Daily Palin: Defending Palin’s Sexy Glasses Edition
Introducing “Daily Palin,” in which we detail Sarah Palin’s refusal to go away—every day. The morning news from behind Palin's fake, nonprescription lenses:
DEFENDING SARAH: DraftPalin2012 has crafted this handy guide to fielding Palin criticisms from friends, lovers, feminists, etc:
STEP ONE: BLAME THE BLOGS. "In answering criticisms about Sarah we need to be very brief and direct. When something is a lie, such as 'Bristol is really Trig's mother,' we need to say: 'That is a lie spread by the Obama Campaign through its loyal servants at The Daily Kos.' Period."
STEP TWO: KNOW YOUR HISTORY. "When a feminist says, 'Sarah wears clear glasses to make her look intellectual,' we should say: 'Sarah has been near-sighted since childhood, like her daughter Piper, and she's worn glasses since she was 10.' Period."
STEP THREE: DENY. "When someone says, 'Well, Sarah implied they sold [former Alaska Governor] Murkowski's jet on E-Bay,' we reply: 'She never said it. She never implied it. They tried to sell it on E-Bay and, when they didn't get the offers they wanted, they sold it through a broker. It was sold—period—and Sarah never used it.'"
PERIOD.
ON THE RECORD: Palin appeared on Greta Van Sustren's show last night, revealing many things! In other news, I do not have a television.
BUY LIKE PALIN: Sarah Palin's favorite store, an Anchorage thrift store called ''Out of the Closet,'' has changed its name after complaints from the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, which owns the name (and its own chain of charity shops). According to the L.A. Times, "The shop's new name is 'Second Run.' With a name like that, it can still be Sarah Palin's favorite store. She can buy her 2012 campaign wardrobe there. With her own money."
LEVI AND BRISTOL: SEPARATED BEFORE MARRIAGE? Trailblazer author Lorenzo Benet has the deets: "Bristol lived in Anchorage with her aunt and uncle while she was pregnant. She worked at two espresso shops and remained a full time student at West High School. Levi was 40 miles away in Wasilla, but he would still drive to Anchorage to take Bristol out."
FIRST DUDE WINTER SPORTS CORNER: One lucky Alaskan snapped a photo with 1D after his Iron Dog dismount. "Todd Palin after 2000 miles on a snow machine (that's a snow mobile for all of us in the Outside) without a shower is still one hot dude! Don't you agree?" she writes. I don't not agree!
QUICK PALIN QUOTE FROM SOMEONE WHOSE OPINION DOESN'T MATTER: Janeane Garofalo on Palin: "An asshole is an asshole regardless of gender."
ADD IT TO THE BLOGROLL: There's a Blogspot dedicated to "Praying for the Palin Family." Sample prayer:
Good morning Father,
Today is the first day of February and I pray that as we move about our business of worshiping you, we will remember to pray for others. Lord, I pray that this month you will work in our hearts. I ask that you soften them so we will be more loving and compassionate towards all people. Lord, help us to love those who hate us.
Lord, I know that many would love to see Sarah and her family fail but Lord I pray that you will protect her an keep her shielded from harm. Lord, give her the strength to love those who desire her harm and ill will. Lord, keep her heart and ours soft and ready to love at all times.
Lord, keep us tender in the name of Jesus
Amen.
Photo by fimoculous
4:40 pm
Wow, the DraftPalin people have really got us. It wasn't Palin's extreme anti-choice views or her state's ridiculously high rates of rape and domestic violence or her opposition to the Ledbetter Act that had feminists annoyed with her, it was those damn glasses.
4:54 pm
Palin Derangement Syndrome is treatable you know. First, you have to acknowledge you have a problem, then check yourself into a treatment clinic for a rigorous round of medication, and if that doesn't work, Electroconvulsive Therapy is recommended. If that doesn't work, long term hospitalization will be the result.
Until I stumbled across this screed, only one person had commented, which is probably the extent of your readership of your lame column.
8:10 pm
she never implied she sold it on ebay? check http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cm5jQEh7exg -- both she and Sen. McCain lied on this subject.
11:00 pm
"JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE IS DOING IT, THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT RIGHT." Mom knew what she was talking about! There is some pretty ugly stuff out there, right now. I can't believe that intelligent people are trashing the entire, nice person, just because "He/She is not what WE want." It must be some kind of gut fear, that drives people to really get vicious.
Isn't there ANYONE ELSE who laments the passing of great journalism, over into the territory of porno-political imaging? The sad fact is that the news and political magazines are going for readership numbers, because that is how they sell advertising. So, they are going to do more than simply poke fun at a person: they will crucify anyone. By lowering their standards of decency, they know that they can SELL MORE, and GET MORE...CASH. Attention equals sales, and sales equal "success."
Whenever an attractive or charismatic type of political candidate arrives, it is grist for the video-graphic journalists and for the paper-mills. The magazines and media revel in it. They must surely say to themselves, "Ah, GOOD! Let's set up the strong points of this person as a negative thing. We will create a politician who can be burned in effigy. By making him or her look as bad as possible, we will maximize our exposure. That means profits, market-wide! (Hooray! Wink, wink.) BOTH sides will buy: Those who LIKE him/her will buy into our stuff, to learn what is being said, and how to DEFEND the person. Meanwhile, those who HATE him/her will buy into it, because they find it FUN and even comforting. This is a gold mine, for us...how can we NOT use it? Hey--everyone else is doing it. Why shouldn't we?"
Many of these people have sold their souls for cash, but they are also patting themselves on the back for "being more interesting," when actually, they are into story-telling. They tend to back whichever candidates they believe will make for better story-telling–the ones who have the biggest potential to make them more money.
Really intelligent people see the media, and sigh a little bit, because they know something isn't quite right. They pass the journals on the stands inside the shops or on the street corner, and are tempted to buy them, because of the drama in an otherwise dull world. It is inexpensive entertainment, and something to talk about with others, that is "the latest news."
The problem is that some of us feel like the media are bullying others, to make money. Bullying is an old method of killing off a person you don't want to have around, and it isn't pretty when anyone does it. The story tellers want us to join in with them. They know something: We are all upset with the loss of control over our own lives--having to leave it in the hands of distant political figures. They offer us an invitation to easily trash anyone who is headed into that stratum of life in America...or to be the hero, and rescue that one, if we like them as a person.
Mom knew something that we did not. It is tempting to join in with all the others, but it has the potential to harm your very soul. It seems like such a little thing, and sort of comforting. "But MOM: Everyone is doing it!" That still doesn't make it right.
If you get sucked in by the media, don't worry: you are not alone...sometimes...I buy those dratted things, too! Have a lovely evening: I have no need to feel badly about you.
:-)