The Sexist

Gold Cadillac Vs. Bike: A Play in One Act

The morning commute. Cool breeze drifts through Washington. A bike rides West on R Street NW, passes Rhode Island Ave., and stops at 7th Street. A Gold Cadillac approaches from behind.

GOLD CADILLAC: You need to stay in the fucking bike line.

BIKE (in the bike lane): I'm in the fucking bike lane.

GOLD CADILLAC: You need to stay in the mother fucking bike lane. You need to stay away from my fucking car back there (indicating intersection), motherfucker.

BIKE: There is no bike lane there, you fucking asshole, it's an INTERSECTION.

GOLD CADILLAC: You better stay away from my car before I run over your ass.

BIKE: What the fuck is wrong with you you motherfucker, are you really going to murder a human because you don't understand how lanes work, you fucking fuck?

The light turns green.

GOLD CADILLAC: Stay away from my fucking car, you fucking bitch!

BIKE: Fuck you, motherfucker!

The GOLD CADILLAC drifts slightly into the bike lane, dumps a bottle of water on BIKE, laughs maniacally, hangs a right, and speeds away.

BIKE: Fuck.

BIKE hangs head in shame, knowing CAR  has won this time.

Photo by thebig429

  • Coleman

    It's tire-slash time.

  • Simon

    pepper-spray: it's not just for loose dogs.

  • Conrad Davis

    BIKE remembers GOLD CADILLAC's license plate and files assault charges. BIKE has grounds to do so.

  • Amanda Hess

    BIKE wasn't fast enough to see it because BIKE doesn't drive a fucking caddy so BIKE shames GOLD CADILLAC on the Internet instead. Fucker.

  • grace

    <3 BIKE

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  • Kori

    I'd like to put money on Gold Caddy being from MD. 8 times out of 10 when I'm yelled at, sped past way too closely or have some other hostile driving behavior exhibited toward me its some asshole from MD.

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