The Five Most Inappropriate Cock Bib Phrases
Introducing the CockBib, “an adult novelty item for males designed to make clean up after oral sex a breeze!” According to the device’s inventor:
The whole idea for cockbibs came to me right after I was pleased orally and realized, “Damn, I can’t just fall asleep, I need to get up and wash my balls.” I had just been a victim of another sloppy blowjob. I sat there wishing that I did not have to get up and go do the whole wipe down routine and thats when it hit me. I said “what if I had something to protect my balls, some sort of bib, a bib for my cock.” . . . and so, cockbibs were born.
And so, a guy gets a bad blowjob and he responds by designing and marketing 38 different novelty ball-covers to hang on your penis during oral sex. Given that these things look like tiny portable glory holes, this post-oral pioneer takes care to note that he is “Happily Married to a Beautiful Woman.” No word on how that “victim of another sloppy blowjob” comment went over.
In case you were wondering, there is a Yes You Can! CockBib. Some of the other CockBib designs, however, come off as a tad less progressive.
5. “Caution: May Cause Trauma.” Yeah, I’ll go ahead and heed that warning, and steer clear of the dismembered penis poking through the baby clothes, thank you very much.
4. “Caution: Dick Curves to the Right.” Again: HEED THIS WARNING.
3. “Today’s Special: Cock Meat Surprise.” As in, “Surprise: That Hole in My Cock Bib Is For My Cock”?
2. “Pussy Killer.” I wonder why this “Caution” theme is so central to the CockBib aesthetic!
1. “It’s Showtime: These Nuts In Ya Mouth Take 1.” Sigh. The WHOLE POINT of the CockBib is so your balls don’t get wet, right? Fucking nonsensical CockBib!
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4:37 pm
yo one thing I think you missed is that this sounds like it was an awesome blow job. A bad blow job is usually not messy, and involves teeth. Also these would be awesome bachelor/bachelorette party gifts.
4:44 pm
Yeah, an interesting approach: an oral sex accessory that basically says, Do Not Get Anywhere Near My Balls
5:42 pm
Also nonsensical: “Protein Shake: Free Samples.” Wha?
8:20 pm
I saw the site and I think that it is pretty funny! I looks like they are selling it as novelty gifts. I would buy 1 lol!
8:57 pm
Funny, I give my man a bj nearly every day and he’s not complained about a mess EVA… he knows if he did – or if he wrapped his junk up like my granny’s couch, which is what this shit product reminds me of – the suckin’ would surely slow down or even stop. Men: be glad when your partner wants to pleasure ya. Be grateful, be responsive, and don’t forget to hook the giver up in return!
9:10 am
This site is great, LOL! I want one for my husband…
9:24 am
“Janet” and “Lisa B,” I know you’re the same person. Don’t you have offensive CockBib messages to brainstorm? Get back to work!
11:26 am
I love CockBibs now that I have seen the site! Sorry Janet and Lisa… I was a Jerk!
11:32 am
Can you guys please make an “Amanda Hess is a Jerk” CockBib?
1:38 pm
Can you guys please make an “Amanda Hess is a Jerk” CockBib?
4:25 pm
Oh I am such a purde that I just had to make my point by going out of my way to distinguish myself from myself simply because I have have nothing better to do than to try to out smart other people in a feibel attempt feel better about my self.
As you can see I have a lot of time on my hands while waiting for my CockBib to arrive so I guess I will just keep makinging myself look desperate, boring and foolish!
4:26 pm
I just love to bitch and moan about nothing at all.
4:57 am
i want Rational Reader to weigh in on this issue
7:51 am
this is such a terrible idea. it eliminates all the fun stuff. why not just put a poncho on so you can’t get wet at all. what the hell?