The Sexist will be out for the holiday weekend tomorrow, so I leave you with last week’s greatest hits. What better way to celebrate America’s birthday than reading a bunch of random shit about sex on the Internet?

1. This Week in Sexist History: Girls, Girls, Girls Edition, an indulgence in olde-tyme sports writing. I say it’s sexist! Commenter says it isn’t! Steve Silver says it’s “interesting how it has to be explained to some readers 100 years later that an article published 100 years ago describing women purely as objects for men’s pleasure is sexist.”

2. Teen Sex Scandal!, in which I put the feminist linkbait-and-switch theory to work.

3. Big Penis Site Reveals Inches Before First Date, in which 7orbetter.com has more longevity than I gave it credit for.

4. Disney’s Closeted Gay Agenda, in which High School Musical debunks all theories about Disney promoting heterosexuality.

5. Sex Tips From Drunk People, in which I pledge to do more research in this area over the holiday, and I encourage you to do the same! E-mail your drunk sex insights to ahess@washingtoncitypaper.com.

Photo by Misserion

Last week on the Sexist:

1. Meghan McCain Schooled, Spanked, Murdered: Political Debate or Snuff Porn?, because Paul Begala BDSM is not what I’d prefer to conjure up with my morning news.

2. 5C Commissioner Gigi Ransom Censured Over “Potential Hate Crime”, because local politics can get a little too personal.

3. The Ten Creepiest Paul Rudd Stalking Tweets! because swoon.

4. Bacardi’s Massive Internet Fail, because “Get An Ugly Girlfriend” was such a compelling Israeli ad campaign, it made waves over here in the states!

5. Big Penis Dating Site Reveals Inches Before First Date, because you don’t want to walk into that shit without knowing the relevant details, amirightladies.

Photo by flirtykitty

. . . In which we review the stories that you clicked on the most. But first, a fun Sexist fact: If your name appears in a story on my blog, do not assume that it means I am labeling you a “sexist”! No offense, dudes who have been confused on that lately who shall remain nameless: Sexist refers to me.

Last week on the Sexist (which refers to me and not you!)

1. Welcome to the Anti-Gay Auditions!, in which you’re probably glad you didn’t get the part.

2. Observe and Report’s Date Rape Apologism, in which commenters argue over who’s actually seen the movie.

3. Why Sex Positivity is Bad for Feminism, in which I enrage entire movements.

4. Big Penis Dating Site Reveals Inches Before First Date, in which we delve inside 7orbetter.com, an online community for the well-endowed (why not enrich your big dick experience with my interview with the site’s creator, who would totally be on the site if he were not married?)

5. Menace to Sorority, in which the sorority members discuss gender issues none of them seem to understand.

Photo by orangeacid.

“Seven or Better” is a new online dating site for women and men interested in meeting men with penises that are confirmed to be seven inches or longer (the site doesn’t clarify, but I’m assuming we’re talking erect). “Hello ladies,” the Web site begins. “Wouldn’t it be nice to know upfront if a man has what it takes to satisfy you sexually?”

No. But go on:

For men interested in women, it is quite easy to see if the woman’s breast size is to his liking or not, or even the shape and size of her derriere. The same goes for women interested in men. There are many women that feel the size of a man’s penis is very important to them. Unfortunately, because of how society is, it is very inappropriate to ask a man immediately how big his penis is or even if he is uncircumcised or not. A properly behaved woman that is respectful would never ask such a question. Instead, a woman will date a man perhaps for a few days, weeks or maybe months. After all this time the woman will decide she likes the man and that it is finally time to take things to a new level/the bedroom. It is at this time that many women are disappointed with what they find and now they are in an awkward situation.

Isn’t society just terrible? A “properly behaved woman” who is only interested in men with huge penises may have to wait months—months!—before figuring out that the man that she has spent months falling in love with has been hiding a dick that’s slightly too small to deserve that love. Now, with Seven or Better, that woman can know from the first date the exact dimensions of that penis she doesn’t want to see yet.

This is only fair, seeing as men know immediately and exactly the size of a woman’s breasts—a measurement that can never be hidden, covered up, padded, or surgically augmented. Now, women, too, can have their potential sex partners flaunt their size before they even have to meet for coffee. But remember guys, this is a dating site for women, not a porn site for exhibitionist dudes. Men are encouraged to reveal their penis size in a completely friendly, non-pervy context, alongside their other attributes, like how smart they are or whatever.

But there’s more. In accordance (I’m assuming) with anti-discrimination policies, those who become members of Seven or Better include: Men with penises 7″ or longer looking for women, women looking for men with penises 7″ or longer, men with penises 7″ or longer looking for men with penises 7″ or longer, or women looking for women. Yes, Seven or Better welcomes all, except for men with penises shorter—excuse me, worse—than 7″ long.

So—are these women-looking-for-women looking for women who are looking for men with penises 7″ or longer? Or are they simply signaling an interest in 7″ or longer penis-shaped sex toys? I didn’t finish the registration process—perhaps I was afraid of what I would find—so I don’t know if any lesbians have signed up here yet. If anyone out there is an, ahem, member, I’d be interested in learning what might intrigue lesbians in this big dick business.

Photo by Maui in Vermont