Goddammit:

In the backwaters of Central Florida, they call this “making a woman honest.” Or maybe it’s “making an honest woman.” Either way, Ghostface Killah is upsetting lots of people with this hip-hop interpretation of relationships, titled How To Be A Huge Dick.

What say y’all?

(Via the Awl)

Last week we narrowed down D.C.’s workplaces to the four manliest organizations in the District (okay, due to several close manly ties, it was really six). They are: conservative moonie news source The Washington Times; obscure U.S. representative body the Senate; a whole bunch of unionized dudes; and bald eagle/Ronald Reagan advocacy group Citizens United (relive the madness with the full 64-workplace bracket here).

Now, it’s time to fight out the ties of our top-tier man-stitutions and crown a winner! First off: The Washington Times vs. Senate. This contest is an easy one—the Senate is perfect, the Times is not—sending the Cheney-Biden squadron of male lawmakers into the finals. The Unions vs. Citizens United face-off presents a tougher fight—three perfectly manly unions (United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers, and Allied Workers; International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers; International Brotherhood of Teamsters) versus a perfectly manly conservative advocacy organization. Add in the Senate, and that’s five perfectly manly D.C. workplaces! How ever will I choose between them?

Indiscriminantly! I’ll grade these five remaining workplaces on these three factors, on a scale from one to ten:

1. Manliness in Name
2. Manliness in Purpose
3. Enduring Manliness

Let’s see how they do!

Read More “Man Madness: The Winner of the Manliest Workplace Tournament!” »

Well, folks, it’s been a long, hard trudge up Man Mountain in this, the first-ever Manliest Workplace in D.C. Competition. Mannishness was shunned! Femininity was ignored! And now,we’ve finally whittled our 64-workplace bracket down to eight crowned Captains of Industry who are proud to call themselves Men. Behold, the Emasculating Eight!

MEDIA: The Washington Times (52 points)
CULTURE: Washington Redskins, the Smithsonian (TIE, 38 points)
FEDERAL GOVERNMENT: The Senate (PERFECTION)
LOCAL GOVERNMENT: Fenty’s Cabinet (47 points)
LEGAL: Jones Day (88 percent manliness, or 48 points)
UNION: United Union of Roofers, Waterproofers, International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers, International Brotherhood of Teamsters (A TRIUMVIRATE OF TIED PERFECT SCORES)
ACADEMIA: Georgetown University (54 points)
ADVOCACY: Citizens United (PERFECTION)

For those filling out their brackets at home, those stats leave us with a final Fleshy Four of conservative moonie news source The Washington Times, obscure U.S. representative body the Senate, a whole bunch of unionized dudes, and bald eagle / Ronald Reagan advocacy group Citizens United. Who shall be victor (hint: not the Times!)? That depends on how each Fleshy Four candidate performs in the Sexist’s Manly FEATS OF STRENGTH (arbitrary decidey-things)!

On Monday, I’ll announce the tie-breakers between our five perfectly manly workplaces, and reveal the winner of our stay-at-home bracket-fill-out contest!

In this, OUR FINAL INSTALLMENT IN THE HISTORIC FIRST AND ONLY PROBABLY EVER MAN MADNESS TOURNAMENT, Citizens United takes on D.C. Vote (Relive the full manly bracket here!). Next week, we’ll recap our standings, complete our tie-breakers between the winners, and reveal the manliest institution in D.C.—as well as the bracket filler-outer who most closely predicted the results. They will win something! But first—Citizens United! D.C. Vote! Bang? Whimper? Let’s find out!

CITIZENS UNITED: Citizens United aims to “reassert the traditional American values of limited government, freedom of enterprise, strong families, and” blah dee blah dee blah, booooring. But look at that shining bald eagle logo (pictured)! I can’t stay mad at you, Citizens United. Go ahead. Show me your men (again, information about this nonprofit comes from its 2006 990 form, as well as from its staff list on its Web site):

Read More “Man Madness: Citizens United Vs. D.C. Vote” »

We’re winding down the Manliest Workplace in D.C. Tournament this week with the District’s most self-righteous employment sector—the advocacy groups! (Reminisce with the full 64-workplace bracket here). Today: Who’s manlier, unborn advocates the American Life League or intrepid future sailors the Environmental Defense Fund? Let’s find out!

AMERICAN LIFE LEAGUE: This Stafford, Va. nonprofit is “committed to the protection of all innocent human beings from fertilization to death.” But are they committed to those guilty of undeniable manliness? Let’s find out! (All staff informaion comes from the ALL’s most recently available 990, that from 2006):
Read More “Man Madness: American Life League Vs. Environmental Defense Fund” »

We’re in the home stretch of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. Competition. In this—our eighth and final bracket—D.C.’s advocacy groups compete for utter manliness. (Relive the madness with the full 64-workplace bracket here). Today, the American Conservative Union faces off against Helping Individual Prostitutes Survive (HIPS). Which of these do-gooders will reign supreme (as if you didn’t already know)? Let’s find out!

AMERICAN CONSERVATIVE UNION: The ACU believes that “the Constitution of the United States is the best political charter yet created by men for governing themselves.” But who governs the ACU—men or women? Let’s find out!

Read More “Man Madness: American Conservative Union Vs. HIPS” »

Welcome to the final bracket of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. Competition! Well, well, it’s sure been a wild ride, hasn’t it, what with the whatsits in the Union bracket and the whosits in Government (Relive the glory of the full 64-workplace bracket here). This week: Advocacy groups compete for final D.C. do-man-ation!

Get it?

HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN: There’s nothing manlier than Human, am I right ladies? Or am I wrong? I’ve culled the top positions from the HRC’s staff chart, along with its four D.C.-based board members, to find out. Let’s go to the standings!

Read More “Man Madness: Human Rights Campaign Vs. EMILY’s List” »

Today, we recap the thinky bracket in our Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). It was a close contest—complete with stunning revelations of clandestine manliness—and Georgetown University came out on top with 54 out of 55 points on the manly index. Hoya Saxa! Unfortunately for the Bulldogs, this is as far as GU will go—in the end, no academic institution managed a perfect score like the U.S. Senate or several of our union contenders. Here are the standings, anyway.

Tomorrow, tune in for the debut of our eighth and final workplace bracket—D.C.’s advocacy organizations. Will the Human Rights Campaign out-man Emily’s List? Will the American Life League destroy the Environmental Defense Fund? Find out this week.

Today wraps up the intellectual bracket of the Manliest Workplace in D.C. tournament (See the full 64-workplace bracket here). Right now: The Center for American Progress takes on American University. Which org puts the man in A(m)eric(an)? How much longer can I sustain strained wordplay on the term “man,” “man”? Let’s find out!

CENTER FOR AMERICAN PROGRESS: This local think tank is dedicated to “improving” American lives through “ideas” and “action.” But can they put the man in “ideas” and/or “action,” to words that, in fact, do not hold the necessary letters to form the word “man”? To the org chart!

Read More “Man Madness: Center For American Progress Vs. American University” »

Yesterday, we kicked off the Think Tank/Academia portion of our Manliest Workplace in D.C. contest with a hot contest between 1st seed the Heritage Foundation and 8th seed Howard University. The Heritage Foundation won handily with 48 points to Howard’s 41. But it turns out there were even more men lurking in the Heritage Foundation’s org chart. Ken McIntyre, Marilyn and Fred Guardabassi Fellow in Media and Public Policy Studies, just wrote in to note that “Kim Holmes, VP for foreign policy studies at The Heritage Foundation, is every inch a MAN,” and noting, “Dudes, you blew it.”

Dudes, please accept my sincerest apologies for slighting the manliness of your organization. The Heritage Foundation’s score has been upgraded to an even manlier 49 points out of a possible 55, and the record has been corrected. Good luck in the next round!