Playboy Golf Scramble: Spot the Douchebags!
Last weekend, the Playboy Golf Scramble—an intriguing mash-up of hot chicks, balls, and douchebags—hit Virginia, and Metromix's John Griffith was there to bravely cover the event.
"Ninety local [douchebags] registered to compete on Friday for an invitation to the national semi-final round in Las Vegas," Griffith explained. "After that, the top [douches] will advance to the championships in L.A. and (more importantly) the 2009 Playboy VIP Player's Pajama and Lingerie Mansion Party [wearing douchey satin robes]." [Douchebag emphasis mine].
When not making an LPGA lesbian joke, Griffith's piece suggested that we take Playboy Golf "for what it is"—a fun relaxing time for dudes to hang out!
Sure, one could argue that such events promote a regression to antiquated gender roles, but it's probably best to just take Plaboy Golf for what it is. After all, sometimes a guy just needs to get away from it all for an afternoon and appreciate the stunning beauty of God’s natural creations (OK – maybe not always natural).
Personally, I'm going to take the Playboy Golf Scramble as an opportunity to easily identify 90 local douchebags. Thankfully, Metromix's Playboy photo galleries double as a helpful photo catalogue of the D.C. area's most epic local douches!
Try to identify them all in photos from the Playboy douchebag golf scramble, the Playboy Golf pre-douche at Midtown Lounge, and the Playboy Golf after-douche at Skye Lounge. Give yourself a point for every type of douche you can find. Bonus if it's a douchebag you actually know!
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Goateed douchebag smiling stupidly on golf cart with girl in low-cut shirt.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Douchebag receiving Red Bull vodka shot from girl in low-cut shirts.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Douchebag with sunglasses on head flanked by girls in low-cut shirts with sunglasses on head.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Douchebag at party with bow tie untied.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Sea of douchebags in da club.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Douchebag in baseball cap sitting in VIP douche booth next to douche with microphone.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Douchebag taking digital photo of girls in low-cut shirts blowing kisses.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Douchebag in striped shirt clutching on to comparatively enormous woman.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Yep, the bowtie's still untied.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Two grinning douchebags gravitationally pulled toward anonymous woman's cleavage.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Intrepid douchebag chronicler John Griffith delving into the douchebag mind by taking photo with girls in low-cut shirts.
SPOT THAT DOUCHE: Douchebag in suspenders.
Photo by mager
12:00 pm
Here's the money quote:
After a while, the party assumed a rather bizarre vibe – kind of like what would happen if your alcoholic uncle came to visit you in college and proceeded to hit on all the hot females in the hall of your dorm.
2:14 pm
So, you're lambasting this event as a pinnacle of sexist objectification of women (and the writer, who clearly recognizes that and isn't exactly celebrating it like Playboy would really want from a less-than-serious online magazine like Metromix), yet your primary verbal ammunition is to repeatedly use the word "douche" and "douchebag." This strikes me as just a teensy-weensy bit philosophically incoherent, if not blatantly hypocritical. After all, to excoriate someone for neanderthal-level chauvinism by using a neanderthal-level chauvinist insult is either delicious, subtle irony that one truly never expects to find in the blog of an alt-weekly rag, or just some shitty-ass, oblivious-to-the-world, writing devoid of all intelligent thought (it having been replaced by pure puerile invective).
-Jim
2:16 pm
I almost forgot: I'm pretty sure it's the 2nd one.
-Jim
2:26 pm
Jim, I prefer to think of "douche" as a word that began as a bullshit procedure to neutralize my naturally "unclean" vagina, that can now be applied to other things that women may want to think twice about putting in their own vaginas.
3:25 pm
ugh jim used so many strings of adjectives. english major missing glory days?
3:49 pm
The men in the photos from Midtown you call 'douchebags,' in many cases, weren't even part of the Playboy Golf event; but patrons that come to the venue for the party EVERY Thursday.
Secondly, I think my untied bow tie looked good after a long day!
Come to Midtown Thursday night, Amanda. I'll let you buy me a drink -
Zack
4:12 pm
My God---possibly hundreds of unsuspecting bargoers unwittingly thrust into a Playboy Golf event? How long did it take you all to notice the strange number of sunburned white men and actual women in da club?
4:50 pm
Jim, leave Neanderthals out of this. They're good people.
4:52 pm
So we're on for Thursday?
Just to be fair, I'll let you and your girlfriends pay cover - just like the guys. (don't want to discriminate)
BTW - all of the women there were "actual women." Some of them, ok, many of them, just happened to have fake breasts, etc....
(you'll be excited to find out about the Maxim event that is happening this week)
Cheers!
Zack
7:03 pm
I think you missed the joke, Sojourner Truth.
John Griffith's Metromix article pandered to the site's demographic with a satirical, self-mocking aftertaste. I actually only tripped on it because it has become the site's most visited page in the district.
Your rhetoric swings for the fences like Canseco circa '89, but you came off like Canseco circa '09. Bitter. Bloated. And Lonely.
12:45 am
I'm not sure how writing a funny article that you, Bill Atkins, dislike for whatever reason, makes the author bloated, bitter, or lonely. Perhaps you are projecting?
3:28 am
Tell me the perfect location of this party.