Comments on: Sexist Beatdown: Rethinking Virginity Edition

By: Sex and the Ivy » An Update On Harvard, Blogging, & Rethinking Virginity

Wed, 05 May 2010 22:21:03 +0000

[...] Sexist Beatdown: Rethinking Virginity Edition, The Washington City Paper [...]

By: Just do it/Just say no « Raising Sara

Just do it/Just say no « Raising Sara — Tue, 04 May 2010 21:56:45 +0000

[...] Doyle says it pretty well here: Like, there are so many risks to sex — AIDS, all the other terrifying illnesses, etc — that [...]

By: What “Sex Education” Should Really Mean « Bitches Get Stuff Done

Tue, 04 May 2010 17:04:42 +0000

[...] I’m really thinking about is virginity. The brilliant ladies of The Sexist and Tiger Beatdown did a great chat about virginity on Friday. [...]

By: cindy

cindy — Tue, 04 May 2010 16:55:19 +0000

If you act like sex is breathing, why shouldn’t people think you want ALL the penises?

I chuckle at how many 20-somethings in the “abstinence sucks” crowd had terrible first sexual experiences, yet are still convinced they are “sexperts” and spout advice. There is a huge difference between preaching ideology and teaching values and it is quite dishonest to neglect the distinction. Just because “waiting until marriage” is absurd, doesn’t mean sex is not a BIG deal. Thank goodness my mother shared this with me, as my first sexual experiences were marvelous in part because of her.

Growing up, my dad was an avid scuba diver and she always likened sex to this.
“It’s fun, adventurous, but serious stuff,” she would say. "Be careful whom you partner with, always pay attention to your surroundings, and be prepared." We also had frank discussions about peer pressure, using sex to get boys, and guys being stronger etc.

So when I did have sex (17), I was with my boyfriend, neither of us had been drinking and it wasn’t Prom. How disgustingly non “hookup-ey”! And go figure, it was amazing!

By: Jess

Jess — Sat, 01 May 2010 13:44:13 +0000

This is one of my favorite Beatdowns so far. I actually went back and revised history... I had sorta-almost penetrative sex with one boyfriend, who got spooked by tales of pregnancy caused by wiener-vagina proximity and couldn't close the deal. When the dude of my second attempt turned out to be, as Sady put it, "Twilight levels of awful" (sneaking into my email account to watch me sleep, or whatever), I decided that no, actually, I lost my virginity to the guy who didn't get it "all the way in" but who I still liked. (And successfully had sex with many times after that.) By that point I also had slightly more enlightened/expansive ideas about what constituted "sex."

By: Melissa

Melissa — Sat, 01 May 2010 03:57:17 +0000

"But, the idea of Sex or Not Sex means that sometimes you don’t say “no” because you don’t totally have it in your mind that you CAN say “no,” because you don’t have any idea in your mind that Sex is not just one big package that you are either OK or not OK with. So, like: You go along with it, and you even say “yes,” so there is consent although it’s not enthusiastic, but that is in large part because Boundaries are not really a part of the understanding you have of Sex."

THIS. Times 1000.

By: SophieK

SophieK — Sat, 01 May 2010 00:33:27 +0000

Despite also being a 'heterosexual lady with a dudepartner' (a phrase I am smitten with, but am pretty sure aforementioned dudepartner is going to get quickly bored of hearing) reading this chat has left me with a massive crush on the both of you, and a slight cramp from the laughter (albeit laughter tinged with painful recognition). Many many thanks for putting all those complicated feelings into words.

By: notavirginanymore

notavirginanymore — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 22:42:38 +0000

My first sexual experience was non-consensual.

I prefer to think of The Time I Lost My Virginity, instead, as the Time I Had Sex Because I Wanted To, Even If It Kinda Sucked.

By: mdesus

mdesus — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 18:59:41 +0000

hahahahahahaha you can want none of the penises or all of the penises. It is important to remember the true advantage to humanity of remaining a virgen. Namely, that you can become a vestigal priestess and absolve my sins. That and cure AIDS if you live in subsahara africa.

By: kza

kza — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 18:50:24 +0000

I almost watched that yesterday when I saw it on netflix. I haven't seen that movie in years.

By: Kristina

Kristina — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 16:36:31 +0000

ALSO, Dune is available on Netflix to watch INSTANTLY. This is a very, very good thing. Anyone who doesn't get the space nun reference, get thee to a nunnery! Erm... get thee to Netflix...?

By: Kristina

Kristina — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 16:34:25 +0000

Dune reference. I did a little happy dance after reading that. My Friday has been made better.

Also, abstinence-only education is ridiculous in all of the very many ways mentioned.

And The Time It Almost Went In. OY.

By: Theresa

Theresa — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 15:58:55 +0000

Hey, I thought I was the only one who remembered the Lynch "Dune." Patrick Stewart in a crazy wig, anybody?

Fear is the mind-killer, ladies. ;)

By: Yazzo

Yazzo — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 15:29:51 +0000

My favourite part of the discussion was the Dune metaphor.