The Sexist

How to Sell Realistic Peeing Penis Dildos to Heterosexual Men

whizzinator

So I logged on to the High Times Web site today, as you do, and I came across a typical ad targeting pot enthusiasts: A woman dropping her lacy panties alongside the teaser, "Want to see more? We know you want to!" Users who are interested in seeing more are introduced to  "The Whizzinator," a dildo that really looks like a penis.

At first, I was confused by the marketing strategy here. How effective is it to lure people into purchasing a fake (but highly realistic) penis by implying the promise of a vagina? Perhaps I am underestimating the target audience for High Times advertising, but I imagine that many a typical heterosexual dude who eagerly clicks on those panties only to find a selection of penises would be hit with such a raging case of homo- and transphobia that he would be unlikely to invest in the services advertised. But then I investigated the Whizzinator further, and things became even curiouser.

The Whizzinator, as the name implies, is a dildo that facilitates faux pissing. "The Whizzinator Strap-On XXX is the cleanest way to get dirty," the ad copy reads. "This ultra hygenic and sterile ultimate wet sex simulator is designed with sensual pleasure in mind." A Whizzinator comes with a syringe, "synthetic urine pack," heat packs, an instruction manual, and a condom. "Golden Shower" refills of freeze-dried pee are also available.

That's where the Whizzinator's next advertising turn comes in—though explicitly marketed to those who want to incorporate safe, clean urination into their sex lives, a colleague reminded me that the Whizzinator might also be of particular use to men who use drugs, and may resort to fake-peeing through a prosthetic penis in an attempt to pass a drug test. A-ha, so the Whizzinator is of immediate interest to the High Times' target audience.

So why send them through these various marketing hoops in order to get them to purchase a negative test result? I imagine it has something to do with those phobias. When you're trying to sell lifelike penis accessories to hetero men, perhaps it helps to give the more sensitive among them an excuse to say, "Hey—I found this penis accessory by clicking on some naked chick."

The Whizzinator retails for $139.95. And the strangest thing about the marketing here? It is available in white, brown, black, tan and "Latino."

  • Eo

    Fun with stereotypes hey? Im a het. male, I bought a cyberskin product only two weeks ago. No phobias there Amanda, bar your own heterophobia.

  • http://twitter.com/scaryjoann scary joann

    HAHAHAHA!
    Oh god, I've actually seen those adds and gotten first confused, then amused, then annoyed. It took me forever to figure out they were marketing it to men. I thought it was so girls could pee with a penis... for whatever reason. Probably because all the adds show girls, and it's a strap on.
    But yeah, horrible campaign and annoying to the readers, as the majority of adds in high times that feature women are.

  • http://twitter.com/scaryjoann scary joann

    Go away Eo.

  • TJ

    @Scary Joann... really. I so agree.

  • Sarah

    I've seen that ad on High Times, wondered what it's about, but been averse to clicking on it. Thank you for satisfying my curiosity!! I love that it is marketed as both a pee-related sex toy and a way to pass drug tests ... I wonder if there are any other good target markets for the faux penis/faux urine combo they've got going on here.

  • Eo

    Perhaps if someone could explain it to me, Im european you see. Are heterosexual pot smokers there phobic of other orientations? I see a bit of that sort of negative stereotyping and commentary about heterosexual men on here.. and Ive been there, not washington but other cities that had thriving gay scenes.. so whats the go with the stereotyping?

  • http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com groggette

    I thought it was so girls could pee with a penis… for whatever reason.

    Actually Joann, there is a market for realistic looking, um, peeing apparatuses (?) for trans men. So no, not girls peeing with a penis, but men without biological penises peeing with a penis.

  • http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com groggette

    Not that that makes the ad any less confusing mind you ;)

  • Dave

    I think the marketing follows the same logic as the marketing for cleanser drinks and tobacco smoking accessories. It's probably illegal to market a device as a tool for commiting a crime (fraud.) For other examples, see newspaper ads for "back massagers" and "asian massage."

  • Dave

    To clarify I'm not suggesting vibrators are in any way illegal. They're probably marketed that way for the sake of modesty in publications readable by the whole family.

  • Morgan

    This product used to be marketed specifically for passing drug tests, until very recently. The reason for the shift to the sex toy advertising is because the makers of the product were charged and convicted of defrauding the United States government by selling tools to circumvent court-ordered medical tests (drug tests for probation, etc.) and are soon to be serving short jail sentences. They still have warehouses of these things that they have to move without getting charged again, hence the new watersports angle.

  • Jbird

    Yeah, I think you've got it, Dave. Gotta pass those pee tests whilst your probation officer watches you go somehow...

  • kza

    I'm pretty sure this has no use beyond passing a drug test. Unless Onterio Smith was into pegging.

  • http://twitter.com/scaryjoann scary joann

    groggette, I do realize this, and that's what I thought it was at first, but it did nothing to explain why it was such a recurring ad in high times. Then I realized the drug test angle.

  • Saurs

    Dave's comment reminds me about poppers being sold as "head-cleaner" (or room freshener), usually branded with studly wiener names like "Jungle Juice" and "Iron Horse." As most young'uns probably don't know what head-cleaner is for, anyway (cleaning VCRs and tape players), I suppose it's not a useful strategy anymore, at least in head and sex shops. They're still sold that way over the internet, likely because of the fishy laws about selling and labeling alkyl nitrates.

  • http://hexpletive.com hexy

    grogette: I don't think they're actually usable as stand-to-pee devices, as the urine needs to be fed through with a syringe.

  • http://bikegroggery.blogspot.com groggette

    oh I'm sure hexy, I was more commenting on the girls wanting to pee with a penis comment then the product itself. Although now that you mention it... with a few tweaks the whizzinator could have a whole new market share.

  • Rhayader

    It's probably worth noting that the folks who make the Whizzinator have been put in hot water by the DEA/DOJ. The claim is that assisting people in producing fake negatives on drug tests -- which is unquestionably the idea behind the Whizzinator -- defrauds the government by undermining its requirement that all CDL drivers (and certain other federally licensed professionals) pass drug tests for continued employment.

    Dave has it correct above, along with those that agreed with him. It looks to me like this is just an attempt to market the same exact device as a sex toy, which is perfectly legal. Just an end-around, nothing more. Believe me, your average High Times reader knows exactly what the Whizzinator is before clicking through on that ad, and those clicking the ad aren't particularly interested in sex as much as keeping their jobs.

  • BobN

    Surely some number of teenage boys high on pot would think this would be a cool squirt gun, no?

  • Esme

    It's kind of funny watching them try to come up with new uses for a fake penis that realistically pees, which isn't in aid of an illegal activity (like fooling your probation officer). It reminds me of the way drug companies fall all over themselves trying to think up new uses for their drugs to keep generics off the market. A parole officer I knew once told me a story about his experience with a Whizzinator. Apparently, the things are rather pricey, so it's not uncommon for one drug user to borrow one from another. And one parolee in particular did just that, failing to realize that if you're white, you probably want to borrow a Whizzinator from someone other than a black guy.

    The "when in doubt, use sexy pictures of ladies" advertising is hilarious.

  • http://www.tedmills.com ted mills

    Disappointed to learn you can't use it like a water pipe.

  • Eric

    The Whizzinator was in a cracked.com article titled "5 Products Solely Designed to Make us Worse People" because it's only real use is to scam drug tests.

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  • John Small Berries

    Dave writes: "To clarify I’m not suggesting vibrators are in any way illegal."

    Except in Alabama, where it is illegal to distribute "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs".

  • http://www.accentoflove.com sexy

    Why pees??

  • ipeefreely

    The real reason is because it's a FELONY to sell drug paraphenalia that is used to defraud a drug test.

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