The Sexist

University Sex Columns, Reviewed: “Bedazzling Our Butt Cracks” Edition


"Coeds With Hoes" . . . oh, college.

The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of sticking rhinestones up our asses? Wait, what?

This week in college sex columns: In the future, we will bedazzle our butt cracks; Why your grandmother is wrong about staying single; why sex columnists should listento their LGBT peers.

TOWSON UNIVERSITY addresses the Vajazzling epidemic.

Sex Tip: In Towson University's Towerlight, writer Chiquita Young takes on vajazzling. She is skeptical. In a story entitled "Rhinestones are a vagina's best friend," Young writes, "I saw this I would laugh and stare. Plus when the jewels start falling off the sex factor is instantly erased, because then you’ll be too busy picking loose jewels out of your panties. . . . There is nothing fashionable about putting rhinestones on your vagina."

Life Lesson: Vajazzling is a slippery slope. "[A]ll I have to say is when will the madness stop? What’s next, bedazzling our butt cracks? Bedazzled bikinis?"

Progressive Meter: Oh, you know I cannot resist. 10.

GEORGETOWN UNIVERSITY tells students to start dating already.

Sex Tip: Listen to your elders. This time around, Georgetown Hoya relationship columnist Colleen Leahey learns some relationship tips from her grandmother. Grammy, who dispenses advice while lounging in her trademark red knit suit in Palm Beach, tells a single Leahey, "Good for you, darling. There is nothing wrong with being young and single."

Life Lesson: Well, don't listen to them too much. After hearing Granny's advice to stay single, Leahey goads her classmates into pairing up. "As the weather warms and winter depression disappears, prove my Grammy wrong. Go out on a limb and ask someone out. Girls, if you are comfortable ignoring all the silly rules your mother taught you as a young girl, then ask a boy out. Just be aware they will be far less excited about seeing the pretty cherry blossoms than you," she writes. "And guys, ask your crush on a date (weekday dates are usual preferable if you are scared she’ll say no). Seriously, you have nothing to lose. For better or worse, you will have a story to tell."

Progressive Meter: Sentiment that women should take the romantic lead is swiftly followed by the claim that boys don't like flowers. So, it's kind of a wash as far as gender stereotyping is concerned.

THE UNIVERSITY OF MARY WASHINGTON listens to the school's LGBT set.

Sex Tips: In this edition of The Bullet's "Sexclamations" column, Erin Hill opens up her column space for her LGBT classmates to answer the question: “What is one thing you want straight people to know about your sexuality or gender expression?” Among the responses: “Sexuality is a beautiful thing, and essentially, it is about falling in love. Bisexuality just means you can fall in love with twice the people.” “Lesbians aren’t just flannel-wearing butch women. Lesbians are a community of diverse women who have a variety of interests, appearances, gender expressions and ways of loving.” "I am not a ‘label’… no matter how you describe me, it doesn’t encompass all that I am."

Life Lesson: Above all, Hill's column provides a lesson for sex columnists everywhere: Write outside your own experience.

Progressive Meter: Another 10!

Photo via Oregon State University Archives

  • kza

    FUCK FLOWERS

  • mdesus

    yeah except guys don't like flowers. I mean yes it's a stereotype, but honestly while it would be a kind gesture for a girl to buy me flowers I'm not sure it would have the same romantic cachet of the reverse. I mean maybe it's just that girls never give guys flowers, and some guys really wish a girl would this seems to be one stereotype that is valid. Not all things that are generally true should be bashed because they are stereotypes.

  • Sarah

    @ mdesus: Perhaps maybe this "true" "stereotype" is a product of living in 21st-century America. Look no further than Victorian poets if you want proof of men who love flowers, Mr. "except guys don't like flowers."

  • Melissa

    Spoken like someone who's never dated a male horticulture major...

  • kza

    all flowers should die. flower holocaust

  • rebekah manning

    bedazzle our butt cracks! Brilliant!
    However, they already do sell bikinis that have been bedazzled. They are actually kind of cute, if only they came in my size.

  • pipi long stockings

    It's not like women love flowers that much either, the main reason many women like them as a gift is the sentiment behind them.

  • bellacoker

    To state the completely obvious:

    People who like flowers love getting flowers, people who don't like flowers would prefer something else. If you don't know what someone would like, pay closer attention.

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