The Sexist

Why Cook to Bang, Indeed

CooktoBang

The opening chapter of Spencer Walker's PUA-cookbook hybrid Cook to Bang asks, "Why cook to bang?" If you guessed, "Some men are uncomfortable engaging in hobbies traditionally coded as feminine, and must compensate by re-coding cooking as something they do solely in order to bang hot chicks, inspiring them to re-name perfectly normal foods with aggressively masculine titles like 'Panty Plunder Cucumber Salad,'" you'd be wrong! The answer, of course, is that "Cavemen once roasted saber-toothed tiger kebabs for their cave-babes."

  • sharpie

    Sorry for the off-topic comment:

    Trying to wrap my brain around the consent-vs-intoxication issue today, and it made me think of your blog.

    It makes total sense to me in date-rape cases that consent cannot be given when one is intoxicated. Does that mean this woman has a strong case? http://dcist.com/2010/05/woman_sues_mtv_for_depiction_on_the.php

  • PD

    Or men could just cook because FOOD IS REALLY FUCKIN' GOOD AND WE NEED IT TO SURVIVE.

    Excellent paradox: women cooking at home are doing their job, men cooking in restaurants is the industry standard, and men cooking at home is "adorable" and "sexy."

    This is one of the most infuriating and pointless books I've ever seen, and I own a copy of Why Paint Cats.

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    Just opened this copy to a random page: "Tap That Ass-paragus Soup."

    I think I need to raffle this off.

  • Kit-Kat

    Does this cookbook come with a decoy dust jacket? Because all that hard work you put into cooking your Do It to Me Baby Bok Choy and Screw-cumber Salad and Woman on Top Sirloin is going to come to naught if the object of your desires sees this thing and you cannot immediately convince her that you purchased it ironically.

  • kza

    When someone goes to Amanda's for dinner they're really be going to be thrown off. "Does she want me to lean to cook before we bang? Doesn't she write a feminist blog?" I suggest hiding it.

  • Emmy

    I think the greater crime is that the pictures on that site are AWWWWWWWFULLLLL. You know what gets me hot? Poorly lit vegetables. Hey baby, I see you with your amateur iPhoto montage of step-by-step instructions (for a SALAD, which, come on, how many steps are there? Step one: make salad) and it's really workin' for me. The thing that REALLY does it for me, though, are the indecipherable recipe titles. It's food porn without the food. Or the porn.

    Blog-to-bookers need to step it up. Pioneer Woman's book was hotter. And don't even get me started on Steamy Kitchen. *fans self*

  • kza

    I want to write a non offensive book on picking up women. Once I learn how to attract women I'll get on it.

  • PD

    Ooh! Ooh! Do raffle it off! Maybe it will convince my husband
    a) to cook
    b) I want to have sex with him more often

  • LeftSidePositive

    Emmy, here is some much better food porn:

    http://foodporndaily.com

    Wonderful food, great photography, occasional recipes, no annoying self-congratulatory cover-ups for gender issues and/or persistent fears of inadequacy!!

  • rebekah

    I want this cookbook so that I can laugh at it
    And to give it as a gift to my bf so that he learns "how to make food that makes me want to bang him" (even though he already does that just fine)

  • bellacoker

    kza:

    Someone really should, it seems like there would be a huge market of men who would like to have more self-esteem and to learn how to interact with people comfortably but also actually like women-people.

  • Nancy

    Based on a quick glance at the cover art, I thought the book was a relic from the 1960s and the post was going to be about the quaint olden days.

  • piny

    Does Panty-Plunder Cucumber Salad involve yogurt dressing? Because if so, that's fucking disgusting.

  • piny

    Nancy--one of those inadvertently dirty double-entendres from a more innocent era, like, "The Beaver?"

  • Tom

    Funny, I took up cooking because I enjoy preparing a nice meal and find it more economical and palatable than the prepared foods on the market. Considering 95% of the cooking I do is for myself, I find the premise of the books that cooking is not masculine ridiculous. Just exactly who am I trying to impress when I cook my dinner ?

  • Emmy

    LeftSidePositive- OH MAN, I totally want to fuck that ice cream. I love http://tastespotting.com as well, thought the quality varies.

  • PD

    Oh, Tom, don't you know that cooking for yourself is still cooking to impress women? Because otherwise, what you're doing is women's work! And that makes you effeminate, as opposed to just saving money and feeding yourself something that's not ramen and hot dogs!

  • gita

    @Tom - your hand

    (i couldn't resist, I'm sorry)

  • mdesus

    cooking is a great way to show some sort of human emotion. This is something I struggle with, and I love to cook for myself, and my friends, but I do go the extra mile if a new girl is involved. Tonight I am making a wonderful pork fried rice (recipe to follow), and a very easy, and super great salad (recipe to follow). While the title is crude, cooking is in fact a very effective way to show a girl you are interested in her beyond just being friends, and thus often leads to banging.
    PORK FRIED RICE
    Pork Marinade
    1 lb pork tenderloin unseasoned
    1 tbs sesame sead oil
    1 tbs finely minced ginger
    1 tbs finely minced garlic
    1/4 Cup Oyster Sauce
    1/4 Cup Soy sauce
    combine all and marinate pork for one hour (save sauce after)
    Sear all sides of pork, and put in oven at 380 for about 25 minutes
    RICE
    6 Cups cooked white rice
    4 tbs canola oil
    1 cup mixed bell halved and sliced thin
    1 red onion diced
    2 smallish carrots cut into match sticks
    2 1/2 celery ribs sliced thin
    2-4 cloves garlic finely diced
    1 cup snap peas
    3 eggs beaten
    1 tbs sesame oil
    1/4 Cup Soy Sauce
    1/4 Cup Oyster Sauce
    Cook ginger and all the vegetables in a large wok with canola oil(or low walled large pot if you don't have a wok) 3 minutes
    add garlic and sesame oil cook for about a minute
    add cooked rice and stir well so it doesn't stick to the sides of the pan
    pour beaten eggs overtop of everything, and stir until cooked
    remove from heat and add oyster and soy sauce mix well
    remove tenderloin from oven and slice thin.
    you can also add cabage to to the rice, but I never do.

    SALAD DRESSING
    1 big bunch basil
    3/4 cup balsamic
    1 clove garlic
    1 tbs dijon mustard
    salt and pepper
    1/2 cup good olive oil
    combine all the ingredients minus the oil in a blender. Then with the blender on slowly add the oil

    SALAD
    This can be anything, but tonight I am using
    Spinach, or mixed field greens whichever I can get fresh
    large tomato halved then sliced thin
    olives pitted and diced
    bacon
    blue cheese
    nuts

    Crisp the bacon, and move from there. Make sure you serve the salad cold as it is much better that way.

    Here is hoping this meal lets me bang!!!

  • mdesus

    forgot to put that you boil the marinade for a bit, and then use the liquids to baste the tenderloin. Finish the tenderloin with a glaze (I am using sweet and sour sauce) under the broiler for 5 minutes.

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