Don’t Blame Glenn Beck’s Hot Mormon Wife
"I'm so blessed to be able to have a wife who will tell me 'you're coming home now,' and I want that from her."
I don't know what I did to deserve this, but I just received this little gift in my inbox courtesy of Ayn Rand philosophy emporium / Objectivist dating site "The Atlasphere." It's called "Who Is Glenn Beck?," and it's written by John Stossel.
Usually, the photograph of Stossel's sensuous mustache would be enough to make me click through to an Atlasphere column. Here, we've got an even sweeter prize, however. Glenn Beck's sexism: explained!
Stossel notes that he's not the first to tackle the "Who Is Glenn Beck" question. Kieth Olbermann, Whoopie Goldberg, and Jon Stewart have all claimed to have figured the guy out, concluding that Beck is "the worst person in the world," a "lying sack of dog mess," and "a guy who says what people who aren’t thinking are thinking," respectively.
But Stossel may be the first to get to the deep psychological core of "Who Is Glenn Beck." After ticking off his parents' divorce, his mother's alcoholism, and her eventual suicide, Stossel lands on the woman behind the sexist: Beck's hot Mormon wife.
When Stossel asked Beck why he decided to become a Mormon, Beck replied:
"I apologize, but guys will understand this. My wife is, like, hot, and she wouldn’t have sex with me until we got married. And she wouldn’t marry me unless we had a religion."
Beck's wife, Tania, confirmed it to Stossel: "He’s not joking."
So far, "Who Is Glenn Beck" is providing more questions than answers. Why would you marry someone to have sex with them? Why would you become a Mormon to marry someone to have sex with them? Does making a man become a Mormon before having sex with him actually make you hotter? Which "guys" will understand this?
Still, Stossel thinks he's hit on something with the hot Mormon wife thing:
Now Beck says that Mormonism has grounded him, so he’s grateful to his wife.
Whatever grounded him, I’m glad something did. Because it’s good to have a super-successful cable-TV host arguing that life would be better if government—Democrats and Republicans—just left Americans alone.
Listen, I'm not going to blame Tania Beck for Glenn Beck's idea of limited government, or for convincing anyone else that Glenn Beck is "grounded." Still, Glenn Beck's assertion that marrying a no-sex-until-Mormon babe is the thing that really leveled his head may have affected Beck's perspective on women in general:
* On Nancy Pelosi: "Girl, you better check yourself before you wreck yourself!"
* "Cindy Sheehan is a tragedy slut."
* On Gloria Steinem: "You self-centered self-righteous socialist out of control dangerous man-hating bitch. Shut your mouth. We might have bought into this crap in the 1960s because too many people were doing LSD. We're not on LSD anymore—we need to start making sense."