The Sexist

Worst Sexy Halloween Costumes: The Flasher

On Tuesday, I counted down the ten worst "sexy" Halloween costumes on shelves this holiday season. As it turns out, there are way more than ten offensive Halloween get-ups out there to satisfy all your pathetic costuming needs. So I'll be searing one more terrible sexy outfit into your brains every day until October 31. Up next:

THE FLASHER:

flasher

The Flasher costume, on-sale at ZoogerCostumes.com for the low price of $32.99, features a "male-themed flesh-colored jumpsuit with attached black overcoat." "Male-themed" is an interesting euphemism for "dick the size of my arm," so kudos for that, Zooger Costumes!

Which of the following characteristics can we assume about the guy who actually wears this costume to your Halloween party:

a) He wasn't invited

b) He actually wears those loafers with those socks

c) Even after several dozen surprise revelations of his hilariously gigantic stuffed phallus, he will still think it's hilarious

d) He'll start rubbing the fake penis against all the girls at the party in about 5 seconds

e) He's always gotten off on the idea of flashing strangers, but has always been self-conscious about size

e) He has a real erection under his fake erection

  • Roy

    What i'm wondering is, if the case was that this dude was flashing his biological penis, he would be arrested for indecency. If this dude was flashing his faux-penis he would not be arrested...since this isn't indecent?
    also, can we have a Lorena Bobbit costume to go along with?

  • http://myspace.com/lacoterie Christina

    f) He is a frat boy

  • jules

    g) he will certainly not be getting laid later that night.

  • Former Staffer

    He may very well be arrested. Community standards could find that costume indecent.

  • Grace Jones

    People act like they have never seen a dick before. Get over youselves. If you like sex and getting fucked, dick is good.

  • Sang

    You comment on "male-themed" but not that "flesh-colored" is by default white?

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    Good call, Sang. I admit I was distracted by the huge penis, but there's no excuse.

  • jules

    @Grace: Right, I like sex...but this? Come on, THIS is gross.

  • Louisa May

    Zillions of people love sex and either don't like dike involved, or if they do like dick that doesn't mean they want a real or fake one flashed at them.way to assume sex means dick. Fail.

  • Emily

    "If you like sex and getting fucked, dick is good."

    Pst, lesbians exist, and, even for straight folks and gay men, there's more than one way to have sex. Don't tell anyone! It's a very well-kept secret.

    Also, calling that horribly-deformed stuffed toy a "dick" is an insult to dicks.

  • Tom

    I'm confused.... You categorize this costume as sexy? It's supposed to be a gag costume. The shock value is the entire point. Maybe your "sexy" and my "sexy" are a little different. To me, sexy means you're trying to use your physical attributes as a characteristic to enhance an outfit; Not cover your entire body and stick fake appendages to it.

    This is like saying my sandals are one of the worst pair of boots I've ever owned.

    Also... I believe F follows E in the American alphabet.

    Cheers!

  • sheila trotter

    I LOVE IT !!! IT IS FUNNY !!! WAY TO GO !!! IF I WAS A GUY I WOULD WEAR IT !!! AND ALL MY FRIENDS WOULD LOVE IT TOO!!

  • DB

    Dude, that is hilarious. But a very curious point about the indecency of it. Is a giant puppet penis not indecent? Why not? Intention? Functionality?

  • Awesome Cakes

    I was in Value Village buying children's plush costumes and there were three separate kids from UMD buying trench coats so they could dress up as flashers.

  • JJ

    Yeah that does not belong in the "Sexy" category. Maybe the "Stupid" or "Obvious" category, but not sexy.

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