According to the Examiner:

Five out of eight Washington-area universities reported an increase in sexual offenses to the Department of Education from 2007 to 2008. The University of Virginia and Virginia Tech as well as Georgetown, George Mason and Catholic universities reported an increase in sexual assaults—which include rape and any other sexual act against someone's will.

This is how the Examiner crunches that data: "Women are increasingly being victimized on college campuses across the Washington region, with romantic relationships behind most of the assaults, according to the FBI and statistics from local universities."

Nope. It's certainly possible that more women were assaulted at local colleges in 2008 than were in 2007. But equally possible is that more women reported their assaults to authorities. So based on the data, we're really not in a position to either panic or pat ourselves on the back here.

But let's take a closer look at the data. Of the eight schools the Examiner included in its data, five saw their sexual assault report numbers fluctuate by only one assault. At Virginia Tech, reports increased from 3 to 4 assaults. At George Mason, they dropped from 12 to 11. At Catholic, they increased from 1 to 2. At American University, they dropped from 2 to 1. At the George Washington University, they increased from 5 to 6.

Of the three remaining schools, The University of Virginia saw the highest jump in reports—5 to 16. Georgetown saw reports increase from 8 to 10. And at the University of Maryland, reports dropped from 21 to 17.

What do these numbers mean? Absolutely nothing, probably. Unfortunately, the Examiner's go-to campus expert, University of Maryland administrator John Zacker, doesn't help to clarify matters:

He said sexual assault on campus is much higher than data reveals—the number of assault cases ranged from three to 16 in area colleges during 2008, but only 5 percent of victims file a report.

Zacker said students are building higher thresholds for obsessive behavior and waiting longer to report incidents—if they report them at all.

"There are some [victims] that incur this behavior for months without reporting it," he said. He said the invasive nature of campus investigations also deters victims from reporting—especially considering only 10 percent to 25 percent of students found guilty of sexual assault face expulsion, according to a report by the Center for Public Integrity, a nonprofit research center.

Zackler knows that there are huge barriers to reporting sexual assault on college campuses, so it's disingenuous for him—and the Examiner—to claim that a small fluctuation in the already tiny number of sexual assaults reported on campus has any sort of statistical significance. But even more bizarre is the fact that Zackler is actually arguing against the data's (likely insignificant) trend. If more students reported assaults in 2008 than 2007, where is the evidence that students today are "building higher thresholds for obsessive behavior and waiting longer to report incidents—if they report them at all"? Zackler may have personal knowledge that some victims on his campus have high thresholds for obsessive behavior and wait a long time to report their incidents, if they report them at all. But situating Zackler's observations as a frightening trend without presenting any comparative data is extremely misleading.

On April 22, Chloe Rubenstein posted a note on her Facebook page.

“ATTENTION WOMEN,” she wrote, before identifying two American university students by name and calling them rapists. She went on: “we should all be aware! Stay away at all costs. They are predators and will show no remorse for anyone. If you have been effected by either one of these sickos please feel free to talk to me. With enough help we can take them down!”

Two months earlier, the American University sophomore and a group of her fellow students had gathered to pass the time during the snowstorm. As feet of snow blanketed the city, Rubenstein’s apartment filled with friends and one new acquaintance—a male AU student who lived in the same building. They drank cheap vodka and danced. At the end of the night, a female friend left the party and entered Rubenstein’s bedroom. Five minutes later, the new guy followed. Rubenstein noticed and followed him in.

Four years earlier, as a high school junior in Massachusetts, Rubenstein found herself alone with a classmate she barely knew, a football star she described as “100 percent muscle.” Rubenstein was 16. She didn’t tell anyone what happened for four months. Even after she moved to D.C. and entered college, she wasn’t comfortable calling the incident by its name. But when she walked into her own bedroom the night of the snowstorm, she recognized what was happening. “It was re-traumatizing for me. I was trying to wrap my head around it for a month,” says Rubenstein, now 20. “It was the same weird feeling I had had a month after I was raped.”

Weeks after the snow had melted, Rubenstein called her friend to see how she was doing. She refused to take Rubenstein’s calls, but a mutual friend informed Rubenstein that the woman was still reeling from the events of the party. “I started slowly trying to figure out what I was going to do about that,” Rubenstein says. Around the same time, another friend informed her that she had recently been raped by another AU student in an unrelated incident. Then, Rubenstein did something she couldn’t do in high school: She attempted to tell as many people as possible what happened.

Rubenstein posted the note without consulting anyone on strategy. “I just did it,” Rubenstein says. “I followed what I believed was right to do at the time.” The accusations were disseminated to 968 of her online friends. A dozen people clicked a box indicating that they “liked” the announcement.

Two female AU students sent Rubenstein private messages claiming that one of the alleged rapists had “done some really screwed-up things to them, too,” Rubenstein says. When she would see him in her building or on campus, Rubenstein says that the accused would run in the opposite direction.

Others were more confrontational. On campus, Rubenstein says that supporters of the accused started to walk “in circles around me, trying to intimidate me.” She received several anonymous phone calls at odd hours. When she picked up the phone, from a private number, a male voice repeated the phrase, “I’m a police officer and I have a few questions I need to ask you,” growing sterner with each iteration. Friends warned Rubenstein of the legal implications of making a rape accusation without absolute proof.

“You’re playing with fire when you throw people’s names out,” admits Rubenstein. “I was aware of the dangers of that. I knew it was a bold move,” she says. “But when I told people that I was fully aware of what I was doing, it made them feel a little more fearless. After that, I started getting a lot more support from people.”

It’s been a banner year for controversial rape announcements on the American University campus. Added encouragement for Rubenstein’s activism came from an unlikely source: Alex Knepper, a sophomore columnist for school newspaper the Eagle, who devoted a great deal of column inches this year to complaining about AU’s “campus of victims.” On March 28, Knepper published a column explaining how women who have been drinking can’t really be raped: “Let’s get this straight: any woman who heads to an EI [fraternity] party as an anonymous onlooker, drinks five cups of the jungle juice, and walks back to a boy’s room with him is indicating that she wants sex, OK? To cry ‘date rape’ after you sober up the next morning and regret the incident is the equivalent of pulling a gun to someone’s head and then later claiming that you didn’t ever actually intend to pull the trigger.”

On the day the column was published, an anonymous group of campus activists removed the papers from their stands, returned them to the paper’s offices, and hung posters printed with the words "NO ROOM FOR RAPE APOLOGY" around campus. Rubenstein participated in the stunt, albeit halfheartedly. “I took some of the copies and moved them around,” she says. “The article was insulting to every woman who has ever been sexually assaulted on campus. So it was an effective action in the sense that it got people to talk, but it was sort of an immature way to do it,” she says. But Knepper’s column shifted something else for Rubenstein. “I wasn’t able to comfortably talk about rape until that article came out,” she says. “Now, I can say, ‘I am a victim of rape and I’m not afraid to say it.’ But this time last year, I wasn’t saying that. This time three months ago, I wasn’t saying that.”

On April 13, two weeks after the column dropped, Rubenstein attended AU’s “Take Back the Night” rally, an annual demonstration against sexual violence. It was the first time Rubenstein openly referred to her experience in high school as a rape. A week later, she wrote her Facebook note. Rubenstein says she posted it for all the women on AU’s campus who might find themselves drunk at parties around the accused. “At first, I wasn’t thinking that this was going to help my friends. I felt like I needed to warn everyone else about these guys,” Rubenstein says. After leaving the message up for a few days, Rubenstein removed it. “I don’t clear my status because I’m scared,” she wrote on Facebook. “I clear it for legal reasons and because my message reached 968 people. If you or someone you know has been raped or sexually assaulted and needs a safe place to talk about how they feel or what can be done, please contact me. No Fear. No Secrets. 2010.”

After removing the note, Rubenstein finally heard from the woman she had followed into the bedroom. “That’s the most beautiful thing that came out of all this,” says Rubenstein. “She called me and asked me why I took my status down…She said that if the other victims decide they
want to do something, that she might want to be there to do something too,” she says. On Facebook, 968 people can be warned of potential predators in an instant; reaching actual victims of sexual assault is more difficult. “When it had happened to me in high school, I did nothing about it,” Rubenstein says. “There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about that. I promised myself that I would do whatever I possibly could when this happened to people I know. I just didn’t expect it to happen to so many of them.”

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

Hi, Sexist readers. Welcome to a new daily item, in which I link to the sex-and-gender pieces of note from around the Internets. I'd love to link to what you're reading, as well; file your suggestions here!

* After writing a diatribe against rape victims that begins "I agree with Alex Knepper," romance novel reviewer Rachel Potter has resigned from her spot at All About Romance. Potter claimed that a "reading funk" inspired her resignation; romance fans suspect that it actually has more to do with her claims that slutty women cause rapes against chaste women by "teasing men into a frenzied rage," forcing these men to "vent that rage on a bystander."

* Amanda at the Undomestic Goddess has launched a great reguler feature on SAFER Campus called "Beyond the Campus," which rounds up the week's reporting on issues of sexual assault.

* Amanda Marcotte adds another layer to the discussion of feminine performance-as-labor. In order to conform to the cultural script, women aren't only required to perform femininity and make that performance appear effortless. They must also take no joy in it:

That fashion is pleasurable for many women is why it’s considered “frivolous”, due to the long-standing cultural belief that if a woman is feeling pleasure, something must have gone wrong.  So I look to the cultural pressure to look good to explain why women are stuck in this catch-22, where they’re supposed to shop and pull themselves together, but they’re shamed if they enjoy it. . . . That women insist on taking pleasure in clothes shopping while being shamed over it is admirable.  It’s not like the world’s greatest act of bravery to continue applying lipstick after a man snits at you that he prefers “natural” beauty, but it does take self-assurance.  (Or, if you want to move up a level of bitch, echo Dolly Parton in “Steel Magnolias”: “There is no such thing as natural beauty.") I admire the courage of women who say no to beauty standards, but I also admire the women who decide to take audacious pleasure in femininity.  Both are rejections of the restraints of femininity, one of the standards themselves, and one of the taboos against women showing their work or taking too much pleasure in it.

I wonder how this keys into the expectation that women smile for men—are we meant to appear to enjoy performing femininity, but internally take no pleasure in it?

* Alyssa Rosenberg on the emotional space between the music of Madonna and Lady Gaga:

I've always thought of Madonna as kind of the Belle Watling of pop, the woman who despite the fact that she's gotten around a bit, and in fact because of it, understands the euphoria of true love and sexual chemistry.  I hope to dance to "Cherish" at my wedding.  But while I find a lot of resonance in certain shards of Lady Gaga's lyrics, she's working in an emotional photo-negative of a lot of Madonna's best songs, exploring loneliness, aloneness, heartbreak.

* David Mitchell on the liberal use of the word "empowering":

Having stumbled upon the word "empowering", which can be deployed under so many circumstances—I use it about charging my phone—they've let it trick them into thinking that they've framed an argument.

Photo via Zawezome, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

Yesterday, the controversy unfolding over Alex Knepper's sexual assault opinion columns in the American University Eagle hit National Public Radio. The dialogue between Knepper, AU LGBT and feminist activist K. Travis Ballie, and host Michel Martin touched on Knepper's homosexuality, the politics of sex at drunken fraternity parties, and one important policy point—the lack of a victim's advocate on the AU campus. At one point, Martin asks Knepper, "Do you find it at all problematic, Alex, that you don't date women and yet you're judging their conduct in a situation that you are unlikely to be in?" An odd question for a program that's invited two gay men on to debate the topic, no?

After a week of national media coverage over a column by Alex Knepper casting doubt on the existence of date rape, American University student newspaper The Eagle has devoted its home page to serious discussions of the problem of rape on campus. In one story, the paper discusses proposed changes to the school's sexual assault policy; in another, an anonymous victim of campus rape shares her story. Has the campus conversation at AU progressed from these widely-publicized accusations of "rape apology"? Let's go to the comments!

In response to news that the school's new sexual assault policy would clarify definitions of terms invoked to describe sexual assault, and would "differentiate between the charges students receive for different types of sexual assault," commenters complained:

Everything was better in the '60s:

Men are tired of 5 decades of women telling us what we say is unacceptable. We will say what we will, when we will, in the manner that we so chose.

What you believe we should say, how we should say it, or the way we should say it, is of no importance.

If you do not like the way in which we state our opinions, then too bad.

The law is so inconvenient:

What the hell is the school doing keeping records on students for sexual assault? Isn’t that the job of the police?

The first boy who gets falsely accused (it will happen with people like Gail Hanson in charge) should sue AU into the dirt. Furthermore, the false accuser should be expelled forthwith.

This fragile imagery will not stand:

Get the fuck over yourselves and your fragile imagery of women, its embarrassing and you give women everywhere a bad name.

This guy figured it out, everybody!

I have a way to prevent rape. How about all of yall stop sluttin it out and wait until you are married to have sex. Have a blessed day.

Token completely nonsensical comment:

How about AU gets it’s own abortionist? Problem solved.

This article about sexual assault on campus sounds like a great opportunity for me to make a rape joke:

What about girl on girl date rape?  It’s a serious issue.  I would know.  I frequently date rape other chicks.

Shut up. They like it.

Wait, someone else had the exact same idea!

This guy in my class raped me in my dream. Can I press charges?  I’m pretty sure Women’s Initiative would approve of that idea.

Did you know that preventing rape hurts women?

We need to prevent rape.  Here’s how we do it.  We need to protect girls because they are fragile and men are evil.  So here is what we will do.  We will petition the university for a new rule that says girls can’t leave their dorm rooms after 5 PM.  If they must leave, they shall be escorted by campus security.  If any man comes within 50 feet, he will be tasered on the spot.  DOWN WITH EVIL MAN-RAPISTS!

Rape victims are huge whiners:

The same thing happened to me my freshman year at a frat party.  But I am not going around claiming “rape” and trying to get sympathy.  If the girl and the guy are both drunk, the girl does not get to claim “rape”.

Unless you say “No”, “Stop”, “Get off me” or something to the likes, then it isn’t rape.  Two drunk people having sex and later regretting it does not equal rape.  It’s called a mistake.

Policies meant to prevent rape are so immature!:

People will act in their own self-interest. As a mature and educated person, one ought to expect other people to act in their own self-interest. If a drunk guy spots a drunk girl and the drunk girl is coming onto him, he is going to attempt to have sex with her. This is not rape. It is human nature.

Rape is just one big misunderstanding:

Guys can’t read girls’ minds.  Many drunk girls come to frat parties wanting to get drunk and hook up.  How can we tell which drunk girls are wanting to hook up and which drunk girls are not wanting to hook up if both sets of girls are acting the same way?  Unless the girl tells me that she doesn’t want to have sex, I am going to assume that her come-ons are genuine and she wants to have sex.  And I will pursue sex unless she tells me to stop.  How am I supposed to know what she wants unless she tells me?

Just like drinking and driving causes dangerous accidents, so too does drinking and partying with frat boys.  I’m sure people who drink and drive do not intend on crashing their cars, but they still do because they made the stupid decision to drink and drive.  They knew that alcohol affected their judgement yet they still chose to drive.  And they deserve to die in car crashes.  Have a sense of self-responsibility and stop blaming others for your mistakes.  The guy was probably just as drunk as you.  You knew drinking would effect your judgement.  And you still chose to get shitfaced.  You brought this on yourself.  I do not feel sorry for you one bit.  Hopefully you learned something from your mistake.  But as evidenced by it happening to you again, I guess you didn’t.  It will probably happen to you again and again until you learn some self-responsibility.

Plenty of anti-rape AU students are also making their voices heard on this thread. To the haters, I have to ask: What is so threatening about a policy revision that would make the school's sexual assault policy easier for students to understand?

In a spirited diatribe entitled "Dealing With AU's anti-sex brigade" published yesterday in the American University Eagle, AU's resident anti-feminist thinker, Alex Knepper, argues that feminists who rally against rape are turning act of sex into a sorry ritual in which "two amorphous, gender-neutral blobs ask each other 'Is this OK with you?.'” According to Knepper, age 20, feminists are also responsible for stamping out the "yin and yang of masculinity and femininity [that] makes sexual exploration exciting," abolishing passion, and also somehow discouraging "inherently gendered thrills" like erotic cross-dressing. Knepper ends the column by providing a helpful reading list for his misguided peers, including works by Camille Paglia, the Marquis de Sade, and Christina Hoff Sommers.

An unidentified member of the campus community has responded with a more direct retort: They removed copies of the paper from their stands and posted a message above them reading, "NO ROOM FOR RAPE APOLOGISTS."

According to these photos sent in from an American University student, the message for Knepper has been posted near several Eagle newsstands around campus; in one photo, a stack of Eagles appears to have been strewn haphazardly across the floor in front of the paper's offices. "A few people had taken probably several thousand copies and threw them over against our door," says Jen Calantone, Eagle editor-in-chief. The vandalism was light; no papers were destroyed, and newspaper staff have since removed the posters and redistributed the papers. Some copies were crinkled.

In an e-mail, American University student (and campus feminist and LGBT activist) K. Travis Ballie explains the perceived impetus for the move: "In response to the very strong and passionate outrage at rape apologist Alex Knepper's latest column "Dealing With AU's Anti-Sex Brigade," an unidentified student not endorsed by any organization decided to take direct action," Ballie writes. "The Eagle has repeatedly refused for months to show adequate sensitivity, compassion, and common decency to the well-being of rape survivors on campus and is complicit in promoting a rape culture where survivors are blamed for the crimes of sexual assault perpetrators."

Knepper's column anticipated this criticism. In it, he wrote that on American University's campus, "For my pro-sex views, I am variously called a misogynist, a rape apologist and—my personal favorite—a 'pro-date rape protofascist.'" (I guess that one didn't fit on the poster). Knepper's column went on to provide a sampling of some of Knepper's "pro-sex views":

Let’s get this straight: any woman who heads to an EI party as an anonymous onlooker, drinks five cups of the jungle juice, and walks back to a boy’s room with him is indicating that she wants sex, OK? To cry “date rape” after you sober up the next morning and regret the incident is the equivalent of pulling a gun to someone’s head and then later claiming that you didn’t ever actually intend to pull the trigger.

“Date rape” is an incoherent concept. There’s rape and there’s not-rape, and we need a line of demarcation. It’s not clear enough to merely speak of consent, because the lines of consent in sex—especially anonymous sex—can become very blurry. If that bothers you, then stick with Pat Robertson and his brigade of anti-sex cavemen! Don’t jump into the sexual arena if you can’t handle the volatility of its practice!

Despite the column's defensive stance on the "rape apologist" label, Knepper didn't anticipate the ad-hoc campus campaign against him; when I called him around noon today he hadn't yet heard of the removal of the papers and the "RAPE APOLOGIST" posters. After perusing the evidence, Knepper agreed to answer some questions over e-mail. "Well, this is the new feminist orthodoxy: censorship," he wrote. "It started with Catherine MacKinnon and Andrea Dworkin, and it's an utter betrayal of the ideals of women like Wollstonecraft, Stanton, and even Friedan. I'm also very concerned with the highly fragile view of women that this promotes: I can't say something that offends them without stirring them to vandalism? Carmen Rios states that my column can act as a 'trigger' for survivors. Does anyone treat men with kid gloves like this?"

I asked Knepper whether he thought there was any room for rape apologists at American. "There is no room for rape apologists on campus. If I see any, I'll be sure to rebuke them," he wrote. I also asked him to expound on the whole feminist cross-dressing ban thing: "The entire concept of cross-dressing has no place within feminism," he explained. "[O]ne cannot 'cross' the line of something that does not exist." Finally, I asked him if the "yin and yang of masculinity and femininity" is truly "what makes sexual exploration exciting," then isn't it kind of boring to be gay? "Certainly not," replied Knepper, who is gay. "Gay men—by which I do not mean the eunuchs who constitute the vanguard of so-called queer activism—are far more likely to understand that dressing one's boyfriend up like a girl and fucking his ass with a dildo is to feminize him. The feminine element of sexuality is not literally about being female—it's about surrender and submission. One might say that my homosexuality is the ultimate expression of my deep-seated hatred for women, though, right?"

On Facebook, members of the university community aren't questioning the implications of Knepper's sexual orientation, but they are debating the tactics used to protest his articles. "If you don't like the Eagle, don't read it, support the AU Examiner, write a counter column, or start your own newspaper—DON'T act like children [and] follow the same idea-bashing tactics that the christian-conservo-right do every time they come to a school and insure it has the right books on the shelves," wrote one. "i think a lot of people who might be allies on this are really alienated by this type of vandalism," wrote another.

The Eagle, for one, isn't particularly pleased—but it has been inspired to take some action. "It's upsetting, because our general purpose as the campus newspaper is to start these types of discussions," says Calantone. "We were happy when people started talking about and criticizing this column, but it's upsetting when it devolves into a kind of vandalism situation." The newspaper is planning to hold open campus discussion on Knepper's column this Thursday evening.

UPDATE: This story was updated at 2 p.m. with comments from Knepper.

This week: How to erase your relationship doubts by conforming to stilted gender roles; Buster Darkhole is MIA; college students are getting relationship inspiration from The First Wives Club soundtrack. This time with feeling:

UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND: Girls must be girls.

Sex Tips: In a post-Valentines entry, UMD Diamondback advice columnist Esti Frischling administers a remedy to a female student who is concerned that her new beau is getting a bit too sweet on her (his super-serious Valentine's Day plans "freaked [her] out." Frischling's advice: In order to foster romance, ignore your obvious incompatibility, shelve your feelings, and stick to reinforcing traditional gender roles. "To be honest, I very rarely hear of girls complaining about getting too much attention," Frischling writes. "What is appealing about all these niceties and cutenesses, though, is it means someone cares about you. . . .  Perhaps it’s best not to say anything about how you don’t approve of his Valentine’s Day efforts. Instead, slow things down in other ways that won’t reveal to him how picky and alternative you are. If Hallmark has taught us anything, it’s that no one wants those things in a girl."

Life Lesson: A man doesn't like a complicated woman. Who cares if you don't even like him, either? "However you choose to handle it, don’t make him feel bad or insecure about trying to do nice things for you," Frischling writes. "It’s completely understandable that at this time it was too much for you, but unless you want to scare him away, just let it go."

Progressive Meter: And there's nothing worse than scaring away a guy who freaks you out, amirite ladies? :(

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY: Sex columnists are MIA.

Sex Tips: None. The AU Eagle's trio of pseudonymned sex writers—Buster Darkhole, Maxwell Hillcrest, and Amber Sparkles haven't churned out a column since "Stereotypes a Problem for Lesbian Community," a piece which caused some problems for the lesbian community on campus, actually. (A sampling: “Many try and divulge the deep mystery that is lesbian sex. However, this is often met with much difficulty. Lesbians, being quite secretive, rarely give out the methods they use for sex, but we have done the research for you and found out some interesting facts.”)

Life Lesson: Sometimes better to burn out than to fade away. The "AU Threesome" started off their sex-writing careers with a vaguely non-consensual bang back in September, and they've kept up the controversy since—until they fell off the Eagle's map three-and-a-half months ago.

Progressive Meter: This one gets a big frowny face, because I miss these kids. :(

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY: Bette Midler is on the soundtrack to our lives.

Sex Tips: In Hoya "Rounding the Bases" columnist Colleen Leahey's latest, undergrads are advised to avoid festering in "pseudo-relationships" that lie in the gray area between hooking up and exchanging Varsity letterman jackets. Leahey sketches the scene: "After many weeks (sometimes even months) of being together, you and your partner have yet to go on a real date. Many nights, your special friend has a bit too much Burnett’s and passes out, leaving your texts annoyingly unanswered. But when you’re together, everything is perfect. Suddenly, the good outweighs the bad. This, my friends, is another—and the most common for college students—example of when you should leave. Your optimism, hoping to make something good out of a total train wreck, is causing you to trap yourself in an unhealthy relationship. Stay too long and you will end up feeling insecure and unhappy."

Life Lesson: If you suspect that Leahey is writing from a bit of an old-school perspective—beware the Dangers Of Hook-Up culture!— here's some more evidence: "Eventually, you will realize how much happier you are. As great as consistency is, enjoying you’re freedom is so much more fulfilling. And if you’re ever feeling really down, take a tip from my friends and I: Blast The First Wives Club version of 'You Don’t Own Me.' Trust me, you’ll be basking in the golden rays of your newfound singledom before you know it."

Progressive Meter: The First Wives Club is a film about three sassy, middle-aged divorcees who exact revenge on their ex-husbands after they are all discarded for younger women. Is it just me, or is it kind of freaky that a sex column for young people is gleaning relationship inspiration from a movie about cliched, messy divorces caused by hopelessly cliched young women? :-|

The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of passive femininity, drunk-flirting double standards, and Jell-O Shot lesbianism?

This week: How to pick up guys sober; when gays and lesbians offend gays and lesbians; what to do when you pick up a guy drunk.

—

UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND:

Sex Tips: Diamondback advice columnist Esti Frischling tells UMD girls how to find dates beyond the old standby of "flirting with random guys at the bars." Her venue of choice? "Class. Next time, just sit next to that stud and smoothly pass him an empty tic-tac-toe board—guaranteed to get you at least a smile and a game, possibly even a good lay."

Life Lesson: "Just look approachable and wear stretchy pants."

Progressive Meter: I support any relationship advice column targeted at women that does not rely upon sitting around and waiting for the hottest dude ever to reveal his improbable love for you. Man, Twilight has really lowered my standards. 6.

—

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: Since our AU Threesome of sex columnists has retired for the semester, this one's a rebuttal. Sarah Brown, Senior, has this to say about the Threesome's treatment of lesbian sex: "I can look past the inaccurate comparison of lesbian sex to Jell-O shots, the offensive implication that lesbians are all biologically the same and even the language that suggests that 'encountering a lesbian' is similar to running into a strange creature in the wild," she writes. "What I cannot seem to move past, though, is the Editor’s Note at the bottom of the column, which reads: 'In an attempt to prevent misinterpretation, we would like to acknowledge our sex columnists are of varying sexual orientations and genders.'”

Life Lesson: Newsflash: Gays and lesbians can offend gays and lesbians. Writes Brown: "While I’m glad that The Eagle has taken a non-heteronormative approach to the sex column, what this note implies is that The Eagle staff does not regard members of the LGBT community to be capable of saying things that offend and hurt persons in their community."

Progressive Meter: Good points, all. But really, how is one expected to get through a semester of sex column writing without including at least one offensive analogy to Jell-O shots? 9.

—

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: This time around, Hoya sex columnist Colleen Leahey invites us to learn from experience. In "How To Avoid The Pitfalls Of Drunken Flirting," Leahey tells the story of "Ian" and "Emma," two Georgetown co-eds who only talk when they're wasted. As the semester goes on, the drunken flirting gets heated: “I just think you’re so beautiful," drunk Ian tells her one night. What exactly do you want from this whole thing? drunk Emma texted back. Weeks later, the hangover sets in: Drunk Ian's girlfriend wants to fight drunk Emma!

Life Lesson: When a dude with a girlfriend goes astray, there is always a woman to blame. "Emma walked home with tear-filled eyes. She went to bed upset, feeling like some kind of worthless tease. The next day, however, her sadness turned to anger. Since when had this whole situation even become a big deal? Nothing had happened. And how was it solely her fault? Albeit, she had crossed a line, actually recognizing their flirtation, whereas Ian had merely straddled it. Yet, once she realized how wrong her actions had been, she immediately backed off. So, why did she deserve such scrutiny an entire month later?"

Progressive Meter: Double standards are a bitch. 7.

Photo via the Library of Congress

The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of ice cream sundaes, hand-holding, and offensive lesbian stereotypes?

This week: When fuck-buddies stop fucking; exploring the "mystery" of lesbian sex; parsing the appeal of the "holiday honey."

THE GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: GWU Hatchet sex columnist Layla is breaking up with her fuck-buddy, "007." The new development helps Layla realize that sex with 007 was just filling another void. "Amidst flashbacks of all of the ways he could make me shiver, I realized that 007 and I tend to fall back into our pattern of hooking up when we're trying to get over particularly bad breakups," she writes. "After a messy breakup, it was always easy to go from innocently hanging out with 007 in his basement, to going down on him."

Life Lesson: Fucking is not as powerful as Facebook. "One of my friends says the best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one . . . At the end of the day, however, the feeling of 007's hands all over me didn't entirely replace the tactile memories I had formed of hookups with my ex," she writes. "I still had to get over my ex using the tried-and-true method of time and patience, not to mention hiding his updates on my Facebook news feed."

Progressive Meter: Layla has sex with dudes she has no interest in dating, and they're both adults about it. Great! I just hope 007 was going down on you, too. Seven.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: This time around, AU's anonymous threesome employs a fourth wheel, Beaver McRugmuncher, to help the trio deal with the subject of—guess!—"the phenomena of lesbians." Yes! I have been waiting all semester to hear Buster Darkhole's theories on lesbians! Go on: "Many try and divulge the deep mystery that is lesbian sex. However, this is often met with much difficulty. Lesbians, being quite secretive, rarely give out the methods they use for sex, but we have done the research for you and found out some interesting facts," they write. "Everyone inevitably thinks of scissoring when they think of lesbians. However, from what we have heard, lesbians do not actually do this."

Life Lesson: "Rule number one: don’t piss off a lesbian. They are naturally born with the ability to kick your ass." Umm . . . too late!

Progressive Meter: Let's see here. We're debunking some stereotypes (lesbians rush into relationships) while creating some others (lesbians will "kick your ass"). We're erasing some common fantasies ("everyone inevitably thinks of scissoring when they think of lesbians") and replacing them with some . . . less-common ones (lesbian sex "is like a Jell-O shot: first, you get your finger in to loosen it up, then place your mouth around it to get at the goods.") At the same time, we're reminding everyone that "lesbians are more than just Jell-O shots at parties." Color me confused! Two points. I guess.

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: Hoya sex columnist Colleen Leahey introduces me to a couple of new relationship terms: "Holiday Honey" and "DFMO." Leahey got "Holiday Honey" from her mom: "My mom began using it several years ago, when my older sister was a freshman in college. Every break (Columbus Day, Thanksgiving, Winter, et cetera), Kelly and her high school boyfriend would rekindle their flame for several days, then let it fizzle when they returned to their respective schools." God knows where DFMO came from, but it stands for "Dance-floor make-out." According to Urban Dictionary: "Most of the time a DFMO is voluntary, but they can also occur when a drunkard grabs your face and starts making sweet sweet love to it."

Life Lessons: Holiday Honeys "knew you before you went to keggers and made out on the dance floor with several other partygoers in a night. They evoke a general innocence in you, a quality that can seem lost in the throes of chaotic college events. When with them, you’re reminded of corsages, ice cream dates and movies you never actually watched," Leahey writes. "The nostalgia associated with an old flame is extremely comforting."

Progressive Meter: Side-note: I think name-checking your mom in a sex column is really sweet. Too bad she's invoked to make the argument that relationships were so much better in the good old days of the 1950's high school. Four.

Photo by State Library of Queenstown, Australia

The battle for ideological dominance in our nation's capital's collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of romance born out of  aggressive homophobia?

This week: pro-life gay man worries that if he could have children, his pro-choice boyfriend might kill them; how to talk to a girl without being a creep; your boyfriend is cheating on you to avoid rumors he's on the down low.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: In this edition of the AU Eagle's triple-threat sex column, Buster Darkhole, Maxwell Hillcrest, and Amber Sparkles take on the issue of  . . . ideological rifts in on-campus relationships. How apropos!

The inspiration: A pro-life man writes in to ask if his crush on a pro-choice man is too immoral to pursue. "While he and I can’t have children, it’s more the idea that if we had children he would be OK with killing them," he writes. "Is this enough to kill a relationship?” I bet you weren't expecting Buster Darkhole's response: "let me just say that it is a relief to find another pro-life gay on this campus."

Life Lesson: The American University community contains at least two pro-life gay men.

Progressive Meter: Sorry, my brain just exploded attempting to accurately gauge the progressiveness of this situation. I think we'll split the odds and go for a 5.

—

UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND

Sex Tips: The Diamondback's latest advice column schools undergrads on how to "start up a conversation without seeming creepy." Columnist Esti Frischling's suggestion: " The rule is this: Any guy can get any girl. . . .  If you approach this situation knowing without a doubt that you are going to get some serious ass, your actual chances improve drastically," she writes. "Seeing as you already know you’re going to get with this girl in the near future, you can certainly start to relax around her. Suddenly, imagining her naked in class changes from awkward and creepy to fun and clairvoyant. . . . Keep in mind: You are the man."

Life Lesson: She wants to fuck you.

Progressive Meter: Assuming that a strange woman wants to have sex with you whenever you like will inevitably lead to complications. As one commenter notes, it ain't the first time she's doled out this advice. So much for the "without seeming creepy" part. Zero.

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HOWARD UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: In this Howard University Hilltop opinion piece, Morgan Winbush attempts to get to the bottom of Howard's "dating double standard." She writes: "in a man’s world; you have to be on top of everything including your woman and your relationships. . . . Messing around with other women feed into the need for a man to feel as if he is needed. The more women who 'need' him the more he is solidified as a man possessing the qualities that are 'manly' and thusly proving himself to be the leader of the pack when it comes to female dependency. 'Is he gay?' 'Is he on the DL?' — the more female partners a man has the less likely these labels will be placed on him." But aggressively proving one's heterosexuality ain't just for men any more: "times have progressed and women want just as much ego rubbing as their counterparts."

Life Lesson: Your boyfriend is cheating on you so that nobody thinks he's gay. At least now you can get in on the homophobic fun, too.

Progressive Meter: Winbush makes a good-faith effort to encourage fellow students to embrace female promiscuity alongside the traditional male version. In the meantime, she raises the specter of the guy on the "down low" without even giving a positive shout-out to the campus LGBT contingent. Three.

Photo by Ollie Crafoord, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

The fight for ideological dominance of D.C.’s college sex column “movement” rages on. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of valiant male chivalry—only drunker? This week: G.W. student fucks Marine; UMD students are bitches, dicks, or pussies; American University issues a Very Special sex column. It must be sweeps week:

GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: In Layla's latest heterosexual female romp, G.W.'s resident sex columnist extols upon the virtues of fucking servicemen. She also floats a revised idea of traditional courtship: Men are still confined to the rules of chivalry, but everyone gets drunk and you can do it whenever you feel like it. "Leaning against the bar, I spotted Prince Charming, an incredibly sexy combination of chivalry and a hint of danger, walking down the stairs," she writes of a random Marine she spots while sitting alone, "double fisting" drinks at the bar. "Having stubbornly worn my three-inch heels, I literally stumbled into his arms and swooned at how valiantly and easily he caught me. In my opinion, there is nothing sexier than a man with an accent, especially if its southern and he happens to call me ma'am." They decide to get it on. "Prince Charming grinned and pulled out an umbrella, proving that even in the face of a certain hookup, chivalry is not dead."

Life Lesson: Layla insists there is "something scandalously orgasmic about making out with a marine in the middle of a bar to bad 80s music," proving that people are into some freaky shit. Side-note: Layla may needs to take some life lessons from the Buster Darkhole school of sex column euphemisms. Her target is called "Prince Charming." Her friend? "GI Jane."

Progressive Meter: I count six references to "Prince Charming," two to "chivalry," and one each to "swooned" and "valiantly." Layla's column describes a thoroughly modern tale—they meet at a bar and hook up—but the vocabulary is stuck in another century. Three.

—

THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND:

Sex Tips: This time around in UMD senior Esti Frischling's regular advice column, she tackles the problem of a third-wheel friend who knows that one of the coupled-up friends is cheating on the other. Frischling's advice—don't snitch, but encourage them to break up, and if they don't, go ahead and fuck the one who's getting screwed over—isn't as memorable as the way she tells it:

- "You better not rat either way (bitch)."
- "I mean, he can’t possibly see her as marriage material if he’s having all this premarital sex with all the sluts, right?"
- "approach the guy and say something along the lines of (and feel free to quote me directly) 'Dude stop being such a dick — your girl is hot, lay off the adulterous pussy.'”
- "I say—and this is my final answer by the way—blow up his spot and f— his girl. Yeah."

Life Lesson: Apparently, bitches, sluts, dicks, and pussies are A-OK in the Diamondback. But in the end, all we get is a "f—."

Progressive Meter: While it's difficult to discern a political bent in decisions over snitching, I do find the emphasis on "marriage material," "premarital sex," and "sluts" a bit off-putting here. You're in college. Stop rating the validity of your relationships on whether or not you're planning to get hitched to the person you're currently doing. On the other hand, the advice that the advice-seeker "f— his girl"  seems to be applied with no concern as to whether the advice-seeker is male or female. Cool. Five.

—

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: This go-around, AU's trio of porn-named sex columnists—Amber Sparkles, Buster Darkhole, and Maxwell Hillcrest—have teamed up to deliver a Very Special sex column about personal responsibility. This conversation—how to avoid unwanted pregnancies, STIs, abuse, and disappointment—is important. But Sparkles, Darkhole, and Hillcrest may be biting off more than they can chew here. The column is a little bit about pleasure: "Many people enjoy sex without condoms—scratch that, nearly everyone enjoys the sensations of sex more without condoms." A little bit about shame: "it is your life. It is not the life of the girl who might yell 'slut' at you when you walk home from a fantastic evening." And a little bit about dying of AIDS: "imagine two boys at Apex going home together. They may have amazing sex, but if it is unprotected, the consequences can be fatal."

Life Lesson: Sex undertaken without "planning ahead" can lead to babies, disease, and unhappiness.

Progressive Meter: The column is titled "Planning ahead helps ease worries in bed," but the three-author treatment focuses entirely on sexual anxieties, and not on the peace of mind that can come with entering into sex fully prepared and ready to go. The intended take-away here—when you're having sex, you should be concerned with satisfying your personal needs and taking care of yourself, not conforming to societal expectations—is a fine one. Unfortunately, the message gets lost in a sea of downers about the possible outcomes of doin' it: campus shaming, misogyny, blood tests, abortion, and death. Four.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

The fight for ideological dominance of D.C.'s college sex column "movement" rages on. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of borrowed class rings and shoulder-draped letter jackets? This week: A two-timing columnist receives a smackdown; college kids tell you not to have casual sex; the "MRS degree" makes a comeback.

GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: No new sex columns have been printed over at the Hatchet since female columnist Layla confessed she was fucking her best friend and male columnist Mr. Darcy outed his little virgin/whore complex. There has, however, been a bit of community push-back to Darcy's double-timing the "nice girl" and the "freaky girl" while he waited for the "nice freaky girl" of his dreams to show up on his doorstep. "Bravo to this studly, virile man, who has so many girls drooling after him," wrote Kristen McCarthy, a senior. "There is nothing we females like more than a complete tool who jerks us around, jumping from one girl to the next, and then decides to 'have [his] cake and eat it too.' . . . . The worst part? The author's audacity to call himself Mr. Darcy. I can assure you that Miss Austen would never have stood for that behavior in a Darcy."

Life Lesson: Choose your pseudonym wisely. Good luck: Buster Darkhole is already taken.

Progressive Meter: Calling a tool a tool is a treasured feminist pastime, and reclaiming Austen was a necessary move. But no woman can speak for all females: Some girls like jumping around, too. 7

—

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: The latest gem mined from the AU Eagle's Amber Sparkles, Buster Darkhole, and Maxwell Hillcrest reveals an ideological rift between the trio of sex columnists. Each columnist took turns answering the question, "How long to wait to have sex?" Hillcrest took the philosophical route: "But by asking, you are halfway on the road to your answer," he writes. Darkhole is short on specifics: "I would say try not to have it too soon." And Sparkles sidelines 'em all with her requisite conservative bent. "If you like someone enough to be interested in dating her or him or already are dating them, having sex could be a good experience. . . . As long as you are having sex because you like the person and would be interested in building your relationship, there isn’t a time that is too early or too late. But if your reasons are otherwise, then maybe you should think again."

Life lesson: Don't hit it unless you plan on hitting it for the rest of the semester.

Progressive Meter: Hillcrest hits the nail on the head when he tells students the only way to figure out if they're ready to do it is to "talk to your partner." Sparkles' advice to only sex someone you're "interested in dating," not so much. Why not try having sex with someone you're interested in having sex with? 5

—

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: Columnist Colleen Leahey's latest informs students about why people you are hooking up with lie to you. The column, typically, includes some strange ideas about men (from Mars) and women (Venus). Among them:

• "Men and women have forever had difficulties communicating with one another."
• "Guys seem to be puzzled by the complex and utterly confusing mind games of women; females can’t seem to cope with the simplistic, one-track male thought-process."
• "Guys are notoriously stereotyped by society as players. After several beers, they’re only after 'one thing.'"
• "Not every college female is interested in graduating with her M.R.S. degree; some only want to have fun."

The column also includes one extremely strange imagined scenario about what hooking up in college is like: "Perhaps their beer goggles were a bit too tight that night. Seeing as you two never made specific rules concerning exclusivity, the hot bro or chick smiling across the bar may seem extraordinarily appealing under the glow of Thirds’ neon totem pole. However, the morning light reveals a pudgy, acne-covered mistake with really bad breath. How mortifying!"

Life lesson: The "M.R.S. degree" reference was enough to tip us off that we're dealing with an old, old soul here. The scare quotes around "one thing" and the exclamation point following "mortifying" seal the deal. Grandmother? Is that you in there?

Progressive Meter: Well, at least not "every" woman only went to college to get married. Zero.

Photo by riptheskull

Criticisms of D.C.-area student sex columns, however, rarely take the form of the right-wing, anti-sex diatribe. At local colleges and universities, sex columnists are more likely to catch heat for furthering sex-negative sentiments, antiquated gender roles, or sloppy writing.

Last month, the American University Eagle's anonymous sex column was criticized for trivializing rape, ignoring LGBT students, and discouraging women from pursuing sex. Also this month, Georgetown University student journalist Juliana Brint accused her campus' sex columns of being "backwards, anti-feminist screeds" based on "outdated, belittling generalizations about the female psyche." How progressive are our local student sex writers?

—

Student Paper: The G.W. Hatchet

Columnists: Mr. Darcy, an anonymous heterosexual male; Layla, an anonymous heterosexual female.

Areas of Coverage: In Darcy's inaugural column, the male sex columnist posed an Austenian dilemma: Shall he choose the nice girl who gives a satisfying blow job, or the freaky one into semi-public window sex? Answer: Looks like he's sleeping (with both of them) on it for a little while longer. In Layla's latest go-around, she describes her unorthodox relationship with a "best friend" from out-of-town: They do it all the time, but they're not dating or anything, and it's awesome!

Progressive Score: 6. Both Darcy and Layla describe their personal experiences with casual sex with multiple partners—and they do so with respect for themselves and for everyone else involved. In college, that can be difficult—it's hardly edgy, but I'll take it. The problem with first-person sex columns from two heteros, though, is that the LGBT experience is completely shut out of the paper.

—

Student paper: The American University Eagle.

Sex columnists: Three anonymous writers—one female, two male, sexual orientation undisclosed. Their porny bylines: Amber Sparkles, Buster Darkhole, and Maxwell Hillcrest.

Areas of Coverage: The trio got off to a controversial start last month when they posited this hypothetic sexual experience—"It’s three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You’ve had one too many cups of jungle juice"—as a normal AU hookup. In their follow-up column, Sparkles, Darkhole, and Hillcrest winked at the controversy as they moved on to another taboo campus topic. "It’s 3 a.m. and he has it in you right now. It hurts," the column read. "You are two sober, consenting adults who have just embarked on the journey of anal sex."

Progressive Score: 7. While the first column from the threesome was extremely ill-advised, this servicey anal sex primer—don't use silicone lube with silicone toys!—imparted some helpful and open-minded advice for dorm-dwellers embarking on an anal excursion for the first time. It also made a stab at inclusiveness: "Gay, straight, bisexual—it doesn’t matter," the column reads. "Anyone can enjoy the feeling that comes from anal stimulation, no matter their gender or sexual orientation."

But while the column worked to dispel the "taboo" against straight men enjoying ass play, it failed to tackle the pressure many straight women feel to do anal. It also only addressed the anal pleasure derived from massaging the prostate. Not everybody has a prostate!

On the other hand, the threesome managed to stir up some conservative ire for the column—always a good sign. "I am appalled at the content of the Eagle’s new column," wrote one commenter. "I find this particular article vulgar."

—

Student Paper: The Georgetown University Hoya.

Sex Columnists: Colleen Leahey

Areas of Coverage: According to Brint, who writes for the Georgetown Voice, Leahey's "backwards, anti-feminist screeds" come from a long line of conservative Georgetown sex columnists (Julia Allison was the first). In Leheay's first column, she declared that "The quest for 'Prince Charming' consumes the lives of most 20-something females." The odd advice in her second column wasn't so much gender-specific as it was stalker-specific: "After shouting their name, you wait for them to come running into your arms. Instead they ask, 'Why are you following me?'"

Progressive Score: 4. Leahey may very well have her hands tied at this particularly conservative student rag, which is lucky to have a sex column at all. "“[V]ulgarity is discouraged through all sections in The Hoya,” Hoya Managing Editor Marissa Amendolia explained in an e-mail to Brint. “[W]hen it comes to editing for style, vulgarity—and, depending on the situation, this may include sexual explicitness—is subject to editing as long as the editor maintains the author’s viewpoint.” That being said, Leahey doesn't have to get vulgar to become a bit more open-minded. It would behoove her to direct her columns to all members of the campus community, not just heterosexual females she deems "desperate."

Nevertheless, I give Leahey and the Hoya major points for refusing to hide their sex coverage under a pseudonym (even a pseudonym as inspired as "Buster Darkhole"). The Hoya's sex talk may be low on the sex, but at least they own it. If there's nothing wrong with talking about casual sex and anal experimentation, why keep your identity under the covers?

Note: I couldn't find any current sex columns at the UMD Diamondback, the Howard University Hilltop, or, uh, Catholic University. If you know of any other local student sex writers, let me know!

The Line, a new documentary film about sex and consent, hit the American University campus last week. Today, The Line's blog addressed the recent controversy at AU over student newspaper the Eagle's anonymous sex column, which presented a drunk, hazy, and painful sexual experience as a normal college hook-up:

It’s three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You’ve had one too many cups of jungle juice. You think his name is Andrew, but you’re not really sure. You thought you would never be that girl, but there you are, in your drunken haze.

Some members of the campus community were outraged that the newspaper would normalize a possible date rape scenario. But the Line video also pointed to another controversial section of the Eagle's column: "You wake up the day after to an unfamiliar ceiling, some guy who smells like booze, AXE body spray and, well, something else."

What the hell is "something else"?

Some students who responded to the column online proved perturbed by both the column's rape associations and its overly vague description of the morning-after olfactory bouquet. Axe Body Spray has repeatedly been accused of "smelling like date rape." It would make sense for the morning after your drunken sexual experience to smell like booze. But what else does painful drunk sex smell like? And why does the Eagle think the third smell is so obvious that they don't even have to spell it out for campus readers?

Mike Johnson first criticized the column's "date rape" overtones before expressing frustration with the use of "something else":

Oh and what does he smell like? B.O.? Ribbed Trojans? I’m not sure what the deal is on that one.

Disco Stick took a stab at it:

What does “well, something else” mean? I’m interpreting it as “your pussy” or “jizz.” I’m having a little trouble deciding which one though. Could it be both? Please let me know asap.

The imprecise descriptor was further complicated by the column's irregular sentence structure. The sentence, "You wake up the day after to an unfamiliar ceiling, some guy who smells like booze, AXE body spray and, well, something else," is, I believe, attempting to convey the experience of a woman who wakes up to two things:

a) an unfamiliar ceiling;

b) a man who smells like booze, AXE body spray and (whatever).

As the sentence reads, however, it has the woman waking up to:

a) an unfamiliar ceiling;

b) some guy who smells like booze;

c) AXE body spray;

d) "something else."

Taken in that context, the possibilities of this "something else" extend far beyond body odor, condoms, pussy, or jizz. The woman in question could have awoken to a ceiling, a dude, body spray, and an albatross. Given the context of the story, she also could have woken up to a ceiling, a dude, body spray, and an STD. For feminists on campus upset with the Eagle's casual treatment of date rape in the column, the grammatical error could also lead to a happier ending: Personally, I'd like to see this girl wake up to a ceiling, a dude, body spray, and a copy of Yes Means Yes!

It’s three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You’ve had one too many cups of jungle juice. You think his name is Andrew, but you’re not really sure. You thought you would never be that girl, but there you are, in your drunken haze.

You wake up the day after to an unfamiliar ceiling, some guy who smells like booze, AXE body spray and, well, something else. He wants to cuddle and you’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up [ ________ ].

Reader: How did the AU Eagle complete that sentence?

a. You're starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up was rape.

b. You're starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up was a product of society's shaming of female sexuality, which encourages women to resort to dangerous, heavily intoxicated, and painful sex with strangers instead of openly pursuing empowered, respectful, and satisfying sexual experiences with desired sexual partners.

c. You're starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up could turn into something.

If you picked choice C, congratulations. That's right: The Eagle chose to use a woman's hazy, drunk, and painful sexual experience in order to illustrate the serious on-campus problem of . . . drunk women wanting boyfriends!

"A lot of people think that their first sexual experience in college is something meaningful," the column continued. "We can tell you that it is not. " The columnists then informed AU females some strategies they should try next time, instead of painful drunk sex: "lets face it girls, more often then not you’ll have to slow the guy down. That’s more than okay—it adds to your 'mystique.' Flirt with them, step in a little bit closer, laugh at all his jokes, flip your hair, basically everything you see in the movies without the sex. I said without the sex."

So, women who want to get laid on the AU campus can either a) endure drunk and painful stranger fucking, or b) laugh at jokes that aren't funny, and . . . not have sex. What the fuck? And these are the paper's sex columnists!

Some readers and on-campus groups agreed that the Eagle's sexual scenario posed more pressing questions than "Why can't the drunk girl find a boyfriend?" Like, "Was that hypothetical girl just hypothetically raped?"

Many members of the campus community argued that she was. AU Students For Choice penned an e-mail to its members calling the piece "alarming," and describing the opening scene as “an explicit rape.” And in a letter to the Eagle, campus group Women’s Initiative wrote, "This is called rape . . . Not only does the column normalize sexual assault as a drunken hook-up that happens to everyone, but it places the responsibility of stopping sexual assault on women by telling them to 'slow the guy down.'”

Readers also chimed in on the consent issue. "Next time you write a sex article don’t write it like a date rape story," wrote one commenter. Wrote another: "If it hurts, and you’re so wasted you don’t know what’s going on, then that is rape. And that’s not okay or normal."

But others came to the Eagle's defense. "How the hell is that rape?" wrote one. "I hear of this kind of stuff happening all the time. We’ve all been there at one time or another when you have drunk sex, so what? Its the people who end up trying to build a relationship off of that who are stupid."

In its own response to the campus outcry, the Eagle defended the piece as "provocative" and called the outrage "confusing." "For better or worse, many drunken hook-ups on this campus are completely consensual. Women’s Initiative knows it. AU Students For Choice knows it. Sometimes, people get drunk intending to hook-up!" The Eagle then attempted to shame all members of the campus community who voiced concern about the Eagle's strange sex advice. "Baseless charges and unwarranted outrage make these groups look silly," the retort read. "On issues as serious as rape and sexual assault, they should know better than to cry wolf."

The students crying "rape!" and the students crying "completely consensual!" will probably have to agree to disagree—if there's one thing I've learned from sex blogging, it's that arguments over whether theoretical scenarios constitute rape are rarely resolved. But that doesn't mean the two camps can't find a mutually productive discussion somewhere in this mess.

The groups who claim that the Eagle piece "normalized sexual assault," and those who claim that drunk sex "happens all the time" and that "people get drunk intending to hook up!" aren't talking past one another—even though they refuse to agree on rape, they're still voicing different perspectives on the same problem. If the Eagle finds the question "is this rape?" silly and baseless, why not ask them some alternate questions: Why is it considered normal for women on campus to choose disappointing, painful, hazy sex? Why is it a campus trend for women not to just unexpectedly wake up in a stranger's bed, but to get drunk with the intention of waking up there? And since when is declaring painful sex "normal" a valid excuse for perpetuating it?

Pandagon's Amanda Marcotte has got some pretty good answers to these questions. In a post on the Hofstra false rape accusation, Marcotte explains how slut-shaming can lead women to resort to dangerous, heavily intoxicated, and painful sex with strangers—instead of openly pursuing empowered, respectful, and satisfying sexual experiences with desired sexual partners. She writes:

There is nothing wrong with you if you want to have group sex. Now, I wouldn’t recommend that you go about it as this young woman did. Like it or not, but a single woman in a group sex situation with a bunch of men she barely knows that have been drinking heavily is something that could turn to rape, or even if it doesn’t, it could seem menacing once you’re into it, and therefore you may not feel safe changing your mind if it gets weird. A lot of young men have really mixed-up, fucked-up attitudes about this sort of thing, because the homoerotic element is going to turn them on and then they’re going to get upset about that, and they might get more aggressive to demonstrate that they’re Not Gay. There’s a serious amount of danger there. That said, it’s foolish to assume that some young women aren’t going to have group sex fantasies, and the sheer amount of shame that is placed on them for wanting to act those out will push a lot of them to make really, really bad choices under the influence of inhibition-lowering drugs like alcohol.

The only cure for this is to stop shaming women for being sexual. Without the shame driving people to make rash, dangerous, and foolish choices, you’re going to have a lot more planning of group sex that involves vetting partners and getting consent and creating safe words and all that. And then, you own your choice and take responsibility for it. Which makes you not inclined to say it was rape if the word gets out that you did this. If your reputation isn’t in danger, then you have no cause to do bad things in an attempt to save it.

I don't mind that the Eagle's semester-opening sex column presented rash, drunk, awful sex as a normal college experience—it can be. But instead of examining why college women have sex they don't like, or telling college women that they deserve to have better sex, the Eagle told AU's female population that good girls don't give it up. That attitude isn't going to make sex on AU's campus any better, but it will help to keep it drunk. Hey—at least it will be "normal," right?

Before D.C.-area colleges welcome back their undergraduates from summer vacation, let's give the schools a little test of our own. Campus Pride's LGBT-Friendly Campus Climate Index rates four-year colleges and universities around the country based on their "LGBT-Friendly policies, programs and practices." The index surveys schools on eight subject areas (click through for survey questions): LGBT "Policy Inclusion," "Support & Institutional Commitment," "Student Life," "Academic Life," "Housing," "Campus Safety," "Counseling & Health," and "Recruitment and Retention Efforts." Campus Pride also administers a "Sexual Orientation Score" and a "Gender Identity/Expression Score" to isolate schools that are friendly to LGB issues but not to T issues, or vice-versa.

Since the index is based on a voluntary survey, not all local schools have submitted themselves for rating here—though 204 schools nationwide have. So keep in mind: even a low rating from Campus Pride shows more commitment to LGBT issues on campus than a school that's not rated at all. Local ratings (out of 5 possible points) are after the jump.

American University: 4.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4.5

University of Maryland, College Park: 4.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4

George Mason University: 4
Sexual Orientation Score: 5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4

George Washington University: 4
Sexual Orientation Score: 3.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 3.5

Virginia Tech: 3.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2

University of Virginia: 3
Sexual Orientation Score: 4
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2

Maryland Institute College Of Art (MICA): 2.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2.5

Towson University: 2.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 2
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 1

Not rated: Georgetown University, Catholic University, and Howard University.

Photo by A Girl And Her Camera

Anonymous public sex ain't as public—or anonymous—as it used to be. In the past ten years, private Internet hook-ups have all but eliminated the need for old-fashioned public toe-tapping meet-ups. In the meantime, some infamous incidents have helped raise awareness about the dangers of initiating anonymous public sex with the wrong guy—like an undercover cop.

But somewhere between the time that the Internet went mainstream and Craigslist took over the sex stuff—we're talking late-90s, early 2000s here—willing partners in search of anonymous sex began seeking out—and recording—their public meet-ups spots online.

The popularity of these online message boards—like Gay Universe's D.C. cruising spot locator—have come and gone. But in their wake, public sex locations (like restrooms), their corresponding sex codes (like winks), and their dangers (like leather-clad dudes who hang around suspiciously, pretending to "fix their glasses") have been recorded for posterity. What remains is an online history of glory holes past, present, and policed.

Alongside the clubs, porn shops, and public parks is one particularly refined category of anonymous sex meeting places: The District of Columbia's most prestigious universities. Delve into the online public sex histories of American, Catholic, Gallaudet, George Washington, and Georgetown, after the jump.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Bender Library

This AU anonymous sex tipster called out Bender Library way back in 1999, suggesting partners meet in the library's 2nd floor bathroom, and then "hook up elsewhere."

"Be sure to check messages in stall...only one has door," he writes. "Wait in study room across from bathroom for guys to go in."

Two years later, another poster took issue with the lewd characterization of AU's main study space, writing: "PLEASE DELETE: WRONG LISTING." Was an AU supporter attempting to clear Bender's name through non-police avenues? Or had the original poster simply been mistaken?

—

THE CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF AMERICA

LOCATION: Somewhere, anywhere.

Though the Catholic University of America has popped up frequently on Gay Universe's D.C. cruising message board—the school's Pangborn Hall is a notable suggested locale—the only link that remains unbroken is this coed's cry for help: "Can anyone help a horny college kid out.. Im 6'-3' 230 Short hair average build tight ass... Im looking for a dick to suck and maybe even fuck.. would love to swallow your load." This guy's not looking for public sex—just any sex. Given Catholic's reputation for hush-hush heterosexual encounters, it's no surprise that one desperate undergrad would turn first to anonymous sex venue to locate a partner.

—

GALLAUDET UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Gallaudet University Library

Sex tipsters are divided as to whether Gallaudet's anonymous sex scene is totally dead—or just quiet enough to encourage discrete hook-ups. "The bathroom is almost always empty! You can do it in there," writes one poster. Another disagrees: "No action here at all. This listing should be removed."

The library sex scene may not be very active on campus, but it's still managed to stir up some anonymous sex bigotry. "Gallaudet is a deaf college and some deaf guys are hot!" one poster suggests. Another is bothered by a different kind of diversity: "Too many colored guys," he writes.

—

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Lauinger Library

One poster listed this Jesuit institution's humanities, social sciences, and business library as a prime D.C. cruising spot, but don't expect to find Georgetown's anonymous sex history detailed in its stacks: Nowadays, the Gay Universe page listing is completely blank

—

THE GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Bell Hall; Corcoran Hall

Back in 2000, GWU's Bell Hall was bumping. "THe 4th floor men's room(across from the Biology Department is hot," one sex-seeker wrote. Chimed in another: "As stated, this place is hot. Weekdays from 5pm, and weekends all day!" But be December of that year, the spot was played out. "I am a grad student at GWU," the final poster divulged. "Seen so many arrest that I believe is my duty to alert you guys. Not worth the risk."

The campus' Corcoran Hall, too, has seen safer anonymous sex days. In 2000, the 1st floor Men's bathroom, "across from faculty office," was the place to be. "Loud door makes time for recovery. Lots of hot GW studs await at both the urinal, and the stalls!" one tipster wrote. "Hot! hot! hot! anytime of day," another added. But by 2002, the place was being frequented by disengenuous sex-seekers "WATCH FOR UNDERCOVER COPS!!!!! ESPECIALLY ON THE WEEKENDS. I DON'T GO THERE ANY MORE, I'VE SEEN TO MANY MEN GET ARRESTED. IT'S NOT WORTH IT," one wrote.

One poster suggested that the sting operation was the work of one leather-wearing faker. "Their is a guy who hangs around this place that always wears a black leather jacket and pretends to fix his glases. He is lean and has slicked back black hair. Watch out for this guy," he wrote. "He is an under-cover cop. He reports what he sees to the campus police. he is not there all the time, but if you see him, leave right away."

—

CONTINUING EDUCATION:

LOCATION: Martin Luther King Jr. Library

"Seen a lot of jacking off at the stalls here and some under the stall activity," one tipster writes. Another gets a little more specific: "There is a bi guy 17-19 who usually wears a hat, who can suck dick good. when you see him, just wink or grab urself (or both) and follow him then he'll take care of you. he likes clean young hung thug types. if ur white or blk, you better dress gangsta and be hung. hes usually there monday, wednesday and friday in the evening after 3p." Wow. That guy sure had a lot of information for a guy who's certainly not the 17-to-19-year-old bisexual guy, didn't he?

Photo by NCinDC

Today wraps up the intellectual bracket of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). Right now: The Center for American Progress takes on American University. Which org puts the man in A(m)eric(an)? How much longer can I sustain strained wordplay on the term "man," "man"? Let's find out!

CENTER FOR AMERICAN PROGRESS: This local think tank is dedicated to "improving" American lives through "ideas" and "action." But can they put the man in "ideas" and/or "action," to words that, in fact, do not hold the necessary letters to form the word "man"? To the org chart!

President and CEO John Podesta (Male, 10 points)
Exec. VP for Management Sarah Wartell (Female, ZERO)
Senior Fellow Laura Nichols (Female, ZERO)
Senior VP for Comm. Jennifer Palmieri (Female, ZERO)
Chief of Staff Peter Ogden (Male, 6 points)
Senior VP Nat’l Security & Int’l Pol. Rudy deLeon (Male, 5 points)
Senior VP for Development Debby Goldberg (Female, ZERO)
Senior VP and Dir. California Nina Hachigian (Female, ZERO)
Senior VP and Dir. Campus Progress David Halperin (Male, 2 points)
Senior VP for Online Andrew Sherry (Male, 1 point)

You call this progress? Twenty-four points out of a possible 55.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY: Established by an act of Congress in 1893, this private institution is a shining beacon of United Methodism upon the banks of Nebraska and Massachusetts Avenues NW. But is there a method to its Man Madness? Let's find out!

President Cornelius Kerwin (Male, 10 points)
Chairman of the Board Gary M. Abramson (Male, 9 points)
Provost Scott A. Bass (Male, 8 points)
Vice Chairman Thomas A. Gottschalk (Male, 7 points)
Exec Dir. Communications Terry Flannery (Female, ZERO)
VP of Campus Life Gail Short Hanson (Female, ZERO)
VP, General Counsel Mary E. Kennard (Female, ZERO)
VP of Development Thomas J. Minar (Male, 3 points)
VP of Finance, Treasurer Donald L. Myers (Male, 2 points)
Chief of Staff David Taylor (Male, 1 point)

With 40 points out of a possible 55, American University is a poor man's Manly Institution, but it's enough to advance this private U to the next round. Next week, we recap up the thinky bracket—and wrap up the tournament!—as the District's advocacy organizations prove which side of the gender divide they're really on.