The Sexist

The Five Most Inappropriate Cock Bib Phrases

Introducing the CockBib, "an adult novelty item for males designed to make clean up after oral sex a breeze!" According to the device's inventor:

The whole idea for cockbibs came to me right after I was pleased orally and realized, "Damn, I can't just fall asleep, I need to get up and wash my balls." I had just been a victim of another sloppy blowjob. I sat there wishing that I did not have to get up and go do the whole wipe down routine and thats when it hit me. I said "what if I had something to protect my balls, some sort of bib, a bib for my cock." . . . and so, cockbibs were born.

And so, a guy gets a bad blowjob and he responds by designing and marketing 38 different novelty ball-covers to hang on your penis during oral sex. Given that these things look like tiny portable glory holes, this post-oral pioneer takes care to note that he is "Happily Married to a Beautiful Woman." No word on how that "victim of another sloppy blowjob" comment went over.

In case you were wondering, there is a Yes You Can! CockBib. Some of the other CockBib designs, however, come off as a tad less progressive.

5. "Caution: May Cause Trauma." Yeah, I'll go ahead and heed that warning, and steer clear of the dismembered penis poking through the baby clothes, thank you very much.

4. "Caution: Dick Curves to the Right." Again: HEED THIS WARNING.

3. "Today's Special: Cock Meat Surprise." As in, "Surprise: That Hole in My Cock Bib Is For My Cock"?

2. "Pussy Killer." I wonder why this "Caution" theme is so central to the CockBib aesthetic!

1. "It's Showtime: These Nuts In Ya Mouth Take 1." Sigh. The WHOLE POINT of the CockBib is so your balls don't get wet, right? Fucking nonsensical CockBib!

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