The Sexist

On Short Skirts

This week, the results of a recent British study revealed that over 50 percent of women believe that rape victims are partially responsible for their own assaults. In the wake of the news, Jenni Murray tells her story of being raped as a 19-year-old. Murray insists she doesn't blame rape victims. But she does blame herself.

Murray lists three "extremely stupid" things she did on the night she was raped: (1) She "had been drinking in the pub" and was "not used to alcohol"; (2) she "went with a group of friends to the home of a much older man"; and (3) she was wearing "what my mother described, disapprovingly, as an extended belt, but what to me was just a fashionable mini skirt."

Each of Murray's "mistakes" fall under the category of normal teenage behavior. But unlike Murray's first two sources of self-blame, wearing a short skirt has little actual connection to a person's personal safety—miniskirts are an entirely socially constructed vulnerability. So let's focus for a minute on that extended belt Murray was sporting.

A good percentage of the study's victim-blamers think Murray should take responsibility for what happened after she stepped out in the mini: Her friends drifted away, the older man began "violently molesting" her, and then, when she gave him a firm "no" and attempted to fight him off, he punched her in the face and raped her. According to the Daily Mail, 24 percent of women aged 18 to 24 believe that "wearing a short skirt, accepting a drink or having a conversation with the rapist made victims partly responsible [for their rapes]."

The study doesn't detail why these people believe that wearing a miniskirt makes you responsible for your own rape. (For those who do hold this belief, feel free to amuse me with your explanations). Murray floats one theory: When Murray's rapist punched her in the face and then raped her, it was just a natural response to Murray's own subliminal messages.

"When a woman says no, she means no. And that's true, even if her clothes are saying the opposite," Murray writes, as if a piece of clothing could provide consent for any sex act with any person. "I believe we all have a right to wear whatever we choose, whether it's a mini skirt or a burka. Sadly, I'm not sure that the highly sexualised society in which we live offers young people much of a choice. Children are lured into 'sexy gear' before they're old enough to be trusted to take a bus on their own. . . . Is it a surprise that in such a society assumptions are made about a woman's availability?"

Under Murray's theory, wearing a short skirt signals that a woman is sexually available to anyone who happens to see her wearing the short skirt. The social cue provided by this inanimate object is to be trusted beyond a woman's actual words ("no") or actions (desperate attempts at escape). Furthermore, this sartorial secret code (short skirt = down to fuck anyone) is accepted not only by rapists, but by society at large—including rape victims, police officers, and jurors. And what if a woman who does not want to have sex with any and all bystanders decides to put on a short skirt? Her punishment for breaking the code is getting punched in the face and raped.

So, how do we combat this absurd belief that short hemlines carry the power to override a woman's right to consent to sex? Ridiculously, Murray suggests that the way to cut down on short-skirt-related-rapes is to militantly reinforce the false connection between miniskirts and automatic sexual availability. Murray notes that many, many people who wear short skirts—including little girls heading off to school—are not dressing with any intent to provide preemptive consent to sex. Instead of embracing this as a positive sign, Murray's solution is to force younger generations who do not associate short skirts with a get-out-of-rape-free card to re-code their clothing choices along the victim-blaming spectrum. "If I had a daughter I would be telling her to . . . be aware of the signals she may be giving out that may be read as a licence to take liberties," she writes. "It's not an ideal world, but it is the real world."

Tellingly, Murray doesn't bother to address what sort of anti-rape advice she'd be dishing if she had a son. The next generation of potential rapists will have to receive their social cues by eavesdropping on the advice we're providing to the next generation of potential victims. This is what they're hearing: If she's wearing a short skirt, it's not your fault when you rape her.

  • Frankie

    I was listening to the news report about this survey on the radio the other day and it made me so sad. I can understand wanting to believe that you can protect yourself by following stupid rules such as 'don't wear a mini skirt'. I wish I had the luxury of being able to believe such things would help me, but sadly I know all too well that this 'stay at home where it's safe, don't wear too much make up and never ever drink' stuff is not ever going to keep you safe. I did all that, it didn't help me.

    Mostly what makes me sad though is that people continue to think this way because what we are told over and over again is that we, as women, should learn a special set of rules which will keep up safe. So when we hear about instances where women weren't safe, it's easier to believe they somehow broke the rules than understand that the rules themselves are rubbish. Not to mention, of course, that the rapes which are considered 'newsworthy' are the ones which are NOT commonplace. The ones you could, maybe, prevent by never doing anything ever with your life. As opposed to the ones which happen everyday, in our homes, places or work and local hang outs, where the people hurting us are those we have reason to trust.

  • Mandy

    This is my first time to post, although I've been a reader for months. But, this post reminded me of a Continuing Legal Education class I took. I'm a criminal defense lawyer and we were dicussing what kind of people make good jurors in different cases. When we got to sexual assault cases, many people assumed that keeping women off the jury would be best. But the advice we were given was the opposite. We were told that young women were good to put on a rape case jury because they will mentally find any way to blame the victim; it's a defense mechanism they use to differentiate why this happened to her but couldn't happen to them. I thought that was really sad, that we're so desparate to find a way that something like this couldn't happen to us so we find a reason it did happen to someone else. A reason besides the choice of the rapsit, of course.

  • Jenny

    Wow, Mandy, that's really interesting and sad. Is it difficult for you to work on those kinds of cases? Obviously, everyone has a right to representation, but, personally, I would find it very difficult to defend a suspected rapist, especially when encouraging victim blaming is part of zealous representation.

  • Mandy

    Actually, I work in a prison system, so the only sexual assault I've done is man-on-man, and that one got dismissed. Otherwise, I think it would be very hard for me.

  • Mandy

    Not to down-play man-on-man sexual violence (just read my comment and it was too flippant). I just think that, as a woman, I would identify more with women victims and it would be a lot harder.

  • LeftSidePositive


    "(just read my comment and it was too flippant)"

    Not only that, but the snippet under Recent Comments read "Actually, I work in a prison system, so the only sexual assault I’ve done is man-on-man"...which reads TOTALLY differently out of context!!

    Thanks for my official WTF?!?!?!? of the day!


  • Eliza

    Thank you for continually exposing these myths for what they are.

  • jules

    If she hadn't been wearing a mini-skirt, she would have been doing something else that would have gotten her raped. You know, those things women do to get themselves raped, that men do all the time without fear of being raped? Like: going for jogs alone, spending time with groups of people of the opposite sex, flirting, dancing, drinking beer...

    I mean, women should REALLY know better...

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  • abyss2hope

    What I find fascinating is not just Jenni Murray's statements which helps rapists but the desire of too many media outlets to look for women who have been raped who will support focusing on the choices of victims rather than focusing on the choices of perpetrators.

    Making rape victims even partly responsible because of how the victim was dressed supports the myth that all men are rapists at heart who just need to right stimulus to unleash their inner rapist. This is insulting to all boys and men who don't rape and who don't make excuses for rapists.

  • Anita

    I was almost raped when I was 18...walking to my friend's house in broad daylight by myself on a residential street with no obscured view. OK, it was a rainy, summer day and I saw people running to their cars from the local tennis court a block away.

    After I escaped my attacker, the first thing my grandmother asked me (not "Are you OK?)..."What were you wearing?" Well, Jenny, it wasn't a miniskirt and I hadn't been drinking. I didn't even talk to the guy before he grabbed me. So...I wasn't supposed to take the same walk that I had already taken for two years during the "safe" daylight hours?

  • Toysoldier

    The study doesn’t detail why these people believe that wearing a miniskirt makes you responsible for your own rape.

    For the same reason people believe that a man counting his money in public makes him responsible any assaults against him. People look at violence as avoidable or preventable primarily because it is difficult for people to accept that most things are out of their control. The other is far more obvious, which is that our society associates any clothing that accentuates or partially reveals "too much skin" becomes "sexual." So it is not surprising for anyone to associate a person's state of dress as causing sexual assault.

    However, the issue really is about control, and the false notion that violence is always avoidable and preventable, meaning that if a person gets assaulted, some of the blame must lie with the victim. That said, Murray's first two points are valid in context to maintaining her personal safety, and to suggest that people should not acknowledge poor decisions is reprehensible.

    Tellingly, Murray doesn’t bother to address what sort of anti-rape advice she’d be dishing if she had a son. The next generation of potential rapists will have to receive their social cues by eavesdropping on the advice we’re providing to the next generation of potential victims.

    Nice gendering, because as we all know, only males are potential rapists and only females are potential victims.

  • noodlez




  • Irised


  • noodlez


  • Gabbi

    "(1) She “had been drinking in the pub” and was “not used to alcohol”; (2) she “went with a group of friends to the home of a much older man”; and (3) she was wearing “what my mother described, disapprovingly, as an extended belt, but what to me was just a fashionable mini skirt.”"

    If these things were the sole reasons for her rape, then it's a wonder that rape happens in places like Saudi Arabia or Taliban-controlled Afghanistan, where women are not allowed to go out without a male chaperon, drink or wear mini skirts in public.

  • Lily


    Uh, no, they're an item of clothing. Clothes are inanimate. They can't flirt.


    The entitlement here is insane.


    Oh noodlez, you wit.

  • Missy

    I was raped when I was 8, when I was going through my 12 year long "tom-boy" phase and wearing all my older brother's hand-me-downs (levi's, quicksilver shirts, and plaid flannel sweaters. Sexy.).
    So, what did I do wrong? I wasn't drinking, I wasn't spending time in the company of the opposite sex alone, and I wasn't wearing a mini-skirt. Without knowing it, and through no fault of my own, I was in the company of a rapist. That's what lead to my rape. The presence of a rapist.

    Toysoldier is right, it's about the illusion of control. People REALLY want to believe that if they modify their behavior they can prevent bad things from happening. But the truth is, we have NO CONTROL over what other people do, especially people who are willing to do us harm, so we should NEVER, EVER, claim a woman (or a man) shared even a micro-percent of blame for the violence done to them.

  • earwicga

    I've read Jenni Murray's article several times because after listening to her on Woman's Hour for years I was shocked to hear that she would have got something like this so wrong.

    You quote a particluarly problematic line from the article, but quote it in a slightly different wayto how Murray presented it, and by taking it out of the article it seems to have changed it's meaning substantially.

    At the end of a long article which was sparked by a survey that high numbers of both men and women blame women for being raped if they are wearing particular kinds of clothing, in which Murray mentions the damage rape does, how women are never to blame for being raped and pointing out that 'The brutal truth is that many men still have shockingly predatory attitudes.' she finishes by writing:

    "It is the man who makes the choice to commit the crime because he chooses to ignore the veracity of that old saying: 'When a woman says no, she means no.'

    And that's true, even if her clothes are saying the opposite."

    Now, you could have taken up how the notion that no means no is not a particularly saying. You could have introduced the more helpful Yes means yes, or talked about active consent, but you have gone the easy route and attacked a rape survivor. Way to go Amanda!

  • Manos Torgo

    One the problems in terms of discussions like this is the tendency to view rape in terms of sexual activity instead of criminal activity. For the rape apologists or the moralists, it boils down to the "she was askin' for it" bullshit. For the dogmatic feminists it boils down to any discussion of crime prevention amounts to "oppression of women".

    A person should be able to dress to their community standards and drink to those standards without being assualted. While the degree and intent of the crime may differ, be it rape or robbery, no one has the right to take from us, regardless of what we wear or where/what we are doing. If I am not being clear, rape is wrong.

    However, I've seen sensible advice about "keeping an eye on your drink at a pary" somehow turned into blaming the victim. TOYSOLDIER is correct that people want to feel in control, so we put seatbelts on airplanes, and conspiracy theorists come up with grandiose plots.

    abyss2hope is right, that we do seem to focus solely on the choices of victims instead of the perpetrators. But that's because we only have control over ourselves and not them. Telling criminals not to steal just doesn't seem as effective as locking your car when you park it. Or keeping an eye on a drink at a party. --But don't get me wrong, we do indeed need to create a culture that reinforces the message that to steal or rape is wrong.
    But that doesn't mean we should leave our house unlocked in the meantime.

    That is still no excuse for what a rapist does. And I believe there is room enough for our soceity to say, this crime is unacceptible, we will punish criminals and we will also be wary.

    Having said all that, Murray blaming herself is indeed wrong. But as some of us know, taking blame is a way that many victims seek to assert the control that was taken from them. To acknowledge there was nothing to do to avoid it, is to relive being helpless. Its the same way that we as humans always seek to find meaning or reason in tragedy. But people like her shouldn't put the message out there that will only confuse other victims and society at large into blaming victims for the acts of criminals.

  • pg

    It hasn't been long since it was socially acceptable for a man to rape a woman, for no reason at all. All women were raped, just a fact of life. It was legal to rape your wife in South Carolina until 1993. All this victim blaming is just refining when exactly it is still OK to rape a woman. (Any time, apparently.)

  • Amanda Hess

    pg: Great point. And if we ever are able to convince people that wearing a skirt doesn't make it OK, victim-blamers will certainly find another behavior to blame victims for engaging in.

  • Toysoldier

    Pg, it has never been socially acceptable for a man to rape a woman. It is fine to acknowledge the cultural and legal perceptions about sexual violence against women, but it is beyond reprehensible to intentionally misrepresent facts in order to make a situation seem worse than it was.

    It has never been publicly acceptable to rape any random woman for any reason. Until fairly recently, a man could be executed for committing rape (this is true in one, although it specifically applies to sexual violence against girls). In the United States there is also a history of white women falsely accusing black men of rape with full knowledge of the reaction that would get and a history of white people falsely portraying Native American men as bands of savage rapists. Your deliberate misrepresentation plays on those on reprehensible concepts.

    One can address a problem without resorting to making things up.

  • A Father and a Man

    If I'm walking late at night in a bad neighborhood with few people around and someone sticks a gun in my ribs and robs me, I wasn't asking to be robbed and I wasn't consenting to being robbed. I was not taking appropriate precautions against getting robbed. I was robbed and as I wish to avoid being robbed, I will endeavor to not put myself in circumstances where a criminal will take advantage and rob me.

  • Mrs. D

    Here's the thing, Father. The things that people say keep you from robbed (locking your doors before bed, staying out of bad neighborhoods to the extent practical, being aware of your surroundings) are minimally invasive to living your life pretty freely. However, much of the BS dished out to women on "how not to get raped" would inhibit a woman from living freely. DON'T GO OUT ALONE AT NIGHT, EVER! DON'T CHECK YOUR CELLPHONE MESSAGES IN A PARKING LOT, EVER (guess the ticket for using the phone while driving is worth it?)! DON'T DRESS THIS WAY OR THAT WAY (which changes depending on who you ask, so a burka is probably the best choice). DON'T DANCE, DON'T FLIRT, DON'T HANG OUT WITH MEN, DON'T DRINK, DON'T GO TO BARS/CLUBS (even if you're not drinking alcohol, someone could slip you something)... And from an earlier post (real advice from a university police department) NEVER GET CAUGHT WITHOUT A CHARGED CELLPHONE, DON'T LET YOUR CAR BREAK DOWN (um, like we have a choice?), DON'T USE STAIRS OR ELEVATORS... That would be a pretty shitty life for your daughter(s), no?

  • Mrs. D

    Almost forgot the other bit...

    In addition, while some may say "what did you think was going to happen walking in that neighborhood alone at night?" Others, maybe the same people, will shake their heads and ask what the world has come to that you can't walk down the street without getting robbed. And blather on about hoodlums and whatnot. HOWEVER, many people stop at the "she shouldn't have been wearing that" with rape, and don't get to the "what's this world coming to" step.

  • Jenny

    Mrs. D, the main requirement would be NEVER BE IN THE PRESENCE OF A MAN, including on a date, in a car, at a party, in the workplace, in your home, in someone else's home, etc, etc. Most women get raped by men they know. The easy and obvious solution is to avoid knowing or being the presence of men. That's what a woman has to do if she doesn't want to "put herself in the circumstances where a criminal will rape her." Doesn't seem very fair to women, does it?

  • Melanie

    These women were also not wearing a proper headscarf or veil, were outside of their home without a male relative as escort, and most likely spoke with non-relative males. Clearly they were asking for it. What is our societ coming to when we allow woment to be independent, wear what they like, and speak with whomever they please?

  • Angiberga

    I think author runs to an extreme by saying : "This absurd belief that short hemlines carry the power to override a woman’s right to consent to sex?" That might be absurd for some people but not for rapists. Of course it's never going to be an excuse for rape but in certain ways wearing skirts could be signal for rapists. I guess that some rapist don't care whom to rape. But attractive women in miniskirts always were the easiest targets for rapists than other women wearing jeans and long coat.There are a lot of different factors that make rapists do that horrible thing, but you can not reject that miniskirt could make woman more attractive, in a result she became more noticeable for rapist. Of course not only young attractive women especially in miniskirts could get raped but they have more chances. I know it's sad but it's true.
    Just imagine for a second, you are walking alone on a street at night and some crazy boys in car crousing around. Probably some of them drunk. They will notice you and will want to rape you if you are in miniskirt, WHY, because:
    - it's more sexy than jeans or long skirt or smth else,
    - it's more noticeable,
    - most of the time it could make them horny.
    And you will probably ask- what a stupid girls are going to walk on streets half-naked when it's dark outside. So I can tell you, there are places in these world like London, Moscow, Paris, New York - where people usually don't drive cars because it's unpractical. They use subway, walk a lot on the streets, and especially when it's dark (for example, they are coming home from work). Of course a lot of them are going to wear jeans and sweaters (not very sexy outfit) because it's very comfortable. They are walking on a streets all day long and nobody touch them. In the majority of cases the only bad thing that could happen with them it's robbery. And imagine this situation: some attractive woman must wear business suit for a job, let's say that part of this suit is miniskirt (not hardcore mini but enough to make some men glance at her). So she is coming home from work, and, of course, she has more chances to be noticeable in miniskirt by rapist than she would be in jeans and sweater.
    I don't say that girl in jeans are not a targets for rapist. They are too, but the majority rapes would probably happen with woman in mini.
    But there are a no excuses for rapists! they are animals that deserve the highest punishment. And anybody should ever blame a woman if she got raped in miniskirts.
    There is just only one question - should you look sexy while walking on a street at night by yourself?

  • K

    not everyone lays out ambiguous messages in their clothing choices.

    its more a matter of turning men on. men are turned on by thighs in tight nylons. women should be free to show off their legs, as much as possible. if a man eyes an attractive woman in a miniskirt walking to her car alone, and goes and rapes her... it's not the woman's fault for . It's never the woman's fault.
    again, it's a matter of men lusting after women. in no way are they reading the signals some women (apparently) lay out in their clothing. they're not sensitive to social cues; they're just rapists.

  • andrea

    To the "I know better than to walk down a dark alley with a fat wallet" dudes:

    There is no comparison between rape and robbery.

    If you are mugged, the contents of your wallet can be exchanged for rent, food, drugs, whatever. Rape has no immediate economic incentive.

    It is an irrelevant analogy.

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  • cycl

    Toysoldier has a point when saying that some clothing, and extremely short skirts (extended belts) with hemlines a few inches from intimate areas will be one of them, is associated with sex. This kind of clothing is much seen in pornographic industries, prostitution and other settings where sexual events are common. I don't believe that in these settings those clothing is worn because it is so beautiful and stylish, but more likely to enhance sexual arousal in men. And that it arouses men is easy to explain from a biological point of view. They do get turned on by female intimate areas. Super short skirts almost show these areas so men could get turned on. Whether one finds this good or bad, it doesn't matter, it happens. Just as tragic events evoke a hormonal cascade that causes sadness, or as happy daily events produces hormnes that cause a happy feeling, female intimate areas (almost) at display causes feelings of arousal for a man. Most men will, fortunately, not commit sexual crime when they see a woman dressed in a super short skirt, since there's also such a thing as having control over oneself (!but with alcohol these controls mechanisms might not function!). But sexual arousal is likely to be there. It might be hard for some women to understand since they probably will not experience these feelings when seeing a woman in a too short skirt, but at least they should try to imagine. Although I think that most women will understand since they also live in the same world and have probably also seen women in ultra short skirts teasing men, e.g on tv . In that case I'd ask the question: why do some women who go out and have the message to look beautiful and feminine (which is good), whereas they express it in a way that doesn't say so when they wear super short skirts that are also seen in pornographic settings? I can imagine that there is complete miscommunication between sender of the message (woman) and the receiver (men). Men have seen the same skirts in sexual context, so the distinction is difficult to make. If the message is being beautiful and sexy in a flirty feminine way (which I guess is in most cases), one could best dress beautiful and feminine and wearing a mini skirt can be one of those ways, but that doesn't immediately mean wearing an extended belt that cause a little too much arousal and attention you perhaps don't want. Miniskirts are OK, I like them too when stylish, but i'm afraid for some, that there might be a limit in length because of reasons mentioned above (difficult detail is that limit differs per person). But about dressing stylish and beautiful, I've never heard anyone say that girls in sexual industry are famous because they dress so stylish and beautiful.
    For the men, in case of seeing a girl in a short skirt, i want to say, they indeed never have the right to harrass a woman. And a girl in an short skirt does indeed not in all cases, or probably in most cases ask for sex (girls who do will likely also behave this way). And maybe the clothing is sometimes misleading or confusing, she indeed is never the perpetrator of a rape or unwanted sex. And no, not a single woman in the world would ever ask to be raped. Communicate first with women to find out why they behave in a certain way, or in this case, why they wear ultra short skirts instead of starting undesirable touching or so. Men must at least try to find out what message the girl intends to send.
    To citate a famous cabaretier: We must be willing to hear eachother in order to understand eachother

  • Dorothy

    Sex workers wearing short skirts? So what? I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. Yes, they wear short skirts to attract men who will give them money in exchange for sex. That's got nothing to do with rape.

    As for:
    Men have seen the same skirts in sexual context, so the distinction is difficult to make.

    You seem to think men have the IQ of a slug. Seriously, do you think about some kind of Pavlovian training administered by the porn industry or something?

    And even if the "distinction" would be "difficult to make" - why would that lead to raping a woman? If a man mistakes a woman wearing a short skirt for a sex worker he wants to have sex with, the next logical step is to ask her politely and offer her money. Not to force yourself on her.
    So, please stop trying to find excuses for victim-blaming.

  • cycl

    Extra note: I am aware that not in all cases of rape women wore very short skirts, only in some cases like the article, it will. And it should be understood that in many other cases a woman just could have had the bad luck to encounter a person with serious mental issues and it wouldn't matter what she was wearing. Also in this case I agree with toysoldier that violence is in these cases not completely avoidable

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  • Davy

    I find it very strange that so many people are trying to rationalize out an irrational act. Trying to link something like rape to wearing a short skirt is absurd. The guy who raped her is a criminal, pure and simple. If she didn't have the miniskirt on, there would have been something else that would have caused him to rape her. And if not her, it surely would have been someone else. We all need to stop focusing on alledged behavior by the victims and start focusing on the crime itself.

  • sum1


    I keep noticing several things in these comments. 1.: People seem to be lining up on one side or another, but it seems to be extremes. It seems that people are either totally blaming the victim, or totally blaming the perpetrator.
    2: It also seems that when someone doesn't want to understand the illustration that makes a point, they immediately dismiss it or say that they don't connect. They actually can. It's just that we may expect to have every single thing correspond to every other single thing, but that's not how illustrations work.

    It seems that cycl had a good point, about the stimuli that men recieve from things, such as a short skirt, clothing that can accentuate whatever is attractive to a man. That's the way men are made. It's how procreation is done. If men weren't attracted sexually, they'd have no interest, so no society to perpetuate. Women are motivated by many different stimuli, so their sexual responses are connected to other stimuli, besides physical, such as emotions, romance, their feelings about someone. It DOES NOT MEAN THAT A MAN SHOULD FORCE THEMSEVLES UPON ANYONE, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE! But I think the point being made in connection with sex industry workers and others is not that a woman who is victimized should be linked to it, but that as visual creatures, men are aroused by such clothing, and this message of "look at me" SEEMS to be sent in our clothing. Women may not be trying to do this, they may really want to dress for themselves, not a guy. But we have to ask WHY certain styles are out. Better yet, WHY do we get certain attention with different articles of clothing?

    To sum up this long-winded rant, of course NO ONE IS ASKING FOR IT! But It's just like wearing dark clothes to go jogging at night. Is it the driver's fault that the pedestrian got hit? Was it the jogger's? Maybe the driver was distracted, maybe he was angry and found himself a victim. Maybe the jogger felt that they had a right to jog at a part that other cars were known to frequent. Or to wear such clothing that they want, without regard to other factors. People want to say that to take certain percautions will hinder quality of living, but I've been on both sides, with alcohol, and without. With friends in public places, and private. If we can't have fun without the enjoyable effects alcohol brings, what's that saying? Or any other conditions? Again, NO ONE SHOULD HARM ANOTHER! But NO ONE SHOULD THROW CAUTION TO THE WIND, and act as if we are free to do as we please. We live in a world with others, and the key to quality is NOT EXTREMES, BUT BALANCE.

  • sum1

    We can also learn how to properly bring up little boys and girls to be REAL MEN AND WOMEN! Today, society's perception of this is prissy little children, who act like stepford children. It doesn't have to be that way! Men need to learn how to treat a woman, how to appreciate her physical and emotional needs, how to treat her with honor and respect! Women need to learn how to be successful, how to be meaningful, in a way that is not in competition with a man, or a woman for that matter. We all live in a world with each other. There seems to be no respect between men and women, or even for the point of view for the other! Men should not treat women in harmful ways, and unfortunately, We have allowed media and other things to feed us wrong images, and stereotypes, to the degredation of society. In videos, women are portrayed as objects, or as anything else, including sexual candy-we must learn to overcome this! It's not wrong to feel sexy, but if we can't do it as a total person, and draw more attention to our bodies than our hearts and minds, this will never happen! Men must learn to respect women in healthy ways. Women must learn to appreciate the reason why there are TWO genders, and not one. Our Creator did not just make one and then the other to just be a thing that's there for our convenience. Men and women need to learn to work together, also how to deal with one another for the well being of both. In media, AND real life.

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