(Fairness: I am certain there are people who purchase intricately detailed and, per Wikipedia, "frequently anatomically correct" scale-model human dolls, for reasons which no one in their right minds could possibly mistrust. I'd like to apologize to those people, all three of them, for having overgeneralized in describing their subculture as 'creepy'.)

I dunno, though, I see it having a more direct overlap with cosplay, with the swords being made to human scale and all. I think I can see how that sort of prop would make it easy for someone of low self-regard to imagine himself as a more decisive and intimidating person, where 'more decisive and intimidating' mostly means 'better armed'.

I mean, gateway drugs, you know how it is. You try out a tire iron or a Louisville Slugger, it's fun to swing around but it just doesn't make your dick feel as big as you want it to, and of course there is the drawback that you can't use it to chop an entire dead pig into multiple dead pig pieces. So of course you're going to want to move up to a more innately weapon-y level of weaponry -- of course, the obvious choice would be some sort of firearm, but those make loud scary noises and can be hard to use and recoil is scary and you have to register and concealed-carry permits are hard to get, and besides you were at a shooting range once and there were a few men there who seemed a lot more OMG MANLY than you've ever been able to manage, and that's some scary shit right there when you consider that you might do something embarrassing, and one of them might...well, they might snicker or something, if they even happen to notice.

So you need a weapon that's enough of a weapon not to look like it belongs in the trunk of a car, and you need a weapon that's not so much of a weapon that you'd actually have to, you know, learn how to use it or anything. What's the obvious solution? TOY SWORD.

I rest my case.

hahaha

However, my purse got stolen one time by a crazy drug addict who walked right into my house. If I had brandished a gigantic fucking sword at him I'm absolutely certain that he would have run off. So I suppose it does have legitimate uses.

And, historically, these swords were essentially for beating an armored opponent to unconsciousness and then stabbing him dead before he could do the same to you. Cutting is NOT what they really wanted to do against that armor. However, since it isn't Medieval Europe, and I'm not about to go Medieval on some armored knights, I'd like to propose this sword, along with displays of cement blocks and tatami mats, as perhaps the most perfect self-defense tool ever. If they're too busy peeing themselves after you cut through a fricking cement block to shoot you, you win. And if that doesn't work, well, you still have a big-ass sword.

Apparently the set of "things you cut to show off a sword" is relatively standard, and came from katanas showing how much better they were than those things you use to bludgeon people to death with. So this add is targeted at people who spend large amounts of time and money on medieval weaponry.

This also isn't a "luxury" sword; those cost an order of magnitude more and are *way* prettier (check of Angel Sword sometime). These people went for sharp, not attractive.

The most disturbing thing: they sell enough of these to buy themselves a high-speed camera.

Also this might be a Mythbusters audition tape.

Guys, once obama takes away all our guns, having one of these will be like having an M1 tank in your garage. It'll be like that scene in Indiana Jones except INDIE GETS CARVED IN HALF!

And would you even expect one of these Cold Steel guys to know what to do with a sword big enough to need two hands? OH SHIT.

Also, LOL, that's not even how you hold a two-handed greatsword.

"At the most, [the Cold Steel Chinese Sword Breaker] could live up to its name and could break, bend or disable conventional swords and many other weapons with a single blow! In either scenario, one is left powerless to avoid the Sword Breaker's imposingly ferocious point. Luckily, there were few who encountered this powerhouse in battle, as its girth and heft meant it required a warrior of substantial strength and agility to wield it properly. But, in the hands of a physically able, and skilled warrior, it was the scourge of hand-to-hand combat."

'Imposingly ferocious point.' 'Girth.' 'Heft.' And it requires a warrior of substantial strength and agility to...*wield* it properly.

It's not like COCKS you have to COCKS do a whole COCK bunch of deep COCKS semantic analysis to COCKS see the subtext COCKS there, is COCKS what I COCKS mean to COCKS say*. You don't need to have read bell hooks. You just need to have eyes in your head, is all -- I mean, "Tom of Finland" is only about two and a half steps more blatant. If they're not putting it in there accidentally and without realizing they've done it, then they're doing it on purpose because they know a big part of their target market is prone to severe insecurities about the size of its own.

* also cocks

I always thought two handed swords were mostly used to bludgeon people anyway, but what do I know? I can't revere the sacred phallus to its full potential.

I mean, studies have shown that vulvar-shaped objects do not make good rockets, and no developer in NYC would think building a cave would get them more pricey condos to lease than a highrise...