The Sexist

Introducing the Real World D.C. Hook-Up Round-Up

Tonight, the District will finally embark on the long-awaited experiment in forgoing politeness for realness. If these early previews of the Real World D.C. are any indication, the seven housemates will commence "getting real" by arguing over whether God exists in the Dupont Circle Bucca di Beppo. In other words, Real World looks to be getting a little bit too real this time around. But these seven real people will, at least, furiously attempt to have real sex with one another. And damned if I'm not going to record each of their pathetic stabs at doing so.

I suspect that MTV fucked up in a major way by airing Jersey Shore, not because the premise is offensive and the footage socially damaging, but because it's raised the bar for reality show sex and violence to unparalleled heights. Tomorrow, the network's follow-up to its Guido-rific reality hit will transport viewers into the squarest TV territory possible: following around a bunch of aspiring political aides as they struggle at their internships and get drunk at McFaddens. I have lived this television show! It was called George Washington University. It was just OK.

But there is hope! Earlier this year, Ruth Samuelson reported that the Real World D.C. house does, indeed, have the requisite hot tub, but there were several months there where we weren't even sure if we were going to get that much sexualization out of this show. Now we know:

People will make fun of Andrew for being a virgin! (above)

Andrew will outrageously pretend that he is not sexually attracted to Emily in order to convince viewers that he is, in fact, actually attracted to women!

Girls will speculate as to which boys are gay! And they will guess Andrew.

Andrew will say this: "I wanted to improve my chances of being laid by forcing Emily to be my roommate, I feel like I kinda put that on her. Gahh, I'm such a dirty guy, I hate myself. But I probably will have sex with her. When Ty is done with her."

People will hang out near a shower!

Will Andrew ever get laid? How many times will Ty air-dry his muscular body for all the housemates to see? Who will hook up at McFadden's? Check back in with the Real World D.C. hook-up round-up, every Thursday.

  • Former Staffer

    We really, really don't care. MTV needs to go back to music videos and ditch the reality TV.

    As a theater grad, reality TV puts real writers, actors and directors out of work in favor of profit over quality. Sure people enjoy watching a train wreck, but does it do anything to advance the culture or is a societal drain?

  • Comrade Al Gonzales

    Who cares about teenagers fucking each other? Nobody - not even the teenagers who are fucking each other care.

    Wake me up when Real World Kabul is filmed. Or Real World Darfur. As for teenagers fucking each other, nobody cares.

  • Quinn

    Wow, as an Abe Lincoln enthusiast, I'm sad to see that his picture is a backdrop to such a stupid conversation in the first clip. I remember when the Real World had some substance to it. I'm too young to remember the first couple of seasons, but I remember New Orleans, Seattle, Boston...sure, it was still MTV's Real World, but it was just different. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the tone of these new Real Worlds is much more...contrived? Predictable?

  • Coleman

    I can't handle the realness of it all.

  • Rick Mangus

    WHO CARES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Danny

    Yes Quinn its predictable. 7 people. The gender divide will be 3/4. At least one of the women will be gay or bi-curious in which she will try to get down with at least one male housemate and one female housemate (footage of this will be used in SEVERAL promos). One will be a man of color and will have a race based confrontation with one of the white housemates. One woman will have a serious attitude problem and will get in to constant arguments/fights with the other women in the house. One man will have a girlfriend back home and will cheat on her and/or break up with her. Some sort of sexual tension will be used in EVERY promo whether heterosexual or homosexual (but only homosexual women). Yes there will be a gay guy on the show but his sex life will be toned down UNLESS it becomes a main plot point for an episode, and that episode WILL happen. All the heterosexual guys in the house will have their minds on sex all the time. And there will lots of crying.

    Did I miss anything?

    I'm with Al. Screw the brand new three story house and having a job handed to them. Put their asses in a 70 year old fixer upper house and make them have to job hunt. See how much time they have to make out with each other and get into fights then.

  • Comrade Al Gonzales

    Good point. Let's have a real Real World, Blair-Witch-style, with people struggling in shitty apartments, working shitty jobs, but having great sex & smoking kind bud - you know, like our real real world, seen through Blair Witch style cinematography.

    Instant box office success. Contact me for more info on the project. Auditions are Sunday 04 January 2010.

  • Comrade Al Gonzales

    Film daily episodes. Put it on u tube. One million views within one month. Box office bonanza.

  • T Boo

    What is this sh#t supposed to be about? Ugh! They should call this “The Real World of Tourists”. This show is bullsh#t. It’s been 20 min and I’m already annoyed. There is nothing real about this at all. Oh I'm sorry the one part that's real is the white girl throwing herself at the black guy and the white guy being a douche bag of jealousy and he's the ugliest.

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  • Rick Mangus

    'The Real World Washington, Tales Of The City Council' I can see the story line now, the show starts out with the Cher song, 'Gypsy's, Tramps, and Thieves', you can fill in the rest of the story only if you have lived in DC for the past twenty years.

  • Golden Silence

    Yes Quinn its predictable. 7 people. The gender divide will be 3/4.

    It's now eight people and the gender divide's evenly split. It was horribly boy vs. girl near the latter half of the Brooklyn season.

    But yeah, I agree that RW's become predictable and uninteresting. It stopped being real a long time ago.

  • lauren

    This is the worst real world ever.... nothing exciting happens..... they dont party, they dont drink, no one hooks up. and ashley needs some serious drugs....... she causes every single problem that arises on the show . and if you are actually hurt by your past you do not wear it on your sleeve

  • jen

    This show has gone so down hill. agreed nothing good happens, and you dont really know anything about anyone . except that ashly is a pyscho . Also why are they not doing anything useful in DC? arent they soppose to have a job? or volunteer they do nothing on the show.

  • Golden Silence

    nothing exciting happens….. they dont party, they dont drink, no one hooks up.

    If you think an exciting life involves nothing but drinking, partying and hooking up, then you lead a pretty sad life.

    I don't know what caused RW to become so bad---is it a case of MTV catering to a younger and different demographic (one like the above-quoted lauren) or did the show itself just stop caring? Either way, it should be taken off the air. It's outrun its course.