The Sexist

Reddit User Calls Girlfriend a Bitch on Reddit, Can’t Understand Why She Hates Reddit (and Him)

Reddit user LinuxFreeOrDie is having girlfriend trouble. LinuxFreeOrDie posted a few comments on the Web site that his significant other just didn't understand. One comment suggested that another Reddit user name her new Chihuaha "beeyotch." Another suggeted that one of the "four things a woman needs to know" is "how to fuck like a whore." The most incendiary comment, however, specifically referred to LinuxFreeOrDie's girlfriend as a "bitch." He then introduced his girlfriend to his body of work. She was pissed—"like super pissed."

So where does LinuxFreeOrDie go for lady advice? Yep: Reddit. In a post titled "I tried to get my girlfriend into Reddit, but then she read all my comments and now she thinks I'm an asshole, what to do?," he writes:

So I linked her to one of my comments, joking about it, and she read all my other comments and now basically thinks I'm an asshole because they were all "mean", "offensive", "douchey" (never thought I would be called that), "not even answering the question, almost trolling" (sorry AskReddit). I tried to explain that they were "jokes".

The one she was really pissed about, which is the one I originally linked to her, was this. Apparently she "doesn't like being called a bitch online", personally though, I just couldn't see how anyone could possibly take that comment seriously. (by the way – thanks a LOT soapier!) She also didn't appriciate the humor in this and this (admittedly not my best work). The fact that all the comments were upvoted didn't seem to matter =(. Anyway she called me about all this, and I refused to apologize or even acknowledge that it made sense, so she got even MORE pissed (like super pissed – might even break up with me). I figured it would be (in)appropriate to submit to AskReddit since that's basically what caused the problem in the first place. What should I do?

Here's the comment "she was really pissed about": "She's great overall, but the other day I offered to buy her the reddit bacon soap and she said she would never use it. Bitch."

Reddit users responded helpfully: by commisserating with him about how LinuxOrDie's girflriend just didn't understand the Reddit culture. Most of the solutions are pretty easy for LinuxOrDie: They involve his girlfriend just changing her mindset to acknowledge that LinuxOrDie is actually an amazing catch, that she really is a bitch, and if she can't handle that, she's going to be a single bitch. A sample:

The you're-actually-a-cute-and-sensitive-guy solution:

Your comments are generally short and sweet. You have a similar level of karma after one year to LinuxFreeOrDie after four months. You seem like the kind of guy who doesn't say much more than is needed, which probably makes you really easy to get along with. You don't need to be seen shouting out your thoughts but are happy share them when asked.

Your submissions are a little nerdy and mostly ask* submissions – this suggests you are a little unsure of yourself, which is cute, but not insecure, which would be irritating.

The you're-a-pussy solution:

Tell her to get a sense of humor or a new boyfriend. Why are you being such a pussy?

The your-girlfriend-is-a-bitch solution:

Amen, there's lots of pussy out there. Get one that doesn't suck.

Apparently joking about her being a bitch hit close to home.

The your-girlfriend-is-a-humorless-bitch solution:

agreed, find someone with your sense of humor or at least can deal with your sense of humor. My girlfriend reads my reddit comments and shakes her head but she doesn't cause fights over them....and if she's reading this now: Yo girl, Ima tap dat later, k?

The all-encompassing-your-girlfriend-is-an-incurable-feminazi solution:

If your girl is that sensitive about this kind of thing then you are going to have problems down the road. I have lost 2 very good friends to women who now own them. I'm not just talking being whipped I'm talking Owned. Don't start towards that slippery slope because it's too easy to be worn down into a neutered pet who cannot come out to play or see his friends because they are a bad influence. Is this what you wanna be? A window display at her tea parties? A trophy for all her feminazi friends? You need to make her understand that NO, she does not have the moral high ground despite what society or her own whims have convinced her of. If she makes a stink, make her pay. Don't let her get away with even one instance of unjust tyrannical control or manipulation or you're done.

And my very personal favorite, the-at-least-you're-a-real-jerk-and-not-a-fake-jerk solution:

Tell her to lighten up and pull the stick out.

Some chicks have no sense of humor.

Hey girlfriend, if you're reading the responses to your boyfriend's comments, realize he's just a normal dude being a goofball.

If you don't lighten the fuck up, chances are you'll end up with a fucking creep who's learned how to fake sincerity, and that's not going to end well.

LinuxFreeOrDie, do I have some good advice for you: Your Internet friends are misogynist douchebags. You are too, but you just found that out—consider this your second warning. But in all of your friends' advice, I didn't catch one personal anecdote about your misogynist douchebag Internet friends actual experience with women. In conclusion, you must choose between being an anonymous Internet misogynist douchebag and having a girlfriend. Choose wisely.

  • Former Staffer

    What's supper pissed? Is it pissed because he was late for the supper she cooked for him...I know, I know...it was intentional.

    How about because for being such a techie geek he still can't spell?

  • http://www.twitter.com/businesssocks mindy

    This totally needs a trigger warning for nerds/nerd girlfriends. I've been the subject of an internet thread or two before, and it is not an enjoyable event.

    I've been down-modded on slashdot so many times or called funny because I'm female, or asked if I had boobs big enough "to go with" my brain, that I don't even go to the site anymore, much less log in.

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    Um ... it's actually this English major who misspelled that one. And yes, I just looked up how to spell "misspelled."

  • Former Staffer

    LOL. There went my joke...to a typo. I tried. Couple of times down blog too. Oh well.

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    @Former Staffer --- I'm sorry!

    @mindy --- I'm really sorry.

  • binarysolo

    Hey Amanda,

    Are you acqainted with either of the two people in the incident? Am curious how this bit of drama made web blog fodder...

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    binarysolo, Don't know either---I'm actually not even on Reddit. Someone came across it and tipped me.

  • binarysolo

    Wow, interesting how news spreads.

    Well, thanks for the article -- my housemate (one of the parties involved) was particularly surprised at how this made web news given this incident happened nary a day ago. And glad you could provide a sensible counterpoint to the ridiculousness that is Reddit. :)

  • sonofahadouken

    LinuxFreeOrDie will continue to have girl trouble if he whines n bitches online like a little kid, then shows his gf comments like "bitch" to be taken as a joke.
    Time to unplug little boy, I dare you to try going 1 day without a keyboard n mouse down ur pants.

  • Nee

    You selectively quoted in your post, splicing out several sentences proving that a commenter was joking, and thus taking the poster out of context. That's the equivalent of calling Obama a Nazi for liking laws.

    One also must remember that, while we say many things anonymously in a large mob, there are few people who actually believe the common trends a 'society' believes to be popular.

    However, as this is a blog post and an op/ed column, you are entitled to your own opinion.

  • http://www.soapier.com/reddit_soap.htm stilesjp

    There are clearly not enough plugs for bacon scented soap in this blog entry.

  • Merit

    I wish I could down-mod this article.

  • Ray

    Uh, the "cute-and-sensitive-guy" comment? Yeah, it wasn't actually addressed to LinuxFreeOrDie. As would be pretty obvious if you had actually bothered to read it, or its immediate context.

    Top marks for hard-hitting journalism.

  • Anonymous

    Core Mohler, you have a lot to learn about the internet. For example, the fact your are such a terrible person is revealed through google:

    http://www.google.com/search?q=linuxfreeordie

    See, I get your facebook, your okcupid, your reddit, and this gem of an article. I encourage you not to date any girls familiar with the internet.

    Protip: Google never forgets.

  • babab2

    I love how you pull all of these examples that point to reddit's userbase being misogynistic douchebags, yet you ignore the second highest ranked comment which advises LinuxFreeOrDie to "stop being an asshole."

    Come on. How about you try and do some real journalism (wait, this is a blog which means you can slant things whichever way you want, right?) instead of being biased and irrational?

  • TheMainer

    What a catch!

  • http://www.soapier.com/reddit_soap.htm DesignIsIn

    Keep in mind that the narwhal bacons at midnight.

  • http://www.reddit.com REDDIT

    I AM ANGRY! GIVE ME BACON! AND A FEMALE CANINE!

  • anon

    Wow Amanda, why don't you take your double standards and blatant hypocrisy and do the tiniest little bit of research before you blast some guy you don't even know on the internet. I don't even care abut linuxfreeordie, I just want to see if you can come down here off your high horse for a moment or two and take a look at yourself. Don't bother replying to me because I only came to this site from that evil, misogynistic, ridiculousness that is reddit and never plan on visiting "the sexist" (christ, the double standard makes me want to vomit) again.

    BTW the narwhal bacons at midnight.

  • hxj

    Really? You took the time to write this? This is just a glorified reddit comment with your useless opinion. The whole scenario was a joke and it's being taken way too seriously. Calling for sexual equality while simultaneously participating in this dry-humored assault on reddit, accusing people of being 'misogynistic douchebags' for making light-hearted jokes does not make me care about your shitty opinion and it surely does not advance gender equality.

    Aren't there more pressing issues to worry about than this trivial case on reddit?

  • Unknown

    I'm sure your thought process to post this crap had something to do with being able to take thousands of hits from Reddit.

  • penaus

    As others have already mentioned, here is the current top comment from the thread: "You could stop being an asshole."
    I hope nobody reads you comments.

  • http://www.soapier.com/reddit_soap.htm stilesjp

    Seriously. Bacon soap!

  • http://www.foboblo.com Kat

    Dude people from Reddit are touchy.

  • Coleman
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  • snobographer

    I'm quite confused as to how referring to someone who uses misogynistic slurs as a misogynist is being a hypocrite and exhibiting double standards.

  • http://heartoffalsehood.wordpress.com L

    I just got a bingo reading this comment thread! Thanks, Reddit Defenders! Couldn't have done it without the dozens of iterations of "It's just a joke!" and "You're overreacting!" I do think someone's overreacting, though, but it's not Amanda.

  • Castrating Feminazi

    I find it funny that the herd of reddit readers here are SO OFFENDED that you clearly JUST DON'T GET their obviously superior sense of humor. Sorry dudes, maybe you're just not the original, incisive, hilariously irreverent folks you think you are. But hey, go ahead and express your nerdly outrage and inside jokes that make you feel like you belong somewhere. That's kind of amusing, I guess.

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  • Nico

    Dear Reddit Users: Relax the articles just a joke. Why so serious?

    Douche bags.

  • lern2reed

    hay the "The you’re-actually-a-cute-and-sensitive-guy solution" you quote was actually directed at another user, not Linuxbro/the girlfriend-pisser-offer?

  • Thomas

    http://www.okcupid.com/profile/LinuxFreeOrDie/

    Listed as "single"

    Hmmm.....

    p.s. the furious and hyperactive Reddit nerds who just flocked to this thread to unleash their pent up rage (borne from sexual frustration?) are cracking me up. Thanks for a good laugh dudes.

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