorance on display in this post is mind boggling . mistakes galore, even about fact that can be checked with a simple google search." – sfernando

SLOOPY DONE. "Just using Governor Palin to be sensational, but offer no truth in this sloopy done you call reporting." – "Joyfulcardinal"

FAILED ATTEMPST. "Amanda needs to go read some educational material before she attempst to write." – "sissy"

—

URBAN HUNTERS: REVEALED!

URBAN HUNTERS. "Obviously, urban hunters are those who live in urban areas, but hunt for their own food, like many in Alaska. Now, was that so hard to figure out?" – "Greg"

URBAN HUNTERS. "As Greg said, urban hunters are just that." – "Gary"

Photo by davekentuk