The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of romance born out of  aggressive homophobia?

This week: pro-life gay man worries that if he could have children, his pro-choice boyfriend might kill them; how to talk to a girl without being a creep; your boyfriend is cheating on you to avoid rumors he’s on the down low.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: In this edition of the AU Eagle’s triple-threat sex column, Buster Darkhole, Maxwell Hillcrest, and Amber Sparkles take on the issue of  . . . ideological rifts in on-campus relationships. How apropos!

The inspiration: A pro-life man writes in to ask if his crush on a pro-choice man is too immoral to pursue. “While he and I can’t have children, it’s more the idea that if we had children he would be OK with killing them,” he writes. “Is this enough to kill a relationship?” I bet you weren’t expecting Buster Darkhole’s response: “let me just say that it is a relief to find another pro-life gay on this campus.”

Life Lesson: The American University community contains at least two pro-life gay men.

Progressive Meter: Sorry, my brain just exploded attempting to accurately gauge the progressiveness of this situation. I think we’ll split the odds and go for a 5.

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UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND

Sex Tips: The Diamondback’s latest advice column schools undergrads on how to “start up a conversation without seeming creepy.” Columnist Esti Frischling’s suggestion: ” The rule is this: Any guy can get any girl. . . .  If you approach this situation knowing without a doubt that you are going to get some serious ass, your actual chances improve drastically,” she writes. “Seeing as you already know you’re going to get with this girl in the near future, you can certainly start to relax around her. Suddenly, imagining her naked in class changes from awkward and creepy to fun and clairvoyant. . . . Keep in mind: You are the man.”

Life Lesson: She wants to fuck you.

Progressive Meter: Assuming that a strange woman wants to have sex with you whenever you like will inevitably lead to complications. As one commenter notes, it ain’t the first time she’s doled out this advice. So much for the “without seeming creepy” part. Zero.

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HOWARD UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: In this Howard University Hilltop opinion piece, Morgan Winbush attempts to get to the bottom of Howard’s “dating double standard.” She writes: “in a man’s world; you have to be on top of everything including your woman and your relationships. . . . Messing around with other women feed into the need for a man to feel as if he is needed. The more women who ‘need’ him the more he is solidified as a man possessing the qualities that are ‘manly’ and thusly proving himself to be the leader of the pack when it comes to female dependency. ‘Is he gay?’ ‘Is he on the DL?’ — the more female partners a man has the less likely these labels will be placed on him.” But aggressively proving one’s heterosexuality ain’t just for men any more: “times have progressed and women want just as much ego rubbing as their counterparts.”

Life Lesson: Your boyfriend is cheating on you so that nobody thinks he’s gay. At least now you can get in on the homophobic fun, too.

Progressive Meter: Winbush makes a good-faith effort to encourage fellow students to embrace female promiscuity alongside the traditional male version. In the meantime, she raises the specter of the guy on the “down low” without even giving a positive shout-out to the campus LGBT contingent. Three.

Photo by Ollie Crafoord, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

The fight for ideological dominance of D.C.’s college sex column “movement” rages on. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of valiant male chivalry—only drunker? This week: G.W. student fucks Marine; UMD students are bitches, dicks, or pussies; American University issues a Very Special sex column. It must be sweeps week:

GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: In Layla’s latest heterosexual female romp, G.W.’s resident sex columnist extols upon the virtues of fucking servicemen. She also floats a revised idea of traditional courtship: Men are still confined to the rules of chivalry, but everyone gets drunk and you can do it whenever you feel like it. “Leaning against the bar, I spotted Prince Charming, an incredibly sexy combination of chivalry and a hint of danger, walking down the stairs,” she writes of a random Marine she spots while sitting alone, “double fisting” drinks at the bar. “Having stubbornly worn my three-inch heels, I literally stumbled into his arms and swooned at how valiantly and easily he caught me. In my opinion, there is nothing sexier than a man with an accent, especially if its southern and he happens to call me ma’am.” They decide to get it on. “Prince Charming grinned and pulled out an umbrella, proving that even in the face of a certain hookup, chivalry is not dead.”

Life Lesson: Layla insists there is “something scandalously orgasmic about making out with a marine in the middle of a bar to bad 80s music,” proving that people are into some freaky shit. Side-note: Layla may needs to take some life lessons from the Buster Darkhole school of sex column euphemisms. Her target is called “Prince Charming.” Her friend? “GI Jane.”

Progressive Meter: I count six references to “Prince Charming,” two to “chivalry,” and one each to “swooned” and “valiantly.” Layla’s column describes a thoroughly modern tale—they meet at a bar and hook up—but the vocabulary is stuck in another century. Three.

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THE UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND:

Sex Tips: This time around in UMD senior Esti Frischling’s regular advice column, she tackles the problem of a third-wheel friend who knows that one of the coupled-up friends is cheating on the other. Frischling’s advice—don’t snitch, but encourage them to break up, and if they don’t, go ahead and fuck the one who’s getting screwed over—isn’t as memorable as the way she tells it:

- “You better not rat either way (bitch).”
- “I mean, he can’t possibly see her as marriage material if he’s having all this premarital sex with all the sluts, right?”
- “approach the guy and say something along the lines of (and feel free to quote me directly) ‘Dude stop being such a dick — your girl is hot, lay off the adulterous pussy.’”
- “I say—and this is my final answer by the way—blow up his spot and f— his girl. Yeah.”

Life Lesson: Apparently, bitches, sluts, dicks, and pussies are A-OK in the Diamondback. But in the end, all we get is a “f—.”

Progressive Meter: While it’s difficult to discern a political bent in decisions over snitching, I do find the emphasis on “marriage material,” “premarital sex,” and “sluts” a bit off-putting here. You’re in college. Stop rating the validity of your relationships on whether or not you’re planning to get hitched to the person you’re currently doing. On the other hand, the advice that the advice-seeker “f— his girl”  seems to be applied with no concern as to whether the advice-seeker is male or female. Cool. Five.

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AMERICAN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: This go-around, AU’s trio of porn-named sex columnists—Amber Sparkles, Buster Darkhole, and Maxwell Hillcrest—have teamed up to deliver a Very Special sex column about personal responsibility. This conversation—how to avoid unwanted pregnancies, STIs, abuse, and disappointment—is important. But Sparkles, Darkhole, and Hillcrest may be biting off more than they can chew here. The column is a little bit about pleasure: “Many people enjoy sex without condoms—scratch that, nearly everyone enjoys the sensations of sex more without condoms.” A little bit about shame: “it is your life. It is not the life of the girl who might yell ’slut’ at you when you walk home from a fantastic evening.” And a little bit about dying of AIDS: “imagine two boys at Apex going home together. They may have amazing sex, but if it is unprotected, the consequences can be fatal.”

Life Lesson: Sex undertaken without “planning ahead” can lead to babies, disease, and unhappiness.

Progressive Meter: The column is titled “Planning ahead helps ease worries in bed,” but the three-author treatment focuses entirely on sexual anxieties, and not on the peace of mind that can come with entering into sex fully prepared and ready to go. The intended take-away here—when you’re having sex, you should be concerned with satisfying your personal needs and taking care of yourself, not conforming to societal expectations—is a fine one. Unfortunately, the message gets lost in a sea of downers about the possible outcomes of doin’ it: campus shaming, misogyny, blood tests, abortion, and death. Four.

Photo by Darrow Montgomery

The fight for ideological dominance of D.C.’s college sex column “movement” rages on. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of borrowed class rings and shoulder-draped letter jackets? This week: A two-timing columnist receives a smackdown; college kids tell you not to have casual sex; the “MRS degree” makes a comeback.

GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: No new sex columns have been printed over at the Hatchet since female columnist Layla confessed she was fucking her best friend and male columnist Mr. Darcy outed his little virgin/whore complex. There has, however, been a bit of community push-back to Darcy’s double-timing the “nice girl” and the “freaky girl” while he waited for the “nice freaky girl” of his dreams to show up on his doorstep. “Bravo to this studly, virile man, who has so many girls drooling after him,” wrote Kristen McCarthy, a senior. “There is nothing we females like more than a complete tool who jerks us around, jumping from one girl to the next, and then decides to ‘have [his] cake and eat it too.’ . . . . The worst part? The author’s audacity to call himself Mr. Darcy. I can assure you that Miss Austen would never have stood for that behavior in a Darcy.”

Life Lesson: Choose your pseudonym wisely. Good luck: Buster Darkhole is already taken.

Progressive Meter: Calling a tool a tool is a treasured feminist pastime, and reclaiming Austen was a necessary move. But no woman can speak for all females: Some girls like jumping around, too. 7

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AMERICAN UNIVERSITY:

Sex Tips: The latest gem mined from the AU Eagle’s Amber Sparkles, Buster Darkhole, and Maxwell Hillcrest reveals an ideological rift between the trio of sex columnists. Each columnist took turns answering the question, “How long to wait to have sex?” Hillcrest took the philosophical route: “But by asking, you are halfway on the road to your answer,” he writes. Darkhole is short on specifics: “I would say try not to have it too soon.” And Sparkles sidelines ‘em all with her requisite conservative bent. “If you like someone enough to be interested in dating her or him or already are dating them, having sex could be a good experience. . . . As long as you are having sex because you like the person and would be interested in building your relationship, there isn’t a time that is too early or too late. But if your reasons are otherwise, then maybe you should think again.”

Life lesson: Don’t hit it unless you plan on hitting it for the rest of the semester.

Progressive Meter: Hillcrest hits the nail on the head when he tells students the only way to figure out if they’re ready to do it is to “talk to your partner.” Sparkles’ advice to only sex someone you’re “interested in dating,” not so much. Why not try having sex with someone you’re interested in having sex with? 5

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GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

Sex Tips: Columnist Colleen Leahey’s latest informs students about why people you are hooking up with lie to you. The column, typically, includes some strange ideas about men (from Mars) and women (Venus). Among them:

• “Men and women have forever had difficulties communicating with one another.”
• “Guys seem to be puzzled by the complex and utterly confusing mind games of women; females can’t seem to cope with the simplistic, one-track male thought-process.”
• “Guys are notoriously stereotyped by society as players. After several beers, they’re only after ‘one thing.’”
• “Not every college female is interested in graduating with her M.R.S. degree; some only want to have fun.”

The column also includes one extremely strange imagined scenario about what hooking up in college is like: “Perhaps their beer goggles were a bit too tight that night. Seeing as you two never made specific rules concerning exclusivity, the hot bro or chick smiling across the bar may seem extraordinarily appealing under the glow of Thirds’ neon totem pole. However, the morning light reveals a pudgy, acne-covered mistake with really bad breath. How mortifying!”

Life lesson: The “M.R.S. degree” reference was enough to tip us off that we’re dealing with an old, old soul here. The scare quotes around “one thing” and the exclamation point following “mortifying” seal the deal. Grandmother? Is that you in there?

Progressive Meter: Well, at least not “every” woman only went to college to get married. Zero.

Photo by riptheskull

Criticisms of D.C.-area student sex columns, however, rarely take the form of the right-wing, anti-sex diatribe. At local colleges and universities, sex columnists are more likely to catch heat for furthering sex-negative sentiments, antiquated gender roles, or sloppy writing.

Last month, the American University Eagle’s anonymous sex column was criticized for trivializing rape, ignoring LGBT students, and discouraging women from pursuing sex. Also this month, Georgetown University student journalist Juliana Brint accused her campus’ sex columns of being “backwards, anti-feminist screeds” based on “outdated, belittling generalizations about the female psyche.” How progressive are our local student sex writers?

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Student Paper: The G.W. Hatchet

Columnists: Mr. Darcy, an anonymous heterosexual male; Layla, an anonymous heterosexual female.

Areas of Coverage: In Darcy’s inaugural column, the male sex columnist posed an Austenian dilemma: Shall he choose the nice girl who gives a satisfying blow job, or the freaky one into semi-public window sex? Answer: Looks like he’s sleeping (with both of them) on it for a little while longer. In Layla’s latest go-around, she describes her unorthodox relationship with a “best friend” from out-of-town: They do it all the time, but they’re not dating or anything, and it’s awesome!

Progressive Score: 6. Both Darcy and Layla describe their personal experiences with casual sex with multiple partners—and they do so with respect for themselves and for everyone else involved. In college, that can be difficult—it’s hardly edgy, but I’ll take it. The problem with first-person sex columns from two heteros, though, is that the LGBT experience is completely shut out of the paper.

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Student paper: The American University Eagle.

Sex columnists: Three anonymous writers—one female, two male, sexual orientation undisclosed. Their porny bylines: Amber Sparkles, Buster Darkhole, and Maxwell Hillcrest.

Areas of Coverage: The trio got off to a controversial start last month when they posited this hypothetic sexual experience—”It’s three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You’ve had one too many cups of jungle juice”—as a normal AU hookup. In their follow-up column, Sparkles, Darkhole, and Hillcrest winked at the controversy as they moved on to another taboo campus topic. “It’s 3 a.m. and he has it in you right now. It hurts,” the column read. “You are two sober, consenting adults who have just embarked on the journey of anal sex.”

Progressive Score: 7. While the first column from the threesome was extremely ill-advised, this servicey anal sex primer—don’t use silicone lube with silicone toys!—imparted some helpful and open-minded advice for dorm-dwellers embarking on an anal excursion for the first time. It also made a stab at inclusiveness: “Gay, straight, bisexual—it doesn’t matter,” the column reads. “Anyone can enjoy the feeling that comes from anal stimulation, no matter their gender or sexual orientation.”

But while the column worked to dispel the “taboo” against straight men enjoying ass play, it failed to tackle the pressure many straight women feel to do anal. It also only addressed the anal pleasure derived from massaging the prostate. Not everybody has a prostate!

On the other hand, the threesome managed to stir up some conservative ire for the column—always a good sign. “I am appalled at the content of the Eagle’s new column,” wrote one commenter. “I find this particular article vulgar.”

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Student Paper: The Georgetown University Hoya.

Sex Columnists: Colleen Leahey

Areas of Coverage: According to Brint, who writes for the Georgetown Voice, Leahey’s “backwards, anti-feminist screeds” come from a long line of conservative Georgetown sex columnists (Julia Allison was the first). In Leheay’s first column, she declared that “The quest for ‘Prince Charming’ consumes the lives of most 20-something females.” The odd advice in her second column wasn’t so much gender-specific as it was stalker-specific: “After shouting their name, you wait for them to come running into your arms. Instead they ask, ‘Why are you following me?’”

Progressive Score: 4. Leahey may very well have her hands tied at this particularly conservative student rag, which is lucky to have a sex column at all. ““[V]ulgarity is discouraged through all sections in The Hoya,” Hoya Managing Editor Marissa Amendolia explained in an e-mail to Brint. “[W]hen it comes to editing for style, vulgarity—and, depending on the situation, this may include sexual explicitness—is subject to editing as long as the editor maintains the author’s viewpoint.” That being said, Leahey doesn’t have to get vulgar to become a bit more open-minded. It would behoove her to direct her columns to all members of the campus community, not just heterosexual females she deems “desperate.”

Nevertheless, I give Leahey and the Hoya major points for refusing to hide their sex coverage under a pseudonym (even a pseudonym as inspired as “Buster Darkhole”). The Hoya’s sex talk may be low on the sex, but at least they own it. If there’s nothing wrong with talking about casual sex and anal experimentation, why keep your identity under the covers?

Note: I couldn’t find any current sex columns at the UMD Diamondback, the Howard University Hilltop, or, uh, Catholic University. If you know of any other local student sex writers, let me know!

The Line, a new documentary film about sex and consent, hit the American University campus last week. Today, The Line’s blog addressed the recent controversy at AU over student newspaper the Eagle’s anonymous sex column, which presented a drunk, hazy, and painful sexual experience as a normal college hook-up:

It’s three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You’ve had one too many cups of jungle juice. You think his name is Andrew, but you’re not really sure. You thought you would never be that girl, but there you are, in your drunken haze.

Some members of the campus community were outraged that the newspaper would normalize a possible date rape scenario. But the Line video also pointed to another controversial section of the Eagle’s column: “You wake up the day after to an unfamiliar ceiling, some guy who smells like booze, AXE body spray and, well, something else.”

What the hell is “something else”?

Some students who responded to the column online proved perturbed by both the column’s rape associations and its overly vague description of the morning-after olfactory bouquet. Axe Body Spray has repeatedly been accused of “smelling like date rape.” It would make sense for the morning after your drunken sexual experience to smell like booze. But what else does painful drunk sex smell like? And why does the Eagle think the third smell is so obvious that they don’t even have to spell it out for campus readers?

Mike Johnson first criticized the column’s “date rape” overtones before expressing frustration with the use of “something else”:

Oh and what does he smell like? B.O.? Ribbed Trojans? I’m not sure what the deal is on that one.

Disco Stick took a stab at it:

What does “well, something else” mean? I’m interpreting it as “your pussy” or “jizz.” I’m having a little trouble deciding which one though. Could it be both? Please let me know asap.

The imprecise descriptor was further complicated by the column’s irregular sentence structure. The sentence, “You wake up the day after to an unfamiliar ceiling, some guy who smells like booze, AXE body spray and, well, something else,” is, I believe, attempting to convey the experience of a woman who wakes up to two things:

a) an unfamiliar ceiling;

b) a man who smells like booze, AXE body spray and (whatever).

As the sentence reads, however, it has the woman waking up to:

a) an unfamiliar ceiling;

b) some guy who smells like booze;

c) AXE body spray;

d) “something else.”

Taken in that context, the possibilities of this “something else” extend far beyond body odor, condoms, pussy, or jizz. The woman in question could have awoken to a ceiling, a dude, body spray, and an albatross. Given the context of the story, she also could have woken up to a ceiling, a dude, body spray, and an STD. For feminists on campus upset with the Eagle’s casual treatment of date rape in the column, the grammatical error could also lead to a happier ending: Personally, I’d like to see this girl wake up to a ceiling, a dude, body spray, and a copy of Yes Means Yes!

It’s three in the morning. You have it inside you right now. It kind of hurts. You’ve had one too many cups of jungle juice. You think his name is Andrew, but you’re not really sure. You thought you would never be that girl, but there you are, in your drunken haze.

You wake up the day after to an unfamiliar ceiling, some guy who smells like booze, AXE body spray and, well, something else. He wants to cuddle and you’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up [ ________ ].

Reader: How did the AU Eagle complete that sentence?

a. You’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up was rape.

b. You’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up was a product of society’s shaming of female sexuality, which encourages women to resort to dangerous, heavily intoxicated, and painful sex with strangers instead of openly pursuing empowered, respectful, and satisfying sexual experiences with desired sexual partners.

c. You’re starting to think maybe this drunken hook-up could turn into something.

If you picked choice C, congratulations. That’s right: The Eagle chose to use a woman’s hazy, drunk, and painful sexual experience in order to illustrate the serious on-campus problem of . . . drunk women wanting boyfriends!

“A lot of people think that their first sexual experience in college is something meaningful,” the column continued. “We can tell you that it is not. ” The columnists then informed AU females some strategies they should try next time, instead of painful drunk sex: “lets face it girls, more often then not you’ll have to slow the guy down. That’s more than okay—it adds to your ‘mystique.’ Flirt with them, step in a little bit closer, laugh at all his jokes, flip your hair, basically everything you see in the movies without the sex. I said without the sex.”

So, women who want to get laid on the AU campus can either a) endure drunk and painful stranger fucking, or b) laugh at jokes that aren’t funny, and . . . not have sex. What the fuck? And these are the paper’s sex columnists!

Some readers and on-campus groups agreed that the Eagle’s sexual scenario posed more pressing questions than “Why can’t the drunk girl find a boyfriend?” Like, “Was that hypothetical girl just hypothetically raped?”

Many members of the campus community argued that she was. AU Students For Choice penned an e-mail to its members calling the piece “alarming,” and describing the opening scene as “an explicit rape.” And in a letter to the Eagle, campus group Women’s Initiative wrote, “This is called rape . . . Not only does the column normalize sexual assault as a drunken hook-up that happens to everyone, but it places the responsibility of stopping sexual assault on women by telling them to ’slow the guy down.’”

Readers also chimed in on the consent issue. “Next time you write a sex article don’t write it like a date rape story,” wrote one commenter. Wrote another: “If it hurts, and you’re so wasted you don’t know what’s going on, then that is rape. And that’s not okay or normal.”

But others came to the Eagle’s defense. “How the hell is that rape?” wrote one. “I hear of this kind of stuff happening all the time. We’ve all been there at one time or another when you have drunk sex, so what? Its the people who end up trying to build a relationship off of that who are stupid.”

In its own response to the campus outcry, the Eagle defended the piece as “provocative” and called the outrage “confusing.” “For better or worse, many drunken hook-ups on this campus are completely consensual. Women’s Initiative knows it. AU Students For Choice knows it. Sometimes, people get drunk intending to hook-up!” The Eagle then attempted to shame all members of the campus community who voiced concern about the Eagle’s strange sex advice. “Baseless charges and unwarranted outrage make these groups look silly,” the retort read. “On issues as serious as rape and sexual assault, they should know better than to cry wolf.”

The students crying “rape!” and the students crying “completely consensual!” will probably have to agree to disagree—if there’s one thing I’ve learned from sex blogging, it’s that arguments over whether theoretical scenarios constitute rape are rarely resolved. But that doesn’t mean the two camps can’t find a mutually productive discussion somewhere in this mess.

The groups who claim that the Eagle piece “normalized sexual assault,” and those who claim that drunk sex “happens all the time” and that “people get drunk intending to hook up!” aren’t talking past one another—even though they refuse to agree on rape, they’re still voicing different perspectives on the same problem. If the Eagle finds the question “is this rape?” silly and baseless, why not ask them some alternate questions: Why is it considered normal for women on campus to choose disappointing, painful, hazy sex? Why is it a campus trend for women not to just unexpectedly wake up in a stranger’s bed, but to get drunk with the intention of waking up there? And since when is declaring painful sex “normal” a valid excuse for perpetuating it?

Pandagon’s Amanda Marcotte has got some pretty good answers to these questions. In a post on the Hofstra false rape accusation, Marcotte explains how slut-shaming can lead women to resort to dangerous, heavily intoxicated, and painful sex with strangers—instead of openly pursuing empowered, respectful, and satisfying sexual experiences with desired sexual partners. She writes:

There is nothing wrong with you if you want to have group sex. Now, I wouldn’t recommend that you go about it as this young woman did. Like it or not, but a single woman in a group sex situation with a bunch of men she barely knows that have been drinking heavily is something that could turn to rape, or even if it doesn’t, it could seem menacing once you’re into it, and therefore you may not feel safe changing your mind if it gets weird. A lot of young men have really mixed-up, fucked-up attitudes about this sort of thing, because the homoerotic element is going to turn them on and then they’re going to get upset about that, and they might get more aggressive to demonstrate that they’re Not Gay. There’s a serious amount of danger there. That said, it’s foolish to assume that some young women aren’t going to have group sex fantasies, and the sheer amount of shame that is placed on them for wanting to act those out will push a lot of them to make really, really bad choices under the influence of inhibition-lowering drugs like alcohol.

The only cure for this is to stop shaming women for being sexual. Without the shame driving people to make rash, dangerous, and foolish choices, you’re going to have a lot more planning of group sex that involves vetting partners and getting consent and creating safe words and all that. And then, you own your choice and take responsibility for it. Which makes you not inclined to say it was rape if the word gets out that you did this. If your reputation isn’t in danger, then you have no cause to do bad things in an attempt to save it.

I don’t mind that the Eagle’s semester-opening sex column presented rash, drunk, awful sex as a normal college experience—it can be. But instead of examining why college women have sex they don’t like, or telling college women that they deserve to have better sex, the Eagle told AU’s female population that good girls don’t give it up. That attitude isn’t going to make sex on AU’s campus any better, but it will help to keep it drunk. Hey—at least it will be “normal,” right?

Before D.C.-area colleges welcome back their undergraduates from summer vacation, let’s give the schools a little test of our own. Campus Pride’s LGBT-Friendly Campus Climate Index rates four-year colleges and universities around the country based on their “LGBT-Friendly policies, programs and practices.” The index surveys schools on eight subject areas (click through for survey questions): LGBT “Policy Inclusion,” “Support & Institutional Commitment,” “Student Life,” “Academic Life,” “Housing,” “Campus Safety,” “Counseling & Health,” and “Recruitment and Retention Efforts.” Campus Pride also administers a “Sexual Orientation Score” and a “Gender Identity/Expression Score” to isolate schools that are friendly to LGB issues but not to T issues, or vice-versa.

Since the index is based on a voluntary survey, not all local schools have submitted themselves for rating here—though 204 schools nationwide have. So keep in mind: even a low rating from Campus Pride shows more commitment to LGBT issues on campus than a school that’s not rated at all. Local ratings (out of 5 possible points) are after the jump.

American University: 4.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4.5

University of Maryland, College Park: 4.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4

George Mason University: 4
Sexual Orientation Score: 5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 4

George Washington University: 4
Sexual Orientation Score: 3.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 3.5

Virginia Tech: 3.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2

University of Virginia: 3
Sexual Orientation Score: 4
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2

Maryland Institute College Of Art (MICA): 2.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 4.5
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 2.5

Towson University: 2.5
Sexual Orientation Score: 2
Gender Identity/Expression Score: 1

Not rated: Georgetown University, Catholic University, and Howard University.

Photo by A Girl And Her Camera

Anonymous public sex ain’t as public—or anonymous—as it used to be. In the past ten years, private Internet hook-ups have all but eliminated the need for old-fashioned public toe-tapping meet-ups. In the meantime, some infamous incidents have helped raise awareness about the dangers of initiating anonymous public sex with the wrong guy—like an undercover cop.

But somewhere between the time that the Internet went mainstream and Craigslist took over the sex stuff—we’re talking late-90s, early 2000s here—willing partners in search of anonymous sex began seeking out—and recording—their public meet-ups spots online.

The popularity of these online message boards—like Gay Universe’s D.C. cruising spot locator—have come and gone. But in their wake, public sex locations (like restrooms), their corresponding sex codes (like winks), and their dangers (like leather-clad dudes who hang around suspiciously, pretending to “fix their glasses”) have been recorded for posterity. What remains is an online history of glory holes past, present, and policed.

Alongside the clubs, porn shops, and public parks is one particularly refined category of anonymous sex meeting places: The District of Columbia’s most prestigious universities. Delve into the online public sex histories of American, Catholic, Gallaudet, George Washington, and Georgetown, after the jump.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Bender Library

This AU anonymous sex tipster called out Bender Library way back in 1999, suggesting partners meet in the library’s 2nd floor bathroom, and then “hook up elsewhere.”

“Be sure to check messages in stall…only one has door,” he writes. “Wait in study room across from bathroom for guys to go in.”

Two years later, another poster took issue with the lewd characterization of AU’s main study space, writing: “PLEASE DELETE: WRONG LISTING.” Was an AU supporter attempting to clear Bender’s name through non-police avenues? Or had the original poster simply been mistaken?

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THE CATHOLIC UNIVERSITY OF AMERICA

LOCATION: Somewhere, anywhere.

Though the Catholic University of America has popped up frequently on Gay Universe’s D.C. cruising message board—the school’s Pangborn Hall is a notable suggested locale—the only link that remains unbroken is this coed’s cry for help: “Can anyone help a horny college kid out.. Im 6′-3′ 230 Short hair average build tight ass… Im looking for a dick to suck and maybe even fuck.. would love to swallow your load.” This guy’s not looking for public sex—just any sex. Given Catholic’s reputation for hush-hush heterosexual encounters, it’s no surprise that one desperate undergrad would turn first to anonymous sex venue to locate a partner.

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GALLAUDET UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Gallaudet University Library

Sex tipsters are divided as to whether Gallaudet’s anonymous sex scene is totally dead—or just quiet enough to encourage discrete hook-ups. “The bathroom is almost always empty! You can do it in there,” writes one poster. Another disagrees: “No action here at all. This listing should be removed.”

The library sex scene may not be very active on campus, but it’s still managed to stir up some anonymous sex bigotry. “Gallaudet is a deaf college and some deaf guys are hot!” one poster suggests. Another is bothered by a different kind of diversity: “Too many colored guys,” he writes.

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GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Lauinger Library

One poster listed this Jesuit institution’s humanities, social sciences, and business library as a prime D.C. cruising spot, but don’t expect to find Georgetown’s anonymous sex history detailed in its stacks: Nowadays, the Gay Universe page listing is completely blank

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THE GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY

LOCATION: Bell Hall; Corcoran Hall

Back in 2000, GWU’s Bell Hall was bumping. “THe 4th floor men’s room(across from the Biology Department is hot,” one sex-seeker wrote. Chimed in another: “As stated, this place is hot. Weekdays from 5pm, and weekends all day!” But be December of that year, the spot was played out. “I am a grad student at GWU,” the final poster divulged. “Seen so many arrest that I believe is my duty to alert you guys. Not worth the risk.”

The campus’ Corcoran Hall, too, has seen safer anonymous sex days. In 2000, the 1st floor Men’s bathroom, “across from faculty office,” was the place to be. “Loud door makes time for recovery. Lots of hot GW studs await at both the urinal, and the stalls!” one tipster wrote. “Hot! hot! hot! anytime of day,” another added. But by 2002, the place was being frequented by disengenuous sex-seekers “WATCH FOR UNDERCOVER COPS!!!!! ESPECIALLY ON THE WEEKENDS. I DON’T GO THERE ANY MORE, I’VE SEEN TO MANY MEN GET ARRESTED. IT’S NOT WORTH IT,” one wrote.

One poster suggested that the sting operation was the work of one leather-wearing faker. “Their is a guy who hangs around this place that always wears a black leather jacket and pretends to fix his glases. He is lean and has slicked back black hair. Watch out for this guy,” he wrote. “He is an under-cover cop. He reports what he sees to the campus police. he is not there all the time, but if you see him, leave right away.”

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CONTINUING EDUCATION:

LOCATION: Martin Luther King Jr. Library

“Seen a lot of jacking off at the stalls here and some under the stall activity,” one tipster writes. Another gets a little more specific: “There is a bi guy 17-19 who usually wears a hat, who can suck dick good. when you see him, just wink or grab urself (or both) and follow him then he’ll take care of you. he likes clean young hung thug types. if ur white or blk, you better dress gangsta and be hung. hes usually there monday, wednesday and friday in the evening after 3p.” Wow. That guy sure had a lot of information for a guy who’s certainly not the 17-to-19-year-old bisexual guy, didn’t he?

Photo by NCinDC

Today wraps up the intellectual bracket of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). Right now: The Center for American Progress takes on American University. Which org puts the man in A(m)eric(an)? How much longer can I sustain strained wordplay on the term “man,” “man”? Let’s find out!

CENTER FOR AMERICAN PROGRESS: This local think tank is dedicated to “improving” American lives through “ideas” and “action.” But can they put the man in “ideas” and/or “action,” to words that, in fact, do not hold the necessary letters to form the word “man”? To the org chart!

President and CEO John Podesta (Male, 10 points)
Exec. VP for Management Sarah Wartell (Female, ZERO)
Senior Fellow Laura Nichols (Female, ZERO)
Senior VP for Comm. Jennifer Palmieri (Female, ZERO)
Chief of Staff Peter Ogden (Male, 6 points)
Senior VP Nat’l Security & Int’l Pol. Rudy deLeon (Male, 5 points)
Senior VP for Development Debby Goldberg (Female, ZERO)
Senior VP and Dir. California Nina Hachigian (Female, ZERO)
Senior VP and Dir. Campus Progress David Halperin (Male, 2 points)
Senior VP for Online Andrew Sherry (Male, 1 point)

You call this progress? Twenty-four points out of a possible 55.

AMERICAN UNIVERSITY: Established by an act of Congress in 1893, this private institution is a shining beacon of United Methodism upon the banks of Nebraska and Massachusetts Avenues NW. But is there a method to its Man Madness? Let’s find out!

President Cornelius Kerwin (Male, 10 points)
Chairman of the Board Gary M. Abramson (Male, 9 points)
Provost Scott A. Bass (Male, 8 points)
Vice Chairman Thomas A. Gottschalk (Male, 7 points)
Exec Dir. Communications Terry Flannery (Female, ZERO)
VP of Campus Life Gail Short Hanson (Female, ZERO)
VP, General Counsel Mary E. Kennard (Female, ZERO)
VP of Development Thomas J. Minar (Male, 3 points)
VP of Finance, Treasurer Donald L. Myers (Male, 2 points)
Chief of Staff David Taylor (Male, 1 point)

With 40 points out of a possible 55, American University is a poor man’s Manly Institution, but it’s enough to advance this private U to the next round. Next week, we recap up the thinky bracket—and wrap up the tournament!—as the District’s advocacy organizations prove which side of the gender divide they’re really on.