The Sexist

If Your Boobs Could Talk, Would They Say “Boobs”?

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If your boobs could talk, what would they say? According to this proposed ad campaign for Durex condoms, your boobs would likely say . . . "boobs":

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. . . at least, that's what German designer Andrej Kranhe thinks your boobs would say. Other strange sexual insights gleaned from Kranhe's "Type Sex With Durex" ads:

Girls orgasm in mythological afterlives:

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When you have sex, does your body feel as if it has been transported to:

a) Elysium, the ancient Greek underworld that housed the "final resting place of the souls of the heroic and the virtuous"?

b) Valhalla, the mythological Norse afterworld where dead soldiers dine in an "enormous hall . . .  ruled over by the god Odin"?

c) Zion, the Jewish promised land?

If not, you're probably a dude:

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According to the ad, when boys have sex, their penises turn into brains, and their brains turn into:

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Yeah . . . nothing. According to the ad, when boys are busy sticking their "brains" into a lady's "Valhalla," they are incapable of reacting to outside stimuli, processing information, or reasoning.

You just ate a bunch of fruit:

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At least, that's what I think that means.

Performing oral sex on a man makes a woman's brain feel "dainty":

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. . . and her throat feel "TASTY"!

When boys do manage to think thoughts during sex, the thought is, "this sucks":

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Girls, meanwhile, are experiencing shuddering, quaking boob orgasms. However, they are privately traumatized by this:

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Her body's saying "orgasm wave," but her mind is saying "paralyzed, confused, embarrassed." Hmm. I wonder what kind of "Type Sex With Durex" this one is?

  • Melissa


    When it comes to a whooole lot of advertising campaigns these days...I find myself asking "Who the heck thought this was a GOOD idea? Will a single person like this ad, or be more inclined to buy the product because of it?"


  • monstrosity

    The Fatal Error thing took my mind in a totally opposite direction, since it's a condom ad. My mind went right to, "She doesn't know he's HIV positive! Good thing they're using a condom!" I was unclear about who the error might be fatal for, though.

    Are these ads supposed to be sexy? Because I don't find them sexy.

  • Imp Lee

    Huh. So women are happy, satisfied, relaxed, contented and even smug giving oral sex, but paralysed, embarrassed and confused by their own orgasms?

    Thanks, durex.

  • Imp Lee

    Oh no, wait, having checked out those ads in their entirety, it's the one ad in which the female is being an active participant that she is so embarrassed and confused. And the guy apparently doesn't get much out of that scenario either (all he can focus on is his 'muscle tension'). Surprise, surprise.

  • JohnnyTToxic

    What exactly is "SATISFIELD"?

  • Holly

    "Use Durex--for sex that leaves you paralyzed, embarrassed, and confused!" The typeface-people thing is a cute conceit (and I actually think the "boobs boobs boobs" and "bush bush bush" are funny), but they could use less creepy words.

    To be fair, it looks like these ads were not approved by Durex, and were just made on spec (i.e., without even asking Durex) by an independent designer.

  • Yaz

    @#5 : What exactly is “SATISFIELD”?

    It's way awesome that above and beyond this ad being creepy and somewhat unsettling, there's also a major typo in it.


  • Ffion

    "when boys are busy sticking their “brains” into a lady’s “Valhalla,” This made me laugh out loud. Such a ridiculous ad.

  • b-bop

    oh germans

  • Janice

    Clearly this artist doesn't realize that the primary female sexual organ is her brain - we can't achieve orgasm without it so I'd say his text should be completely opposite. Just sayin'

  • Kat

    I thought the blowjob ad was saying the condom was fruit flavored and thus "tasty."

  • Katie

    what...the...fuck. it's almost TOO weird to be offensive, which i didn't even think possible until now

  • Madeline

    I think all the references to underworld/afterlife places means to allude to the French saying for orgasm, la petite mort, French for "the little death"

  • Danny

    Wow I didn't think a single ad could be so all encompassingly offensive to both genders.

  • Amanda

    I thought our boobs thought about our butts, at least according to Reebok they do.

  • jules

    so in the ad where the lady is on top, the guy is holding a very extended reverse-table position. if anyone's boyfriend can do this for a long period of time during sex, can i borrow him? thnx.

  • Rose

    WTF? Best candidate I've ever seen for the Academy of Naff Advertising ...

  • Kate

    I just yelled 'Dainty?!? F*#% YOU!' at my computer.

    Thinking about it further, I just completely do not understand. Why is she so contented and happy? Maybe it's all the fruits? Or she's pleased at how good her tousled hair is? But what was the FATAL ERROR? WE'LL NEVER KNOW!

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