Comments on: Dating Advice for the Recently Incarcerated

By: Sherri

Sherri — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:11:51 +0000

I COMPLETELY understand! I do love him! He has really contributed to our household...and YES I too have bought him things. Clothes, watches, shoes...but he has bought me a diamond necklace, a promise ring, and shoes as well. I make it tough for him and don't give in to him. I make him be responsible for himself and not me being responsible for him. I think that is what works for us. He NEVER wants to be behind bars again. He understands now that who you associate with makes a big difference in your life. He's still a little uncomfortable around my friends who are doctors, but he's slowly getting use to it.

By: zee

zee — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 16:20:01 +0000

I met a guy who was out of work release from a half-way house. He had been in prison for two years for theft/receipt of stolen property (car parts). Nothing violent. He was and is a very attractive man - tall - dark - handsome. He had a month more in the halfway house and then he was going to be released. I visited him every week- and sometimes twice a week. We talked and had great conversations. He understood what he did was wrong - regardless as to the circumstances. He just got out a few weeks ago and let me tell you - he is very "needy". He has no car - no real job - living with a family member. I am an established professional and find his circumstances daunting....no matter how much I like him. I have had to "loan" him money just to get him started and I have bought him a few things like clothes. He seems very grateful - but I am now beginning to wonder if he is just "using" me until he gets back on his feet. In any case, I have decided to not answer his calls anymore - and am reluctantly going to walk away from this fiasco. It is just too much work to have a relationship with someone who has nothing to offer and is always in "need". He also has no car - so I am too the "chaufeer". I am in my 40's and his is in his late 30's. So...I say...let the man get on his feet...and then see if he wants to be with you. I have learned my lesson...and am probably now out $1000.

By: Sherri

Sherri — Mon, 07 Sep 2009 18:24:08 +0000

I'm dating an ex-con....He was locked up for 2 yrs for drug trafficking. NO he NEVER slept with a man EVER! He does have a little girl who he hasn't seen in 8 yrs. The mother moved away and wouldn't tell his family where she was to keep him away. He owes a lot of child support! Can't get a decent job, because he's an ex-con... Doesn't have a driver's license, because he's an ex-con, and won't for 2 yrs!! I found all this out after dating him for over a month and started to fall for him... Spoke to his mom quite a bit and he's VERY close to his mom. Met the family, went to his hometown for Thanksgiving! Overall, he's a decent guy! It's the job situation that bothers me, and not being able to drive! I feel like I'm his chauffeur! I have a lot of anger toward him lately because of it... Help! Should I continue to date him? Oh yeah AND he lives with me...

By: Mrs. D

Mrs. D — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:13:13 +0000

The thread does leave something to be desired for the more egalitarian-minded. What was he convicted of? What were the circumstances? Does he own up to it? Has he changed (for the better)? Was the offense one that may put you or others close to you in danger? Does the commission of the offense violate a moral code, ideology, or belief of yours that is inexcusable? Personally, I know people who have spent a good amount of time in prison for really, really dumb things. Like getting high, breaking into a friend's house (to sleep, not steal), that happened to be said friend's parents' house, but friend wasn't there, and parents freaked, and oops, before the silliness was realized, the cops found the remainder of the drugs on him...uh-oh...major prison time, even though the parents wished to drop the charges after the mess was sorted out (and please don't pretend that you've never been so high/drunk that you've done something stupid, maybe not that stupid, but stupid nonetheless). Also, simpler cases where it was just people who had drugs on them, but it was like 1/10 of a gram over the "distribution" threshold even though there was no evidence whatsoever of distribution. Especially given the war on drugs, a number of otherwise good people end up spending time in prison for stupid, stupid offenses. Then again, I perused the website last night, and most of it seemed to be silly, shallow, one-dimensional questions AND answers. I guess it goes along well with our silly, shallow, one-dimensional society.

By: Amanda Hess

Amanda Hess — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:52:25 +0000

Daniel: Yes, there are so many weird assumptions in this post that I'd never been exposed to before:

a) You can date an ex-convict, as long as he's been on the outside a specified amount of time;

b) You can date an ex-convict, as long as he never had sex with a man in prison;

c) You can stop dating an ex-convict, as long as the reason you stop dating him isn't because you found out he was an ex-convict.

By: Daniel M. Laenker

Daniel M. Laenker — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 14:30:51 +0000

I'm sorry, I'm sure this is the wrong way to go, but I do wonder about the double indemnity of not dating someone just because he or she is an ex-convict. If there are external factors, I can understand that - but how much more punishment do people have to go through for their crimes?

By: Bill

Bill — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 20:51:48 +0000

you ladies are crazy.

ALL of you.