Posts Tagged ‘blow jobs’
A Very CockBib Christmas
It seems like only yesterday that the CockBib arrived on the adult novelty scene to protect us against the horror of sloppy blow jobs. The CockBib, which is exactly what it sounds like, was always there for us—ready to catch our spittle before it fell upon a man’s balls. And I was really hoping that the CockBib was going to be around for the Holiday gift-giving season, offering up winter-themed ball-protectors with phrases like “Ho, Ho, Ho, Suck My Dick,” or “I’m Dreaming of A Dry Ball Christmas,” or “Dry-Balls, Dry-Balls, Dry-Balls, I Made You Out of CockBib.” The possibilities are endless, people.
So imagine my surprise when I click over to the CockBib online store, only to find the Web site abandoned! What the fuck happened to the CockBibs?!
Sexist Beatdown: Let’s Talk About Sex, Whatever That Is
Quick Quiz! Sex. What is it, exactly?
A. One step past whatever you were just caught doing with that woman who is not your wife.
B. Anything that two people do together in private when they love each other very much, not including whatever those queers are doing.
C. Whenever the one with a penis has an orgasm.
D. Given the obvious power disparity between men and women in the patriarchy, an implicitly non-consensual act—unless two girls are doing it, but only if two girls are doing it exclusively for their own pleasure and not to satisfy the male interest in two girls doing it.
E. Dancing.
Today, Sady of Tiger Beatdown and I will get to the bottom of this mysterious phenomenon, and figure out why the definition of “sex” is not actually any particular combination of penises, vaginas, anuses, and mouths, but rather a tool for cheaters to pretend they’re not cheating and homophobes to pretend they’re different from gays. Good morning, by the way!
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The Inventor of the “CockBib” Speaks Out
Earlier this week, I introduced you to the world of the “CockBib,” and the men who wear them to maintain ball sac dryness—and hilarity!—during oral sex.
I finally tracked down the Inventor of the CockBib after several CockBib fans (including one named, oddly enough, “Amanda Hess”) posted very positive CockBib reviews on my blog, from his IP address. Below, the Inventor speaks out about how to parse the nonsensical CockBib, the virtues of ball dryness, and the female-friendly CockBibs he’s rolling out next:
IF THE COCKBIB IS MEANT TO PROTECTs YOUR BALLS FROM WETNESS, WHY DO YOU WANT THE NUTS IN HER MOUTH? [Re: "It's Showtime: These Nuts in Ya Mouth, Take 1"]
