Last week we narrowed down D.C.'s workplaces to the four manliest organizations in the District (okay, due to several close manly ties, it was really six). They are: conservative moonie news source The Washington Times; obscure U.S. representative body the Senate; a whole bunch of unionized dudes; and bald eagle/Ronald Reagan advocacy group Citizens United (relive the madness with the full 64-workplace bracket here).

Now, it's time to fight out the ties of our top-tier man-stitutions and crown a winner! First off: The Washington Times vs. Senate. This contest is an easy one—the Senate is perfect, the Times is not—sending the Cheney-Biden squadron of male lawmakers into the finals. The Unions vs. Citizens United face-off presents a tougher fight—three perfectly manly unions (United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers, and Allied Workers; International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers; International Brotherhood of Teamsters) versus a perfectly manly conservative advocacy organization. Add in the Senate, and that's five perfectly manly D.C. workplaces! How ever will I choose between them?

Indiscriminantly! I'll grade these five remaining workplaces on these three factors, on a scale from one to ten:

1. Manliness in Name
2. Manliness in Purpose
3. Enduring Manliness

Let's see how they do!

THE SENATE:

1. Manliness in Name. According to internationally renowned reliable resource Wikipedia, "The word senatorial is derived from the Latin word senātus (senate), which comes from senex, "old man." 10 POINTS.

2. Manliness in Purpose. The Senate is the upper house of Congress, and takes on such manly duties as deciding things and appointing people. Some of its duties, however, are downright feminine. "Consenting" to treaties? The manly decide. The feminine consent. 5 POINTS

3. Enduring Manliness. The Senate has been going strong for 220 years. However, the Senate's manliness has been receding steadily since 1922, 1922 when Rebecca Felton—a lady!—temporarily filled a senate vacancy for two days. 6 POINTS.

TOTAL: 21 POINTS

UNITED UNION OF ROOFERS, WATERPROOFERS, AND ALLIED WORKERS:

1. Manliness in Name. Roofers, Waterproofers, Men.  8 POINTS.

2. Manliness in Purpose. This union works to "organize workers" (manly) and work with "various groups on safety and health issues" (hardly). 3 POINTS

3. Enduring Manliness. This union's roots only go back so far as a 1903 AFL charter. However, the union has this to say about its history: "Roofs have been necessary since our ancestors first stepped out of their caves and began building shelters using indigenous materials." I'm convinced. 9 POINTS.

TOTAL: 20 POINTS

INTERNATIONAL BROTHERHOOD OF ELECTRICAL WORKERS:

1. Manliness in Name: Brotherhood, bro. 8 POINTS.

2. Manliness in Purpose: The Brotherhood "represents some 725,000 members in construction, utilities, manufacturing, telecommunications, broadcasting, railroads and government." That's a lot of men! 9 POINTS.

3. Enduring Manliness. The Brotherhood claims that as far back as 1890, the IBEW "Dream is Born." On the one hand, that's a long time for manliness to endure. On the other hand, "dream" is nothing other than the idle dilly-dallying of those who cannot "do." ZERO POINTS.

TOTAL: 17 POINTS

INTERNATIONAL BROTHERHOOD OF TEAMSTERS:

1. Manliness in Name. Brotherhood, brah. 8 POINTS.

2. Manliness in Purpose. The Teamsters not only represent the nation's transportation and "freight-related" workers—they also built Las Vegas! Plus, funnest Teamster ever, Jimmy Hoffa, went to prison before mysteriously disappearing, earning him a prominent spot in the Encyclopedia of Manliness. 10 POINTS.

3. Enduring Manliness. Then again, Hoffa's been "missing" for 33 years. ZERO POINTS.

TOTAL: 18 POINTS

CITIZENS UNITED

1. Manliness in Name. I see a missed opportunity: Male Citizens United? Citizens Man-nited? Manly Man Men? Get real. ZERO POINTS.

2. Manliness in Purpose. Citizens United aims to restore "traditional American values" set down by the "founding fathers," including "strong families." Read: Man, man, man, man, man! 10 POINTS.

3. Enduring Manliness. Citizens United was founded in 1988, which doesn't give it a very manly track record. Hell, it's younger than me (a woman)! However, perhaps we can see CU's relatively recent formation as a sign that America's manliness is still healthy enough to spawn another inane right-wing advocacy group. 8 POINTS.

TOTAL: 18 POINTS

That leaves only the victor: the incomparably manly:

U.S. SENATE!!!!1

Yes, yes, rah rah, celebrate now, U.S. Senate—women's rights activist Joe Biden will be lording over your activities soon enough! Then where will you be? Utter mannishness!

(It's not over just yet—later this week, I'll announce the winner of our fill-in bracket competition).

CITIZENS UNITED: Citizens United aims to "reassert the traditional American values of limited government, freedom of enterprise, strong families, and" blah dee blah dee blah, booooring. But look at that shining bald eagle logo (pictured)! I can't stay mad at you, Citizens United. Go ahead. Show me your men (again, information about this nonprofit comes from its 2006 990 form, as well as from its staff list on its Web site):

President David N. Bossie (Male, 10 points)
Vice President Michael Boos (Male, 9 points)
Chairman Floyd Brown (Male, 8 points)
Media Consultant Brian Berry (Male, 7 points)
Secretary-Treasurer Douglas L. Ramsey (Male, 6 points)
Director Ron Robinson (Male, 5 points)
Director John Bliss (Male, 4 points)
Director Kirby Wilbur (Male, 3 points)

Though Citizens United only lists eight staffers, its showing is so impressive, I'm going to go ahead and take its word for it and give the org. a 100 percent on the Manly Index. That's 55 out of the possible 55 points—all of them. In at the buzzer, Citizen United takes the advocacy bracket! You guys are going to the finals! That is, as long as you can soundly destroy the folks over at . . .

D.C. VOTE: These people would be just ecstatic if they every person in dee-cee was represented in Congress by someone who could like, vote and shit, and didn't have to ineffectually brandish their token Senate badges in front of traffic cops when they got pulled over for Duis, which they are Certainly Not Very Guilty Of. Hmm, sounds rather progressive, I'm not sure how many this whole—SHOW ME YOUR MEN!

Executive Dir. Ilir Zherka (Male, 10 points)
Chair Bruce Spiva (Male, 9 points)
Vice Chair Lorelie S. Masters (Female, ZERO)
Treasurer Elizabeth A. Allen (Female, ZERO)
Secretary John Klenert (Male, 6 points)
Comm. & Devel. Dir. Kevin Kiger (Male, 5 points)
Outreach Dir. Eugene Dewitt Kinlow (Male, 4 points)
Operations Dir. Antonette E. Russell (Female, ZERO)
Comm. Manager Jaline Quinto (Female, ZERO)
Outreach Associate Erica Spell (Female, ZERO)

With 34 minutes out of a possible 55, D.C. Vote casts its ballot for mediocrity! CITIZENS UNITED IT IS! Return next week when we get this whole business tied up in a manly little bow and declare the ultimate victor!