The Sexist

Feminist Dating Experiment Yields Only Two Penis Photos

Who says that fucking while feminist is a lost cause? On Ms. Magazine's blog, aspiring feminist journalist Alexandra Tweten (22, 5'7", green eyes) posted a dating ad on Craigslist specifically seeking feminist men. The experiment yielded 68 replies, and only two penis photos!

Tweten is looking for a guy who's more than just a feminist—he also must be liberal, between the ages of 20 and 27, and accepting of vegetarian thrift enthusiasts with a musical interest in  Sufjan Stevens. But hey, Tweten is a woman seeing a man on Craigslist! Based on the responses she received, I'm guessing that a lot of respondents read her post selectively, like so: "I'm a Midwest girl who moved out to LA recently to follow my dream of being a (feminist) journalist."

"I hope you wrote that ad from the kitchen, where you belong," wrote one guy; "Well, I’m definitely a feminist: I make sure they pay their own way, that they make the first move a fair share of the time, allow them to drive and make a fair share of the plans and decisions, even," wrote another. My favorite feminist lover has this to say: "I have been conditioned to know ladies are always right and mostly guys are just jerkoffs, i like ladies that share this opinion." Is it getting hot in here, or is it just a bunch of anonymous dudes sending photos of their penises to a feminist?

Tweten promises that she'll air some more positive responses to her ad in her next installment. In the meantime, who knew that the trolls who populate the moderated comments sections of feminist blogs are also actively seeking love in the personals section of the Los Angeles area Craigslist? You big lugs.

Photo via SarahDeer, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

  • Eo

    The slogan in the image is hate speech, here are some similar slogans just to put it in perspactive

    Dead women dont rape. Dead women dont commit infantiside. Dead black men don't steal. Dead jews dont money lend. Dead gay men dont spread aids. Dead men dont rape.

    Hate speech is hate speech, there shouldnt be groups that its ok or correct to direct it at.

  • kza

    At least they're funny trolls. I'll never understand disliking something so much that I'd waste energy and bitch about it.

  • MissaA

    I know Eo is just a highly dedicated troll, but I think they have a point here. I think a better analogy would be some black urban men identifying as "cop killas" and promoting the shooting of police officers. The anger and defiance the sentiment springs from are entirely justified after a lifetime of harassment, but that doesn't mean that calling for violence in such a way isn't counter-productive, or doesn't unjustly harm members of the oppressor group who haven't actively engaged in oppression.

  • Tasha

    The image attached to this post is one of the most offensive things I've seen.

    Let's flip it, shall we?

    "Dead women don't press charges"

  • rebekah

    that photo is inappropriate and should not be something that is supported by feminism.

  • Amanda Hess

    I'm not "feminism," but I don't endorse the idea of murdering men, or the more targeted rally cry of "dead men don't rape." I do however find it amusing that a flickr search for "feminism" yields a disgusting radical feminist sentiment stitched in a feminine, ladylike manner.

    "Dead Men Don't Rape" is debated at longer length in this thread:

  • Eo

    Good for you Amanda, Ive rarely seen a feminist condem this sort of thing, I saw your tiger woods article the other day and thought it was great too.

    That male studies film is out btw.

  • kza

    I don't agree or disagree with what the photo, I just wonder what it has to do with this post. An interesting pic either way.

  • Toys

    A man can be a feminist too u know :)

  • Rick Mangus

    Seeking feminist men, lets see men who are demasculated, hen pecked and have no penis or balls, that's about right, GIRLS! Oh! by the way you femanazises can go ahead and flag this comments and you will, because you are one sided cowards!

  • Eo

    "I know Eo is just a highly dedicated troll, but I think they have a point here. I think a better analogy would be some black urban men identifying as “cop killas” and promoting the shooting of police officers. The anger and defiance the sentiment springs from are entirely justified after a lifetime of harassment, but that doesn’t mean that calling for violence in such a way isn’t counter-productive, or doesn’t unjustly harm members of the oppressor group who haven’t actively engaged in oppression".

    Melisa you just justified the hate, and white american women as a group havent suffered a "life time" of oppression and rape at the hands of men as a group. What sort of oppressed group of comes out with the bulk of the degrees? You belittle the experience of the "urban black male" by comparing his experience with that of american white women who are possibly the most privilaged public group in history.

  • jen s

    it's so weird how many people don't even know what "feminism" means. and that so many see it as a threat. dude, feminism, and fighting gender roles, benefits EVERYONE. except nazises. i'm not sure what those are, exactly.

  • Beth

    I know Rick's comment might get (rightfully) deleted, so let me take this opportunity to preserve his gem of linguistic innovation, "Femanazises."

    On a more serious note, I agree with those who take offense to the attached image. You made my husband sad :(

  • Beth

    That is, Amanda made my husband sad by posting hate speech against men. Not that the people who pointed out that it's hate speech made him sad.

  • DB

    i don't disagree with the critique of the photo... but it's *also* funny as shit.

    The Craigslist thing is funny, but from as a feminist male, i should note there is a missing element...

    the proverbial feminist on Craigslist is seeking GOOD LOOKING feminist men.

    We aren't hard to find, but we look like dogs and have sand in our urethras.

  • Natalia

    Shit i get 2 penis pics when I post about having a garage sale, I thought there was a 2 cocks pic min. with every CL AD.

  • kza

    Femanazise sounds like something you'd do while working on your vagazzle.

  • MissaA

    @ Eo

    Um, all women are subjected to sexual violence. Women who have multiple axes of inequality stacked against them are especially vulnerable. Women who are illegal immigrants, disabled women, women of lower socio-economic classes who are economically dependent on abusive men, sex workers, trans women, openly homosexual women, women living in conflict zones... Sexual violence is used to exploit and control women, and is systematically excused and justified.

    When you deny that sexual violence has been systematically supported as a means to control women, you are denying the experience of all kinds of women, not just the white, western, class-priviledged, able-bodied, cis, hetero women you seem to resent.

  • Tasha


    "Um, all women are subjected to sexual violence"

    Really? You know for a fact that every woman in the known universe has been a victim of sexual violence? THATS some amazing knowledge

  • …done

    Tasha~ I'm sure she meant all "types"

    MissA ~ game, set, match

  • Eo


    Hardship is not something thats experienced by women at the hands of men only and the bad experiences at the hands of a dreanged minority dont justify the slogan of hate thats in the image.

    You seem to think that its ok to stereotype men as abusers and women as victims, thats not reality, its a construct, one that you have been conditioned to believe.
    Its no different from when germans were taught to hate jews.

  • Jesus son

    Two things:

    1) The picture is funny. I'm a dude, don't consider myself a feminist, and think that picture is hilarious. The amount of hate it's getting as well as Amanda's backpedaling only seems to support the popular stereotype that feminists are humorless.

    2)Rant ahead:

    The woman who posted the ad sounds like the most boring, generic liberal suburban recent graduate. She fits all the stereotypes: her politics don't seem to be more well thought out than "pro-choice/feminist", she likes vintage clothes and flea markets (good god, she's a hipster to boot), and worst of all she seems to think that listening to tepid mainstream indie rock/folk (really, I could have just scanned the mainpage of Pitchfork) makes her unique. Yeah lady, you're unique, just like a good fifth of the women at my college who were for the most part just really boring to talk to (largely because they think they're so goddamn interesting because of they listen to Radiohead and because of their recently adopted vegetarianism).

    My advice for most dudes looking for intelligent dates: check out women who are science/engineering majors and forgo the ones in the humanities. They're not all great, but a good number of them are smart, well read (often outside of the sciences), and capable of doing more than parroting the ideas of their favorite professor.

    I, for one, would like to hear the opinions of the dudes who frequent this page regarding their experiences dating feminists. Wouldn't that be informative for you "ciswomen"?

  • MissaA

    @ Tasha

    As ...done said.

    I thought it was obvious that "all" meant "women from all groups, not just privileged white women." In the same way that one might say "all people of colour are subject to racial profiling" whether they've had such an experience or not.

    @ Eo

    I'm not going to argue with you about how sexual violence and the threat of such violence functions to uphold the particular hierarchy of power organized around gender, I'm sure you're familiar with the arguments. I just want to point out that rape is consciously and deliberately used as a an act of war and genocide, that in South Africa men engage in rape as a male bonding activity, and in Zimbabwe men get together to rape lesbian relatives, thinking it will "cure" them. So at the very least, your position is not born out globally.

    I was never trying to justify the cross-stitch. My initial post agreed with you. I said that while one might sympathize with the experience of one who feels compelled to make such statements, those statements are nevertheless harmful.

    You argued that the sexual violence experienced by privileged white women cannot be compared to police harassment experienced by urban black males, so I responded that women across a range of axes of inequality are vulnerable to sexual violence is systematic and is comparable, because all women's experiences are important, not just those of privileged white women.

    I know that man-as-abuser and woman-as-victim is a construct. The expectation that men are predatory is one of the factors that encourages some men to prove their masculinity by behaving in a predatory way, and leads a smaller number of men to believe that they have the freedom to take advantage of others and that their predatory behaviour will be overlooked and excused. What is also constructed, in that it is not a necessary fact of life, is the vulnerability of many women, in terms of economic and material dependence, and cultural scripts that discount what women say. They are not victims because every man they meet is an abuser, but because they are placed in a vulnerable position making it easy for the men with the inclination to abuse to do so.

    I'm not interested in stereotyping men as abusers. What I'm saying is that our culture makes it easy for men to become abusers by expecting and excusing certain behaviours of men, and making women vulnerable to those behaviours/

  • MissaA

    @ Jesus son

    It sounds like those women at your college were missing out on a great catch with you.

  • Flutterby

    Why the rage against the photo? Are we really so easily forgetting that Amanda will often put random sexist photos above her articles when there isn't a relevant picture readily available? It's nothing new.

  • Eo

    The problem with the picture is that its a similar sort of message that an extreme religious group might level against gay men, "God hates fags" or some such hate but when its directed at men like it somehow becomes acceptable, amusing and justified.

  • Rick Mangus

    Ah! when the subject of RAPE or GROPING comes up that's when the man hating Hen Party begins. What you ALL need to do is go get a viabrator and relieve your stress and hatred for men that you ALL exhibite over and over again, right on GIRLS!

  • Eo


    @ Eo

    "I’m not going to argue with you about how sexual violence and the threat of such violence functions to uphold the particular hierarchy of power organized around gender".

    Patriarchal dominance is a theory that has debunked, even in Iran and Mexico women are slightly more likely to initiate violence against their partners. The feminist understanding of violence and the reasons for it is not a reliable lens to view these issues through.

    When looking at a male abuser that targets women there is more to be learned from his childhood, for example a high % of male rapists that rape out of misplaced anger were abused by women in their childhood and so the cycle continues.

  • Lasciel

    I'm afraid I have to agree with Jesus Son on his 2nd point. She's not making herself sound particularly enticing. However, if she put her cup size in the ad I would have to be more forgiving :]

  • Jesus son


    C'mon, is that the best you can do? See point one.

  • Jesus son


    Dude, you are hilarious. Like funnier than Larry the Cable Guy hilarious. You and Andrew Dice Clay should go on tour together.

  • MissaA

    @ Eo

    The feminist understanding of violence and the reasons for it is not a reliable lens to view these issues through.

    You mean the theory that inequality leads to violence? I think that was supported by the conclusion that violence was more likely where one partner was "dominant". Structural analyses of what makes abuses of power possible are always relevant.

    Anyways, I wasn't talking about domestic abuse, I was refering to sexual violence as a form of control. You know, all the many ways that we tell women that it's up to them to limit their behaviour behaviour or they will be raped and it will be their fault. Other more extreme examples are, as I mentioned, rape as tool of war, and intentionally targeting lesbian women in Zimbabwe.

  • Jeannette

    ok i'm gonna be honest, i didn't read a damn word of ANY of the comments... :D but i do love me some needlepoint.

    now, on to craigslist personals, hilarious and also sad. i wonder what the results would be on a less, how-do-you-say, shady website? i wonder if you'd get more guys actually reading the text of a profile? or is it a proportional response (taking into account the profile pic)? does anyone even use newspaper personals anymore? inquiring minds, etc, etc...

  • Rick Mangus

    I find it amazing and hypocritical that Amanda Hess's comments can not be flaged. Whats the matter Amanda you comment can't stand the same scrutiny as the rest of us, PHONY!

  • Amanda Hess

    I wasn't aware of that, Rick, but that's hilarious! If I had to wager a guess, I'd say it probably has something to do with the fact that reading my comments is the entire purpose of visiting this blog. Luckily for you, making my comments disappear is easy! Just don't come to this blog, ever.

  • Rick Mangus

    Another question Amanda dear, did you use to work for Pravda?, you're editorial styles are so similar!

  • Mike

    Funny picture. I wonder has anyone heard the story of the woman who stabbed four people at Target recently? If I had a blog, I would include a photo like the one above that said "Dead women don't stab people." Am I missing something, or does the photo have absolutely nothing to do with the article? I was listening to NPR last year, and a docto was being interviewed aroung the time that football player was killed by his paramour. The doctor revealed that most domestic abuse is reatialotry, meaning that the women hit the man first, which is domestic violence, and that women engage in domestic abuse just about the same as men.

  • DanceDreaming

    @EoTash: "Its no different from when germans were taught to hate jews."

    Actually, it's more like how jews were taught to hate germans. Sure, not all jews were directly affected, nor were all germans involved, but splitting hairs and all that.

    Though I do agree that the pic is a little disturbing. Even despite it's Ironic(TM) aspect.