Archive for the ‘The Sexist’ Category
Carolyn Zolbe is Praying for My Mom
Carolyn Zolbe, marcher in the March for Life and Arlington resident, thinks this about President Barack Obama: “I think he’s a child of God.”
Zolbe’s daughter, Grace Doherty, isn’t quite as neutral in her assessment:
Prolife Marcher Has Telegenic Prop
Many, many thousands of people have clustered on the Mall for the 36th Annual March for Life. If you’re putting on a demonstration, you, of course, must have a theme. In this department, the March for Life, well, it could use a wordsmith or two. Here it is, taken straight from the March’s Web site: “Remember—the Life Principles mean “Equal Care” with No Exceptions!” The site goes on to explain that the theme means simply that equal care must be provided to the pregnant mother and to her “preborn child.”
Tell It Like It Is With Ungame!
How was your 2008 holiday season? Forever tainted by the binge-purge mentality of the skeleton of American consumerism which pressured you to simultaneously abandon luxuries and stimulate the economy, leaving your family members with a closet of home-bedazzled sweaters and books-on-tape from internationally acclaimed personal finance expert Suze Orman?
Haha, well, let’s pretend it never happened. Instead, let us hark back to one year ago today, when Seal hit the ice, recreational photographs of Time’s Person of the Year yielded far more impressive abdominals, Rudy Giuliani was to be our next president, and a new kind of game entered our lives: “The Ungame.” Behold it!
—
If you’re like me, you can get pretty stressed out during the holiday season. Sure, social gatherings are fun, but trying to make chit-chat with all those family members, business contacts, and new acquaintances can be a real chore. Not this year. A friend of mine picked up a fun little ice-breaker at a church rummage sale that might help us out. I give you “Ungame”:
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve exhausted myself trying to facilitate polite conversation between children, gray-haired women, and mustachioed dudes in vests. Thank goodness for Ungame. Shall we play? Go on, you start. Yes, you in the vest. Pick a card:
Read More “Tell It Like It Is With Ungame!” »
Charles Barkley Ends 2008 Ridiculously
How did you spend your last day of 2008? Furiously racing to receive a blow job after spending the evening in da clurb with Steve Urkel? No? Well, Charles Barkley, who used to play basketball, probably ended the year in a more fantastical fashion than did you, reports the Associated Press.
Barkley was pulled over by police in the wee hours of Dec. 31, 2008 in Scottsdale, Ariz. after running a stop sign, the AP reports. But the Arizona Republic does the crack reporting the AP will not, digging up the police report to reveal Barkley’s excuse for the hurry: Oral sex, the very activity in which all the kids you know are engaged!
How To Get Into An Inaugural Ball Without Fucking Somebody
Rants scrawled on garage doors will not be considered.
Want to get into an inaugural ball, but not interested in this guy? Or this guy? How about these guys? No? That special lady looking to feast on inaugural spoils without playing arm candy to male unknowns can instead use her thinky parts to pen an essay “of any length” about “what the inauguration means to you.” Awww!
Ten lucky winners will receive “[f]ree plane tickets for you and a guest, free hotel, plus tickets to the swearing-in ceremony for Barack Obama, the parade and one of the official balls,” reports Michael E. Ruane for the Washington Post’s “Inauguration Watch” blog.
Winners can, in turn, advertise their inaugural ball tickets on Craigslist in the hopes of securing a random stranger to invite along on the fanciest awkward social situation of the year!
Photo by by and by.
Inauguration Date Round-Up: Surprise Nudity Edition
Not a photo of that man’s penis.
Who’s looking for inauguration week tail romance this week? A round-up!
* One 40-year-old visitor looking for a room to rent posted what looks like a perfectly reasonable ad, when viewed in your Google Reader: “Coming to the Inauguration. Looking for a room to rent close to the action. Must have nice clean condo, apartment or house. Please respond with your stats and rental rates. Would like to play a little! Let me know asap.” But click on the posting, and you will find a photo of this man’s penis, to which I will not link you! This is “men seeking men,” not “casual encounters,” good sir!
* That recently widowed “very nice man” from Old Town Alexandria is still looking for a dinner date—with the possibility of an inauguration ball follow-up. This time, the ticket-holder suggests “some wine pairing and delicious mezze/tapas” at Proof, followed by some museum-going. “Then—if you are feeling comfortable with me (which I will be attempting at all costs) perhaps we can take a quick stroll through the National Portrait Gallery across the street. It’s phenomenal!”
Read More “Inauguration Date Round-Up: Surprise Nudity Edition” »
GLOV Gets Its Meeting With Fenty
Last month, the leaders of local anti-hate crime initiative Gays and Lesbians Opposed to Violence (GLOV) called out Adrian Fenty for snubbing their request for a meeting about what they’ve characterized as acts of violence against D.C.’s gay community. This week, GLOV co-chair Chris Farris announced, and Metro Weekly reported, that Fenty will, in fact, meet with the group. D.C. police chief Cathy Lanier will also be in attendance at the meeting, scheduled for January 16. D.C. brass will meet with Farris and fellow GLOV co-chair Todd Metrokin.
Tongue-Tied Cherry Video Corner
For that last-minute New Years party trick punch: Megan at Jezebel instructs you how to tie a cherry stem with your tongue (easier blogged than done), and accompanies her tutorial with this vintage David Lynch gem: Aubrey O’Day performing the cherry trick in Twin Peaks.
Abstinence is Out: What Little Girls Should Pledge Instead
Little girls who recently pledged their abstinence until marriage: I’ve got bad news and I’ve got good news. The bad news is that some study just came out saying those pledges don’t work. As it turns out, girls who pledge to stay chaste—even those who ensure their virginity through collectible tween-sized silvercrafts or ornate pre-prom daddy-daughter purity balls—are having sex anyway (that’s the good news).
Conservatives are up in arms about the implications this study has on the sex lives of you girls—oh no, they’re totally doing it, and not to have babies! But what of the deeper psychological compulsion this study has exposed in daddies and daughters alike: The need to pledge?
Sure, I’ve pledged. I’ve pledged plenty. And some of those pledges I’ve even kept! In high school, I put on a pair of Beer Goggles and pledged not to drink and drive to Prom in hopes of winning a raffle for a $100 Fashion Square mall gift certificate. These are the best types of pledges—ones with time limits and cash prizes.
Read More “Abstinence is Out: What Little Girls Should Pledge Instead” »
What the Fuck, Eurythmics Synth Master Dave Stewart?
You know what I like to think about when I masturbate? Former Eurythmics psych-synth mastermind Dave Stewart and his fade-tinted indoor sunglasses. Luckily, Dave Stewart has chosen to promote a new single you otherwise would never have heard of, much less actually hear, “Let’s Do it Again,” through custom-made Dave Stewart vibrators. They run from $195-$2,000. Well, I’m sold, but just curious—what do I get with a $2,000 Dave Stewart vibrator?
The base of the vibrator is encircled with a stunning “eternity” band of 28 round-cut black diamonds, the perfect accompaniment to the handwritten chorus from Dave Stewart’s song.The ultimate backstage pass, the vibrator comes with a leather cord threaded through the cap so it can be worn around the neck and taken out on the town. Also on the strap is a custom guitar pick—just in case a serenade or a solo is in order
“Eternity,” coincidentally, is how long I will be haunted by the vision of former Eurythmics psych-synth mastermind Dave Stewart and his fade-tinted indoor sunglasses invading my private bedroom space. Stewart’s website says that the vibrator, made in concert with sex toy producer Jimmyjane, “comes on the heels of his launch of Rock Fabulous, a concept brand that embraces the empowerment and attitude of rock and roll” and that vibrator enthusiasts should think of Stewart’s lyrical inscription “as a semi-lucid love note, scrawled around the circumference of the vibrator.”
Knowing that this vibrator is clearly meant to be an extension of Dave Stewart’s rock God dick poses more questions than answers. How much does it cost to actually have sex with Dave Stewart, anyway? Probably a lot less than that, right? Do you think that when Dave Stewart has sex with a woman, he throws in one of those babies as a souvenir?
Image via DaveStewart.com
