Brightest Young Things introduces us to “the worst hip-hop group ever“: “White & Crazy Kids.” How crazy are they? So crazy, they just might black out and rape somebody. With an impressive one-two-punch, the worst hip hop group ever may have created the douchiest date rape song ever. It’s called “Get Your Drink On.” Let’s take a listen.

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* Local transgender America’s Next Top Model contestant Isis King tells the NY Post about her future goals: “[Gender reassignment surgery] is still something I need to do. Financially I haven’t saved up more money since the show. And because I haven’t been working, I’ve been living off my savings. But hopefully the jobs will come soon because that will make it easier to save and finally have my surgery. It’s still at the top of my goals, the very top.”

* Yesterday’s Washington Post date lab, attached Michaeleen plays games with single Steve. “I never did the whole date-lots-of-people thing when I was younger. The man I am seeing is out of town, so he doesn’t know about Date Lab,” says Michaeleen. “I am going to tell [him]. I do believe in being honest and up front.” Two weeks later, Michaeleen’s boyfriend was still in the dark about Michaeleen’s WaPo-funded dinner date. Until now!

* Once but a blog, now a full-fledged ‘zine: The second issue of local fashion/lifestyle magazine panda head is available today.

* Brightest Young Things on last week’s All-City Air Guitar Competition at Wonderland: Fenders replaced with cut-off shorts, DIO shirts, and tighty-whities.

* Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds make it official in a Canadian wedding.

* Tina Fey reprises her role as Sarah Palin on “Saturday Night Live”; Amy Poehler takes on Katie Couric:

* Megan at Jezebel tells dudes “How Not to Get it On“:

Don’t pre-emptively tell me you have a small penis.

Don’t text me on a Tuesday night after midnight “I could totally eat ur puss now if u r interwssetted.” I’m not.

Don’t ask if it’s okay to fuck me up the ass because you don’t have condoms and are “scared” of getting me pregnant.

*Jill at Feministe adds her own dating don’ts:

Don’t tell me, on a first date, about the time you pooped your pants on the Jenny Jones Show when you were performing the commercial outro with your Rick James cover band. Don’t tell me that on a tenth date. Just keep that one to yourself.

* Protesters stage bed-in on steps of Capitol:

Kayne West’s “Gold Digger” blared from the steps in front of the Capitol Thursday as protesters dressed in bathrobes and slippers danced around a bed and threw money. Oil Change USA came to speak out against government’s “all too cozy relationship” with oil companies in the wake of the sex-and-drug scandal reported last week by the Interior Department inspector general. “Literally in bed with big oil” was the theme of this protest, noted with their prop of a man and woman laying in bed together, surrounded by money [via Examiner].

Catch up on the Minerals Management Service scandal here.

* Via Feministing: Bitch Magazine was going to have to fold, but now they’re not. You can still give them money, though.

* Brightest Young Things points you to Seattle’s bikini baristas:

Baristas in spike heels, lingerie, fish nets and other skin-revealing attire are attracting long lines—and large tips. . . . When servers started wearing pasties at a shop called Espresso Gone Wild west of Seattle, however, some residents decided the caffeinated provocateurs had taken it too far. [via NPR]

* Aaaand, drum roll: Fish swims into penis.

Naughty: Washington Post’s Date Lab. Here, the blame falls not on Post interviewer Christina Breda Antoniades, but on one of the feature’s test bunnies: Mary Franklin, a 23-year-old graduate student. Franklin’s answers to the Post’s get-to-know-you questions reveal a common thread: “I’m very open to different kinds of people and experiences,” she writes. “I like guys who are a little exotic in ethnicity/appearance, usually with dark hair and no facial hair.” Franklin adds that her dream date is a person “perhaps of a different background—for example, an Asian or British version of Sam on ‘The West Wing.’”

The Post did its best to satisfy Franklin’s taste for the “exotic”: Her date was Jay Singha, 23, a self-described “6-foot, loud Indian.” Check out Franklin’s first impression of Singha:

[The hostess] introduced us. [Jay's] family is Indian so [he has] darker skin, dark hair. He’s not a bad-looking person, [but] he’s not someone I probably would have been drawn to. Usually [I like] more of the East Asian, Japanese or Korean kind of thing. Or Spanish. But it takes me a little while to know if I’m attracted or not.

Looks like Franklin’s only open to the “different kinds of people” who fit her particular craving for exoticism. Give me East Asian, Japanese, Korean, Spanish, British—whatever. South Asian? No thanks. After the date, when Singha “invited her to a party,” was Mary really “working”? You be the judge.

Nice: John over at Brightest Young Things has an interview with Shea Van Horn and Matt Bailer (along with a great photo spread by Shervin Lainez). Van Horn and Bailer are the DJs behind Mixtape, a new monthly alternative gay dance party at Eritrean restaurant Dahlak. The mainstream gay nightlife scene in D.C. is well-documented; BYT does well in highlighting the dearth of alternative options in the District:

“I can’t be the only person who wants to dance to a little Italo-disco or acid house or early Wax Trax! recordings. But, I’m not hearing that anywhere,” says Van Horn, a local DJ and performance artist best known for spinning local alternative queer parties at places like the DC9. . . . “[Alternative events] Taint and Homo/Sonic fill up just two nights per month, at best,” says Van Horn. “That leaves 28 other nights when the alt-gay crowd is stuck with Madonna-rama.”

* Brightest Young Things‘ Meg Z ruminates on Metrosexual men’s makeup habits.

* In an interview with the Blade, comedian Margaret Cho calls Sarah Palin the “worst thing to happen to America since 9/11.”

* The New Gay, which already has a gay male comic strip, Curbside, has added a sister comic: Lefthanded Lesbians by Mag.

* Feministing finds an extremely disturbing McCain/Palin t-shirt that gives new, somehow even creepier meaning to the phrase “Drill, baby, drill.”

* Unrelated, don’t care: McSweeney’s remembers David Foster Wallace.