The Sexist

How to Effectively Protest Fred Phelps


Tomorrow, Fred Phelps and his Westboro Baptist Church will be protesting the first day of same-sex marriage in the District. Why? Well, because "God hates fags! God hates fag-enablers! Ergo, God hates District of Columbia, all of DOOMED america, and the World! You've turned the country over to the fags; now your soldiers/fire fighters/cops/kids/parents/etc. are coming home in body bags! Judges 19-21. Praise God! Amen."

One District resident has dared to defy this logic. Bridget Todd is organizing a Phelps counter-protest from 11-12 p.m. tomorrow outside of D.C. Superior Court. Todd also intends to challenge the creative signage of the most flamboyant hate group around ("Bitch Burger"?). Plenty of inspiration for your anti-Phelps materials, after the jump.

UPDATE: Check out the results of the protest and the counter-protest.

PATIENCE, CHILDREN.

Todd, who will have extra markers and cardboard on-hand outside the courthouse, says that crafting a great counter-protest sign often requires you to actually observe the protest first. "I think it'll be more effective to scope out the scene and then come up with a sign based on the situation," she says. But there are a few old standbys you can whip up in advance:

DRESS UP AS A WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH FAVORITE.

jesus
"I'm trying to convince my long-haired, bearded boyfriend to come dressed as a kind of 'hipster Jesus' with a sign that says, 'Actually, I love fags,'" says Todd.

GO SELF-REFERENTIAL.

No matter what anti-gay message Phelps & family end up shilling tomorrow morning, you know it's gonna be on a sign.

GOD HATES [BLANK].

At a recent Phelps protest of Twitter HQ (because "God Hates Retweets," one counter-protester theorized), a counter-protester dressed as an ivory-gloved unicorn with a sign that read "God Hates Ponies":

GET PERSONAL.

courderoy

Just make fun of the way they look! You know they're going to look kind of weird. Remember, these people think you are murdering American soldiers through some sort of ho-mo-sexual voodoo, so rules of decorum are pretty much out the window here. "Of course, a good old fashioned catty remark sign can really never go wrong," Todd says.

EMBRACE ABSURDITY.

You're dealing with people who will likely be carrying around signs showing aborted fetuses served up inside Big Macs, so you're going to have to think outside the box a little bit. "I can't say enough good about funny 'that makes no sense at all' signs that just point out how absurd these people are," Todd says.Protest whatever! A friend, Kyle Stoneman, is a ridiculous protest veteran who has previously staged a successful Phelps-style protest of forks "(Did Jesus DIE for your FORK? NO!"):

fork

Try to be as weird as possible. "I've got one more sign idea that I'd like to do at some point," says Stoneman. "The sign says 'Coat Room,' and the person holding this sign should be wearing half a dozen to a dozen coats."

Jesus image by mike52ad; "Bitch Burger," "I Have a Sign," and "God Hates Ponies" by chada. All under Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

  • Charlie

    GOD HATES COTTON/POLYESTER BLENDS
    (It's in the Bible.}

    http://godhatesmixedfibers.com/

    and figs.
    http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3538/3360221228_244dcae3df.jpg

  • http://rickmangus@aol.com Rick Mangus

    Tomorrow at DC Superior Court Building in order to protest Phelps and his inbred family people should bring condoms and give them out to the before mention, and say don't breed anymore moronic, bigoted haters!

  • http://rickmangus@aol.com Rick Mangus

    Of course on the other hand, you can come and beat the shit out of them!, just a thought!

  • God

    I don't hate anyone but Phelps.

  • http://godhatesfigs.net/ Jesus

    The Father may hate Phelps, but I hate figs. I hate them! I HATE THEM!

  • Lizrd

    They're going to be in Philadelphia at Temple in April to protest the Laramie Project. I would love to get something like this together. I was planning on doing something, but this is definitely the way to go. Like the bible says, an eye for an eye, or in this case absurdity for the absurd.

  • God

    I told you you couldn't leave the Last Supper until you finished your figs. No water to wine tricks for you for a month. You and your friends will have to buy your booze like the rest of the mortals.

    I hate when 12 dudes corrupt my only Son.

  • http://godhatesfigs.net/ Jesus

    John is the disciple whom I love, Dad. We're getting gay-married tomorrow and there's nothing you can do about it! I'll be converting water to wine at my wedding, since you won't pay for a caterer.

  • mdesus

    My personal fav's

    I'm standing next to a closet case.

    2, 4, 6, 8 man on man is sexy great.

    If god was real he'd hate fred phelps

    Swim Baby Swim, oh sorry wrong Phelps.

    That burger looks delicious

  • Eric

    Rickroll them.

  • God

    When I said go forth and spread the word, the word was not "some dude's hairy bum". It was love everyone. No gay marriage for you Jesus, you're poly-amorous...you love everyone.

  • http://photothis.wordpress.com B

    WBC came to protest in my small town twice last year. Decent sized antiprotests sprung up and were positive and great (they focused on inclusion rather than just shaming Phelps and the WBC).

    But I'm convinced that the only way they'd stop is if they simply had no impact, which is what counterprotests are. If a WBC protest happened in the woods and nobody cared, would it make a sound?

    The second time they came by, they planned to set up in front of a high school, which was pretty egregious. I considered the legality of getting a couple hundred people to sit on the sidewalk, so Phelps' followers either had to protest elsewhere or physically interfere (which, as they do, would be instantly followed by arrests and lawsuits).

  • Charlie

    @B

    In some ways you are right. They are attention whores who get off on being the center of attention. Perhaps they would like to be held in esteem, but being notorious will suffice. (They're like Marion Barry in that regard.) I say just enjoy it. They are rather ridiculous. Or hold a Phelps-a-Thon to raise money.

    http://www.phelps-a-thon.com/

    (I haven't held one. These people may e crooks.)

  • Emily

    I just want to say that I was having one of the worst days where everything has gone wrong. I got on The Sexist, and these comments made me laugh out loud. Thanks, everyone.

  • God

    Emily, there is a reason for everything...even childish humor.

    :)

  • Jeff

    2 signs you can make to respond to the "B!tch Burger" sign...

    1. Would you like fries with that burger?

    2. Picture of Homer Simpson with the caption "mmm...burger!"

  • bb

    I would love to dress up as the devil, and welcome them to our land. I would hand out phamplets with a map of hell, including directions how to get to the local burger joints. I would invite every gay person I know to walk around hand in hand, with "You're Already In Hell" t-shirts.

  • http://rickmangus@aol.com Rick Mangus

    I think a good poster for the anti Phelp protest is a drawing of Phelps on all fours with his daughter behind him holding on to his hips, on her knees between his legs. You can then superimpose a photo of him and her onto the drawings, with a caption coming from his daughters mouth saying, "I Like Daddy's Position On Marriage"

  • Schnee

    Crikey, Jesus is a bit out-of-date isn't he? God is gender-neutral these days baby, don't forget, gay-Jesus, misogyny and homophobia go hand-in-hand, and along with racism, give us the unholy trinity.

    Presumably there will be plenty of signs on hand saying 'God hates homophobes', or is that just too bloody obvious to even say on a sign?

  • Liz

    Is Fred actually going to make it? Last I heard he wasn't actually protesting anymore, too sick with cancer or what not. As a Kansan, I've counter protested Phelps a couple of times, so good luck to those who can make it tomorrow.

    Keep in mind they also are anti-Semitic (you could point out that Jesus was Jewish), anti-Catholic, anti-Swedish, and anti-Irish. You could have a field day with those.

  • http://www.modemac.com Modemac

    What can you do when Rev. Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church come to your town?

    The Westboro Baptist Church has been engaging in its ridiculous funeral protesting campaigns for years. Why do they do this? Above everything else, they are out there acting like idiots day after day because they get attention. They've become celebrities: they're the Idiot Sign-Carrying Protesters We Love To Hate. But they don't care that they look like fools to the rest of the world.

    The scenario for the WBC can best be described as "cult mind control," though I don't want to get into the endless debate over "cults" and "mind control" here. Suffice to say, they've convinced themselves that they really are on a crusade against Satan and the Devil and his minions – namely, all of us who are out there laughing at them and pointing at them. Consider this from their perspective: if you honestly believed you were entering the realm of the Devil and his minions, would you expect them to do anything but taunt you, laugh at you, tell you you're a fool, and shout hateful things at you? Of course not: after all, this is the Devil we're talking about here. So when the WBC gets into news headlines, and onto TV news, and on blogs and Web sites and Wikipedia articles, they know they've scored a big victory because they've gotten what they really want: attention and notice.

    What can we do about WBC and their lunacy? The best course of action is probably the hardest one to take: IGNORE THEM. When they come to your town, don't organize a big, loud counter-protest and out-shout them. Instead, simply ignore them. Walk by them, say "good morning," go on your way, and act as though they're not there. I have little doubt that after no more than half an hour of standing in the street, shouting at no one and receiving no attention at all, the Phelps clan will behave like the cowards they are. Namely, like last autumn's leaves, they will dry up and blow away.

  • Grumpy

    Or they can just be ignored; Ain't Freedom great?

  • noodlez

    AS A NATIVE WASHINGTONIAN IM STILL UNDER THE BELIEF THAT THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN PUT TO A VOTE BY THE PEOPLE OF THIS CITY JUST LIKE EVERY WHERE ELSE IN THIS COUNTRY. IM DISAPPOINTED ABOUT GAYTANIA AND HIS PROCESS INVOLVING THIS ISSUE.

    IM TOTALLY AGAINST HOMOSEXUALITY AMONG MALES. MY WIFE TRIED TO CONVINENCE ME THROUGH A HEATED DISCUSSION ITS MORE ABOUT LOVE THAN THE ACTUAL ACT-(WHATEVER). TO ME ITS JUST NOT LOGICAL FOR TWO MEN TO BE THAT WAY.

    IM NOT A RELIGIOUS ZEALOT. IM JUST A HOMEGROWN BROTHER WHO LOVES WOMEN AND CANT UNDERSTAND WHY A MAN CANT LOVE A WOMAN IN THAT WAY. I GUESS I NEVER WILL.

    WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THE BITCH BURGER THING TO ME? WTF IS THAT?

  • former staffer

    what is a "homegrown brother"? is that a sibling you grow in your closet?

  • Adrian Bent-Me

    Staffer- I think you can pick up a ready to grow batch from the Home Depot off of Minn. Ave. They come with their own pot.

    Noodlez- you self-hating, limp-dick basturd. Tell the truth- your wife wasn't mad at you because of the discussion, it was really your "performance" or lack there of. Your stupidity seems to be confusing you again. So you hate gays because of your fascination/disgust with male to male intercourse, then I would suggest you stop thinking about it so much. Better yet, return the videos.

  • Cronin

    Homophobes are gay.

  • noodlez

    @Adrian Bent-Me YOUR COMEBACK ON THIS THREAD ARE MORE LIKE THE TWO-SNAPS AND CUPCAKE COMEBACK YOU ARE KNOWN FOR. YOUR PUNK ASS MUST'VE GOTTEN YOUR AFTERNOON SNACK. YOU SEEM PERKY.

    I DONT HATE HOMOSEXUALS. I DONT LIKE THE WAY YOU THANGS FLAUNT THAT NASTYNESS NOR DO I UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD A MAN WANT TO DO THAT WITH ANOTHER MAN.

    ********************************************************

    @former staffer SLIM THAT SHIT WAS WEAK AND SINCE ITS YOUR WEDDING DAY IMA LET IT SLIDE.

  • http://www.geeked.info Ed

    Yay! That was us "fauxtesting" in San Francisco. More info (and photos and videos) over on http://laughingsquid.com/san-franciscos-answer-to-westboro-baptist-church/

  • Mary in Los Angeles

    God bless the Westboro Baptist Church for not backing down in the face of wickedness and Godless adversity. Jesus didn't die on the cross so you can wallow in your favorite sin like a pig in poop. Choose this day whom you will serve ... God or Satan. If God, then repent.

  • http://godhatesfigs.net Jesus

    I died on the cross cause the Romans nailed me to it, Mary. Although you are right, poop didn't have much to do with it... until a little later, that is.

  • Ignrance Abounds…

    noodlez: "I DONT LIKE THE WAY YOU THANGS FLAUNT THAT NASTYNESS NOR DO I UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD A MAN WANT TO DO THAT WITH ANOTHER MAN."

    I know this is a little late, and the idiot probably won't see it anyway, but...did it ever occur to that gay men think the same thing about you? They don't understand how a dude would want to "do that" to a lady, but they don't find it repulsive or actively try to deny your your basic human rights. Wanna know why? THEY DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.

    Its your own damn fault that all you can see is SEXSEXSEX, and not all of the other wonderful, fulfilling ways in which humans can interact with each other.

  • Shiva

    So you know - I'm watching this closely. Can somebody tell Phelps?

  • Hardshell

    God Bless Fred Phelps!!!

...