The Sexist

Sexist Beatdown: Atlas Shrugged Will Make All Your Eroticized Fascist Rape Fantasies Come True Edition

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Atlas Shrugged, Ayn Rand's 1,000 page allegorical novel about why people who read Atlas Shrugged are superior beings who "welcome" rapes from other superior beings, for that is what all superior beings find sexy, is slated to hit the big screen next year. Directing and starring as the most superior "welcomed" rapist of all, John Galt, will be Paul Johansson of One Tree Hill fame. Johansson will also direct. Eroticized fascism has never looked so gauche!

In this edition of Sexist Beatdown, join Sady Doyle of Tiger Beatdown and I as we discuss  the class concerns of objectivist rape fantasy, the inherent horniness of soft-core steel production, and whether Atlas Shrugged: The Paul Johansson Story can possibly be worse than the 1949 film adaptation of the Fountainhead (trailer above, tl;dr version below):

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SADY: AYN RAND! AYN RAND AYN RAND.

AMANDA: Enough! I am overcome by the urge to be sexually conquered by the small group of captains of industry who I believe to be my intellectual superiors!

SADY: A superior woman, I see! Unlike the puling mewling soft-featured panderers of compassion and mooching! And, like, school lunches! Wicked inferior greed-children, feeding on the lunches of the elite!

AMANDA: It takes a special woman indeed to earn a hate fuck from that guy from One Tree Hill.

SADY: This was always my favorite part of Ayn Rand: There's always ONE WOMAN who is, like, super-smart and super-competent and super-skilled at all this industry stuff that everyone else sucks at because they're socialists. (Also, this woman is always thin and "angular." "Angular" is the key defining visual attribute of Virtue, in the Rand lexicography.) She is, explicitly, better at this than every man in the entire world. EXCEPT FOR HER BOYFRIEND! He chooses her to smack around or rape or whatever (AND SHE LOVES IT) because that is how very superior she is. Like, I'd really rather NOT be superior if it means getting slapped all the time?

AMANDA: But from whence will you experience the natural eroticism derived from the physical and intellectual imbalance between the masculine and the feminine?

SADY: I dunno. Professional wrestling?

AMANDA: Ayn Rand loves gender equality, to a point—the point where she personally thinks it's really not sexy, at which point the greatest man in the world rapes the greatest woman in the world, who he knows will just love it. Because that’s how great she is. Are inferior beings allowed to rape people in Ayn Rand novels? Or is middle-class intimate partner violence not as glamorous?

SADY: Eh. I think a lot of the rough sex derives from the sort of romanticized fascism of the novels. It's all about the right of the strong to fuck over the weak. There's not a lot of structural engagement — any attempt at it is met with some sort of "YOUR BOOTSTRAPS! PULL ON THEM" lalala-I-can't-hear-you thing — but whatever. So the right of, say, multimillionaire industrialists to pay their factory workers one cent a day is the same as the right of that multimillionaire factory worker to beat up his girlfriend. The girlfriend gets to play the role of Good Inferior Person, in that she totally loves it and is honored by it. Unlike those mewling puling mooching factory workers who want to raise the minimum wage enough to buy food with it, or whatever.

AMANDA: Totally not a turn on! I have to admit that I would have loved to see a big-budget Atlas Shrugged cast with immaculately angular captains of Hollywood. But I'm pretty sure Ayn wouldn't be too pleased that some more round-faced television actors are pinching pennies in order to realize her greatest work. You know, maybe they're going to make this amazing recession-era Atlas Shrugged that puts an ironic spin on her glorification of wealth, but I think probably it's just going to be a half-assed dud that doesn't even capture the ridiculous grandeur of her stupid book.

SADY: Haha, yeah. I myself am greatly looking forward to the movie. Because the whole point of it — superior people make superior products and earn superior money because they're superior! — is going to be really complemented by the spectacle of this broke-assed movie made with former WB stars for like five cents. I mean, this is an expensive movie, on the face of it. There are like gleaming teal sci-fi train tracks and uberbridges and megaweapons that can explode a goat and the whole thing ends in a postapocalyptic landscape with the death of civilization and everyone in it. (SPOILER.) How are they going to pull that off, Claymation? Or are they just going to film the speeches? The seventy-seven page speeches? Which, I guess, is the real draw. Ayn Rand writes the stupidest things you've ever heard, but she wraps it up in this package that says you have to be A GENIUS to agree with her, so you make your way through the seventy-seven page speech and you're like, "I DO agree! Plus I done gone and read me some philosophy! I ARE a genius, Ayn!"

AMANDA: Right, I mean, I bet the crack team behind this production can find a way to paraphrase the whole thing. Like: "Not only am I a genius, but I'm also one of the hottest people alive. Also, I hate women just the appropriate amount, a position that isn't sexist in the least, because a woman wrote this book, and anyone who disagrees is simply irrational." KABLOOEY! Or something.

SADY: Yeah. Poor Paul Johansson. I mean, I may personally feel that the best way to embody boyish blonde sexually irresistible Everydude John Galt is NOT to hire a dude who looks like the scarier variety of nightclub bouncer, but he's not only playing this iconic poor-hater: He's directing the thing. Quite possibly because they couldn't find anyone else.

AMANDA: How could you put a film like this in anyone else's hands but the most superior person available for every position involved, Paul Johansson of One Tree Hill? The positive here is that if Ayn Rand's novel is any indication, they won't need to hire an editor.

SADY: Maybe he'll apply lessons learned in his previous erotic straight-to-video thriller "Bitch Hunter 2: Night of the Evils" and EDIT IT AS WELL. A true capitalist can do ANYTHING! With no training! It is like the Matrix! What excites me is that they might be splitting it up into a trilogy. As with the Harry Potter and the Lords of the Rings and so on and so forth. Because, in the first part of this book, LITERALLY NOTHING HAPPENS. Dagny rides trains and Hank buys her a necklace and hates his wife. People will be leaving the theater like, "so... trains, then?"

AMANDA: There will, of course, be plenty of soft-core shots of steel tracks and shit. I for one expect to be extremely aroused.

SADY: The history of Ayn Rand is that people are super-persuaded by her books until those books are filmed. "The Fountainhead," written by Rand herself, is notoriously bad, mainly because Rand insisted they keep in the speeches. People were super-turned-on by the edgy rape scenes and the One Man Takes A Stand Against Society bullshit, and then they started filming it and were like... "wait a second! No-one actually talks like this! And they're arguing over buildings the whole way through! This shit is SUPER-BORING, oh noes!" So, in a way, the "Atlas Shrugged" movie is the best thing that could possibly happen. Provided you hate "Atlas Shrugged."

AMANDA: I think enough people hate "Atlas Shrugged" that this movie actually has a fighting chance at the box office.

  • Theresa

    I really, really hate Ayn Rand. That is all.

  • Lizrd

    I feel like this movie is going to end up getting replayed as a Syfy movie, sandwiched between Alien Apocalypse and Basilisk: Serpent King.

    I think that line up gives this work about the level of credibility it deserves.

  • Mireille

    I'm going to watch Mansquito instead.

  • Katie

    YES! MANSQUITO!!!

  • Pearl

    Can't wait for this film to come out in time to play with people's heads for the 2012 elections.

    It will be great to trounce Obama's socialism with some vivid, cinematic examples, since no one bothers to read people like Hyak anymore (thank you socialized education).

    As for your sexist obsessions here...eh: get a life.

  • Katie

    Ha! ahahaha...ahahahaha. that was awesome Pearl.

  • Kit-Kat

    I actually used Ayn Rand as a deal-breaker. If a guy told me he liked those books, I pretty much wrote him off, because that was strong evidence that we were not compatible. Yeah, a lot of high-schoolers find it deep and meaningful and whatever, but after you reach adulthood, being inspired by that hateful dreck reflects deeper personality problems. And the books are basically unfilm-able, so whoever greenlighted this project has a lot of explaining to do.

  • Lizrd

    MAAAAAAANSQUITO! Oh, SyFy. I like the one with giant sharks swimming through the streets of Venice.

  • Katie

    @Lizrd: YES! I feel we've talked about our mutual love of SyFy in the past before (that was you who also loved ghost hunters right?) and it pleases me to have this in common. SyFy is gold, just gold.

  • Lizrd

    YES! It has more artistic value than Atlas Shrugged, that's for sure. And I think it has probably turned less people into assholes, as well.

  • kza

    I've never read this book I'd rather watch Human Centipede.

  • Michael Hardesty

    All of the anti-Ayn Rand comments are moronic.
    MORONIC. I'm dubious that a movie can do justice
    to the greatest novel in world literature. It should
    be a miniseries or a one year tv series.
    Just read her works and ignore the statist-collectivist
    retards who denigrate her.
    They are zeroes and Rand will live forever while all of her critics are forgotten.
    Check out the new book, The Vision Of Ayn Rand.

  • Laurel

    My education in literature ended with PhD coursework, meaning I didn't finish the degree; so I haven't read everything. However, it's odd that I was never required to read the greatest novel in world literature. Must be a plot by liberal academe to divert my attention from the one important author by making me waste my time on a bunch of hacks like Shakespeare, Cervantes, Twain and Aristophanes.

    Nope, it's because her writing is terrible--and I'd say that even if I embraced her "philosophy."

  • Lizrd

    @Michael Hardesty: ahhhhhhhhahahahahahaha! wooo! That's awesome.
    Little piece of advice: when you use the word "retard" as an insult you sound like the self-centered asshat you most likely are.

    The Ayn Rand police are here! Look out everyone.

  • Michael Hardesty

    Liz Retard, can you translate your wordsalad into english ?

  • Michael Hardesty

    Laurel, Rand is the clearest, greatest writer ever.
    Twain was a HACK as Vidal noted years ago.
    Shakespeare was a great writer but had a terrible
    malevolent metaphysics. Aristophanes and Cervantes
    are ok but can't touch Rand. Yes, your tiny little
    mind went through the great liberal-socialist-communist
    brainwashing machine during your typical college miseducation.
    Why are there SO many stupid feemales on this thread ?

  • kza

    These comments need more
    super smart maales
    who
    know
    how to
    write
    paragraphs.

  • Michael Hardesty

    Oh, get off it ! What I wrote is perfectly clear and the length of any given paragraph is purely arbitrary.

  • http://ktrudolph.wordpress.com KTanna

    This is going to be fun >;)

    "your tiny little mind went through the great liberal-socialist-communist brainwashing machine during your typical college miseducation."

    There is a reason that educated people are more likely to be "liberal," perhaps because they have studied the dynamics of politics and society and are more able to judge accordingly? There ARE people who have gone through college who are not "liberal-socialist-communist," terms which you obviously cannot distinguish between.

    You, however, rely on right-wing propaganda, doctored statistics from think-tanks, and think that just because you were able to finish a couple of 1,000-page books that you are now "intelligent" and can "reason" your way through "philosophy."

    Tell me, are you pro-choice? If you aren't you are the epitome of cognitive dissonance. Libertarianism is all about making one's own choices.

    I have read both the Fountainhead, which I somewhat enjoyed, and Atlas Shrugged, which was okay. But they are fictional novels and should be treated as such-- not as the cornerstone to a political belief system.

    On that logic, I move to form a political belief system based on the novel that painted the picture of removing men from society, locking them underground to be used as sex slaves who exist for the sole purpose of procreation. (I read it like 15 years ago I don't remember the title...)

    "Why are there SO many stupid feemales on this thread?"

    You are obviously a misogynist who likes to argue with feminists and make them (us) angry. Like the troubled child who tortures animals simply for the amusement of it, you visit feminist blogs and say things like "stupid female," which makes most of us want to reach through our computers and strangle you so there is one less patriarchal moron on the planet.

    Why are there so many stupid males in society?

    Then again, maybe Ayn Rand was onto something. Maybe we should take all the "Libertarians" and put them in a secret cove between a couple of mountains where they can form their own society and not bother those of us who believe in limited social welfare and subsidized public transportation.

    Thanks for visiting and reminding us all that misogynists are so rampant that they can even be found on feminist blogs.

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    Someone's very sensitive about the length of his paragraph.

  • Elise

    Ktanna, you just made my day. There's a couple quotes in there that just made my list of AWESOME QUOTES. (You too, kza).

  • Will

    What the well-educated re-branded liberals, now progressives always fail to grasp is that more government always means less choice and less freedom.

    Rand might be a nice starting point for a high school senior, but unless it leads you back to Milton Friedman, Hayek and Mises and Smith, then it is a waste of time.

    The path we're on now is certainly a Road to Serfdom.

  • http://www.fuguewriter.com Michael R. Brown

    Rape is be definition non-consensual. The heroes in Rand's book never violate the heroines' consent. Ergo, none of Rand's heroes rapes. Interesting how conservative the cutting-edge has become. I used to hear that every sexual taste was valid - including D/s power play. Now you are apparently in agreement with the Moral Majority - who woulda thunk?

  • Webchameleon

    The weird rape scene was in "The Fountainhead".

    There was no rape in "Atlas Shrugged",

    certainly not by John Galt, who doesn't even present himself until the novel is 3/4 read.

    No need to do research, Washingtoncitypaper. That's where facts come from.

  • Webchameleon

    Why is nothing Sady Doyle says about the novel's theme true? This whole article is written like two teenage girls trashing another at a slumber party. Possibly quite drunk, even. Have either of you even taken time to read the SparkNotes?

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    Certainly one quarter of a THOUSAND PAGE NOVEL is not nearly enough time for a rape to occur! A = A!

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