More from Tiger Beatdown on manlit: This time, Garland Grey on the role of privilege in co-opting Jane Austen, a la Pride and Prejudice and Zombies:

Austen had to work very hard to hammer out a structure and a flow and a rhythm to the story, and you pull up next to that process in your giant SUV of male privilege and start plugging your electricity and water into it, taking all the work that Austen did to get the thing published, all of the work that made her writing world famous, and you make YOURSELF world famous. . . . it seems that when a woman works with a man’s material, they are given a more restrictive license to do so; their work is always assumed to be “less than” than a man’s work. And HEAVEN FORFEND that a BLACK WOMAN recombine the work of a white woman such as Margaret Mitchell, like Alice Randall did in The Wind Done Gone. Remember what a pointless shitstorm all that was?

Also, there weren't hardly any zombies in it!

* Seconding this New York Times op-ed urging Attorney General Eric Holder to enact strong standards to help end prison rape: "Predictably, state and local corrections officials determined to preserve the disastrous status quo are pushing back. Mr. Holder must hold the line." In related news, "Immigration and Customs Enforcement is investigating allegations that a guard at a central Texas detention facility sexually assaulted female detainees on their way to being deported."

* In defense of Lynn Hirshberg's devastating MIA profile: Alyssa Rosenberg on the narratives celebrities create, and the value in dismantling them:

Queasy but great entertainment—and great entertainment journalism—have often come out of the disjunction between established celebrity narratives (at least the ones that are meant to be taken seriously) and reality, or the breakdown of a once-true narrative. Vanessa Grigoriadis's 2008 Rolling Stone profile of Britney Spears came as the former teen pop star was punishing her handlers, America, and herself for imposing a restrictive, virginal life story on her by going publicly, shockingly crazy. But the piece also exposed that story as false in the first place. Britney was sexually active before her breakout album, and she'd had breast implants. What was interesting was less that she and her management team lied about those events, but how she succeeded, and then failed, to live out the history that was retroactively created for her.

* Via the Curvature: Watching an ultrasound of a fetus does not deter women from having an abortion.

* SAFER Campus on the testimony of a woman who was raped at UV A in 1984, and the strange sexual assault policies that remain at the school today:

[N]one of the rapes reported to UVA (and consequently reported to the federal government) has resulted in sanctions. There is something wrong with all of the different pieces of this picture. I would add that the procedures for UVA’s sexual assault board include two options that are basically mediation—one literally called mediation, and a “structured meeting” that seems to be the same as mediation except the discussion is more structured? What? Notably, if a student chooses a structured meeting, they must waive their right to a formal adjudication before the Sexual Assault Board. (Oddly enough, students are allowed to pursue formal adjudication if the are unhappy with the results of a mediation…as long as they don’t sign anything that says they can’t…) Neither the mediation or strcutured meeting can result in sanctions. Perhaps this speaks to why the 52 reported rapes at UVA resulted in no sanctions? I would really like to know what channels UVA’s sexual assault cases go through most often.

Photo via daniel.julia, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

On Sunday evening, Rima Fakih was crowned Miss USA 2010. By morning, her reign had already been tarnished by the requisite beauty queen sex scandal. Photos had surfaced of the now-24-year-old Fakih dancing on a stripper pole in a local radio event titled "Stripper 101." But as Broadsheet's Tracy Clark-Flory notes, Fakih's "official Miss USA glamor shots" (above) are actually significantly more risque than the "stripper" shots, which revealed Fikah—clothed—in short-shorts and a tank top.

Well, well, well. What on earth could possibly be happening here?

First, Clark-Flory lays out the sexual landscape:

What's absurd—no, make that what's most absurd—about this faux scandal is that the photos of Fakih pole-dancing are far tamer than the official Miss USA glamor shots. As Mary Elizabeth Williams wrote last week, it seemed pageant officials were "heading scandal off at the pass" by releasing a "spank-worthy collection of its contestants in lingerie." Fakih is wearing less clothing in her glamor shot than in her pole-dancing pics—we're talking fishnets, a garter and a bra compared to a tank top and booty shorts. In all seriousness, you're likely to see racier getups on suburban soccer moms at their local strip aerobics class.

"The beauty queen's fall from grace has been institutionalized and mainstreamed," Clark-Flory continues. "The post-win scandal is now every bit an expected and essential part of the pageant as the swimsuit portion of the show. It's all so predictable and boring. Could it be that we're nearing maximum sex scandal capacity?"

Not a chance. Clark-Flory is right that it's boring, predictable, and hypocritical for the Miss USA pageant to expect completely virginal contestants when the pageant itself encourages its Misses to embody the other half of that particular dichotomy.

But this pattern—parading its contestants in string bikinis and high-heels, and then clutching its pearls over any unsanctioned skin-showing—is hardly an idiosyncrasy of the pageant circuit. This comes from a long and storied tradition of (a) expecting women to be extremely sexy, and then (b) furiously policing their sexuality by confining it to particular contexts, which are controlled by (c) assigned (usually) male guardians, like fathers, husbands, and pageant organizers.

That's why Americans have got our sexy teen pop stars who are saving themselves for marriage, our Christian true-believers who are saving their breast implants for their husbands,  and our beauty queens who are explicitly judged on how sexy they are—as long as they're only sexy for Donald Trump. Last year, Miss California USA funded Carrie Prejean's breast implants, only to ditch her when she almost showed them off. It doesn't matter that these beauty queens are often wearing less clothes in the pageant than they are in their "sexy photo scandals"—they're still not saving themselves sufficiently, and for that they deserve to be shamed.

Trump, like many arbiters of female sexuality before him, wants a lady in the street but a freak in the, uh, swimsuit competition. He'll never find one—it's difficult to find a young woman who can perform sexuality at Miss-USA-standards without any practice.  So what's the only way to keep the dichotomy alive? Dole out the shaming when any less-than-perfectly-chaste photos arise. In an age when beauty pageant interest is flagging, the American public is still invested in that virgin-whore narrative—and slut-shaming for fun and profit has proved a reliable investment for Trump.

Miley Cyrus' new video features avian headware, backup dancer eye-fucking, tortured visual imagery representing puberty, and copious Auto-Tune. Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown and I respond.

AMANDA: Hello!

SADY: Why hello! I have worn my bird cage hat of Serious Analysis to this meeting. My Serious Analysis is: The children! Are they getting too sexy? Specifically the beloved starlet children who live as normal tweens by day, international pop stars by night?

AMANDA: Allow me to answer that question with a prediction: In about two years, Justin Bieber will announce his grownupedness by appearing in a video surrounded by women dressed as sexy aardvarks, or something.

SADY: PROBABLY. I think that's the next big step for the Beebs. That or allowing leaked photos of his very first armpit hair to appear on TMZ. But dudes don't have to, like, "grow up" by announcing how sexy they are now. Not the way ladies do.

AMANDA: Yeah, I mean, it seems that the sign of grownupedness is ladies without pants, and so if you're a lady, take off your pants, and if you're a man, get some ladies and take off their pants. Lady Gaga has of course complicated this equation by making sexiness also about dressing like bizarre animals. Which is hilarious, because now when you have parents clutching their pearls over this, they also necessarily have to be like "And what's with the kids these days with the bird costumes?"

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Not A Girl: A modified Catholic schoolgirl outfit provided ample fodder for creepy adult fantasy, while Britney Spears' stated virginity insulated her from the accompanied slut-shaming.

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Not Yet A Woman: "Britney, are you sure you're mature enough to take responsibility for that sensual albino python?"

SADY: Right? Not only do they have to worry about the teens doing the sexy dances, they also have to worry that their wholesome sons and daughters are going to slaughter everybody in the IHOP and get sent to Bitch Prison. I mean, it's interesting to me, though, like the whole transition from "innocent" (or "not that innocent" in one notable case) to "I am wearing a thigh-high boot, spinning around a pole, and letting backup dancers lick my face" that so many women who grow up in the public eye have to undergo. Like the ONLY OPTION is publicly performing "virgin" or publicly performing "SEX SEX LOOK AT ME IT'S POSSIBLE I MIGHT BE HAVING SEX." For ladies. Dudes are just allowed to grow up gracefully, more often. And there's nothing wrong with being licked! Or spinning around a pole, if you want to do that! It's just like... she HAS to announce adulthood with these very public, very overt signifiers of sexuality.

AMANDA: I know, I was wracking my brain for young pop stars who have not gone through the Not Wearing Pants phase, and the only ones I can think of are a) Kelly Clarkson, who wrote a song about how she doesn't hook up and how she can clean up the mess your ex-girlfriend made who probably does hook up because all the kids are doing it, and b) Taylor Swift, who, well WE KNOW. WE KNOW ABOUT THAT ONE. For the record, I'm not a pop star, and I've attended several parties where I haven't worn pants the whole time at those parties. IT HAPPENS. But the dichotomy is really frustrating.

SADY: Yeah. I mean, me and pants have a troubled history. There was a time, Amanda! A time when I was convinced leggings were, in fact, pants! A time when I was TERRIBLY WRONG. And I enjoy taking my pants off in certain conducive contexts, of course, as we all do. Nobody wants to wear pants permanently! Except for Tobias Funke!

AMANDA: Haha Indeed. But so, I was thinking about Thinking of the Children the other day. And how Think of the Children is almost always used as a really transparent cover that adults use to condemn something they're extremely uncomfortable with at all ages, and then claim that they're only protecting The Children from it, instead of themselves.

SADY: Yeah. And Thinking Of The Children often seems to involve... not a lot of thinking about how The Children actually tend to behave? Like: My shameful secret is that I actually ENJOY THE HELL out of this video. Not because it's "empowering," or because I take ANY of its messages at face value, but because — like Miley herself — it's so goofy and embarrassing in precisely the ways that 17-year-old-girl rebellion is goofy and embarrassing.

AMANDA: It's pretty much the Twilight of videos. Except less virginy.

SADY: Haha, yeah. I mean, it's so high school! Like: She is in a CAGE! A CAGE of your JUDGING HER! But she is a bird that Cannot, as the saying goes, be Tamed! or Blamed! She will do what she wants! GET OUT OF HER ROOM, MOMMMMMMM. SHE'LL WEAR WHATEVER SHE WANTS TO WEAR OH MY GOD STOP MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT I WANT TO DIE I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. And then the door slams. And the video's over.

AMANDA: And then she gives this interview where she Explains, like, what the video is about. It's about being an adult now, GOD.

SADY: Right! I mean: We talk about growing up in public. But Miley Cyrus, despite (DON'T READ THIS PART, MILEY CYRUS) having released some of my least favorite songs EVER, actually seems to be, like... growing up. In public. With all the associated awkwardness. But that's the thing, about Thinking About the Children: We have this very idealized normative concept of how a "good" teen behaves and it's just not in line with these realities. At all! And honestly it is, as you said, just about shoving aside what makes us uncomfortable.

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Not a Girl: In Christina Aguilera's first hit single, she waited for someone to release her from the confines of bare midriffed virginity.

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Not Yet A Woman: In 2002, assless chaps were considered a strong indicator of adulthood.

AMANDA: Yeah, and why the fuck are we acting like all our insecurities can be resolved by Miley Cyrus not doing some weird shit in a music video? I'll also add that Miley's actually doing pretty fucking awesome at navigating all this stuff. In February, she said this: "My job isn’t to tell your kids how to act or how not to act because I’m still figuring that out for myself. To take that away from me is a bit selfish . . . Your kids are going to make mistakes whether I do or not. That’s just life.” Coming from someone who was EVISCERATED for appearing in a magazine with her back visible, that point is well-taken.

SADY: WHOA. Miley seems really together! In that quote! Sorry, Miley! I mean, yeah: I think the fact that our cultural insecurities CAN be raised by just such a video is pretty telling. Like that not-really-pole-dancing she did that one time, or the Liebowitz shot: A lot of it was just grown men (and women) being all, "I'm afraid this might turn me on! And I'm scared!" And, yeah, you ought notta be eroticizing the teenagers. But constantly monitoring this one specific female teenager to determine whether she's inappropriately sexy is, like... Not that much less creepy? I think young women's sexuality is often put in that place of overtly well-meaning, covertly creepy monitoring. Like, we're SO OBSESSED with young women not being sexual (which they really usually are) that we constantly evaluate how sexual they are. And then there's all the teen-eroticizing that takes place ANYWAY, because it's so taboo. And the result is Britney, America's #1 Virgin, dancing in a Catholic schoolgirl outfit, and later sort of cracking under the weight of how VERY many contradictions she was expected to represent.

AMANDA: Right. I'll take the bird costume. And the adult hand-ringing: It is extremely creepy, and it's directly related to people being freaked out about their own interest in Miley Cyrus. But like, for 17 year old boys and ladies, a crush on Miley is extremely reasonable? And Miley is, as I read in a recent story, 17 AND A HALF. A half! She's almost 18. Let her wear not-pants!

SADY: Yeah, exactly. Like: I think it's totally fine for teens to be sexual, WITH EACH OTHER. Provided they're educated enough to not take stupid risks and hurt themselves or others. Even if I was like, "it's not okay! Stop doing that, teens! STOP IT RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I SAID SO," they would do it anyway. But there's no safe space in this culture for a young woman to sort of grow into her sexuality, because it's fetishized and demonized and the fetishization and the demonization are directly connected. So people want you and they hate you and they hate you because they want you and they want you because they hate you and it is basically a wonder any of us gets through it even semi-intact.

[youtube:v=9MkstZ3n4G8]
Not a Girl: As a Cheetah Girl, Kiely Williams sang about doing her best and following her heart.

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Not Yet A Woman: As a young adult, Williams' heart led her to eroticize passed-out sex.

AMANDA: Right. It's just important to make the distinction between OH MY DISNEY GIRL SEXY AVIAN COSTUME WHAT ARE THEY DOING TO OUR CHILDREN! and saying, Hey, it must be hard to be a Girl, Not Yet A Woman in the spotlight and be criticized no matter how you want to grow into adulthood. I will say that the song kind of sucks, in a not-criticizing-her-burgeoning-sexuality kind of way.

SADY: Oh, yeah. I mean, I am not going to the "Miley, your expensive silver corset denotes your Brainwashing By The Patriarchy" place. Not in my lifetime! And I hope I'm not saying that I think she's stupid or anything — just in a really awkward place, and I kind of find the very awkwardness of the place charming, because I have so been there. Also her Auto-Tune makes her sound like a cartoon animal, though. Which is not a criticism of her sexuality or body, just of the fact that it like squeaks and she reminds me of a Forest Friend offering helpful advice. "You can't be blamed either Sady! Come with me to my land of mystical enchantments! We'll have a tea party with all the other bunny rabbits!" EEK.

AMANDA: I can't wait until Auto-Tune is recognized as a feminist issue.

SADY: WHY MUST WE DEFORM OUR SISTERS' NATURAL TUNELESSNESS TO APPEASE THE MEN?

AMANDA: Yes, but on the other hand, Auto-Tune helps to equalize a patriarchal music industry standard which prefers women with naturally pleasant singing voices.

SADY: That's so last-wave-of-Auto-Tune politics! I prize the sound of ALL voices! Howsoever sucky!

Sady of Tiger Beatdown and I were totally prepared to have a Very Serious Discussion Concerning Our Feelings on the Defense Of Marriage Act and Why Obama Was Or Was Not A Dick About It (VSDCOFOTDOMAAWOWOWNADAI) today.

But then we read this awesome piece by Steve Haruch, dude in Texas, about why post-post-feminism in pop music is just pre-feminism in disguise, and we thought, "fuck it, let's talk about Beyonce in a cop outfit."

Can pop music ever be more than just, as Steve says, "Feminist Lite"?

Spoiler: Yes it can, but only under certain delicate conditions involving Beyonce acting like a jerk, tacos, and Britney Spears cutting the crap already and just hiring me as her feminist advisor.

SADY: lady! are you ready to have a discussion about postpostpostpostpostfeminism?

AMANDA: hi! Sorry! first of all, since you seem to have been doing a bit of "research" into modes of feminism lately can you tell me what post-feminism is? and what post-post-feminism might be?

SADY: post-feminism is the one where progress has been accomplished so we can all be SEXY again and also camille paglia can blame us for our date rapes! post-post-feminism is... um... feminism again? or the one where we have to fight each other in Thunderdome. no wait, that's post-APOCALYPTIC-post-

I've been writing a lot about date rape in popular culture lately, particularly in music. Most of my treatment has involved parsing the lyrics of popular songs with rape-scenario undertones: Asher Roth's soft indictment of college date rape; A Tribe Called Quest's anti-date rape, menstruation-joke opus; Slick Rick's anal-themed rape song. But do the songs at least sound good? And does that make them worse?

Yesterday, commenter Jelita Jane made a good point about date-rape songs: some of them are terrible (Britney Spears' "Blur"), some of them are awesome (Rod Stewart's "Tonight's the Night'—don't deny it)—and the success of the song often has little to do with how positive or negative its message is. Jelita Jane writes:

[The Toadies] have a song called Tyler that fully outlines a stalker/rapist’s nighttime jaunt into his obsession’s home. I don’t remember all the lyrics but I clearly recall, “I stumble in the hallway, outside her bedroom door/ I hear her call out to me, I hear the fear in her voice/ she pulls her covers tighter, I press against her door/ I will be with her tonight” it’s the creepiest song but somehow it’s still pretty awesome too . . .

A Hierarchy of Date Rape Jams:

Sweet, Positive Jams: Ever since Tupac "died," artists with the ability to craft sweet jams with positive messages have been few and far between. The best bet in crafting a song about rape that's good (and good for you!) is to go heavy on the social satire: i.e. babies being fed malt liquor; period jokes. See: Amanda Palmer's "Oasis"; A Tribe Called Quest's "The Infamous Date Rape."

Sweet, Neutral Jams: These songs are heavily date-rapey, but are, at least, mitigated through storytelling devices: i.e., told from the perspective of a creepy rapist/murderer; told through a fucked-up dream about rape and murder. See: Toadies' "Tyler"; Prince Paul's "Beautiful Night"

Meh: Just about anyone can write a middling track with date rape undertones. Pass. See: Sublime's "Date Rape"; Ludacris' "One More Drink"; 50 Cent's "She Wants It"; Asher Roth's "I Love College"

Terrible, Neutral Jams: Britney Spears should never write "message" songs! Like the rest of her songs, they still don't mean anything, and with Brit-Brit, it's about 70-30 that the song also totally sucks. See: Britney Spears' "Blur"

Terrible, Negative Jams: The hottest place in Billboard chart hell should be reserved for really, really, really bad songs that don't just condone—but advocate—rape. One reader suggested that listening to Slick Rick's ode to raping women in the butt is "more like actually getting date raped." Listening to Anal Cunt is, similarly, an unpleasant experience, but at least you can't tell what the fuck they're talking about. See: Anal Cunt's "You Were Too Ugly to Rape"; Slick Rick's "Adults Only"

Sweet, Negative Jams: These songs—which are fucking sweet except for their terrible date-rape themes—are the most dangerous of all. Oftentimes, the jam is so sweet, the hook so catchy, Rod Stewart so awesome, that the underlying rape message gets by without comment. I listened to Jamie Foxx's "Blame It (On the Alcohol)" three times before I realized how noxious it was. And it took CP movie reviewer Tricia Olszewski to reveal that epically sweet jam "Tonight's the Night" is actually about holing a virgin in your house in order to have sex with her. See: Rod Stewart's "Tonight's the Night"; Jamie Foxx's "Blame It (On the Alcohol); Frank Loesser's "Baby, It's Cold Outside"

Terrible, Positive Jams: Still on the lookout for terrible jams with really positive date-rape messages. While a really sweet jam might cause record labels to overlook the song's date-rapiness, a positive message can never make up for a really bad song. Might Kelly Osborne's "Don't Touch Me While I'm Sleeping" qualify?

Date Rape Anthem: Britney Spears' "Blur"

Relevant Lyrics:

Who are you? What'd we do, last night?
Hey, yeah, yeah
Who are you? What'd we do, last night?
Hey, yeah, yeah

Can't remember what I did last night
Maybe I shouldn't have given in
But I just couldn't fight
Hope I didn't but I think I might've
Everything, everything is still a blur

Why It's So Rapey: I feel bad bringing Britney into this. I really do. After all, Spears didn't even write this track: this date rape joint is the product of three songwriters—Marcella Araiac, Stacy Barth, and Nathanial Hills—who are responsible for putting the words in the victim's mouth.

Reviews have been mixed:

" Sometimes it’s forgettable, sometimes it’s downright weird—as on “Blur,” which lays out a date-rape scenario and then leaves it hanging there. By refusing to be either regretful or angry, it’s more disturbing than any Tori Amos song." — Jack Feerick, Popdose

"Best of all is Blur, a dark, Danja-produced track. Some have suggested it's about date rape, and while that's debatable, it's still a deeply unsettling song . . . It's a sobering counterpoint to the fluff that makes up much of the album, and tellingly, it's where Britney sounds most at home." -– Nick Bond, Perth City Search (okay, a positive take was hard to find).

So Feerick doesn't really believe the rape scenario. At the very least, he argues that the song makes Britney out to be a bad victim of sexual assault—isn't it irresponsible for her to feel nothing about this "blur"? Bond's glowing recommendation, on the other hand, suggests that Brit-Brit is great at playing the victim—she even sounds "at home" in the territory.

The song sucks, but it does raise an interesting point about narratives of date rape in the media. How creepy is it that Spears, who seems to have little artistic control over her own career and did not chip in at all on this song, is asked to lend her AutoTune talents to a date rape themed track with a hook that repeats, out of laziness or sheer insensitivity, "yeah, yeah . . . yeah, yeah"?

For that matter, how many song, film, and television representations of date rape are actually written and performed by victims of the crime (or people who take any effort to understand it)? How many are just guessing, leaving it to the victim performer to "play the victim" well enough to turn the song a "sobering counterpart" instead of just "downright weird"?

IF SHE DID RUN, HE WOULD CRUSH HER, a new poll finds [PDF]. "A new national [Public Policy Polling] poll finds that nominating Palin could be a death wish for the party, with Barack Obama leading Palin 55-35 in a hypothetical contest. The key reason Palin would lose to Obama by so much is that even though she might be the top choice for a certain segment of voters within her party, there's also a number of Republicans who say they would vote for Obama if their party nominated Palin." [via ThunderPig].

ALASKANS STILL LOVE HER: Palin enjoys a high approval rating in her state:

Very positive 40.5
Somewhat positive 20.8 percent
Somewhat negative 12.5 percent
Very negative 20.2 percent
Don't know/Didn't answer 6 percent

Her staff still sucks, though.

WHY IS GRETA V.S. SARAH PALIN'S OFFICIAL JOURNO? Greta Van Susteren has bombarded the populace with interviews with Palins big and small. The Washington Post’s Chris Cillizza knows why: Her husband, John Coale, is a friend of the governor:

Coale, a well-known Washington lawyer and the husband of Fox News Channel’s Greta Van Susteren, drew national media attention when he endorsed Sen. John McCain’s presidential bid in protest of the way in which Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who he backed in the primary, was treated. Coale, in an interview with the Fix, described himself simply as a “friend” of the Alaska governor but acknowledged that he suggested she start a leadership PAC and helped her navigate through some of the questions surrounding her family that lingered after the campaign. Others familiar with Palin’s political team insist that Coale has far more power than he is letting on—essentially helping to run Sarah PAC. Coale demurred on that front, noting only that he talks to Palin regularly and that she is a “fascinating person” who is “definitely not what the right thinks or the left thinks.”

GRETA ON WHY SHE'S A NEUTRAL PALIN REPORTER:

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[via ThinkProgress]

PALIN HEADLINE OF THE DAY, from Politico's Ben Smith: "Palin Clashes With Feds on Wolves"

MADONNA is to Hillary Clinton as Britney Spears is to Sarah Palin: “Britney is not Madonna,” writes  Spears tour reviewer Jed Gottlieb. “She just ain’t. Madonna is Hillary Clinton. She’s whip smart and survives, even thrives by adapting. And Lord knows she wants it more than anyone. Britney is Sarah Palin. Baby drama headlines. Podunk back story and a massive industry machine behind her. She’s a manufactured star aimed at the lowest common denominator.”

Photo by Kurisu

The Washington Post reports today that the baby gorilla born in the National Zoo on Jan. 10 is a baby girl. A zoo spokesperson said it took zookeepers a full three weeks to determine the sex of the gorilla; post-birth, the "hairy arm" of 26-year-old gorilla mama Mandara "protected the newborn and screened her from view." But mama couldn't cage this little wild child forever:

The sex of the baby was confirmed when, during one of the baby's "rare unshielded moments," a "zoo photographer snapped a close-up" of the gorilla's ladyparts.

So: The National Zoo employs its own paparazzi, and its assignments include snapping up-skirts of baby animals to confirm that their genitals appear female? Soon, this still-unnamed baby gorilla will be hanging out with Spears and Lohan, clutching its miniskirt as it exits an SUV with no panties on. Baby gorillas grow up so fast.

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