The Sexist

Today In PR For Ladies: Cougars, Oil Spills, and Permanent SATC2 Nerve Damage

PR flacks sure know how to sell to the ladies. Every week, I receive form e-mails from them containing the latest in lady-centered information—on everything from permanent Sex and the City nerve damage to the world's preeminent male cougar experts. Alas, I don't always have enough time to pass these insights onto you, the ladies. Today, let's play catch-up:

Lady Pitch #1: The oil spill is sexist:

Biological Recovery And InterNational Zoological (BrainzGroup.com) Founder, Edna Hazel Celadine offered their unlimited resources and assistance directly to BP CEO Tony Hayward only to be turned away with no official response. "It's men like this who cause these problems and then turn their nose up to women like us with real, proven solutions," Ms. Celadine said.

. . . Contacted for comment, BP had no response. But, Ms. Celadine was less than reserved with her comments. "It is sexism as its core, on its surface, through and through, top to bottom. The government's response has been worse than Katrina and BP has insulted the whole world with their lack of solutions and their closed little minds. Turning us away only because we are women. . . . The White House wouldn't even take our call as the President must have been busy offering jobs to politicians to bribe them from doing this or that. It's insulting that BP has used our systems without crediting us, yet, rejects our efforts to assist or license the systems for free for fear of a woman getting credit for solving the problem," Ms. Celadine stated.

"BP says they've already spent $1.25 billion in the containment and cleanup efforts. Money wasted, as we would have already capped the rogue well and cleaned up all the spilled oil for $250 million. But with BP and the Government and their sexist policies and programs, we are left with the worst man-made ecological disaster in human history; all caused by a lack of Brainz."

Record stop. Isn't is awesome that an all-female Biological Recovery and InterNational Zoological Group exists, and that its acronym is BRAINZ? And isn't it also awesome that the same group suggests that they could have already "capped the rogue well and cleaned up all the spilled oil" for a fraction of the cost, had BP only had BRAINZ? BRAAAAAINZ. Too bad this presser is accompanied by conspiracy theory as to why BRAINZ wasn't immediately patched into the Oval Office when BRAINZ called up the White House and told the operator that BRAINZ needed to speak with the president on an urgent matter. So close. BRAINZ.


Lady Pitch #2: Sex and the City 2! It gets the attention of ladies every time:

With Sex and the City 2 sweeping the box office, many women are undoubtedly going to theaters to indulge in the over-the-top beauty, fashion and of course: the shoes.

Carrie Bradshaw is a style icon who is known as a master of doing just about anything in stiletto heels. But in real life, wearing high heels all the time can not only slow you down, it can do some serious damage to your feet.

Shoe-related injuries can range from bunions and calluses to more extreme pain in the ball of the foot that can quickly cause permanent nerve damage. And, studies show that women will continue to wear high heels even if they cause them pain and discomfort.

Chris Luhur, founder of Scarpasathe ultimate source for stylish AND walkable flats, sandals, boots and low and mid-heeled shoes of the highest quality–believes that shoes should never send women home early from a fun daytime stroll or night out. The unique online shoe boutique delivers a carefully curated selection of shoes that are fun, functional AND fashionable—making for an effortless transition from day to night.

Any flack that can manage to frame Sex and the City 2 as a cautionary tale in order to move a completely unrelated product is fine by us. Ladies love that.


Lady Pitch #3: You cannot possibly get married the way your body currently looks!:

I am writing to let you know about BodySmith’s selection to participate in People magazine’s Bride-to-Be Weight Loss Challenge, which will be featured in the magazine this fall. BodySmith is one of six gyms nationwide that has been selected to provide training for the contestants.

Glover Park resident and bride-to-be Cendrine Robinson was chosen along with five other future brides from around the country to participate in the Challenge. The women, all Fall 2010 brides, have been provided with a trainer and nutritionist for nine months (January – September 2010). Since January, Cendrine has been working out with BodySmith trainer Shane Beatty three times a week with weights and attending 2-3 classes per week.

When getting skinny for your wedding isn't good enough, try competing with other brides to get the skinniest.

Lady Pitch #4: Finally, a book strong enough for "cougars"—but written by a man:

“There is a tremendous shortage of older single men who are willing to date women their own age,” says author Rich Gosse [of The Cougar Imperative: Why Midlife Women Must Choose Younger Men]. “Once women hit 40, the pickings are slim. A parallel fact is that there is a shortage of younger women for younger men to date, because so many of these ladies are dating older, wealthier guys. The solution is obvious: Younger Men/Older Women.”

. . . Rich Gosse is unique among all cougar authors:

* He is the first man to publish a major cougar book. All the others are by women.

. . . Let's stop Rich right there. If there's one thing the cougar phenomenon has been missing all these years, it's an "imperative." And if there are two things the cougar phenomenon has been missing all these years, it's a male perspective.

Photo via NASA Goddard Photo, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

  • kza

    I like the cougar theory. I should be swimming in a sea of milfs.

  • Anon

    40 year old women are rarely MILFs kza. That's the best part about teen moms...you know they put out.

    Unless they're the virgin Mary.

  • squirrely girl

    So can we formulate hypotheses or design experiments off cougar theory?

  • prowlerzee

    "Carrie Bradshaw is a style icon..." Will this nightmare concept NEVER stopped being forced onto a complacent populace? Here's a cautionary tale: don't admit that you throw up a little in your mouth when slapped with that horrific visage at every other news stand and television commercial...at least not over at feminste, where fangirl Jill will BAN you.

    See, their idea is that Good Feminists never, ever speak the truth that it's an abomination to foist a skeletal hag with a face only her mare could love on the public as a credible representative of glamor or attraction. By Feminste standards, Steve Buscemi should be cast as the next James Bond...and we should all accept that without even cracking a smile.

  • http://www.cougarevents.com Rich Gosse

    Thanks for plugging my new book, The Cougar Imperative: Why MidLife Women MUST Choose Younger Men. You claim there is no imperative, which indicates you must NOT have read the book (which is available free on http://www.cougarevents.com). Irrefutable statistics make it clear that women over 40 must date younger men, or usually not date at all.

  • Katie

    Jesus Christ. I think SJP is quite pretty. Skinny, sure. Unconvential-looking, definitely. But for that latter part, all the better, I say.

  • http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com groggette

    Irrefutable statistics make it clear that women over 40 must date younger men, or usually not date at all.

    Funny, all the women I know who are over 40 and dating are dating other women. (Sometimes older, sometimes younger)

  • http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com groggette

    prowlerzee, you didn't get banned from feministe because Jill is a "fangirl" of SITC or SJP. You got banned because you laid out some horrific body snarking (similar to here) on a feminist blog. Get over it.

  • drsnacks

    Yeah, basing your entire criticism of a woman on her looks is a pretty no-brainer red-flag

  • Em

    The phrase "irrefutable statistics" always makes me giggle. A good sign the person saying it doesn't understand statistics.

  • Katie

    @Em - yeah not shit. and how, I wonder, can statistics show what women "must" do in the first place?

  • Katie

    *no shit. ugh

  • Keith B

    Apologies for Amandafans for deflating some of her usual half-baked "look at me I'm a witty pro blogger" snark, but a number of those brides in the contest could stand to lose a LOT of weight, from the being a healthy human point of view.

    Have you seen the contestants? (I don't read People, bla bla bla look at the contest website). Some of them are at no sort of healthy weights. I'm sorry, but anyone who is 231 pounds and isn't over 6' of muscle could really benefit from time with a personal trainer. This isn't some anorexic race to get a size 0 dress, it's more like Biggest Loser and they happen to be brides.

  • Kit-Kat

    Just for info, here are the BMIs for the contestants:

    CRYSTAL JONES 43.6 (morbidly obese)
    CENDRINE ROBINSON 28.9 (overweight)
    SHERRY COUNCELL 32 (obese)
    JUWANA HILL 32.6 (obese)
    PATTY QUINTERO 37.8 (extremely obese)
    STEPHANIE CERRETA 33.2 (obese)

    There are a lot of ways to critique the contest, but these are not underweight women striving to be even more underweight, or even women of a healthy weight trying to become underweight. This is not about losing weight for purely aesthetic reasons. These women need to lose weight for health reasons. Furthermore, the women appear to be encouraged to lose weight in a healthy way--with the guidance of a personal trainer and a nutritionist. If you're going to mock it, at least aim at the real target, not a strawman (or woman).

    That said, the push to lose weight for your wedding is a strange. More than one person asked me what I was doing for my pre-wedding weight loss plan. I responded that since I bought a dress that fit me, I didn't need to lose any weight.

  • http://birthdaybreadhorse.wordpress.com Jess

    I responded that since I bought a dress that fit me, I didn’t need to lose any weight.

    Did they then respond to that by finding out your weight and height, calculating your BMI, and then acting like they knew based on that number exactly what your health situation might be? Because that would be really jerky!

  • Katie

    @Jess: lololololol, agreed, ALTHOUGH one would hope that the people on the show signed up for this voluntarily and DO want to lose weight for their weddings. Their reasons might be flawed, the media that pushes them to think this is necessary CERTAINLY is flawed...but hopefully they know what they're getting into and are happy about their results.

  • http://birthdaybreadhorse.blogspot.com Jess

    the people on the show signed up for this voluntarily and DO want to lose weight for their weddings.

    Man, if we couldn't question the way that patriarchy makes both men and women voluntarily do fucked-up things (including engaging in body hate and attendant self-punishment), we'd be piss-poor feminists, wouldn't we?

  • Katie

    I thought it was clear I acknowledged that when I said "their reasons might be flawed and the media that pushes them...etc CERTAINLY is flawed" ? I mean I'm clearly with you there but sometimes there are people who want to lose weight because they just frickin want to lose weight, that's all...

  • Katie

    also i said "one would hope" so I don't know why I'm getting criticized for that at all, really

  • http://birthdaybreadhorse.blogspot.com Jess

    i said “one would hope”

    That's true! I should have quoted that.

    so I don’t know why I’m getting criticized for that at all, really

    I don't know where you see me criticizing you.

  • prowlerzee

    "I think SJP is quite pretty."

    Oh SURE, Katie. Please. That's why there is a hilarious website devoted to comparing SJP's face to horses. Honestly, I don't know which is worse...her body or her face. Just admit it. The show was meant to make unattractive women feel as if they could be sexy....or else they didn't want their date night (BARF) movie to upstage them.

    Personally, i never felt threatened by truly GORGEOUS sex symbols such as Grace Kelly. But obviously, the generation after me did in a big way, or we wouldn't be saddled with useless movie after movie trying to shove off the likes of SJP as a leading lady. I should mention I also find movies where Jack Nicholson is pawned off as a romantic lead IMPOSSIBLE to watch, also.

    I'm not talking about quirky movies with wonderful real-looking people in them. I love those. I'm talking about these fantasy Hollywood romances. The formula requires
    ethereally beautiful people. Period.

  • prowlerzee

    Oh, nice try, groggette. I skipped an entire thread where Feministe was drooling over the .... cue screams of laughter ... FEMINISM inherent in SATC.

    TOTAL FANGIRLS. You could nominate yourselves as your own next top trolls!

    Here is the link to REAL young whippersnapper, Lindy West, who will be heir to feminism. The link that got me banned because I did NOT make "horrific" body image comments. I linked to the below....which needs to be read in full. You know, SJP is stellar in roles of the girlfriend you love to hate, such as in Ed Wood and in First Wives Club....but for leading lady? Sex symbol? She's as credible as Steve Buscemi would be cast as the next James Bond. Fact.

    Now read and learn (to laugh):

    http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/burkas-and-birkins/Content?oid=4132715

  • prowlerzee

    Oh, and the only reason ANyone is EVER banned from anywhere is for insulting the site owner...and obviously, Jill was MORTIFIED to be shown up as a fangirl, especially when compared to the brilliant and scathing Lindy West. Love with it, Jill. SO busted. Not to mention, you young'uns just HATE to be schooled by your elders.

  • Keith B.

    Did they then respond to that by finding out your weight and height, calculating your BMI, and then acting like they knew based on that number exactly what your health situation might be?

    If their doctor had any kind of conscience, they would. A BMI of 43.6 puts you at IMMENSE danger of many, many serious health problems, which if you are anything more than willfully ignorant, you'd realize. Put down your fucking torch and pitchfork for a minute and at least CONSIDER that the patriarchy isn't necessarily to blame for someone wanting to change their body shape from an objectively unhealthy (please, tell me there is nothing wrong with being 5'1 and 230lbs, that someone there shouldn't lose weight for THEIR OWN BENEFIT) weight to something that would maybe let them live to be 60 and able to walk on their own power.

    Keep tilting at windmills, Jess.

    sometimes there are people who want to lose weight because they just frickin want to lose weight, that’s all

    That is deceptively simple and logical reasoning, and thus must be wrong.

  • Katie

    @Jess - dunno...somehow I read that as ME being a piss-poor feminist. Used to arguing on here I suppose? ;)

    @prowlerzee: wtf? I'm not entitled to opinions on what I personally find attractive? God I hope I wasn't wrong about my past love interests!! And I maintain that you probably weren't banned for pointing out fangirl-ism (which doesn't have anything inherently wrong with it anyway...), you were probably banned for being such a nasty b about people's looks.

  • http://birthdaybreadhorse.wordpress.com Jess

    dunno…somehow I read that as ME being a piss-poor feminist. Used to arguing on here I suppose? ;)

    Yeah, troll's'll do that. Fucking bringing down the level of discourse. Rassum frassum strong ideas about comment moderation.

    Anyway no, I was criticizing the "but they want to lose weight!" argument (with bonus linkage, since much of the work has already been done for me). The "piss-poor feminists" thing was meant to imply that I think that argument is beneath you, not that you are Bad At Feminism. Quite the opposite.

  • Keith B

    Solidarity sisters! That's what feminism's all about, mod anyone who thinks you're wrong about anything or dares impugn Amanda's pro blogging / analysis skills!

    Instead of moderation, they should put a FB-like "Like" button here so you and your coterie of fangirl/boys don't have to think up new ways of saying "Amanda awesome post good job".

  • prowlerzee

    Katie,

    Given that a site that bills itself as "Feministe" was actually arguing that SATC was (again cue screams of laughter) trying to pass off that television-JISM as "feminist"---and even MORE of a scream, trying to seriously discuss how a show LOWER than "I Dream of Jeannie" was "portraying women of the middle east" i can SAFELY conclude that the FANGIRLS were MORTIFIED.

    But nice freaking try!

  • prowlerzee

    Jill, welcome to lifelong ridicule! :)

    Have you thought of expounding on how I Dream of Jeannie portrayed middle eastern women?

    You know, I think your TOP TROLLS would bust a GUT at your earnest feminism.

    Epic fail yet again...and the blue ribbon goes to Lindy!

  • prowlerzee

    "Katie" and "Groggette" ---may I conclude you were too CHICKENSHIT to read the link to Lindy's superior post on the embarrassment that is SATC? Or that you have skin in the game and therefore can't admit Lindy as well as I caught the Feministe Fan Girls in a compromising (FOREVER) position?

    :)

...