The Sexist

University Sex Columns, Reviewed: Valentine’s Blow Job Edition

The battle for ideological dominance in our nation’s capital’s collegiate sex columns continues. Are our local campus columnists on the forefront of radical sex writing, or are they bringing back the good old days of romantically forward women being dismissed as aggressive bitches?

This week, our college sex columnists get romantic: Why you should go down on your significant other this Sunday; who's allowed to date 18-year-olds; girls asking boys out is scary!

GWU: Say it with a blow job.

Sex Tip: In a Very Special Valentine's Day edition of her GW Hatchet sex column, Layla offers up some specialized advice: If you don't know how to say it, just say it in your GW Hatchet sex column. "With the guy I've been seeing recently, Red, we tend to skip foreplay and move straight to having sex. Which is totally fine, because as soon as I get him naked, that's all I want. But at the same time, there is something to be said for prolonging that anticipation just a bit longer. I'm still working on a way to say, 'Babe, let's slow down a bit and just touch each other.'"

Life Lesson: That, or say it with a blow job. "I think there's something incredibly hot about going down on a guy and hearing him moan with pleasure just from the way you're moving your mouth. Giving head can often be a lot more intimate than having sex—you can really focus on your partner and what gets him off. And that's what I think Valentine's Day is all about."

Progressive Meter: If preferring oral sex has any political implications, I'm not aware of them. EVEN.

UMD: Dating out of your age range.

Sex Tips: UMD Diamondback advice columnist Esti Frischling informs co-eds that Aaliyah was wrong.To a 23-year-old super senior dude looking to hook up with an 18-year-old freshman girl, Frishcling writes: "Let’s not fool ourselves with the ol’ 'age-is-just-a-number' bullshit. People who say that are 15-year-olds with daddy issues who like to date their professors or are statutory rapists with conscience issues."

Life Lesson: 23-year-olds can date 18-year-olds. But they don't have to. "As long as you don’t lie about your age, you are transgressing no moral issues that I’m aware of, which are most of them. If you’re still feeling concerned and you think these chicks are too young, try hitting up the downtown bars. Then you can be sure all the girls are at least 21."

Progressive Meter: I appreciate the super senior considering issues of maturity and experience when choosing his sex partners. EIGHT.

GWU Extra: When girls ask the boys.

Sex Tips: For the Hatchet's special Valentine's Day Issue, Lauren Hoenemeyer brings the New York Times "shortage of men" treatment to Foggy Bottom. GW's gender breakdown is 43 percent male, 57 percent female, leading some women on campus to commit what some students consider a "crime against nature." (The crime is asking a boy out, on a date). Hot tip: Some boys like it! "It's really romantic when a girl asks a guy out," freshman Jacob Zachs told Hoenemeyer. "Guys like it but girls don't like it. It takes the pressure off of us."

Life Lesson: But beware, ladies: Some college-aged men still hate women. "Sophomore Blake Eisenberg said that girls who ask guys out are 'too aggressive and too demanding.' He said, 'They should just let things happen, because they will happen if it's meant to be. They shouldn't force it. For it to work out in the end, for it to be a positive relationship, you need the guy to also like the girl.' Aaaand end trend piece!

Progressive Meter: Hoenemeyer balances her piece with two students in favor of the Sadie Hawkins tactic, and two against. But is that really a fair representation of attitudes on this subject? The two guys quoted in the article who oppose the practice actually think that a girl asking a boy if he would like to do something with her constitutes a "demand" that does not take into consideration that boy's feelings. If half of the GW campus really thinks this way, we're fucked. THREE.

Photo via George Eastman House

  • http://pplm.org Martin Quinones

    "If age is just a number, then weight is just a number and height is just a number. And if age, weight and height are all just numbers, then hook me up with that fat, 60-year-old midget who replaced my transmission a few weeks ago."

    I know you've seen some ugly shit in these columns before, and I agree that the overall tenor of this one is way better than most. But this one still earns an 8? Have these college sex columns desensitized us to casual lookism and ableism that the above section really only cost it points? Where hath gone our critical fury? WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

    I'm mostly kidding. As these college sex articles go, this one pretty transgressive and empowering. I still would have downgraded it a little bit though.

  • http://pplm.org Martin Quinones

    Ugh, so many typos:

    *Have these college sex columns [so] desensitized us to casual lookism and ableism that the above section only cost it [two] points?

    *...this one [is] pretty transgressive and empowering.

  • Blooming Psycho

    Take it from an old gal. Any guy that is threatened by a female asking him out is a guy that is not worth going out with.

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  • PearlsBeforeSwine

    But what will people do on 'Steak and a Blow Job Day'? That is March 14th for those not in the know.

  • Emily

    Blooming Psycho - agreed. Isn't he allowed to say no if he doesn't like her..?

  • b

    Standard boorish sex column.

    Tired old memes, the author a failure of a wizened crone, dishing out 70s era advice 40 years after the fact.

    Amanda Hess cannot write anything novel. Just recycled garbage.

  • J

    oh b the anonymity of the internet! Go away you hater- if you dont like her column go read someone elses

  • http://thewhatifgirl.wordpress.com thewhatifgirl

    Ha ha, b, as opposed to the TOTALLY NEW things that these columnists wrote, which have been around since, oh, at least the Victorian era (hint: a lot longer ago than the '70s).

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