As promised, the NOM mandatory heterosexuality tour hit Annapolis today at noon. There, NOM leader Brian Brown demanded that Maryland voters have a chance to vote on same-sex marriage. Brown lives in Virginia. Derek McCoy of the Association of Maryland Families was on-hand to lend local support of the idea:

We will fight for marriage in this State until the end!… Our definition [of marriage] is not passe, is not outdated, is not stale; it’s the definition we’ve already had in a state statute, that we’ve all known for years . . . Let’s take this issue to the ballot box. Let the people decide! Let the people vote!

Maryland will truly never be free until its citizens have the right to restrict the rights of other citizens.

Also of concern: Anti-gay doctor lifts nickname from Julius Erving!

Tomorrow at noon, the NOM mandatory heterosexuality bus tour will hit Annapolis. The big anti-gay bus will pull up in front of the Maryland State House, where it will be joined star local anti-gay talent: The Bishop Harry Jackson, described by NOM as a "leader in the effort to take back marriage in Washington DC." Also on-hand at the rally will be Association of Maryland Families president Derek McCoy, an outspoken opponent of marriage, abortion, and gambling. Bring your lunch!

But that's not all! Rogan is also an expert on why the word "faggot" is not offensive to gays. And if it is offensive to you, as a gay person, that means you are just "the gayest." And Rogan means that in the "faggot" sense of the word.

Got it? No? Well let Joe Rogan break it down for you, gay people! In an interview with Peter from Brightest Young Things, Rogan explains—at excruciating length—why calling people (also, dogs) "faggot" has "nothing to do with your sexual orientation." Trust him on this—he has spoken to at least one gay person!

BYT: Your act is often about brutal honesty, and can include stuff that some folks might find offensive. But when I hear someone like you or Louis CK use offensive language or talk about people’s use of “bad words” it’s hilarious and seems like an expression of your personality. As opposed to when my idiot friend . . . yells out “Faggot” in a bar, when it’s just embarrassing and hurtful. Can you explain the difference between these instances so I can print it and he’ll cut that shit out?

JR: [Laughs] Well one of them is done for comedy and planned out. Sometimes faggot is the right word. There’s a trend in this country to avoid words: “We can’t say that one anymore it’s offensive.” Interesting thing happened when I filmed my last comedy special. They told me they were going to censor everything when it aired before 1am, but then after 1am they were going to leave everything in–you could say fuck, cunt, all the seven dirty words– except faggot. They were going to beep out faggot. I was so confused. I was talking to this gay guy about it and asked, “What is that? I’m not talking to a human being when I say faggot, I called a dog a faggot.” You know it’s the talking dog in the anti-pot commercials. The bit is about the guy realizing that the first thing his dog has to say is to tell him not to smoke weed. Like, you motherfucker you could talk this whole time? This is your message? So then he has a bunch of messages to his dog like “How about you stop chasing your tail faggot!” Just talking shit to his dog.

So this gay guy I was talking to was like “Well you can’t say it. I can say it because I’m gay. But you can’t. It’s our nigger.” He literally said that. I was like, “This is a new thing that the gay people have decided? That’s the gayest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” You can’t do that. You can’t decide that a word is forbidden now collectively amongst your group of human beings, that the word is a slanderous evil nasty word about homosexuals. It’s not, the word doesn’t mean that. And sometimes it’s a good word to use in comedy. That’s what your friend has to realize when he’s at a bar just yelling out the word.

According to Rogan, "faggot," which everyone everywhere has agreed is a slur against members of the LGBT community, is not "a slanderous evil nasty word about homosexuals." The word actually refers to dogs, because Joe Rogan called a dog that once. Sure, Rogan employed the term in order to imply that the dog, by cultivating an obsession with its own butt, was acting like Rogan's own offensive idea of what a gay person does. But whatever: It's just a dog! If only us regular folks could figure out why calling a dog a word that refers to dogs makes for a funny joke, then we could all be color commentators for the Ultimate Fighting Championship.

BYT: Well that’s the thing his argument is similar to yours but not as nuanced. He has plenty of gay friends but he says “Well I’m not talking to them I’m talking to this straight guy who I think is an asshole…”

JR: Faggot never meant “gay” when I was a kid. You kind of knew that you could call a gay person faggot if you were ignorant, but nobody ever called someone a faggot if they were gay. Like if you all were going to go out and one guy’s like “you know what man I’m going to stay home I’m feeling kind of shitty,” you go, “You faggot.” That’s what it means. It’s about a guy wimping out, being a douchebag…it has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. It’s a great word! The whole thing about language is, it’s supposed to be broadcasting your intentions. These are my intentions and these words broadcast my feelings. If all of a sudden you have forbidden words that doesn’t make the intent any better. It’s just appeasing sensitive people.

The plot thickens. Rogan admits that it is, in fact, ignorant to "call a gay person faggot." However, calling a presumably straight person "faggot" is a convenient way of communicating that that guy is "wimping out, being a douchebag," as wimpiness and douchebaggery are qualities that Rogan apparently associates with gay men. To review: anti-gay slurs are only offensive when used against gay people. But that's not an issue, because nobody would actually ever think to use an anti-gay slur against a real, live gay person.

BYT: I agree that it can be a funny word but when someone says “don’t say that around me because it hurts my feelings” I don’t really know what to say.

JR: Well then you say OK and you don’t say that around them. And then you don’t hang around them either. Because they are a sensitive cunt. There’s no time in life to hang around people who want to argue over the nuances of words we’ve used for hundreds of years. Just shut the fuck up man.You want to talk about the word faggot because it really offends you? Well you’re a douchebag. It’s really that simple. Anyone who gets annoyed by certain words or gets upset and outraged…though the word ‘nigger’ is different since it’s dehumanizing. There’s a a lot of hate and anger behind that word…I don’t think ‘faggot’ has the same connotation to the people who are saying it.

And Joe Rogan's theory of "faggot" comes full-circle. If you are offended by the word "faggot," you are a "douchebag." And, if you can recall, being a "douchebag" makes you a "faggot." By the transitive property, people who are offended by the word "faggot" are "faggots." And since we've already established that the gay community is offended by the word "faggot"? Yep: You've just observed Joe Rogan proving to himself that gay people really are "faggots."

Last we checked in with Dr. Ruth Jacobs, president of the Maryland Citizens for Responsible Government, she was explaining why transgender women should not be allowed in her bathroom: “If somebody with an opposite body part is allowed in to a ladies’ restroom—a guy who has a penis, who could put his penis inside my vagina—what am I to do?” Jacobs said. “We need to be able to retain the right to speak up about men in our bathrooms without being labeled bigots.”

Okay! Well, now Dr. Jacobs is back to apply her anatomical expertise to the issue of gay marriage. Let's see what she has to say!

Thanks to Metro Weekly for getting this all on tape. Here are the money quotes:

* "An anus was designed for exit, not entrance."

* "Who will protect the children?"

* "Once it becomes law, you cannot opt out . . . students are terrified to be taken out of sex ed. They get on their knees and beg to their parents to be included. Because, to be outside is to be labeled the conservative. To go to the library while everyone else is in class having sex ed, means that you then—when you refuse to go to sex ed, you then become the group that is discriminated against."

* "46 percent of black men . . . are HIV positive" (No).

* Marriage and the vagina and the penis are designed to go together, and the penis and the anus do not."

* And a dose of reality courtesy of Councilmember David Catania: "If your testimony is that you're only eligible to marry if your population has a low HIV rate, the first in line . . . are lesbians. So based on your testimony, we could only marry lesbians."

The Westboro Baptist Church, proud owner of godhatesfags.com, is hitting up the Equality March in Washington D.C. this weekend, Joe My God reports. If the church's nonsensical picket schedule can be believed, Fred Phelps and friends will be hitting up three D.C. locations in one big anti-gay tour: The D.C. Jewish Community Center, the Annual HRC National Dinner, and the National Equality March. See what Phelps and the gang have planned for their protests, after the jump. Spoiler alert: Antichrist Obama is gonna be there!

Protest: Queer Simchat Torah Celebration

Date: Saturday, October 10, 5:30 to 6 p.m.

Location: D.C. Jewish Community Center, 1529 16th Street NW

Commentary: "Jews Killed Jesus, and love fags, go figure," the schedule reads. "Antichrist Obama, who loves fags way more than you Jewish dummies, is going to be in DC. He is speaking at the fag event, but not for you Jews. Get the message?!"

—

Protest: HRC National Dinner

Date: Saturday, October 10, 6:15 to 7 p.m.

Location: Washington Convention Center, 809 Mt. Vernon Place NW

Commentary: "Obama Hates You dumb fags," the schedule reads. "He is going to use your money and your resources and then when he shows himself for what he is, he will merely destroy you along with the rest of this nation of self-loathing hypocrites. . . . But more to the point, God has done this thing. You have so enraged Him that he has sent you this creature to be your ruler."

—

Protest: National Equality March

Date: Sunday, October 11, 10 to 11 a.m.

Location: Between 15th and I Street and the Capitol Building.

Commentary: "You are not equal with God, Silly," the schedule reads. "What, oh WHAT are you going to do when Obama has completely destroyed this nation's economy by the hand of a Sovereign God? You know what kind of money it takes to keep up those various facades! That is going to be some funny, scary stuff."

Photo by k763

Well, well, well, isn't this interesting. The National Organization for Marriage is bristling at Perez Hilton's request for YouTube to remove a NOM ad (above) which features footage of Hilton calling Miss California Carrie Prejean a "dumb bitch." Hilton claimed that NOM had violated copyright laws by lifting "about three seconds of footage" from his video blog. NOM's lawyers have appealed the video's removal to the video sharing site.

It's no surprise that NOM would fight to keep the video up—Perez Hilton is probably wrong here, as the clip is short enough to constitute fair use. The interesting part is the way NOM executive director Brian Brown has characterized Hilton's request.

It seems like only yesterday that NOM was working exhaustively to remove YouTube copies of the leaked audition reels to its now-infamous anti-gay "Gathering Storm" ad. And yet, In an interview with Bloggasm, Brown painted Hilton not just as a copyright law novice, but as a coward.

"I don’t know people’s motivations, but it seems pretty clear that Perez is embarassed about the fact of what he said," Brown said. "There’s no other reason of why he would try to take it down. . . . it doesn’t look good for him. So clearly it’s not that hard to figure out. He doesn’t want it up because he’s embarrassed by it."

Really, Brian Brown? There's no other reason? Let me throw another possibility out there: Perez Hilton is gay, you run an organization that works against gay people, and he doesn't want his image used in your anti-gay advertisements. I'd even venture to say that he probably knows that he's not going to win any copyright action, and wants to do whatever he can to be a huge pain in your ass, because anytime anyone takes action against NOM for anything they're guaranteed to make headlines.

Perhaps the reason Brian Brown thinks Hilton is ashamed of calling Prejean a "dumb bitch"—has Hilton ever been ashamed of anything?—is because the theory works so nicely with Brown's own YouTube take-down campaign. Did the National Organization for Marriage ask YouTube to take down its leaked audition videos because it wasn't "fair" for other people to use their material—they were totally going to use those hilarious videos of actors stumbling over their homophobia? Or was it because the tapes made them look completely and awesomely ridiculous—in short, they were "ashamed." I'd say the answer is "not that hard to figure out."