The Department of Insurance, Securities and Banking (DISB) has not made any changes in its position regarding contraceptive coverage in individual health insurance under Commissioner Gennet Purcell or prior to Commissioner Purcell’s appointment.

In fact, mandated coverages for insurance are not at the discretion of the insurance commissioner, but rather mandated coverages are those that are required by D.C. law. Contraceptive coverage is not now, nor has it ever been, a mandated coverage in D.C. DISB has researched its recent consumer complaint history and found no complaints about individual health insurance not covering contraception. It is surveying insurance companies writing individual health insurance in the District of Columbia and, while responses are still coming in, has found that there are individual plans available in D.C. that provide contraceptive coverage.

I called the DISB earlier today, and never heard back. But Commissioner Gennet Purcell weighed in on the comments: “District Residents/Sexist Bloggers: Please check your facts. I have not made any policy decisions or other DISB determinations regarding mandated contraception coverage in the District of Columbia. This is simply untrue.”

D.C. ladies on the pill: You may not know the name of Gennet Purcell, the woman that Mayor Adrian Fenty appointed to head up the D.C. Department of Insurance, Securities and Banking last August. You should. Purcell may be responsible for sending your birth control costs through the roof. Yesterday, Amie Newman of R.H. Reality Check reported that Purcell recently gave insurance companies the go-ahead to opt out of contraception coverage. [UPDATE: Purcell's office roundly denies Newman's story. Statement after the jump].

Under Purcell’s watch, private insurance companies operating in Washington DC are now allowed to opt out of covering contraception in individual plans. This coverage is considered “non-mandatory” by the insurance commissioner and some women are finding their birth control coverage suddenly dropped.

UPDATE: A call I made to DISB this afternoon was not returned, but a DISB rep issued the following statement to DCist:

The Department of Insurance, Securities and Banking (DISB) has not made any changes in its position regarding contraceptive coverage in individual health insurance under Commissioner Gennet Purcell or prior to Commissioner Purcell’s appointment.

In fact, mandated coverages for insurance are not at the discretion of the insurance commissioner, but rather mandated coverages are those that are required by D.C. law. Contraceptive coverage is not now, nor has it ever been, a mandated coverage in D.C. DISB has researched its recent consumer complaint history and found no complaints about individual health insurance not covering contraception. It is surveying insurance companies writing individual health insurance in the District of Columbia and, while responses are still coming in, has found that there are individual plans available in D.C. that provide contraceptive coverage.

Photo by nateOne, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

Whenever a man deviates from this reproductive gender role, he’s labeled as kind of a pussy. When a woman deviates from the role, she doesn’t get off so easy—she’s a bad, immoral, evil slut. It’s funny: even those who believe that men and women were “created” this way though the process of evolution—and not via some God who wove his moral authority into our very genitals—will still argue that deviating from gender norms results in great moral depravity.

Except for gay guys! When gay men are sexually promiscuous—you know, like men are evolutionarily wired to be—they are bad, immoral, evil sluts, too. Welcome to the club, guys (there are no free towels). It’s funny: even those who believe that there’s nothing wrong with being gay still argue that gay sex results in the great moral depravity usually reserved only for female sluts. Why? Because there are no women around to virtuously refuse to have sex with them.

Yesterday, The New Gay editor Zack made the gay man’s double-standard clear. Zack has been seeing his boyfriend for two years. And one time, Zack peed on someone’s face in a kiddie pool (consensually). Sure, it’s not the most effective way of spreading one’s seed, but whatever—he’s a dude, and it’s only natural for him to want to do some freaky stuff with his penis, right? Wrong. Zack peed on a man’s face, which is a no good very bad slutty thing to do. And it’s not because men loving men is bad—it’s because men fucking men is bad. And it all comes back to us ladies. Zack writes:

Though gay men’s lives are not purely defined by sex — I don’t need to tell you that the richness of the modern queer experience goes beyond an eternal search for dick in ass — I think we do ourselves a disservice by forgetting that we have been designated like we are because of sex. Not love, not companionship, not dating, but sex. Gay marriage is verboten because it leads to gay sex. Parent freak out about gay teachers because they think we’ll teach their children about abhorrent sex. Gay adoption, gay blood donors, all “controversial” aspects of us as a people can be traced back to a popular disdain for how we get off.

However, the way to address this is not to cut sex out of our lives entirely. Some people seem to think that we can whitewash ourselves to equality. Show no affection, no desire, no indication that you have anything between your legs but a smooth strip of plastic and we’ll be able to do what everyone else does. This is true in a sense, but if we win our acceptance as a sexless people we’ll be forever robbed of sex. It’s common sense. Not everyone wants to be joined in holy matrimony or to fight in the military, but everyone wants to have sex. And if the way we have sex is fundamentally accepted, then all of our other rights would fall into line. I’m sure of this.

The parallels between gay rights and women’s rights here are obvious. There’s a reason that feminism is so centered around reproductive rights (it’s the sex). Birth control allows women to have sex the way we want, for the reasons we want to, and without the responsibility of bearing all the moral consequences that come with having sex (chiefly, babies). And yet, even when sex is very explicitly undertaken for pleasure instead of reproduction, women are still called upon to bring some morality to the situation. A woman who takes her birth control pill every day is still a slut. A woman who uses a condom is still a slut. A man who pees on another man’s face, where insemination is impossible—as is transmission of HIV, which often acts as a moral-responsibility stand-in for pregnancy—is still a slut.

In response to Zack’s coming out as a slut, commenter B.B. wrote:

I am so exhausted from hearing excuse after excuse about why having sex with anyone and everyone anywhere and everywhere is “okay.” No, it is not okay. Let’s also not fool ourselves into believing that straight men are just as slutty as gay men. Women are still socialized to rebuff men’s attempts to have sex with them. I do not doubt that many straight men would have sex as often as possible if they could, but there is still a certain degree of dignity in the straight dating arena.

Ah, dignity. Where does this dignity come from? Why, it comes from us, the women, who must be forever chaste in order to save all of mankind from sluttiness. But once you take women out of the equation, sexual relationships become a lot less dignified—in fact, they become something approaching equal!

Behind the slut-shaming of gay men and the slut-shaming of straight women is the same irrational fear: the fear of equality in sexual relationships. And it sucks for everybody. In accordance with gender roles, men are considered morally inferior to women. Women are considered morally responsible for men. Men who have sex with men will never have their immoral natures redeemed by women. Women who have sex with women are wasting their feminine virtue.

I’m with Zack on this one—it all comes down to equality in the bedroom. When women are allowed to want sex like men, we will all be made responsible for our own personal relationships—and not the collective morality of our entire society. And when everything is equal between men and women, gay men and women will no longer be considered morally inferior to all heterosexuals. And consensual kiddie pool face-pissing will be available for all, if that’s what they’re into.

So … ejaculation. It turns out that where you do it can greatly affect a woman’s chances of becoming pregnant. Like: If you ejaculate straight up into her vagina, she’s more likely to become pregnant; if you ejaculate into a condom or anywhere else in the world, she’s less likely to conceive. Every 16-year-old boy knows this to be true, and now those 16-year-old boys have grown up to become the Guttmacher Institute’s Lead Pulling-Out Researcher, Rachel K. Jones. Jones published her findings in the June issue of Contraception magazine [via NYT]:

“If the male partner withdraws before ejaculation every time a couple has vaginal intercourse, about 4 percent of couples will become pregnant over the course of a year,” the authors write.

For condoms, used optimally, the rate is about 2 percent. But more significant, the authors say, are the rates for “typical use,” because people can’t be expected to use any contraception method perfectly every time. Typical use of withdrawal leads to pregnancy 18 percent of the time, they write; for typical use of condoms 17 percent of the time.

Hey, that’s information that helps us become better informed about our sex lives. Great, right? No. IT’S BAD, says the Daily Beast’s Tracy Quan, who calls the study’s results “folk wisdom” with a lack of “supporting evidence” and infers that the Guttmacher Institute is no longer “sane” for publishing this no good very bad information. Why? Because withdrawal is “caddish,” “insulting,” and it’s FOR BOYS, NOT GIRLS. And we all know we can’t trust boys to do anything. What else can’t we trust? Science, for one! And while we’re at it: We can’t trust grown women in mutually monogamous relationships to make this choice for themselves, either, even though it’s free, accessible, and feels better than a condom. THERE I SAID IT.

But enough about ejaculating outside of vaginas. Oh, wait, no: It’s time for Sady of Tiger Beatdown and I to discuss ejaculating outside of vaginas some more! Join us!

AMANDA: 9:23 a.m. is a great time to talk about the ups and downs of not ejaculating into vaginas.

SADY: yes. personally, when i heard that not ejaculating into vaginas was a “reliable” form of birth control, i had my suspicions! i was like: apparently all of the dudes i have argued with about birth control have become scientists! who knew?

AMANDA: published in the renowned peer-reviewed journal of medicine, Maxim.

SADY: right. it strikes me as some flawed science, is what i am saying! for, even if withdrawal is a semi-effective method of “birth control,” it strikes me as a highly ineffective method of Not Getting Various Diseases Such As The Herp Control. which i think is what Tracy Quan is saying, which is good common sense.

AMANDA: of course, but at the same time, real scientists who are not your ex-boyfriends have worked very hard to come up with dozens of methods of birth control that also don’t prevent STDs

SADY: fair enough! the scientists, they do these things! i suppose i am a person who likes a certain modicum of control over these situations. and withdrawal as birth control, TO ME, relies on your partner having (a) really good timing, and (b) a solid commitment to not getting distracted or losing track of whatever he is supposed to be doing, during a moment that (AS I UNDERSTAND IT) can be kind of distracting! (I AM REFERRING TO THE MALE ORGASM. In case my incredible tastefulness and subtlety are working against me.)

AMANDA: this is a point that Quan made as well, and I agree that for a lot of people withdraw would not be a good option for this reason. But all forms of birth control come with a degree of human error, or in some cases, shit ripping inside your vagina error. say you’re a couple who doesn’t want to use condoms. and the woman takes her birth control pills, but the man, like you, can’t trust her—for whatever reason—to take them at the same time every day. maybe she forgets sometimes!

SADY: fair enough!

AMANDA: he might not want to rely on her, either. and so if you forget a birth control pill, or a condom breaks, or you ejaculate into a vagina, you know, you can take emergency contraception as well. one of the interesting things to me about this study—and i’m just going to assume the study is accurate for argument, because i don’t know anything about methodology with these things. is that it placed withdrawl slightly below condoms, right? and still, most of the response has been, ‘there’s no way this could ever work, this is some frat dude conspiracy.’ and so perhaps what this study reveals isn’t that withdrawl is a very good option, but rather that we have a bit too much faith in condoms

SADY: a fascinating point! and i agree, some of this may have to do with the fact that, as long as i’ve been alive, anyway, Birth Control has been less important to the discussion than Safe Sex. and most of the sex ed i have ever received has been like, “USE CONDOMS, also there are other methods but seriously just USE CONDOMS.” and i’m still a fan of the condom, because it is cheap and does not require a prescription and has a lower failure rate and higher disease protection rate than other things! the withdrawal method, to me, requires what is (in many or most circumstances) a perhaps unrealistically high level of trust for one’s makeout partner. but maybe this just has to do with the fact that i have been culturally conditioned to trust other people less than i trust the Trojan corporation.

AMANDA: of course. and the method is really counter-intuitive, because pulling out is something that irresponsible 15 year old boys are supposed to do, when really it’s something that would be more appropriate for, say, mutually monogamous STD-free old people.

SADY: right. it is odd for me that something which is the centerpiece of much heterosexual porn is now a meaningful expression of committed monogamous trust. NEXT UP: how having sex on a bus can keep you from getting cancer!

AMANDA: hhahaha. yeah. i heard if you put a donut on it and then seductively bite it off it lowers the risk of kidney failure, or something

SADY: WOW. a doughnut, you say! i guess i’ve been doing it all wrong with the bagels.

AMANDA: i’m with the critics of Quan with this one, though – something that PEOPLE DO turning out to be less sexually risky than we thought is probably a good thing. she says a bit of anxiety is good, but i actually have a lot of that! and so reducing that is probably a good thing for a lot of people. maybe not for Quan, but it’s not like we’re getting rid of condoms! The Trojan lobby (sponsored by Tiger Beatdown) would never allow that.

SADY: true enough. i guess i am just concerned with the fact that there is already pressure on girls to be the “cool” ones who don’t “make” the dude use condoms. i do not know why i think that the sort of dudes who apply that pressure are all going to show up with scientific studies and go through a careful risk-benefit analysis! yet i do. in conclusion: withdrawal is totally fine, if you want to do that and are reasonable about it, and not fine if you do not. CONTROVERSY!

AMANDA: agreed. DON’T LET HIM NOT EJACULATE IN YOUR VAGINA IF YOU DON’T WANT HIM TO NOT DO THAT, KIDS.

SADY: there, problem solved. everybody does what they want to do. the real winner? the paper towel industry. hurrah!

Photo by amorphity

Tomorrow, Cure CVS Now and a coalition of public health advocates will gather outside the Dupont Circle CVS store in an attempt to pressure the pharmacy chain to rethink its locked condom policies. The ultimate goal of the “rally and press conference” is to convince “CVS to adopt a corporate policy to keep all condoms unlocked at all times.” A letter to CVS CEO Tom Ryan will be unveiled!

Gina Bowers of Cure CVS Now admits that the CVS store at 6 Dupont Circle does not lock up its condoms—and that D.C. CVS stores are freer than in many other cities with high HIV rates across the country. “We wanted to do this in D.C. to focus on the national nature of our campaign, but we also want to acknowledge that we are doing this on the backs of the activists who have had success in unlocking the condoms there,” she says. Though the District of Columbia has been somewhat of a success story for public health groups like Cure CVS Now and Save Lives, Free the Condoms, Bowers says that the condom-freeing work—in D.C. and elsewhere—isn’t done until a national policy is in place. “One thing our researchers have found is that many stores only unlock the condoms for a while, and then lock them back up again,” she says.

More details about the rally:

WHAT: Rally and press conference

WHO: National Organization of Women (NOW); Advocates for Youth; ACT UP; Latino Commission on AIDS; Black Women for Wellness; Community HIV/AIDS Mobilization Project (CHAMP); more.

WHEN: 12:30 PM EST Thursday, June 11, 2009

WHERE:

CVS/pharmacy
6 Dupont Circle
Washington, D.C.

Photo by NCinDC

Via Feministe: Advocates for Youth, in conjunction with Cure CVS Now, has created a petition to tell CVS to unlock the condom cases in its stores:

Call on CVS to unlock condom cases in all its stores. Locked condoms create a barrier to condom access, and could be a threat to public health. CVS’s practice of locking condom cases in minority neighborhoods is unacceptable, and we urge CVS to change its store policy. Walgreens and Rite-Aid prohibit condom lock-up: it’s time CVS did the same.

CVS claims to have unlocked all of the condoms in its Washington, D.C. stores. Last month, I wrote a story about how, despite the lip service, condom access in our CVS stores remains a pain in the ass. Unlocking the condoms and then placing them into click-boxes which are often broken—and sometimes actually locked!—isn’t good enough. Perhaps the petition should read: Unlock the condoms. For real this time, guys.

Sign the petition here.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Last week, I wrote about how CVS Pharmacies in Washington, D.C. are continuing to limit access to condoms by locking up some stores and declining to work with public health activist groups. The main problem with condom lock-up is that it forces customers to interact with several employees, wait around in front of the condom box, and verbally request the product. In short, it’s embarrassing.

Sometimes, the employees make it more so. I stopped by a CVS in Los Angeles last week to pick up some personal items—not condoms, though. I approached the cashier with a box of tampons, some Midol, and a pack of gum. I was with a boy.

The cashier rung up my merchandise, requested my CVS card, and delivered my change. Then, she said this to us:

“You kids have fun this weekend, whatever you do or don’t do!”

Whatever we “do” or “don’t do”? You got us good, CVS. I thought your employees could only make me uncomfortable about doing it when I bought something actually related to sex. Now I know you can make me uncomfortable about doing it (or not doing it!) when I buy anything at all!

Photo by Editor B

I’ve always said that the best way to prevent teen pregnancy is to turn 20, am I right? But for those still stuck in their 13-to-19s, the campaign’s Web site offers a quick quiz to help you determine how likely you are to get teen pregnant.

If, like me, your teen years are mercifully behind you, take the quiz anyway. I used it to determine whether or not I can boast more emotional maturity than a 16-year-old.

And . . . I cannot! I took the quiz and scored as “Sort of a Sexpert.” (Sort of a Sexpert? Do you people have any idea who I am?) According to the campaign, that score means that “Most of the time [I] know what the right choice is, but [I] don’t always make it when it comes to sex.” Yeah, that actually sounds about right.

But hey, maybe I’m just too fucking old to know how to prevent teen pregnancy. There is, after all, a “sexting” question:

Laura and Amy are bored* one Saturday afternoon so they start taking goofy pictures of each other with Laura’s camera phone. At first its just funny faces and model poses, but then Amy lifts up her shirt and Laura snaps a picture of her. “I’m so sending this to Mike,” says Laura.

A. “Ha! Do it! He’s so hot. Maybe he’ll return the favor and send me a picture of his naked butt.”

B. “No, don’t! I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. I like him, but I’m not ready to hook up yet.”

C. “You have to delete that picture immediately. That was really dumb of me. I don’t want that pic to get
forwarded to everyone at school. Don’t you watch Gossip Girl?”

D. “Go ahead. Now he’ll see what he’s missing.”

I actually got that one right. But only because I watch Gossip Girl.

* oh, boredom.

For thirty months, the men were injected with 500mg of testosterone undecanoate in tea seed oil once a month. The treatment was 99 percent effective at preventing pregnancy, and after the study ended all but two of the men had their fertility levels return to normal.

According to Jezebel, “Scientists have been trying to develop a male Pill for almost two decades, but progress has been slow. . . . large pharmaceutical companies have been reluctant to perform large trials and many people believe that women wouldn’t trust men to take the pill.”

Oh noes, shifting of responsibilities? Yeah, you know what, I think I could handle it.

When a Fairfax County mother got an urgent call from school last month reporting that her teenage daughter was caught popping a pill at lunchtime, she did not panic. “It was probably her birth-control pill,” she thought. She was right.

Her heart dropped that afternoon in the assistant principal’s office at Oakton High School when she and her daughter heard the mandatory punishment: A two-week suspension and recommendation for expulsion.

This story has less to do with reproductive rights than it does the thorough fucked-up-edness of the high school’s zero-tolerance drug policy.

Because the student chose to took the pill herself instead of handing the pack over to the school nurse to distribute every lunch period, she’ll face penalties on par with “bringing a gun to school” and harsher than “if she had been caught high on LSD, heroin or another illegal drug.” This is in a place where “county policy permits cough drops to be carried on campus, for instance, but not shared.”

What’s most fucked about this situation*?

(a) The student had been prescribed the drug by a doctor
(b) Nobody has ever gotten high off of birth control, ever
(c) The Fairfax school system could better spend its resources like, teaching shit
(d) The cough drop-sharing menace has declined in recent years
(d) fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Let’s parse the levels of fuck in the following statement from a Fairfax schools administrator:

“Most people would not know the difference between birth control or some Ritalin or Tylenol or codeine,” said Clarence Jones, coordinator for the Fairfax school system’s safe and drug-free youth program. “If they are just pulling something out of their pockets and sticking it in their mouths, we don’t know what they are taking.”

Ah yes, the intuitive juxtaposition of “birth control” versus “some Ritalin or Tylenol or codeine.” One drug can only be used to prevent babies; the others are explicitly prescribed so that kids with ADD can learn, are sold over-the-counter for headaches, or are highly addictive pain medications that cause symptoms of withdrawl.

But if administrators could not, in fact, tell if a teen was popping a birth control pill, or a self-purchased cough drop, or crack or whatever, here’s a solution: Why don’t you just ask that teenage human that’s sitting right in front of you? If they have a prescription for the medication, or if the medication does not require a prescription, leave them alone and move on to more important issues, like prosecuting sexters or alerting the media to clandestine rainbow parties.

* Answer: D.

Cristina Page for Reproductive Health Reality Check wrote yesterday on one sector of the economy that hasn’t hurt from the economic downturn: Birth control sales. Page’s evidence of a contraceptive spike:

- Vasectomy.com has fielded a 30 percent increase in appointment requests since January

- Over-the-counter contraceptives (like condoms and emergency contraception) have “jumped a dazzling 10.2 percent in the first two months of the year.”

- Nielson reports that “condom sales jumped up 5 percent in the fourth quarter of 2008 and 6 percent in January compared with the same time periods last year.”

- and “sales of Essure, a non-invasive, irreversible birth control method for women were up also, 28 percent over last year’s sales.”

The numbers aren’t simply evidence of couples putting off pregnancies during the recession—they’re also a big fuck-you to Congressional Republicans who objected to the family planning provisions in Obama’s stimulus. Vasectomies, condoms, and Plan B are great options for men and women with health insurance and cash. But those Americans who can’t afford to step-up their birth control with their current bank balances will be having recession-era babies—and they’re the ones who will be hit hardest by another mouth to feed.

Or, as Page puts it: “So much for contraception being a non-sequitur in discussions about the economy.”

Photo by Marshall Astor

Zack Rosen over at The New Gay wrote an excellent column the other day about the importance of condom use within the gay community. The post covers a lot of ground—personal responsibility, modes of transmission, casual anal bleeding:

A couple years ago when one of the cutest boys I’d ever seen begged me to fuck him without a condom. Actually, beg is the wrong word. He pleaded. He whined. He implored me not to use one as if it was simply some seasoning our our sexual entree that he found disagreeable.

Condoms, however, are not cilantro and I refused to eat without one. And the next morning I found his blood on my sheets, meaning that if he had listened to me, and I was HIV+, he would’ve been too. What a dumbass.

Zack answers a lot of questions about cultural attitudes toward condoms in same-sex relationships, but he also posed a question for me: Do straight people feel the same urgency to use protection?

I am but one woman, and I do not speak for The Straights. But D.C.’s newest AIDS numbers included two statistics that may have something do do with each other: The leading mode of transmission for new HIV cases is heterosexual sex, and 7 out of 10 D.C. citizens reported to not use condoms.

One reason I think condom concern may be lower among heterosexuals is that the HIV threat hasn’t been pounded into our brains for decades, like it has in the gay community. Also, “protection” means something different than STD prevention for us—it also means preventing babies. In a lot of heterosexual relationships, sex partners are often so worried about pregnancy that the fear of conception overshadows concern over STDs.

I have to think that the real question, in the straight world, must be this: Are condoms as important to men as they are to women? In both cases—pregnancy and STD prevention—the responsibility to use protection often falls on her. She has to go to the doctor regularly and get her birth control prescription and make sure she takes it correctly every day. Often, she also has to make sure the man is wearing a condom. If she doesn’t, she’s more at risk than he is: In a female-to-male HIV contact scenario, women are more likely to contract the virus than men are, because of the way our bodies are made. This is true all the time—it doesn’t depend on whether or not anybody is bleeding or whether the sex is anal.

So, that leads me to my question for Zack: Are condoms as important to guys on top as they are to guys on bottom?

Photo by victoriapeckham.

U.S. District Judge Edward Korman had some harsh words for the Bush-run FDA in laying down his judgment, the Associated Press reports:

n a thorough denunciation of the Bush administration, U.S. District Judge Edward Korman blasted the FDA’s handling of the issue, saying it had “repeatedly and unreasonably” delayed issuing a decision on the medication.

The morning-after pill is a source of tension for social conservatives who held great sway in the Bush administration and who believe the pill is tantamount to abortion.

The ruling said the FDA in several instances had delayed issuing a ruling for suspect reasons and on two occasions only took action to facilitate the confirmation of acting FDA commissioners whose confirmations had been held up by the repeated delays.

“These political considerations, delays, and implausible justifications for decision-making are not the only evidence of a lack of good faith and reasoned decision-making,” Korman said. “Indeed, the record is clear that the FDA’s course of conduct regarding Plan B departed in significant ways from the agency’s normal procedures regarding similar applications to switch a drug product from prescription to non-prescription use.”

According to the AP, “the FDA’s Advisory Committee voted 23 to 4 in 2003 to approve Plan B for over-the-counter status without age restrictions. However, out of nearly two dozen applications to move a prescription drug to over-the-counter status, the Plan B request was the only one not approved after the committee recommended it.” In 2006, the medication was made available over the counter, but only to adults.

Korman’s ruling, which must go into effect within 30 days, is a big step forward. But if the FDA approved the sale of the drug without age restrictions six years ago, and Judge Korman offered a scathing critique of the Bush administration’s handling of the medication, why is it now only approved for women aged 17-and-up? What about 16, 15, and 14-year-old girls? Why restrict the age at all?

* Feministe reports on England’s nonprescription birth control pilot program, which would allow Londoners to obtain contraception without a doctor’s prescription. The program, however, would place more power over women’s health decisions in the hands of the pharmacist:

Under the program, women seeking nonprescription oral contraception will undergo an interview with a qualified pharmacist. Strategic health authorities—which manage local health services under NHS—will be required to provide pharmacists with sets of instructions known as patient group directions, including special directions for girls younger than age 16.

* Via Daily Intel—deb balls, Arianna Huffington’s daughter, thrive during a recession.

* Scarleteen will debate you against the “abortion debate.” “Abort​ion:​​ for or again​st it? Who came up with this question, Eagle Forum? Perhaps the Heritage Foundation? Sarah Palin? It’s a terrible way to frame the issue of abortion.”

* As Slate’s XX Factor debates the Herman Rosenblat manufactured Holocaust memoir flare-up, Noreen Malone asks, what about his wife’s role in the lie?

* Elsewhere in Slate, Abby Collard informs would-be politicos how to avoid future embarrassment on Facebook. “Clearly, the safest way to protect yourself is not to have a Facebook account in the first place—or, alternatively, not to do stupid things. But neither of these pieces of advice is very practical. The whole point of being young, after all, is to do stupid things, and the whole point of Facebook is to record these acts for posterity.”

Photo via trialsanderrors.

For most professionals, an acceptable excuse is required to miss work: a swollen appendix, ailing grandmother, whiplash, at the very least.

Pharmacists, on the other hand, may refuse to do their jobs for any old reason—or for none at all. We’re talking about birth control, of course. In the District, for example, pharmacists are not required to provide such products, especially if their “personal views” won’t allow it. According to NARAL Pro-Choice America, only six states bar pharmacists from withholding birth control prescriptions/doing their jobs: California, Illinois, Maine, Nevada, New Jersey, and Washington.

That means that D.C. is a hotbed of the ultimate bullshit defense for denying health care to women. Pharmacists here can refuse to provide women’s health care based on such “personal views” as latent sexism, unsubstantiated medical opinion, or whim. Some other “personal views” local pharmacies have offered up:

It’s private. A pharmacy’s trust factor often relies on its adherence to privacy—its hushed consultations, the 3-foot courtesy bubble between customers, pills wrapped in nondescript white paper packaging. For contraception allies, these conventions help keep birth control a personal transaction not subject to political interference. But right across the counter, the “privacy” excuse allows pharmacists to deny you access to contraception at any time while shirking explanation and accountability-no questions asked. A flack for Wellington Pharmacy defers to the privacy excuse—”it’s a relationship between a person and their physician”—as to why the pharmacy, affiliated with Catholic-leaning Providence Hospital, provides Viagra but no birth control.

This pharmacy is here to deny your rights. Those not interested in providing medications to humans can choose from a host of careers that are not involved in providing medications to humans. And yet, the D.C. area is home to several anti-contraception advocates that insist upon going the pharmaceutical route. For all these pharmacies gets wrong about women’s health-namely, their positions on condoms, birth control, and the morning-after pill-they often get one thing right: At the most fanatical anti-contraception outfits, women at least know what they’re not getting. America’s latest pro-life pharmaceutical poster child, Chantilly’s Divine Mercy Care Pharmacy, defied the tight-lipped industry standard with its grand opening last fall. Holy water slicked the shelves. A bishop blessed the operation. The AP took video. But though the DMC is the only local pharmacy affiliated with anti-contraception group Pharmacists for Life International, it’s less dangerous than the other area pharmacies quietly denying access to birth control.

They’ve got inventory issues. On a recent Saturday, I contacted 10 local CVS pharmacies to see if they had the morning-after pill in stock. Nine did. The pharmacist at the one that didn’t informed me that his store’s Plan B shipments arrived on Tuesdays, so I would just have to wait 72 hours to get my hands on the pill. Never mind that the effectiveness of Plan B decreases with each hour after unprotected sex, and that after 72 hours, its chances of preventing pregnancy are kaput. The representative at another CVS that did have the pill informed me they only had two pill packs left on the shelf. They, too, received new shipments only once a week, on Tuesdays, so my chances of getting the morning after pill depend on a guessing game of how many condoms broke in the District of Columbia in any given week. Here’s a tip, CVS shoppers: If you’re going to need to use the morning-after pill, just make sure that morning falls on a Wednesday.

They’re weirdos. Though it’s not uncommon for pharmacists to operate behind a shield of privacy, some display a distaste for discussing women’s health that borders on good old-fashioned sexism. When it comes to contraception, pharmacists are often skittish about discussing the most basic aspect of their business—which prescriptions they will fill and which they will not. And it’s not just pharmacies with moral motivations against contraception that aren’t talking. In a telephone interview, the proprietor at Dupont’s Tschiffely Pharmacy refused to discuss whether the shop dispensed the morning-after pill. But when I stopped in to try to pick up a pill pack, Plan B was in stock and offered with a smile. Georgetown’s Dumbarton Pharmacy, meanwhile, declined to discuss its contraceptive options at all. Playing coy with contraceptive options is less cute when women need to locate them instantly in order for them to work. No other common, FDA-approved, over-the-counter medication would receive such silent treatment from pharmacists.

Even chain stores like Rite Aid and CVS, which have national policies that adhere to the contraception-access requirement of the six aforementioned states, must draft elaborate plans by which to protect their pharmacists’ idiosyncrasies. Sometimes, those quirks mean losing business. Take Rite Aid’s policy, which outlines a three-step plan by which a pharmacist can avoid personally filling your birth control prescription: 1) Have another technician fill the prescription; 2) if there is no other technician on hand, contact the closest Rite Aid to dispense the medication, then have the prescription delivered back to the customer’s preferred Rite Aid location; 3) if no other local Rite Aid pharmacist will consent to dispensing birth control, locate the nearest competitor that will fill the customer’s need, then follow through until that need is met.

They don’t trust you—or your doctor. Cathedral Pharmacy owner Paul Beringer, a Catholic, will not provide the morning-after pill. “I consider it abortion,” he says. Non-emergency contraception is dispensed on a case-by-case basis-meaning that the pharmacist can nullify the decision of your medical doctor because he thinks a prescription might be faked, is uncomfortable dispensing contraception to women under the age of 18, or otherwise wishes to impose his “personal views” on your body.

They fear your vagina. Target Pharmacy provides prescription birth control as well as the morning-after pill. Other women’s health products, however, aren’t available even with a doctor’s signature.

Parker, 27, who declined to give her full name, came to the pharmacy straight from work with a prescription from her gynecologist’s office. It was 5:30 p.m. and raining, and she needed to fill the prescription that evening in order to prep for a procedure scheduled for the next morning.

But Target’s pharmacist refused to fill the prescription because the doctor instructed that the pill was to be inserted vaginally. Parker’s doctor had prescribed her Cytotec, an FDA-approved treatment for ulcers. The medication is also routinely prescribed off-label to dilate the cervix to induce labor in pregnant women, or, in Parker’s case, to aid in the insertion of an IUD. Parker-who wasn’t pregnant-learned later that the medication can also be used to induce abortion.

The pharmacist, who did not give her name, says she rebuffed Parker’s prescription because she disagreed with the doctor’s insistence on vaginal insertion.”That’s not how it’s supposed to be prescribed,” she says. “It’s supposed to be taken orally.”

The pharmacist says she tried to call Parker’s doctor’s office but wasn’t able to reach anyone at the late hour. Parker says the pharmacist never picked up the phone while she was there and that she had to beg her to consult her doctor before she got an explanation-that the office would be closed and there was nothing she could do.

Parker left the pharmacy in tears. “I got a little hysterical,” she says. “I couldn’t believe that this pharmacist, who has less training than my doctor, would deny me this medication that I needed, because it was specified that it went in the vagina?”

After asking for the name of a supervisor, Parker took solace in Columbia Heights’ other chain pharmacy. Still red-eyed, she crossed the street to the CVS. There, “a very nice, flirtatious Latino man filled my prescription, no questions asked.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery.

Rite Aid, 1306 U St. NW (and various). (202) 328-8761.

With over 4,900 drugstores in 31 states and the District of Columbia, Rite Aid’s chain of pharmacies stands to dispense a lot of birth control. It’s also prepared for contraception hang-ups. Rite Aid spokesperson Cheryl Slavinsky says that the chain has policies in place to comply with all state and federal regulations for dispensing medication—and deal with those employees who hold moral or religious beliefs against providing contraception.

“Rite Aid pharmacists or any associates are prohibited from imposing their moral or religious beliefs on the customer, and it is his/her responsibility to fulfill their professional duty to the customer,” Slavinsky says. But if an associate chooses not to personally fill a birth control prescription—-or any other medication, for that matter—they have options.

If a Rite Aid associate doesn’t want to provide an over-the-counter item to a customer—like Emergency Contraception or condoms—they’re required to find another associate who is willing to sell the item. But since some Rite Aids only employ one pharmacist, honoring an employee’s objection to filling doctor-prescribed medication is a little trickier. In that case, the pharmacist is required to contact the closest Rite Aid to dispense the medication. In either case, the associate must offer to order the item or pick it up at another Rite Aid location and deliver it back to the customer’s preferred Rite Aid location. In the case that no other local Rite Aid pharmacist will dispense it—a last-resort scenario that Slavinsky calls “unlikely”—the employee is required to find the nearest competitor that will fill the customer’s need, and to follow through until that need is met.

The prescription policy is not unlike that of similar sprawling drugstore chains. But over the counter, Rite Aid’s contraception access differs from Washington’s other major chain, CVS, in one subtle way. CVS places its condoms (and other sexual helpers) behind a case and in front of its pharmacy counter. Rite Aid’s selection is more discrete—tucked into an aisle and outside the range of a pharmacist’s stare. Customers still must alert an employee to remove the packs of condoms from the shelf—they’re secured there with small, plastic locks—but at least one may peruse his options privately before informing a staffer that he intends to become ribbed for her pleasure.

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Mt. Pleasant Pharmacy, 3169 Mount Pleasant St. NW.

Mount Pleasant Pharmacy offers up copies, keys, passports, faxes, and a wheel of sunglasses in addition to its standard arsenal of prescription drugs. The contraceptive options here are similarly comprehensive. Though this 25-year-old independent outfit can double as a local dude hang-out, pharmacist Tony Majeed has got women’s health covered. Majeed says he’d “love to see the D.C. government subsidize women’s health products,” from birth control to over-the-counter anti-fungals. Until then, he’s got all forms of female contraception in stock—pill, patch, ring, and Plan B—behind his counter.

In the past quarter-century, Majeed has seen gentrification force out a number of local independent pharmacies, so he’s quick to note the upsides of fulfilling your women’s health needs at a non-chain outfit. Though the head pharmacist himself doesn’t speak Spanish, his seven employees are bilingual, and prescriptions can be translated on demand. But no matter the language on the pill bottle, prescriptions remain private. “We don’t sell our information to anybody,” says the pharmacist, who suggests that with the chains, you never know if your Valtrex prescription will end up falling into “that deep black hole of medical information” shared on national databases. Over-the-counter contraception options at this neighborhood pharmacy are more private, too. No locksmith necessary here—customers can peruse the shop’s condom choices freely without asking a sales rep to come fumble with a glass case or plastic lock.

Majeed says his shop also seeks to free up the financial burden of women’s healthcare. Customers without health insurance can still find oral contraception on Mount Pleasant Street for 20 to 60 dollars, prices the pharmacist says he doesn’t mark up more than a couple bucks. But Majeed admits that low-profit birth control prices are pretty standard across the industry, which is why some pharmacies can refuse to sell it without suffering economic harm. “They can do that B.S. because they’re not taking a big loss,” says Majeed, who adds that pro-life pharmacies can lose out in the long run. “Women are good customers,” says Majeed.

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Wellington Pharmacy, 1160 Varnum St. NE

Wellington Pharmacy is affiliated with Providence Hospital, which is affiliated with the Roman Catholic Church, which is affiliated with a God who isn’t too hot on contraception. Wellington acknowledges that birth control pills are sometimes prescribed to treat conditions other than the condition of wanting to have baby-less sex, Wellington declines to fill those prescriptions, too. “At the pharmacy, we cannot determine the purpose for why a person has a prescription for birth control. Because we follow the Catholic ethical and religious directions, we don’t offer it,” says Stephanie Hertzog, director of public relations for Providence Hospital. Providence does, however, stock Viagra. “Viagra is actually prescribed for both erectile dysfunction and pulmonary hypertension,” says Hertzog. In this case, that double use benefits a double standard. “It’s a relationship between a person and their physician,” she says about the Viagra prescription. “There are a few uses for it, and they don’t ask which one.”

KNOCK-UP RISK: “Immaculate conception” imminent.

I am the only customer inside Chantilly’s Divine Mercy Care Pharmacy on Halloween morning, and I’m not buying. A week earlier, the pro-life outfit was blessed by a bishop, sprinkled with holy water, and courted by the national press in preparation for its Oct. 21 grand opening. Right now, it’s hard up for any man off the street.

Robert Semler, pharmacist and manager, sits behind a partition separating his pharmacy from the rest of the small shop. Up front, the pharmacy’s face is Pam Semler’s, a nurse and pharmacist’s wife whose soft features are framed by a thick blond fringe and a pair of round glasses. She is the pharmacy’s sole staff member and, as a condition of employment, must “accept the moral teachings of the Roman Catholic Church.” Divine Mercy Care executive director Bob Laird explains later, over the phone, that means “treating every person who comes in as if they are Christ sitting across from you.” It also means that all employees must be pro-life.

As Pam bids me good morning, I break it to her that I’m not a customer. Pam hedges my first question—”business has been fine”—before deferring all other inquiries to a glossy DMC Pharmacy brochure, which provides corporate contact info along with a brief biography of Robert Semler, who does not emerge during my visit. Semler is a “long standing member of Pharmacists for Life International” whose “pro-life beliefs were solidified after hearing Fr. Frank Pavone of Priests for Life stating for Christ, ‘Either you are with Me or against Me,’” the brochure reads.

I sense that Pam already knows which side of the divide I’m on as she gives me the OK to peruse the products that sit in her immaculate shop. She shuffles quietly behind me as Semler announces housekeeping tasks and indulges Pam’s small talk.

“Metamucil comes in a pink lemonade flavor now,” says Pam. “Imagine that.”

“No, I can’t,” her husband replies from behind the partition.

“Sounds pretty unappetizing.”

“Yes.”

At an upcoming Divine Mercy Care fundraising gala, “Platinum Sponsors” who donate more than $10,000 may elect to sit at a table with Semler and his spouse. Fundraising is a significant component of the income of the DMC, which also administers a pro-life OB-GYN clinic, Fairfax’s Tepeyac Family Center.

Laird says the low foot traffic is to be expected of any startup. “We’re expecting the pharmacy to start slow, but we believe it will be a financial success,” he says. “If we didn’t expect it to be a success, we wouldn’t have done it.”

I spend my own audience with the Semlers in silence as I take stock of the Catholic-prepped shelves, carefully arranged with medical accoutrements (no candy, batteries, or magazines here). Many are targeted toward women—Dr. Scholl’s For Her Comfort Insoles, Midol Teen Formula, Vagisil Talc-Free Deodorant Powder. A small waiting area is stocked with two white wicker chairs and a pile of Taste of Home magazines, along with a basket of blank index cards “for recipes.” The female-oriented atmosphere glosses over one glaring omission: The pharmacy will not stock birth control pills or emergency contraception.

Instead, Divine Mercy Care provides its own brand of medical choice. Atop a stack of leaflets about herbal supplements sits a fact-sheet for the Doctor’s Natural Therapy brand of Natural Hormone Balancing Creams. The creams, made of “Natural USP Progesterone from wild yam,” offer up a natural alternative to the therapeutic effects of oral contraception and hormone replacement therapy. “Have you experienced any of these symptoms?” the fact sheet asks before listing 21 problems the ointment resolves: PMS, Hot Flashes, Irregular Menstruation, Cramping, Mood Swings, Hormone-Related Headaches, Fatigue, Irritability, Anxiety, Weight Gain, Water Retention, Confusion, Breast Tenderness, Miscarriages, Infertility, Decreased Libido, Dryness, Bone Loss, Hair Loss, Insomnia, Premature Aging.

I pause briefly at “Confusion” and wonder how the wild yam came to hold the key to curing all symptoms that ail my gender.

But Divine Mercy Care stocks a stronger alternative to birth control: information. Near the exit sits a stack of “Art of Natural Family Planning” student guides distributed by pro-life group Couple to Couple League International. I leaf through a copy as I sit on a wicker chair, waiting for another customer to arrive to provide sound bites explaining the pro-life pharmacy phenomenon. “How does contraception availability compromise your trust in a pharmacist?” I want to ask. “What role does holy water play in your choice of pharmacy?”

But the book provides more insight into the space where anti-contraceptive morality meets reality: The tutorial describes, in minute detail, the “natural” processes by which couples may have sex while avoiding pregnancy-and still adhering to the teachings of the Catholic Church. Natural Family Planning involves eschewing condoms, oral contraceptives, and the withdrawal method in favor of close watch of the woman’s fertility cycle, achieved by monitoring her shifts in temperature and cataloging monthly changes to her vagina, from mucus elasticity to cervix hardness. Laird says that natural family planning helps couples continue “the marital act,” “something that takes place between a man and a woman vaginally, naturally.” A typical requirement for the “marital act” reads like the positioning of troops for battle: “Three normal post-peak temperatures in a rising pattern above the LTL AND the third temperature at or above the HTL OR the cervix closed and hard for three days.”

The guide’s moral justification for this process is more difficult to parse, with reasoning ranging from “providence” to “aesthetics.” “It is God who in His providence has allowed us to learn in the late 20th century about woman’s alternating fertility and infertility-and about Natural Family Planning-at the same time that other medical advances greatly increased the population survival rate,” Couple to Couple explains before detailing a more compelling argument-the sex is better, too. “Contraceptive condoms (male or female), sponges, diaphragms and foams have definite problems in the area of ‘aesthetics’-many couples find them downright unpleasant, and they interfere with spontaneity.”

I weigh the difference between wild yam extract and estrogen, barrier methods and calculated infertile sex, “sex for pleasure” and “family planning,” and wish I could find a customer to help explain her preferences. I consider the fact that on Halloween, even the staunchest pro-life customer might be moved to skip across the street to the CVS, where Kit Kats are stocked alongside condoms. Before I leave, I wonder if I can justify expensing the $24.95 book for further study. Instead, I settle on a companion piece, the “Art of Natural Family Planning Chart Booklet” ($2). I approach Pam for the sale.

“Are you going to use it?” she asks, hesitating to go back behind the counter to ring up my purchase.
Of course I’m not going to use it, I think. I’m going to skim over it, extract its detail, and use it to color my essay on your place of business.

“They’re paired with the books, and we only have a limited number,” Pam explains, still not making the move behind the counter. Her husband sits silent behind the partition. I eye the large stack of charts by the door, which has not opened since my arrival. “So you’re not going to sell it to me?”

Pam doesn’t answer me, just sighs, moves behind the counter, and punches in the data. I stand in silence for several minutes as Pam moves through the arduous sale; the item’s ID number, 123-456, doesn’t register correctly in the pharmacy’s system. Pam follows a dozen curt orders from her husband before dialing a number on the telephone for outside help. I offer to pay for the booklet without a receipt.

At last I leave with booklet in hand. Within it are hundreds of tidy checkable boxes for tracking one’s “coitus record” and “mucus sensations.”

Photo by Gnarles Monkey.

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Tschiffely Pharmacy, 1330 Connecticut Ave. NW.

A call to quaint Dupont Circle outfit Tschiffely Pharmacy, provider of prescription drugs and curios, produces mixed results. The pharmacist on hand says Tschiffely fills birth control pills and provides Plan B over the counter. When asked if he has emergency contraception in stock, though, he wavers. “No, I don’t know if—I’m not going to answer that,” he says, before telling me to call back as a customer to get a clearer answer. When I visit the store a few days later, on a Friday morning, Plan B is in-stock and ready to go. Abortion pills, though, go unstocked on purpose. “I can definitely tell you I don’t have that,” the pharmacist says. So far, no customer with a prescription has tested Tschiffely. “That we haven’t discussed between our stores yet,” he says.

KNOCK-UP RISK: No comment.

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Planned Parenthood’s Schumacher Health Center, 1108 16th St. NW.

This 16th St. clinic, a stone’s throw from the White House, is the area’s leading source for affordable women’s health care, birth control, and abortion services. For the same reasons, the center falls victim to the largest unofficial barrier to contraception access: The “sidewalk helper.”

Roshan Anthonypillai, who fills a weekday 8 to 9 a.m. shift at the clinic, is dedicated to helping women who come to Planned Parenthood seeking to terminate their pregnancies. But Anthonypillai works as a different sort of abortion counselor; he is a representative of “40 Days For for Life,” a national anti-abortion campaign that has organized activists in 170 cities to hold vigil outside abortion clinics from Sept. 24 through Nov. 2 this year. Every day before work, Anthonypillai stands on the sidewalk outside the clinic, holding rosary beads and guarding a few trinkets arranged at the trunk of a tree: a small makeshift crucifix and a paper bag luminary adorned with a red cross.

“By standing here, I think I’ve convinced two to three women not to have an abortion,” says Anthonypillai, a 35-year-old Ashburn resident and a Catholic. Volunteers report those numbers back to 40 Days, which keeps a tally of saved lives; the campaign claims to have stopped as many as 268 abortions nationwide this year. Many more women, Anthonypillai says, have made the wrong choice. “Every young woman that I’ve seen, personally, coming in here, is coming to get an abortion,” he says of the clinic, which also offers gynecological exams, STD testing, and birth control. The clinic, meanwhile, keeps tabs on people like Anthonypillai: It staffs escorts to shield patients from protesters and sends visitors through a metal detector before letting them into the waiting room, where no cell phone use is permitted.

A little after 9 a.m. brings the changing of the abortion clinic guard; Anthonypillai hands off duties to Sarah Smith Bartel, a Hyattsville graduate student who arrives with her two daughters, Clare, 4, and Kate, 2. The girls take turns sipping from a thermos of hot chocolate as their mother explains her position. I’m trying to offer these women the right choice, one that recognizes the true femininity and essence of womanhood,” says Smith Bartel. “And, of course, preserves the life of the unborn child.” But though Anthonypillai is happy to head off to work, he says he has no plans to suspend the vigil come Election Day. “I’ll still be here, praying,” he says.

KNOCK-UP RISK: Depends on the shift.

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Grubbs Care Pharmacy, 326 E. Capitol St. NE

This neighborhood Capitol Hill pharmacy, run by owner-pharmacist Michael Kim, stocks the whole shebang—birth control, emergency contraception, and the abortion pill. Plan B even comes a bit cheaper here than at your corner CVS, at $41 to CVS’ $50. Abortion-inducing medication is available with a prescription and in-stock; a call to the pharmacy last week found that it will order the pill, and carries Misoprostol, a drug that is approved by the FDA for gastric ulcer treatment, but which can be prescribed off-label for use as an abortifacient.

KNOCK-UP RISK: Capitol Hill trysts that begin loudly at Tunnicliffís may end, discretely, at Grubbs.

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Foer’s Pharmacy, 818 18th S. NW.

Just blocks away from the sexually promiscuous real estate of the George Washington University, Foer’s Pharmacy is in the position to make bank off baby prevention. And though Foer’s displays strange bra-and-stocking-clad mannequins in its front window, its contraception options are less exciting. A Foer’s rep says the pharmacy fills birth control prescriptions and stocks Plan B over the counter. But if preventive measures fail, coeds looking to abort should look elsewhere: Prescriptions for abortion pills will not be filled, said the staffer.

KNOCK-UP RISK: Better start saving for their 529’s, just in case.

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CVS, 1702 Columbia Rd. NW (and various).

This D.C.-dominating chain addresses the birth control question as it does all things: with impatient efficiency. “Yes, yes, yes,” said the pharmacist on call at CVS’ Adams Morgan location when asked about birth control, emergency contraception, and abortion pills. Plan B will run you up to $50; abortion pills such as Mifeprex, which induces contractions to terminate pregnancy, are available with a prescription but could take a few days to stock if not currently on shelves. Condoms, 48 varieties of them, are offered up like vending machine candy bars: Push button, pull lever, remove product.

Mike DeAngelis, public relations director for CVS, explains the chain has a “policy to fill prescriptions for all legally prescribed medications,” including birth control and emergency contraception. (Though the FDA approved over-the-counter sale of emergency contraception in 2006, a prescription is still needed for patients under 18 years old). However, Joe Pharmacist can opt out of filling your pill prescription. “Under federal law and some state laws, we must also accommodate a religious conviction that may prevent a pharmacist from dispensing a medication,” DeAngelis says. Under that circumstance, however, “other arrangements can be made in advance to ensure the customer’s prescription needs can be satisfied.”

KNOCK-UP RISK: Low, low, low. Next.

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Cathedral Pharmacy, 3000 Connecticut Ave. NW.

If the name weren’t enough to tip you off, lead pharmacist Paul Beringer is happy to let you in on Cathedral Pharmacy’s contraception policy: “Depends.” Beringer says he fills birth control prescriptions “sometimes,” according to “the pharmacist’s discretion.” In Beringer’s 46 years at Cathedral Pharmacy, he’s had to use a lot of discretion. “You know, if a 14-year-old kid comes in, I don’t think I would fill the prescription,” he says. “If it was a legitimate prescription, yes. But if it looked in any way shady, no.” But emergency contraception—a pregnancy prevention pill taken after sex that is also known as “Plan B”—isn’t left to circumstance. “I consider it abortion, and I’m pro-life,” explains Beringer, who says his emergency contraception discretion extends to all pharmacists at Cathedral. “They follow my instructions,” Beringer says. “We don’t even stock it.”

KNOCK-UP RISK: Sex will lead to pregnancy, sometimes.

Tomorrow, a new Sexist project debuts: “Capitol Pill.” Capitol Pill surveys local pharmacies about their availability of birth control, emergency contraception, and the abortion pill, then charts them on a map of the District. In each installment, I’ll highlight a new pharmacy and rate it based on its friendliness toward providing contraception.

The project was inspired by last week’s grand opening of the the Divine Mercy Care Pharmacy, a Catholic-run outfit in Chantilly, Va. that offers natural family planning primers in place of condoms, birth control, and pornography. With the opening of the new pharmacy, Chantilly joined six other cities recommended by Pharmacists for Life International, including the yokel meccas of Hialeah, Fla., Richmond, Ind., and Superior, Neb. But I’ve found that drug-seekers looking to support a culture of life needn’t travel to Chantilly to be denied their one-a-day pills. Even though godless, liberal Washington, D.C., is a center of pro-choice activity, its local pharmacy offerings don’t always jibe with legislation.

Stay tuned to find if your local pharmacy will dispense moral posturing in place of the patch, neglect to stock emergency contraception in time to stave off conception, or shudder at the sight of your abortion pill prescription.

If you have any suggestions for additional pharmacies to look into, please drop me a line in the comments.

The executive director of Divine Mercy Care, Robert Laird, notes that the absent items won’t affect the DMC’s mission of “Bringing the Healing Presence of Christ through Healthcare” because, well, “Birth control is not health care.” Cigarettes and porn mags: also not health care.

Laird added that the pharmacy will be “catering to a special niche of people who like the pro-life message in their business.” Laird says the DMC will neither fill a birth control prescription nor direct customers to another pharmacy that might help them.

The Post wrote its own story about the pharmacy back in June.