The Sexist

Cross-Dressing Thief Commits Perfect Crime!

On July 30, a $2,400 Chanel dress was stolen from a Chevy Chase Saks Fifth Avenue store. In a surprising twist—


—the suspect was gender non-conforming! Police, flummoxed, described the thief as "A black man or woman, in his/her 20s, 6 [feet] tall, weighing 160 to 190 pounds. His/her long black hair was worn in thin braids and pulled back. The suspect was wearing a black and white, checked very short mini-dress with long sleeves and a wide belt at the waist. The shoes worn by the suspect were flat sandals."

On Aug. 10, 20-year-old Jonathan Bradley was arrested in D.C. during a "routine traffic stop," and charged with the theft. Bradley was, again, wearing women's clothing, though—ever the master illusionist!—his driver's license read "male." Here's Bradley in a police photo, after being picked up:


To hear Fox 5's Paul Wagner tell it, Bradley almost got away with the perfect crime—until some hot-shot lieutenant revealed Bradley's true identity as a man! Writes Wagner:

It turns out the person police say lifted a very expensive dress from Saks Fifth Avenue—a theft caught on tape– was a man dressed as a women, just as the lead detective suspected.

It was a disguise so convincing, it lead to a spirited debate amongst investigators in Montgomery County. In the end, 20-year-old Jonathan Bradley of the District has been charged with stealing a $2,400 Chanel dress from Saks in Chevy Chase on July 13, assaulting a security guard with pepper spray on the way out the door.

. . . "This man was dressing up to conceal his identity,” said Lt. Paul Starks of the Montgomery County Police, “and in this case he specifically resisted with force, using a chemical mace weapon to defeat the security guard trying to apprehend him at the time. We're glad to have him in custody."

Let's see here: Bradley allegedly dresses as a woman to steal a woman's dress, and is arrested weeks later . . . dressed as a woman.

My God—it's almost too easy! A man dresses as a woman in order to steal women's clothing, which he will undoubtedly employ as a disguise in a future heist . . . of . . . more women's clothing! Then, instead of returning to his mild-mannered male persona in order to duck the cops—ha ha! that would be too obvious!—he continues to dress in women's clothing, even fashioning his hair into ringlets and applying eyeshadow every day of his life in order to maintain the ruse! It's almost too easy. And he would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for that pesky Lt. Paul Starks of the Montgomery County Police!

Or . . . maybe Bradley is transgender?