The Sexist

Having A Butt Won’t Change Your Life

As someone who has always had an ass that's slightly out of proportion with the rest of her body, I was interested to hear about the benefits that ass-enhancing undergarment "Booty Pop" was selling. Indulge me, Booty Pop. List the virtues of my fat ass:

[youtube:v=d4EvVErNhVE]

Apparently, by having a butt, I reap a variety of benefits. They include:

* Never having to look at the changing room mirror and think: "Not-so-sexy bottom."

* Having what "all women want without lifting a finger."

* Knowing that my ass makes me "just like the celebrities."

* Having my clothes fit better.

* Feeling more confident.

* Being able to forget about doing "endless squats."

* Never having to worry about paying for expensive cosmetic butt surgery.

* Looking and feeling like I "spent a fortune."

I have to admit: Some of these butt benefits are real. I've never considered having plastic surgery on my butt, or performing squats "endlessly," or applying the phrase "not-so-sexy bottom" to myself.

On the other hand, my fat ass has yet to usher me into the world of the big-bottomed celebrity elite. I haven't figured out how to summon my ass weight in order to boost my confidence at home or in the workplace. I can't say that anyone has ever looked at my ass and said, "Damn—that looks expensive." And, no, pants don't fit. Ever.

Some have argued that the existence of Booty Pop reflects the shifting of traditional beauty standards. As PostBourgie's G.D. writes: "You could probably make a pretty compelling argument that traces the mainstreaming of this aesthetic to hip-hop’s cultural dominance and its obsession with all things callipygous."

Not to get too deep on the Booty Pop phenomenon, but I think the product just reflects the fact that the beauty industry has figured out how to prey on a wider range of insecurities. You want a smaller butt? You can buy some life-changing underwear, too. Require a bigger ass? Strap on a Booty Pop. Now, we're just waiting for the underwear executive genius who can figure out how to "fix" the woman who thinks her current butt size is just right.

  • Ultrapeach

    "And, no, pants don’t fit. Ever."
    They don't fit me either, and I'd consider my ass-size 'average'... I can only imagine how much they would not-fit with strange pads in there.

  • Amandaisconfused

    Ha. That's Nasty. Why would a women want that? I take serious offense to your attempts to insult my intelligence with your unabashed hatred of Tucker whats his faces "raper man, sexist, misogynistic, douche" shit, among other things, juxtaposed against your wink wink tongue in cheek cutsey dumb bitch acceptance/promotion of "Rap euphemisms" and that whole "culture" thereof. How retarded are you? I admit I do not read your blog, and have no idea if you actually get paper space in the actual city paper, But you are one twisted backwards unintelligent woman. Feminist? I dont think so. You want your cake and eat it to huh? You wanna rail about all this "misogyny" injustice in the world even down to minute meaningless advertising on legalbuds.com, pot culture to Tucker Douche, and a list of other bullshit, but I bet you listen to hip hop erry day. But im sure its hella clean and on the positive tip! Yeeeaahhh Boyeeee

  • ima

    you have quite a bit of knowledge of the topics covered on this blog for not being a reader. moron.

  • Amandaisconfused

    Yeah it took me all of 20 minutes to peruse. Cumbubble.

  • http://twitter.com/underweareyes Rebecca

    Obvs the best part is Kelly Ripa's quote about how she's never going to take hers off. You gross Kelly Ripa!

  • Em

    Don't most women complain about their butt at some point or another? Marketing's always been good about tapping into insecurities, male and female. Just look at the "male enhancement" commercials. Yes, men, having a larger package will get you all the women you want--even if you're creepy or antisocial or just a jerk. Um, no.

    Anyway, I'm fairly butt-deficient and I'd prefer to do squats than wear some nasty padded thing around all the time.

  • Emily H.

    The Booty Pop pads look kind of lumpy, like if you wore them, people might think you had strangely shaped pockets of fat on your upper booty region.

    I must admit I had already "forgotten" about "endless squats," to the point where I can't retrieve any memories at all that relate to endless squats. I must have repressed them very deeply.

    "...acceptance/promotion of 'Rap euphemisms' and that whole 'culture' thereof." Damn those rap guys & their culture of euphemism! Why won't they come out and say what they really mean?

  • Amandaisconfused

    "Damn those rap guys & their culture of euphemism! Why won’t they come out and say what they really mean?"
    ANy woman who complains about sexism and misogyny on one hand and with the other is buying Weezy cd's or dancing in da club to any of that shit, or boppin their head to WPGC in their car or watching MTV and their myriad of insane disgusting fuck ups shows, is as unintelligent as they come.
    Dont get me wrong, Im a male. I love this shit. If our culture is eroded back to when women being objects and having fewer rights than men, hey, Im not gonna suffer. Women will.
    But when I listen to elvish bowl haircutted hipster girls bitch and moan on the internets about misogyny and sexism, I gotta say something.
    Is it political correctness or race or soemthing that makes it not ok to say that 90% of hip hop/rap is the most misogynistic and sexist not to mention violent and misleading form of entertainment. And that millions of the next generation comin up are embracing it as the norm? That this is part of the foundation of their morals and value and judgment system? That you cant escape it anywhere? It doesnt occur to you that when these people get older they wont be treating your daughters with all that bullshit residue still in their brains, affecting their viewpoints? Groping your daughters ass on the street, beating them ala Chris Brown etc. etc.?
    Why is this overlooked and almost celebrated, but at the same time fake weed advertisements and Beer in Hell books are the motherfucking Devil?
    I'm not being flippant, I really would like to know.
    Can a true feminist listen to Hip Hop/Rap?
    Seems to me like someone who does that aint willing to either A) shut the fuck up and stop bitching and moaning.
    B)is afraid to put their money where their mouth is and stand up and address and decry the filthy set back to modern society and the collective unconscious that the inescapable "hiphop culture" thats shoved in your face on all levels of media is.
    Well I dont give a flying fuck, cause I got 99 problems and a BITCH aint one.

  • Rick Mangus

    My friend Elwood has a big booty, and it works for him!

  • veganriot

    Feminist's CAN listen to hip hop!
    It's art. We can listen to it and distinguish between fantasy and reality. You're just mad that all the rappers are more masculine than you are amndaisconfused. Sounds like little man syndrome to me!

  • jf1

    ..whatever.

    Anything done to excess is a problem.
    And every virtue has its vices.

  • noodlez

    MANDY YOU PUTTIN IN WORK SLIM. TWO ARTICLES ON TABOO SUBJECTS. THEY MUSTA GAVE U AN ULTIMATUM AT WCP. EITHER WRITE SOME SHIT WORTH COMMENTING ON OR SEND THAT CRAP THATS PRETENDING TO BE COPY TO THE POST. WAY TO COME THRU IN THE CLUTCH.

    SPEAKIN ABOUT ONE THANG TALKIN ABOUT ANOTHER.

    LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. YOU JUST PENNED AN ARTICLE ON GROPING AND NOW THIS. MAYBE YOUR NEXT ARTICLE CAN SOMEHOW BRING THIS THANG FULL CIRCLE. IT COULD GO SOMETHIN LIKE THIS-

    YOUR BFF BECKY PROB TOLD YOU THAT SHE PURCHASED SOME BOOTY POPS AND IT TOTALLY GOT HER IN THE CLUB. SHE WAS EVEN ALLOWED IN VIP. THE BLACK GUYS WAS HOLLERIN AT HER LIKE SHE WAS SOME SKANK AND SHE TOTALLY DUG IT. SOME GUY EVEN FELT HER BUTT (EVEN THOUGH SHE DIDNT FEEL IT) FOR THE 1ST TIME.

    THEN SHE WENT ON TO EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW WHEN IT WAS TIME TO PUT OUT SHE START PEELIN SHIT OFF LIKE THE GIRL IN "IM GONNA GET YOU SUCKA". IT WAS THAT POINT THAT SHE GOT TOTALLY DISSED.

    HEY MS HESS POINT OF ORDER.
    WHEN YOU BUY FAKE SHIT I.E. BOOTY POP, SURGERY ETC. IT DOESNT "MAKE YOUR ASS FAT." IT ONLY MAKES YOUR NON-EXISTANT BUTT LOOK BIGGER. THERE IS BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HAVING A PHAT ASS, HAVIN A BOOTY AND HAVIN A BUTT. YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE A LIL BIT MORE RESEARCH.

    SISTAS COULD HAVE EXPLAINED THE BENE'S THAT COMES ALONG WITH HAVE A DONK.

    BROTHA'S COULD HAVE PROVIDED U A LIL MORE INSIGHT ON THE DIFFERENT SIZES AND TYPES OF ASSES.

    BOOTY POPS WOW.

  • Asa

    Pix Plz

  • Dorothy

    "But when I listen to elvish bowl haircutted hipster girls bitch and moan on the internets about misogyny and sexism, I gotta say something."

    I always find this fascinating. I mean, there are a lot of political, social, cultural, ... views out there I don't like and I have the urge to "say something" when it comes to actual political debate, too.

    And yet, I never had the irrepressible urge to troll conservative forums and spam them with "u r stoopid" remarks.
    Do I do something wrong? Maybe that's the road to success?

    On another note: Will Booty Pop be the new Wonderbra? Urgs.

  • jules

    okay. obviously us readers need someone to volunteer to try on this "booty pop" and show us what its all about. amanda, can't you find a willing victim at the city paper office to pose?

  • Comrade Al Gonzales

    "Feminists CAN listen to rap" - really? That's like saying communists enjoy hearing Larry Summers or even Barak "Wall Street" Obama.

    No real feminist would listen to music that demeans, exploits, & aims to subjugate women. Rap music is a capitalist plot to make all young Americans as stupid, ignorant, & exploited as young Americans who are forced to grow up in ghettos. And it worked - young Americans are getting more stupid each & every day.

    Keep listening to rap music, "veganriot", please, keep listening to rap music. You're too stupid & ignorant to be of any use to the future, so maybe you'll follow your music & become a "ho". That way we can use you as an example of an unenlightened, unreconstructed fool.

  • Nikki

    Its like an ass bra!

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    @jules I'll see what I can do.

  • Broggly

    This just in, all rap music is by definition misogynistic, stupid and promotes exploitation!

  • jules

    @Amanda Hess: coughMIKERIGGScough.

  • http://dailycaller.com Mike Riggs

    No! Bad Jules! BAD! Now that I've been relegated to the freelance ranks, I cannot be made to do stupid shit for kicks.

    Also, my ass is huge already. It's like I have man-shelf-ass. Hell, it's bigger than Amanda's.

  • Coleman

    Hess, maybe you can score us a RIPT t-shirt while you're at it? I'm going for the ripped torso + popped booty look.

  • Pingback: Please Do Not “Pop” My Booty « Healthy Girl

  • Napalmnacey

    Em - I don't complain about my butt. I was worried about it at age 12 when I looked in the mirror to see it sticking out a mile. Then the rest of my figure grew in and it makes sense.

    I don't need Booty-Pop, I have that perky, high-profile behind, all muscle and a good balance of padding. And it's *hell* finding jeans that fit me, cause my little is relatively little as well. These benefits they speak of are nonexistent. I do get complimented on my butt on occasion, but it's not life-changing.

    I just wish women had the freedom to have whatever butt they were born with and feel good about it.

  • lol

    The Callipygian Venus or Venus Kallipygos, (Greek: Ἀφροδίτη Καλλίπυγος Aphrodite Kallipygos, "Aphrodite of the Beautiful Buttocks"[1]), is a type of nude female statue of the Hellenistic era. In an example of anasyrma, it depicts a partially-draped woman,[2] raising her light peplos[3] to uncover her hips and buttocks, and looking back and down over her shoulder, perhaps to evaluate them.

    ...interesting. I thought that comics were the only place you'd see the brokeback pose.

    http://pwbeat.publishersweekly.com/blog/2009/11/12/welcome-to-the-brokeback-pose/

  • lol

    fyi i got to that train of thought by randomly putting "nice ass super powers" and it came up with a statue of Venus.

    i was hoping for lasers or whatever but educational stuff is okay too i *guess*...

  • T

    I figure skate recreationally, and I fall on my rump fairly often. I think this might actually provide some good butt padding for those nasty spills. If this product doesn't sell so well, maybe they should consider rebranding it. :)

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