The Sexist

“He Could Have Sex With Anybody He Wanted.”

He could have sex with anybody he wanted. This is the refrain that we hear, over and over again, whenever any moderately famous person is accused of raping a woman. This is how we instantly discredit the victim of rape before she even opens her mouth, before we hear any of the facts of the case, before we conduct a trial. He's famous. Every woman wants to fuck him. He doesn't need to rape you (and if he did you should thank him for it).

"He could have sex with anybody he wanted" is a convenient insta-defense for the famous man accused of rape. But famous men beware: "He could have sex with anybody he wanted" also looks a whole lot like an excuse for raping!

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger could have sex with anybody he wanted: “most girls would feel lucky to get to have sex with someone like Ben Roethlisberger.”

L.A. Lakers shooting guard Kobe Bryant could have sex with anybody he wanted: “Why would he rape her? He could have sex with anyone he wanted.”

Modest Mouse frontman Isaac Brock could have sex with anybody he wanted: "It's not like he had to make somebody have sex with him. He could have sex with anybody he wanted."

Magician David Copperfield could have sex with anybody he wanted: "I hardly think he needs to rape anyone, surely there is plenty of willing participants out there."

Other ladybloggers have already parsed some of the absurd cultural assumptions at play here:

(a) Every woman in the world chooses her sex partners based on how far they throw footballs, how many basketballs they put into hoops, how many Bukowski references they can work into their indie rock songs, or how effectively they can make shit disappear. Actually, simple name recognition is enough to make any woman want to fuck you.

(b) Men only rape women because they can't get sex anywhere else.

These assumptions aren't just wrong, they're dangerous. Let's think of another reason why a man might rape a woman: Because he assumes that he can have sex with anybody he wants. He has a recognizable name, and every woman wants to fuck him. At that point, why bother to gain consent? He's famous. The consent is implied.

This is how it goes: He could have sex with anybody he wanted. He can have sex with anybody he wants. He can have sex with anybody he wants, whether they like it or not. He's famous. He can rape anybody he wants.

Photo by nflravens

  • http://www.seductionadventures.com Ambiance

    I don't think "He could have sex w/ anyone he wanted" is the right defense, obviously he hasn't done a poll on all women out there to justify "anyone he wanted".

    The correct defense would be "There are many girls way hotter than her that're extremely willing to have sex with him"

  • http://rainn.org RAINN

    60% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police and in many instances this is because the victim fears they will not be believed. Only 6% of rapists will ever spend a single day in jail. If you or someone you love has been a victim of sexual violence, you are not alone. To get help or information about how to help, consider calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE or instant messaging online with a professional at rainn.org. The hotlines are run by the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) and are secure, anonymous and confidential. To find out more about RAINN, check out rainn.org.

  • http://www.seductionadventures.com Ambiance

    Hmmmmmm........is it still spam if you're spamming for a good cause?

  • Grumpy

    That mentality/rationale is from folks not clearing understanding what rape is as opposed to having sex is. They tend to look at it thru their own eyes (if that was ME, I would sleep with a bunch of chicks who were willing...after all, I'm a big name athlete/entertainer, etc.)

    Rape is a forceable, violent act. These cases aren't about options and accessibility; they are about taking what is NOT offered and using your 'status' to shirk responsibility for committing a heinous act. Equally heinous is the person who falsely accuses. Bitter people or those who have 2nd thoughts and rewrite history or outright lie should suffer the same fate as those who rape.

  • Choo Choo

    If Ben was a rapist, we'd have heard about it already. He's been in the spotlight for almost ten years. If rape is what got him off, he wouldn't have waited for this catch.

  • kza

    I can say with 100% certainty that Big Ben did not rape this woman. It's not because he could have any woman he wanted and not because we haven't heard about prior rapes as the previous commentator pointed out. It's because no ones saying he raped her. Not even the girl. Sexual assault* Fact check!

  • rnm

    Maybe they had sex and she feels bad about it now... I'm still trying to understand why she waited a year to file this suit. Is she trying to take advantage of the fact that he has money and she needs some now?

  • amellifera

    @ CHOO CHOO

    We have found no prior (nor since) examples of Kobe Bryant raping anyone either. Yet he admitted that the victim did not believe the act was consensual. Funny, how he still doesn't think it was rape, though.

    "Although I truly believe this encounter between us was consensual, I recognize now that she did not and does not view this incident the same way I did. After months of reviewing discovery, listening to her attorney, and even her testimony in person, I now understand how she feels that she did not consent to this encounter."
    http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=1872928

    Sorry, but if someone "did not and does not" view the sex as consensual, then it's rape (no "feelings" about it). So, while I'll admit there are oddities in the story of the alleged victim in Ben's case, it means exactly jack squat that he hasn't been accused of it before.

  • mdesus

    Amanda,
    I hate you so much right now. Ben is my personal savior. He once touched my penis and cured me of syphylis. How dare you mar his name by associating him with this horrid news.

  • kza

    /deletes comments that make me look dumb

  • Kory

    Your brief "article" is both thoughtless and sycophantic. That line was never uttered by Roethelisberger at any time and you imply it was. It was alledged by the victim that a casino security person said that line. There is no proof yet that anyone said it and if it was said, it was from a two-bit loser hotel cop. I hope you would avoid slandering the acused and remember he is innocent until proven guilty...oh wait, this isn't even a criminal charge. So I guess the lower standard of the "proponderance of the evidence" is your justification to willfully slander.

  • WandLLaw99

    Roethlisberger has not used that defense. Nor does he need to. The "victim" has created all the defense he will ever need in bypassing any thought of making a criminal complaint - even now, she has not done so! She has taken action solely in civil court. Why? Because she is after money. This is a woman who is setting the women's movement back several years. Think twice before jumping in her corner.

    Roethlisberger has been accused and people like you assume he's guilty.

    Kobe was accused and people like you assumed he was guilty - remember his accuser disappeared after she got some money too.

    The Duke Lacrosse team was ruined because so many people like you assumed they were guilty - they weren't, in case you forget...

    Jerome Bettis, Colt McCoy and Austin Scott were all falsely accused of rape, and their accusers all had financial motive - but you probably assumed they were guilty.

    The false accusation of rape can be almost as damaging to the accused as an actual rape is to a victim. Be smart when you comment on these things. When an accuser is going straight for the money, as in this case, you would do well to be skeptical.

  • Match

    Attention all bros commenting on this article: This article flew way over your sports watching heads. Amanda never says that this Ben character raped this woman, she's talking about the dialogue associated with celebrity rape scandals. Yes, a lawsuit exists, I'm sorry, but that's not the fucking point- you think "The Sexist" gives a fuck about some dumbass football player? go back to espn.com

  • kza

    re: Match

    no shit tnx lolz

  • Frederick

    "Let’s think of another reason why a man might rape a woman: Because he assumes that he can have sex with anybody he wants. He has a recognizable name, and every woman wants to fuck him. At that point, why bother to gain consent? He’s famous. The consent is implied.

    This is how it goes: He could have sex with anybody he wanted. He can have sex with anybody he wants. He can have sex with anybody he wants, whether they like it or not. He’s famous. He can rape anybody he wants."

    Let me get this straight.

    Unacceptable: using a celebrity's prestige to argue that women are falling all over them.

    Perfectly OK: using a celebrity's prestige to argue that a) any male celebrity accused of sexual assault is guilty; and b) all male celebrities think rape is ok.

    Mega-hypocrisy FTW

  • mark

    how can a woman prove and get notoriety for fucking a preofessional athlete or musician? say he raped you. this is a ridiculous artice, and there's two sides to every story.

  • AG

    But Ben Roethlisberger wins Super Bowls and can throw a football.

  • john

    Do some real research next time...Isaac Brock was hardly famous when he was accused of rape, and the woman was found to be an uncredible witness because of multiple inconsistancies in her story.

  • FWO

    Amanda,
    Several factual errors in your post:

    1) Roethlisberger never said he “could have sex with anybody he wanted”.

    2) It was proven 100% that the Kobe Bryant accuser was a false rape accuser.

    3) It was proven 100% that the David Copperfield accuser was a false rape accuser. The FBI even investigated, and even the FBI found hat she was lying.

    4) As the other posters pointed out, rapists are sociopaths… Roethlisberger’s history in not consistent with that of a sociopath.

    5) Recently a witness gave sworn testimony via an affidavit that the Roethlisberger accuser bragged about having coessential sex, and hoped she was pregnant with a “little Roethlisberger”.

  • stfu

    You make women look like idiots. I hope to hell you just do this as a side hobby, because you don't fact check anything.

  • guest

    About Isaac Brock ...the charges were dropped, so why bring his name up just to get ppl to read your blog. How would you like your name continually associated with rape even after you have shown your innocence? You are no better than a rapist. there are unstable women out there who would lie about this. And that is an issue that never gets talked about.

  • http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist Amanda Hess

    Isaac? Is that you?

    Just to clarify, this post is about people who are accused of rape, and excuses that other people (like you, guest) use to clear their name through stereotype and conjecture, while having exactly zero fucking knowledge of the actual facts in the case.

    For the record, "the charges were dropped" is not the same as "proving your innocence." There are a lot of reasons why someone might drop rape charges against someone. One reason is that she's an unstable lying woman. Other reasons include lack of time and money for legal defense, fear of having her story dragged through the press, helplessness at proving a crime with no witnesses and a lack of evidence, or external pressures from the accuser and/or his millions of fans.

    There's no way for us to know whether any person accused of rape has or has not raped their accuser without sitting through the whole trial (and even then, juries split). It's best just to recognize that armchair legal professionals like ourselves don't know a goddamn thing about what actually happened, and not pretend that him being famous, or her being poor, or her dropping charges gives us any more of a clue. Pretending we know "why" someone is guilty or innocent based on their personal characteristics---or how much we like Modest Mouse---does more harm than good.

  • J.B.

    "4) As the other posters pointed out, rapists are sociopaths… Roethlisberger’s history in not consistent with that of a sociopath."

    I have nothing to say about the rest of your post, but this specific point is wrong. It's a common defense that's brought up to diminish the real horror of just how common rape actually is. Rape is not just some guy jumping out of the bushes, or crazy guys, or monsters. Rape can be as simple as a boyfriend telling his girlfriend "you'd do it if you loved me."

    It's easy for people schooled in a culture that says "men should be assertive" and "women should be nice" to be ignorant about standards of consent and it's easy for normally decent guys to coerce someone unwilling into sex without realizing it's rape - or rationalize it to himself later. 1 in 6 women are raped - I'd like to see you produce the statistics that show there are that many sociopaths in the U.S.

  • R.

    How about a defense of "any crazy c*@t can file false, completely unfounded rape charges, with circumstances surrounding the case that make OJ seem legitimate by comparison." The kicker is saying that she was in some type of rape trauma when she wrote emails bragging about her involvement with him and calling him "hot" after the "rape". Give me a f*@king break. There is a point of stupidity where you have to recuse yourself from the world of professionalism and rational discourse and sequester yourself in a kitchen somewhere while sane, intelligent women attempt to repair the damage you do. I worked in security for 2 years, and in 2 years I saw no rapes, but 3 stupid c@#ts file false rape charges. So in my experience, this happens more than actual rape. So called womens advocates should be angry at these women for the damage they cause to real rape victims, not trying to validate them.

  • R.

    To be clear, I'm not saying that rapes don't happen way, way too often. But reading the comments here I would suspect that people have less awareness of how prevalent false rape claims are than they do about the issue presented here. This seems a little frivolous and obscure anyway. The concept of rapist celebrities and their poor, misunderstood victims, ignored because we attribute innocence to "they can have any woman they want" seems more and more ridiculous as I type. Four poor women in my city just got flat out violently raped by average, run of the mill rapists, and eight women filed false rape charges while I typed this ridiculous comment. And my point about working in security was not to validate myself as experienced, but the opposite. In that capacity, I saw very little in the way of incidents, yet I still was involved in three false rape claims in that limited time. I'm just saying that while you pontificate on this "issue" in your enlightened, pro-women wonderfulness, devoid of even the basic knowledge of the Roethlisberger case, don't labor under the delusion that false claims by psychos are not common.

  • http://guyinism.com DirkJohanson

    J.B.: if "rape" is defined to include things such as people having sex after one of them says “you’d do it if you loved me” or something similar, I, a straight guy, have been raped by women on too many occasions to count.

    I can't even count how many times I've had sex when I wasn't in the mood, but did it to save, or for the good of, the relationship, after a woman said something to the effect of, "what's the matter, you don't like me anymore?" or "you don't find me attractive anymore?," "you'd do it if you were attracted to me," or, "you'd rather be with [so and so]?," or, "you need someone younger?"

    Your statement is emblematic of what has cheapened rape to the point where even Roman Polanski-like rape allegations has its defenders, misguided as they are. Your statement is emblematic why I have proposed, both here and in my Guyinism blog, that "murder and mayhem" replace "murder and rape" in the American lexicon. Mayhem is a more serious crime than rape - no one can be guilty of mayhem for simply saying, "you'd let me cut off your arm if you loved me."

    Your assertion is preposterous. Yes, the kind of "rape" you describe is extremely common. That kind of "rape" is perpetrated by not just guys, but by women - ALL THE TIME. If that kind of "rape" were actually rape, just about every guy in America has been raped by a woman, more guys have been raped by women than vice versa, and tens of millions of American women would be at risk of serving decades in prison for raping guys.

    Come to think of it, maybe you're on to something..LOL.

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