The Sexist

Identify Yourself As A Douchebag For Only $21.99

Picture 21

Vox Populi, bless its heart, points us to the crowning achievement of Georgetown University's class of 2009: The "funbags" embroidered polo T-shirt ($21.99, detail shown above). The "College Polo" line is the brainchild of Georgetown graduates JP Medved and Anthony Sessa, who also considered it a good idea to embroider beer bottles, beer pong, and, of course, "the shocker" onto the left breast of men's casual-wear. The gun-toting Mexican penis polo is still in the works.

And yet, I keep going back to the funbags. What makes a miniature pair of breasts such an appropriate insignia for the polo-wearing douche?

"Bazookas, melons, cannonballs, tatas, howitzers, cans," the advertising copy reads. "No matter what you call them, there's no denying, they ARE fun. Only one question remains, are they built for speed or comfort? You motorboatin' son of a bitch, you." Surely, that helps. But the funbags polo has a certain je ne sais quoi that can't be articulated through a mere boob thesaurus.

Perhaps the answer lies deeper than the iconography? A-ha: These funbags are not emblazoned into the breast of just any polo. They are "embroidered on a natural (off-white) colored Outer Banks Men's Essential Pique Polo" made of "100% needlespun cotton pique" with "contoured welt collar and cuffs," "pearlized buttons," "double-needle stitched bottom hem" and "two-button placket." For the discerning douchebag.

Hmm. Yes. But there's still something about the innate douchiness of the funbags polo that I can't quite put my finger on. Say we take a broader view?

Picture 22

Oh. They look like balls from far away.

Comments

  1. #1

    Two guys who are destined to commit sexual harassment being fired and sued by their victims. Congrats guys, you make Catholics everywhere look that much better.

  2. #2

    I'm all for the shirts.
    I'm constantly looking for better ways to identify and avoid douchebags, and someone wearing this shirt has done the equivalent of hanging a sign around his neck.
    With a 'Thanks for the heads up, douche.' I can hang a 180.

  3. #3

    Before I got to the end of this post, I was all going to point out that the boobs look like balls from far away. I hope lots of guys buy those shirts, because hilarity is going to ensue.

  4. #4

    What you can't really put your finger on is how vapid you look in even commenting on this topic. Women have boobs and are happy to show them, men are supposed to be afraid to put boob-icons on their shirts? Why? It's all done in good humor and harmless fun at that. And when women stop showing their breasts in public while thinking that they look sexy and chic, men just might think that it is declasse' to have boob-icons on their shirts.

    ...stop going to Florida for spring break and getting drunk and having wild sex with strange guys, and "Girls Gone Wild" will lose a little bit of its massive appeal.

  5. #5

    "I’m all for the shirts.
    I’m constantly looking for better ways to identify and avoid douchebags, and someone wearing this shirt has done the equivalent of hanging a sign around his neck.
    With a ‘Thanks for the heads up, douche.’ I can hang a 180."

    ...there you go.

    Likewise I'm sure that some men are happy that you wear dresses and sweaters with half to 3/4ths of your breasts showing out of them, because then they can easily identify you as a skank and turn a 180.

  6. #6

    ^
    1

    On the other hand, sometimes they don't need a shirt to identify themselves . . .

  7. #7

    "Identify Yourself As A Douchebag For Only $21.99:
    Georgetown University rolls out the "funbags" logo."

    You make it sound like official University apparel.

  8. #8

    @jf1 It's not a hive mind. Ngirl goes to spring break and takes off her top.

  9. #9

    oh hell, that's supposed to say, not every girl goes to spring break.

  10. #10

    I haven't seen any women with 3/4s of their breasts showing out of their dresses and/or sweaters. On the other hand, I've seen plenty of topless men, mostly with big guts and no muscles.

  11. #11

    @Brennan
    Totes

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