The Sexist

Goodbye!

C_BIB-1

In the two years I've written The Sexist, I've offended Catholics, sorority sisters, former homosexuals, Tucker Max fans, breast massagers, a child's sense of innocence, the Huffington Post, heterosexual men, librarians, and the producer of a novelty product designed to keep a man's balls dry when receiving oral sex. And all I got was this CockBib.

OK. Two CockBibs:

C_BIB-2

The CockBibs—for the uninitiated, the product description clarifies that "BASICALLY... Its A Bib With A D*ck Hole In It!"—arrived unexpectedly by post last Friday, after more than a year of silence from the mysterious inventor of the novelty sexual accessory.

When we last left our inventor, he was defending the "pure comedy" of a baby-sized bib designed to inform your sexual partners that your penis "may cause" them "trauma"—or maybe just "kill" their "pussy." He was also hard at work planning an upcoming line of CockBibs aimed at women ("They will have saying like 'You call that a D*ck'…LOL," he told me at the time). Then, the inventor ceased returning e-mails—and the CockBib website expired.

Fourteen months later: Not one, but two CockBibs, wrapped in plastic and shipped in a  manila envelope with a return address label for a cell phone parts company arrive at my desk. The proportions are generous: I can slide the designated penis hole on these things clear past my elbow. Touché, inventor. But what does it all mean? "Prepare for the driest blow job of your life"? Or perhaps: "Time to throw in the CockBib."

I'm afraid it's the latter.

And so, this will be my final post on The Sexist. And I'd like to thank every person who read this blog and commented on it and shared their stories with me and argued with me and fact-checked me and professionally gchatted with me and tolerated my CockBib jokes here over the past two years. Next month, I'll begin covering sex and gender for the yet-to-launch local website TBD.com. Until then, you can find me on my personal e-mail, or, as always, on Twitter.

As for The Sexist: After a time, the comments sections on these posts will begin to shut their lights and close their doors. You don't have to go home, but you might want to mosey on over to the rest of the content the City Paper has to offer. And stay tuned: In the future, the blog may yet rise again, not unlike the CockBib, with another sex-and-gender columnist at the helm.

Photographs graciously taken by Darrow Montgomery.

Comments

  1. #1

    Dude WTF? Why?

  2. #2

    I doff my CockBib to you.

  3. #3

    You did great work here, Hess, and I loved almost every minute of it. Go now, and kick ass elsewhere.

    -riggs

  4. #4

    Whaaaaaaat!? Nooooo! This is one of the best feminist blogs ever, and I'm not even a regular in DC.
    [/selfish]

    I wish you luck with the new project. I'm sure it will be awesome.

  5. #5

    What Kate said -- I'll miss your work here. Good luck with your new project.

  6. #6

    NOOOOOOO! DON'T GO! I <3 UR BLOG! :(

  7. #7

    This is the worst news I've heard all day, and that's after I found out that Scully and Mulder don't hook up until the X-Files movie. But in any case, I'm relieved to know you'll still be writing publicly, just elsewhere.

  8. #8

    *standing ovation*

  9. #9

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooo! You are (were?) my favorite gender issues blogger ever in the whole wide world. I hope your column at TBD is just as awesome.

  10. #10

    NO! The Sexist is great, and City Paper NEEDS a feminist blog. If not you, then someone else. The savvy will find you elsewhere, but this paper will have a huge gaping hole in its feminist coverage--one that no CockBib can save.

  11. #11

    oh, and what Laura said.

  12. #12

    I love your blog Amanda! I hope you'll still be doing joint blog entries with Sady from Tiger Beatdown.

    I am a sad panda. :(

  13. #13

    Man, I just got here! Ah well, I'll be looking for you on TBD. Cheers!

  14. #14

    I have one thing to say:

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

  15. #15

    What stormy said. Geez.

  16. #16

    A quick testament to your blog:
    Upon hearing the news a friend immediately texted me, saying how distraught she was about it. I immediately stopped cooking dinner, turned off my music, and went on the blog to see what happened.

    Are we going to get anymore on why?

    Also, this has been a really great blog.

  17. #17

    Oh gosh, sad, sad news for a Tuesday evening! Especially as I am a relatively new reader. I will be sure to follow your work at TBD.

  18. #18

    Amanda, you have been far and away the best writer at WCP over the last few years. I always knew it was only a matter of time before you moved on. Best of luck...

  19. #19

    Nooooooooooooooooooooo!

  20. #20

    Let's be real. You were the only reason I read the City Paper. I will loyally follow your prose wherever it goes.

  21. #21

    ack the best writer at WCP is also leaving? this TBD project better work; it seem like it has been the death blow (or mercy killing) for the city paper.

  22. #22

    you've had a great fucking run here, ms. sexist. very excited to see what you do next!

  23. #23

    What?

  24. #24

    I have been one of your biggest critics over the years, you have pissed me off more times than I can count, but you are one of the hardest working journalist at CP, hands down, GOOD LUCK!

  25. #25

    Think of the trolls, Hess.

  26. #26

    I saw this coming over the last 2 months.

  27. #27

    *joins the standing ovation*

    I'm looking forward to TBD but I will SERIOUSLY miss this blog. Thanks for writing so much consistently brilliant stuff. ("But If You're Wearing a Veil, How Will I Know That You're Smiling, Baby?"--just that TITLE--is one of my favorite rebuttals to Christopher Hitchens, ever.) Cheers.

  28. #28

    The blog is dead. Long live the blog!

  29. #29

    I loved your blog. I look forward to your writing elsewhere. I wish you peace.

    ~ jaded16

  30. #30

    Noooooo! This is one of my favorite blogs, and I'm not a DC resident or anything. Well, I will follow to TBD!

  31. #31

    I saw this coming over the last 2 months.

    Wow, that's longer than Amanda's known. IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ULTRA-PSYCHIC

  32. #32

    Ack. What a loss. TBD has to be the worst names ever, and one look over there at posts about "tweet-ups" or whatever was one look too many.

    I hope the impetus was money, because that would be the only justifiable reason to dump a cutting edge soap box and join a dull dweeb fest like that alphabet soup site.

    And what Coleman said.

  33. #33

    I wish you all the best and good luck for the new project. Like others here I only read the CityPaper because of your blog, so I'll be looking forward to TBD.com

  34. #34

    This sucks :(

  35. #35

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Why must everything I love leave me?!

    Seriously, though, I hope your TBD blog is as bad-ass as this one, though it can never be the same.

  36. #36

    I have found your column to be often quite thought provoking.

    Good luck at your new position.

    (I just checked out the TBD.com site. I dunno, they seem kind of flakey. But your time there might make a good section in your autobiography someday.)

  37. #37

    Aww, I was just telling a friend of mine about to move to DC that she should check out your blog! Good luck to you in your future work.

  38. #38

    I HAD JUST STARTED REAAADDDIIIINGGG.

    I'll miss the Sexist, but I look forward to seeing what you bring to TBD.

  39. #39

    wow. sad day. i can't even bring myself to take it off my rss feed... applause, though. GIANT round of applause...

  40. #40

    shame, you fought the good fight over here. At any rate, good luck. I'll check out TBD more.

  41. #41

    *joins the standing ovation*

  42. #42

    This is sad but I have no desire to check out TBD- looks like a jumbled mess.

  43. #43

    What will NOODLEZ do?

    Great work!

  44. #44

    Oh Amanda... what will I do at work? I can't access TBD at work since its blocked... :(

    I guess that just means that I will spending WAAAAAAAYYYYY more time at home on the computer... now my girlfriend has a reason other than me reading my books to say that I'm ignoring her...

    BIG hug to you, Amanda. Good luck! You were the main reason why I came to CP's website. I hope CP knows what they are losing.

  45. #45

    I hope they hire me as the new Sexist.

  46. #46

    Same shit; different site.

  47. #47

    Congratulations on the new gig! I will truly miss the familiar format, but I have no doubt that you will not miss a beat, and will continue to kick ass up down and sideways.

    See you soon! Or rather, read you soon!

  48. #48

    *cries* But you were my faaaavoriiiite! Your blog was awesome and clever and inspiring and I always enjoyed the conversations you created. You are a brilliant and fierce badass and I will really, really, really miss reading this blog. ... I don't even live anywhere near DC and I really enjoyed it. It was an inspiration to me as a feminist and a writer and I wish you well and plan to follow anything you write elsewhere.
    SIGH

  49. #49

    Echoing everyone else, we'll really miss you Amanda!

    On a positive note, this is my last week at work before moving to a new job myself. And at said new job, all of the other websites I love will not be blocked, so I won't be required to depend on the city paper for all my day's entertainment.

    Nonetheless, I'll never forget our good times :)

  50. #50

    This blog has had a good run. Thank you, Amanda, and I can't wait to see your new digs at TBD.

  51. #51

    First of all Amanda, I'll miss the Sexist. Seriously. I've never read anything like it. I look forward to seeing what you'll do at TBD - they seem to be recruiting some great people.

    Secondly, retarded commenters. If you knew how to read, you'd know the TBD site hasn't launched yet - it says so right at the top of the site - so whatever you're seeing isn't what Amanda's leaving to do. Idiots.

  52. #52

    I always found your column to be pro-woman at the expense of men so I cant say Im sorry to see you leave. Many times your column seemed biased and slanted against men; sometimes deservedly so, but I found some of it misandrist. I hope in the future a similar gender blog is reinstated but with a more balanced viewpoint.

  53. #53
  54. #54

    I agree with the other NOOOOOOOOOOOOs out there! Amanda, you are awesome and your writing is consistently thoughtful and, well, awesome, and I hope you have tons of success and receive lots of dollars wherever you end up. Hang that CockBib proudly, lady! You've earned it!

  55. #55

    Amanda, this really makes me sad. The Sexist made me laugh, think critically, and was all-around thought-provoking and entertaining. You're a great reporter and you wrote the kind of stuff I'd love to write one day.

  56. #56

    say it ain't so!

    I will always appreciate your snark, your humor, and your insightfulness!

  57. #57

    Aw, you'll be missed, Amanda!

  58. #58

    I'll miss your bolg amanda

  59. #59

    NOOOOOOOOO!!!!
    ...You'll still be on Tiger Beatdown right?

  60. #60

    I'll miss having one of my favorite outlets to pick apart the ridiculous things that women say with respect to gender issues.

    No, I really will.

    Peace.

  61. #61

    What?! Aw man, this is so sudden! I'll miss your blogging here so much, but I'm sure I'll see you around the internets what with the blog circles I travel in.

  62. #62

    My plan worked out, then.

  63. #63

    I'm very sad to see you go, but I hope the future brings great things for you, and that your new gig is worthy.

  64. #64

    Thanks for bringing visibility to and conducting a forum for many difficult issues.

  65. #65

    I join the long chorus of NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!s

    It has been a pleasure reading your blog and I will follow your new writings unto the ends of the earth.

  66. #66

    Oh sad! I only just made my way over here as a recommendation of 'Where to go now that Jezebel has gotten so craptacular'. Best of luck!

  67. #67

    What are you serious? This is terrible!

    This is Imani The Misfit and you gave me my first article as Maryland's First Bisexual Porn Star Rapper, because of you, alot of doors opened for me. I am still so grateful that you did that for me. I am sad that you are quitting because you wrote great articles. But Im sure you will be great wherever you go. Good luck

    Imani The Misfit

  68. #68

    I don't live in DC. I'm not gonna yell or protest or start a boycott. You are the only reason I read the city paper, so bye Amanda, and bye paper. Gonna miss you Hess!

  69. #69

    Aw, that's so disappointing ='( I'm not a DC resident, therefore don't read the rest of the paper, but I still loved this blog.

  70. #70

    So long to The Sexist, best of luck in your next adventure Amanda.

  71. #71

    WELL I'LL BE DAMNED!!

    YOU AND MS.MATHIS ON THE SAME SQUAD? TRUST AND BELIEVE I WILL BE COMMENTING AND PUSHING THE ENVELOPE WILL ALL MY FAKE ASS DRY HUMOR AND PUSH BACK ON ALL THINGS I PARTIALLY DISAGREE WITH!!!

    HOPEFULLY I CAN KEEP OFF THE BANNED LIST FOR AT LEAST A FEW MONTHS.

    UNTIL THEN MS. MANDY HERE IS A LIL SOMETHIN A PUT TOGETHER FOR YA

    Our quibbles about homosexual marriage was much fun
    Your blog posts @ washcitypaper is now done

    Until I make comments on your new site
    I hope your tolerance on butt feels will open up
    Not saying that’s it’s alright
    What I am saying is keep the topics moving don’t get stuck

  72. #72

    party on!

  73. #73

    Don't let the door hit you on the way out. Viva WCP!

  74. #74

    Sorry to see you go. I recommended this blog to a few coworkers who were new to DC and dealing with street harassment.

    I learned a lot from you. Thanks for the insight.

  75. #75

    This blog was always a nice little ray of hope for me in a city that didn't always feel like home. You're awesome, and I can't wait to see what you get up to next!

  76. #76

    Although I wish you success in the future, I cant say Im sorry to see you leave.

    Your "pro-woman" stance made for predictable commentary. I would have liked a little more balance in your posts.

  77. #77

    Very sad to see you depart from creating such amazing work, but I look forward to following you on whatever it is you publish, as long as it's something. Reading this was such a change from ordinary articles and blog posts. I loved it, and I loved reading your take on issues.

    Well done Amanda.

  78. #78

    Amanda, this is a curiously abrupt post from someone who typically has so much to say. Care to explain why you're in such a hurry to leave?

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