The Sexist

Real Women Vs. Fake Women: A Quiz

The other day, a friend of mine received a helpful pamphlet outside of the Metro entitled "Real Women vs. Fake Women." This handy guide—which reveals which ladies in your life are authentic and which are fake, make-believe women—is excerpted from Allan Williams' book, God Don't Like Fake People. In the book, Williams also tackles "real" and "fake" men. But more on that later—ladies first!

Women: Are you real, or are you fake? I've adapted Williams' tips into a handy fifteen-question quiz. Find out after the jump!


a. You are very clean.

b. You put time, focus and energy into your booty.


a. You are easy to please.

b. When you receive a compliment, you look at the person who gave it to you as if they were the scum of the earth. However, you are addicted to compliments, and if you go a day in public without getting one you will start getting insecure and looking in the mirror every 20 seconds.


a. You cherish the simple things in life that are the really big things in life, like God.

b. You only mention God when you say “Oh MY GOD!!”


a. You intend to get married or have kids early in life.

b. You intend on having kids later in life, possibly as a single parent.


a. You don't have a lot of male friends.

b. You have a lot of so-called male friends.


a. You are simple in nature.

b. You deal with multiple men at a time and claim that they are just male friends while steady fornicating with them.


a. You love straight-forward simple men that need you.

b. You often cheat on your so-called boyfriends with coworkers at your job.


a. You will take love over security because you know that true love always manifests itself in the physical form eventually.

b. You meet and talk to guys on or that your so-called boyfriends or husbands don’t know about it.


a. You can't stand quiet feminine guys.

b. You are always getting into relationships with men that are on the down low.


a. You don’t drink or smoke but will perhaps drink a tad bit on occasion.

b. You often drink a lot and sometimes smoke because you get taken out so much, and that’s why you don’t know how to cook and are often very filthy and dirty.


a. You speak your mind to your man but don’t mind being submissive.

b. You lack common sense.


a. You know how to cook and clean.

b. You only work out mostly in the spring time because that’s when you get to compete against unknown females and your fake friends on who got the best body and tattoos.


a. You are clean.

b. You are very used up.


a. You are just happy to be in a real man’s presence.

b. You look pretty but your inside organs and your vagina are work out because so many male private parts have visited there.


a. You are too into your mate to have time and energy to spend with another man.

b. You don't know that you are the cause of your own misery.

MOSTLY As: Congratulations! You are a real woman.

MOSTLY Bs: You are a fake woman who may or may not have personally annoyed the author of God Don't Like Fake People by: cheating on him with your so-called friends, co-workers, and Facebook acquaintances; drinking alcohol; having a worked-out vagina; being a single parent; or simply refusing to go out with him. As a result, God doesn't like you. For more information on your condition, read the entire excerpt here.

Photo by gailf548

  • Coleman

    I'm so glad you're engaging with this important text, which is sure to cause a stir nationwide for its controversial insights.

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  • Ian Schlapkohl

    What the fuck does "you are very used up" mean?

    Also, wow.

  • karinova

    Forget "used up"-- what's all this about "simple in nature"??

  • natalie

    wow. just... wow.