The 10 Worst Sexy Halloween Costumes
It's almost that time again: The one day of the year when women are allowed to express their true sexiness, and men are freed to dress like giant penis jokes. As Halloween approaches, costume manufacturers are struggling to produce new sexy/penis concepts to satisfy all the sexy/penis demands of sexy/penis-loving Americans. Sure, it's refreshing to finally find an industry committed to producing low-quality merchandise meant to encourage women to be extremely sexy, and men to be sexually immature.
On the other hand: are there some Disney fish that should never be served up as a spandex mini-dresses? Is a spaghetti penis costume ever a good idea? And what happens when the guy with the gigantic plush phallus costume gets tipsy? The ten worst sexy costumes of 2009, after the jump.
10. The Sexy Clown Costume. The thing nightmares are made of.
9. The Sexy Gangster Costume. A strangely conspicuous wardrobe for a professional criminal, no?
8. The Spaghetti Penis Costume. Yuck.
7. The Sexy Ghostbuster Costume. As a little girl, did you wish there was a female ghostbuster in the crew to look up to? Now, you can be part of all the action and camaraderie! Oops, my bad. Girls are for busting balls, not ghosts.
6. The Sexy . . . America, Or Something Costume. Who cares. It's sexy!
5. The Sexy Border Patrol Costume. Because there's nothing sexier than making sure the illegals don't steal our jobs.
4. The Camel Toe Costume. Forty bucks.
3. The "Down for the Count" Costume. You know, it's not enough to sew a blow-up doll on your crotch to make it look like she's fellating you anymore. Nowadays, you gotta sew the blow-up doll to the crotch of a Transylvanian nobleman outfit to get any respect.
2. The Sexy Fat Hula Dancer Costume. Behold: the one woman who would agree to be photographed in such a thing.
1. The Sexy "Finding Nemo" costume. Everything has officially been sexualized. You can stop now.
1:07 pm
There's always Sexy Vagina.
1:47 pm
Is it bad that I actually really like the Nemo outfit. :x At least the pattern anyways. I'm planning on being Tank Girl this Halloween, a more girl power costume. Though I'm going to get a lot of "Who's Tank Girl?" when I'm out at parties. :)
Oh, and to add to the list, the wonderful Dr. Seymour Bush lab coat that I often find at costume stores. Always good for a laugh. -_-
1:56 pm
HAHAHAHAHA!
The guy in the "Down for the Count" costume is so creepy looking, independent of the ridic make-up and outfit.
I plan on mutilating the dress I was forced to wear as a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding, smearing fake blood everywhere and going as a zombie. BRAINS! MMM!
2:57 pm
Every year I keep my eyes peeled for Sexy Jesus. Please won't someone come through this year?
3:44 pm
Radioactive Man can't be made sexy. But Radioactive Woman...
4:30 pm
The "count" honestly made me feel like sicking up. What the hell, costumers?
4:52 pm
Dave:
I knew a guy who dressed up one year as "Party Jesus" with a crown of condoms and, I beliiieeeve, a beer bong attached to a crucifix. It's close, but it ain't sexy Jesus.
5:21 pm
Wow! the sexy clown one is wonderful! I really like it! Very original - I've never seen such a costume before! I also like the Camel Toe a lot, quite funny!
Congratulation on your imagination!
Dom.
6:43 pm
I am currently masturbating to these photos. Thank you, Amanda.
10:18 pm
Down for the Count is right on the mark.
My fave is Sexy Gangsta!!!!
11:13 pm
Down for the Count is terrible but that Cameltoe outfit?! My eyes need bleach.
3:56 am
Man, I was expecting to see Harley Quinn and American Maid. Still, speaking of Sexy Gangsters, I finally read Gommorrah and it was mentioned that a female Camorra boss had all her bodyguards dress in all yellow, like The Bride in Kill Bill.
12:30 pm
Kudos to robert for putting this page together. If you like this list you will love his list. ROFL
http://www.retrocrush.com/costumes/
4:14 pm
I work at a Halloween store and we have only two of these, yay! Camille toe and Border patrol.
My personal creepy favorite at our store? Hot Cherry Pie, I'm not even kidding. Plus, we even have a corresponding male costume called Cherry Pie Eating Contest Winner. Ew!
I've noticed that every disgusting "funny" costume has that same model on the cover. I know it's not his fault, but if I met that guy I'd have to strongly repress the urge to punch him in the face.
7:44 pm
Last year a friend of mine put on some green scrubs and tennis shoes, and a nametag that said "Sexy Nurse." I thought that was a clever move.
I was thinking about going as a female Jesus this year. Not sure if it'll be "sexy," but I guess that's all in the eye of the beholder.
10:36 pm
I can do worse. I've seen sexy Spongebob Squarepants and sexy Freddy Krueger.
10:36 am
The down for the count is so bad it's good.
1:35 pm
@Gryphon's Egg: I want to see a sexy Gandhi costume.
3:02 pm
The bear in the banner fluffs the furry in me.
3:24 am
I didn't notice untiljust now but Jesus Christine's comment was pretty brilliant.
11:54 am
Another worst idea: sexy plumber complete with a half-moon
4:48 pm
We don't have any of these costumes in our online store, so that either means our are great costumes or that the our site owner has better taste when choosing. I don't think there would be many callers for the sexy hula dancer and the camel toe costume but you never know it takes all sorts. It doesn't matter too much I suppose but whatever you wear this Halloween make sure you enjoy yourself.
11:19 pm
wow and here I thought that if you sex-up everything, it will all turn out okay. (I'm still waiting for a sexy chewbacca) That sexy clown is just too horrible. It could have been made better though.
Also, Camille Toe cracks me up.
11:00 pm
You missed Sexy Parking Attendant, which does in fact exist.
12:40 am
It gets worse. One online store offers this suggestion for couples: pair their "Sexy Border Patrol" costume with their "Mexican Man" costume. Sombrero, serape, mustache, pistols, and bandolero. I think the only stereotype they missed was a bottle of tequila.
8:14 pm
This year saw a huge amount of Harry Potter themed costumes. Sexy-fails from what I saw.
12:04 pm
Oh my God- I actually saw a guy wearing the Down for the Count costume on Halloween! I can't believe he bought it from a store! He was at this bar my friends and I went to after our party, and I guess it wasn't enough that he was wearing that ridiculous thing- he had to come up and stand in the middle of our conversation to make sure WE SAW HE HAD A BLOW-UP DOLL ATTACHED TO HIM. Sexy? No. Attention-seeking? ABSOLUTELY.