Want to be able to breast-feed in public, but not down with the boob flashing? Hundreds of inventors have patented devices to help limit public displays of mommy’s food-source.  Many: weird.

Bizarre Breastfeeding Contraption: The Breastfeeding Curtain

Read More “Bizarre BreastFeeding Contraption #2: The Breastfeeding Curtain” »

Nothing to see here: Laseinde wants newborns to suck and cover.

Ella Laseinde is accustomed to seeing strangers’ breasts. “I’m a mammographer, so I’m with the breasts constantly,” says Laseinde, 71, who spent 30 years in government service—including five at the National Institutes of Health screening women’s chests. That’s not to say she’s interested in catching sight of stray bosoms outside the office. “I think in today’s time, they need to cover,” Laseinde says of nursing mothers. “There are so many people walking around who can catch a look.”

Read More “Public Breast-Feeding: What the Nursing Bib Means for the Right to Bare Breasts” »

Noted change enthusiast Barack Obama has consistently worked to maintain one time-honored campaign tradition: Holding and kissing babies. He seriously loves doing this. Surely, you can trust your newborn human in the estimable arms and lips of our president-elect. Or can you?

Housing Complex blogger Ruth Samuelson notes the baby-dropping potential of this frightening political trend. “Normally when someone allows you to hold their baby, they’re like, ‘Are you ready? Okay, now sit her on your lap. And cradle her head. And here’s her blankie…’ And then people practically toss their babies over crowds whenever a politician’s around,” Samuelson confided in me today over e-mail.

Fast forward about 25 seconds into the Obama-does-Ben’s video, and you see it—that baby flies into Obama’s arms. Where are the parents? Who cares! If they don’t fling that baby in Obama’s general direction immediately upon sighting him, some secret service agent might very well intercept that baby, and it will never be blessed by the greatest American president in time between him entering a hot dog joint and him occupying his mouth with actually eating a hot dog. I know we’re entrusting Barack Obama with saving the entire world’s economy and everything, but can we all agree to pass those babies a little slower?

Right: Baby “Suri,” because of course the Reborn movement has some sort of weird overlap with the Scientologists.

“Reborn” baby dolls! According to several reports from the mainstream media, real women have taken to carting around these not-really-real-yet-frighteningly realistic human baby dolls in order to fill the aching void left by their own lack of children/poor mothering jobs/dementia. It’s true, confirms “Linda,” a mother to Reborn babies but no real children:

Read More “The Morning After: “Reborn” Babies Edition” »

Since embarking on this sex column less than a day ago, I’ve been bombarded with nearly several hot news tips concerning private parts. “I have something to tell you,” one coworker informed me as I happened past his modest cube dwelling. “Minnie Driver has had a baby.”

People whose names I vaguely recognize procreate so often that I can no longer consider this news, even if the mother once did not have babies with Matt Damon. Please let me know when people i do not know stop having babies, a phenomenon I will report tirelessly.