The Sexist

Woman’s Vagina Falls Out, Replaces It With “Perfect 13-Year-Old Vagina”

Allison Henry had a rough year. A lot of  bad shit went down, but long story short, her vagina fell out. Today, Ami Angelowicz at The Frisky detailed Henry's story. "I am going to spare you the details because I am squeamish and feel too pukey to write about them," explains Angelowicz. She does pass along this little tidbit about Henry's lady-bits, however: "As a consolation prize for all of her suffering (and it was a lot of suffering), she now has the vagina of a 13-year-old with perfect-looking labia."

Allow me to list all the horrific medical details of Henry's vagina-falling-out that are far, far less puke-tastic than the phrase "the vagina of a 13-year-old with perfect-looking labia." From Henry's testimony on (emphasis mine):

  • "About ten weeks into my pregnancy, I was doing prenatal yoga and it felt like someone had rammed a pitchfork up my butt."
  • "when I ran to the bathroom, I saw I was gushing blood everywhere."
  • "I kept bleeding for 15 weeks straight."
  • "One day in the bathroom, I felt something kind of strange when I was wiping. There wasn't really a hole there—it felt kind of flat."
  • "I had a massive emergency appendectomy, I got gangrene, and I was hospitalized."
  • "One night, I took a look down there, and it was like my insides were on the outside and they were coming out."
  • "I went to my doctor and said, 'My vagina is falling out of my body!'"
  • "It was literally falling out of my body."
  • "It turned out I had complete uterine prolapse, where the uterus is falling out of the body. I also had rectocele, where the walls of the vagina are weakened, and your rectum is pushing into the back wall of your vagina. That explained why I had been constipated for months."
  • "I had to have surgery, and they took my uterus out. All the ligaments that hold the uterus in place were completely shredded by all the blood I'd lost in my second pregnancy."
  • "My doctor . . . had to untwist my bladder and place it right-side-up. It had twisted and turned upside down."
  • "seven days after my surgery, I was watching 'Snow White' with my daughter when my son came into the room. He didn't like the seating arrangement and sort of lunged on top of my daughter. I had to push him off her, and when I did, I heard a loud ripping sound. Oh, no. I looked under the comforter, and my entire bed was covered with blood. It was like a horror movie—you could see the blood filling the entire white bed."
  • "In 15 minutes, I had passed 10 huge palm-sized blood clots."
  • "the ER doctor was trying to figure out where the blood was coming from, but couldn't see because there was too much blood gushing out. . . He called my doctor and said: 'I can't see where it's coming from. She's bleeding so fast and so much, I can't see. I'm killing her!'"
  • "They put me on an antibiotic that I was allergic to — I got a full body rash and was covered in red bumps from my head to my ankles."
  • "Six months later, I started having this weird discharge that had a funky odor. I was still in pain. It turned out my body was now rejecting the second set of sutures."

Yep! I would rather hear about gangrene, hand-sized blood clots, full-body rashes, twisted bladders, loud internal ripping, weird discharge, anal pitchforks, month-long genital bleeding, and vagina loss than the happy ending that comes at the conclusion of this medical horror:

  • "The experience has been a total nightmare, but I'm happy to say I'm on the mend. We just had a cocktail party to celebrate me feeling healthy. And I do have the vagina of a 13-year-old virgin, with a perfect labia, as a bonus."

Listen, Henry. I'm happy for you. I am. You went through some bad shit, and now your vagina is back inside your body, and I think that's wonderful. But I never, ever, ever, ever again want to have to think about a grown woman having a "the vagina of a 13-year-old virgin." That's some messed up heebie-jeebies shit. I don't even want to Google that phrase, ever, for fear of what I might find.

Apparently, virginal pre-teen is kind of the gold standard for new vaginas on Hear the testimony of "Sara," a 37-year-old woman who recently became "a virtual born-again virgin" with her brand-spanking-new genitalia:

So now I'm on the mend, with a teenage-sized vagina. My husband has been such a doll since I've been home; cooking, vacuuming, cleaning and dressing the kids, taking them to and from school, buying me chocolates and cheerleader costumes . . . how sweet. My sister replied to this, "Well, how many husbands get two vaginas out of the same old wife?" As far as how this new organ is going to work in six weeks, when all restrictions are lifted, who knows? The way things are at present, no man's apparatus, even of the Fisher Price variety, could ever fit down there. Still, I'll try to write a follow up report when it happens. That is, if my husband and I ever leave the bedroom again!

Eww! Earmuffs! I know you're all excited about your new vaginas or whatever, but could you please refrain from referring to them as "teenage-sized," admiring your newly "virginal" look, and especially–-I'm begging you—invoking Fisher Price?

Photo by clango, Creative Commons Attribution License 2.0

  • recursiveparadox

    The level of creepy is ridiculous.

    Does that make her 1/4 jailbait now?

  • jules

    jeezus that vag story made me so nauseaus. and why are women so hung up on what their labia look like anyway? is that a thing? should i be thinking about it too??? i thought my vag was just fine but now i can't stop thinking about the fact that my labia might be a little droopy or something!

  • nick

    +1 on the befuddlement re:labia "beauty."

    Knowing that other external beauty efforts (fashion, makeup, hair, etc.), in practice, is really about how other women see you rather than men, where does all this private-parts-vanity come from?

  • Amanda Hess

    jules, I think it's time you address the possibility that YOUR VAGINA COULD BE SLOWLY FALLING OUT OF YOUR BODY

  • Meaghan

    Yeah sorry uterine prolapse is more terrifying than a reconstructed vagina. She is lucky to be alive.

  • Smashy Smashy

    So you weren't willing to google "the vagina of a 13-year-old virgin" but i was. This is one of the first things to pop up:

    Q: How deep is a 15 year old girl vagina if she's not a virgin?

    A: The vagina doesn't look like a balloon. It has no far side wall. It can accomodate a very large penis. If a guy had a 12 inch (or longer) penis the vagina would expand to accept his size. There's no way to measure a vagina.


    So yeah, you were better off not googling. I'm going to scrub my mind now. I don't even understand how we got to "THE VAGINA DOESN'T LOOK LIKE A BALLOON."

  • TJ

    1) EWWWWWWWWW!!!

    2) I actually had to stop reading through the details because I was getting nauseous... SERIOUSLY!!!

    3) I get your point about grown women wanting to have tight teenaged virginias (and that really shouldn't be our goal, ladies), but do you seriously think that all those descriptions were "far, far less puke-tastic than the phrase 'the vagina of a 13-year-old with perfect-looking labia'”?

    4) One more time just in case you missed #1... EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

    I can't get the "that stinks/that's gross" look off my face. Thanks a bunch, Amanda.

  • Anne

    My biggest concern here is that she had ALL those INSANE symptoms, and she didn't think to go to a doctor?! and if she did, no one thought something was COMPLETELY AND HORRIBLY WRONG??

    What! Seriously. I just can't help but think that this could have been prevented WELL in advance.

  • Nikki

    The husband bought her a cheerleading outfit? That is super creepy, he wants to dress his wife up so her looks match the teen vag, gag! I hope that couple will be able to leave the bedroom eventually, I mean who knew 13 year old vag's were so fuckable.

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  • ssickn

    i think i'de nail a milf with a 13y/o vag, sounds interesting and it's like nailing a milf and her teen daughter at the same time and thats always a plus hahahaha

  • G

    And where exactly do these teenage vagina's come from? does this mean her husband has to be a vaginecro now?

  • GiaV.

    Really? Sounds like an advertisement for why you shouldn't have kids.

  • Emanon

    I truly hope that the 13-year-old's parents don't read this. Some lady dressing up in a cheerleading outfit to take the virginity of her new vagina isn't something they would ever want to know about their dead daughter's genetalia.

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  • Liyanat

    That's awful. She's a parent for God's sake how would she feel if her husband is interested in her daughter's friends who are thirteen?!!!! Seriously, honestly if its my husband I'd drop him - QUICKLY

  • Lily

    Emanon, I don't think it was a transplant, but a reconstruction... no dead thirteen year old girl donated her vagina to her, the doctors mended her own.