The Sexist

The Worst Sexy Halloween Costumes: “Super Sexy” Me Edition

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Despite my continuing protest against the sexualization of all things Halloween, even I have to admit that Slutty Halloween appears to be here to stay. Let's say that all women accept their duty to dress Sexy this Slutty Halloween. When every woman is Sexy, will Sexy be enough? Or must the Sexiest among them strive to be Sexier—dare I say, Super Sexier? If you're simply planning on dressing "Sexy" come October 31st, beware: I have seen the future of Sexy Halloween, and it is "Super Sexy":

Watch how a regular costume is slowly rendered unrecognizable as it devolves from normal to sexy to super sexy:

SNOW WHITES, via Costume Kingdom:

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Snow White

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"Sexy" Snow White

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"Super Sexy" Snow White

COPS, via

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"Sexy" Cop

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"Super Sexy" Cop

, via
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"Sexy" Ragdoll

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"Super Sexy" Ragdoll

While I recognize the creativity that must have gone into designing a costume to show the maximum amount of skin while still incorporating puffy princess sleeves, I'm not sure that the same appreciation for design work is going to extend to the party atmosphere, where the reaction to these absurdly sexy get-ups will more likely be: "WTF does that lady have dozens of red ribbons tied all over her half-naked body?" I'm also concerned for our children, and our children's children. When the time comes, how will they possibly turn these "Super Sexy" Halloween costumes into "Super Duper Sexy" versions? My predictions: Snow White loses everything except for a pair of red bow pasties. What the Cop loses in skin coverage she makes up for with a vibrating nightstick. And our little Ragdoll's braids are lengthened just enough to help her perform a precarious Lady Godiva function.

  • monkeyrotica

    The Washington City Paper continues to provide the valuable service to the community by providing a single convenient source for all it's jerk-off fodder. Between the sexy Halloween columns, the porno ads, and the big booty club flyers, I'm rubbing myself raw...WITH SAVINGS!

    The next natural step for Super Duper Sexy would be Girls Without Skin.

  • lilyhughes

    This is interesting! I've seen a lot of posts on sexy halloween costumes that have just that: sexy halloween costumes. But you actually took the time to create a mini-study out of it. Amusing how it looks like when harmless halloween ideas get sexed up.

    Personally though? I'd totally go for the Sexy Snow White. Sexy Disney Princesses are so in this season.

  • Marcy

    no sarah palin this year!! at least i hope not!

  • jules

    @monkeyrotica: HAHAHAHA, with no skin, that's the SEXIEST!!!

  • The sexiest sexy who ever sexed

    Thanks for all the sexy costume inspiration, Amanda! This year I can't decide if I want to be a sexy burn victim or a sexy Knight of Colombus. Decisions, decisions!

  • Rose

    I like how a childs outfit is compared to an adults. Also love how a regular cop outfit is for a man, not a woman. Really?

  • Amanda Hess

    The reason the regular cop costumes I chose is for a man, not a woman, is that costume shops do not market "regular" cop costumes for women. They only market "sexy" (or "super sexy") lady cop outfits.

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  • paul

    Those costumes show no more skin than what you will see at the beach.

  • Ophelia

    Some ideas for next Halloween:
    Sexy Pencil
    Sexy Nun--wait, that already exists, never mind
    Sexy Kitchen Knife
    Sexy Styrofoam Cup